Oh, the weather outside is faulty
Now my Ugg boots are stained and salty
It’s a good thing I’m not in a rush
Let it slush, let it slush, let it slush

Navigating downtown is tricky
When you’re riding around on a Bixi
Try not to wipe out in the mush
Let it slush, let it slush, let it slush

When I heard the forecast last night
I was mad and I started to groan
Sure enough Lori Graham was right
It’s a good thing I’m working from home!

I don’t know why Montreal is allowin’
City workers to be out there snow ploughin’
You’ll get splashed while you wait for your bus
Let it slush, let it slush, let it slush

Let It Slush!

Hockey French feat. Saku Koivu

Rogan, look at your show
Talkin’ to, the right wing bros
Don’t wanna take vaccines
Ivermectin’s more your scene  

Appeal to, the kind of dudes
Who do their research on YouTube
Theories that have been disproved
I really can’t believe 

Rogan take a a look at your show
Tell me what’s the deal
Guys who say that you’re smart
They think that birds aren’t real 
It’s all the same, man I think you’re insane
and Spotify is lame…

Rogan

Now this is a story all about how
Last nights broadcast flipped upside down
I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I smacked Chris Rock cuz my wife’s got no hair

In Hollywood Cali we were all dressed up
In the audience with fingers crossed just for good luck
King Richard is the movie I was nominated for
Didn’t know what surprises that the night had in store

Then this stand up comic, can't believe what he said
Started making jokes about my wife’s bald head
I got in one little fight cuz the dude got me steamed
And now I’m on the Internet in all kinds of memes…

Fresh Prince Slaps

First Bill 21
Now Bill 96 too
Get ready because he’s pushing it through
Notwithstanding Claus is Coming to Town!

He’s gettin’ his wish
Get ready to fight
He’s trampling constitutional rights
Notwithstanding Claus is Coming to Town!

He sees you at work speaking
So In French it better be
He’ll take your English keyboard before
You can write to your MP!

He’s wreckin’ Quebec
He’s gone to great lengths 
Indigenous students won’t be exempt
Notwithstanding Claus is Coming to Town!

Notwithstanding Claus Is Coming To Town!

The rap battle between Ezra and I continues...

VAMPIRE SLAYER
Where’s the Vampire album?/Crisis Crew can’t wait
Instead rehearsing you sit here conversing and chopping it up with Jake?!
You gotta get it together/Ezra what’s up with you?
You think that an 8 Minute Cape Cod’s the only thing that the crew wants you to do?
Never once got a preview (FACTS) maybe you were out to lunch?
How many years has it been?
Yo Seinfeld lemme get a number crunch
Where's the album at? (huh?) How many tunes you got?
Comin' out or not? You about to drop/ a hot coffee pot? (Oo)
Lemme spit facts/while you kick back/sip a cold brew/ while I scold you
Man we told you/ and our opinion’s valid/we want tunes with a tasteful pallette
Hit the studio/grab a pen and a pad
You think you can chill? You got time to kill/What? cuz now you’re a dad?!
​

VAMPIRE SLAYER

thank u, ez #BeGrateful

I’m all about that ASIBU
And Sweet Marthas cookies
Steak-ums Goldfish and Brad's Drink
Corporate food history
I got ‘8 Minute Cape Cod’
On my Jokerman shirt
Second fridge full of McRibs
And I live in a yurt...

Internet radio
Is so amazing
It sits on a server
It’s self-sustaining
It's ethical content
From a big corporation
This show rules, let’s face it
So I guess what I'm sayin' is....

Thank u, ez 
Thank u, ez 
Thank u Ezra...
Thank u, ez
The TCU is/grateful/for you
Thank u, ez
Thank u, ez
Thank u Ezra....
Thank u, ez 
And welcome to my life....

thank u, ez #BeGrateful

Hosting a barbecue, what could be better?
This song is brought to you sponsored by Webber
My tattoo artist was lacking in skill
So now I sing about small charcoal grills...

Hibachi, I'm with 'em
The burgers, I flip 'em
I'm killin', at grillin'
These pork chops, so fillin'...

Cook-out with the fellas
Break out the, Modelos
Get napkins and toothpicks
We're having a picnic

The charcoal, did heat it
It’s ready, let’s eat it
My neighbors are shook
Yo come kiss the cook

Small Charcoal Grill

The Crisis Crew Is Back!

The Fall Of Seinfeld

Saturday in the park, 
Everyone was 6 feet apart
Saturday in the park, 
Man this social distancing’s hard

People waving, no hand shaking
A man spraying Lysol
Directly onto his kids

Fed a squirrel, used some Purell 
Then went back home just to (wash my hands) 
We’ve been cooped up in our PJ’s
All week long…

Quarantine In The Park

Call off your/planned vacation 
Stay home with/your Netflix on
Stock up on pasta/soup & Corn Flakes
But don’t go to Costco/the toilet paper’s gone
We’re quarantined 
You can’t be seen in public
You can’t go to the mall
Please keep to yourself and just stay inside

Quarantined

Ezra was born/out in NYC
He once tagged Lacoste near his window
TC Heads are celebrating on his big day
So break out some fresh Pulparindo

Let’s all sing happy birthday on a FaceTime chat...
His birthday is today!
His birthday is today!

Now what would you like for a special treat? (Ezra) ‘wangs’
That’s better than a Butterfinger

And now here comes your birthday cake!
It’s the one that Rashida baked
The candles are lit/make a wish
So now/Blow them out
(Ezra outro) ‘scg’

Blow Them Out!

Ah wear a mask if you want to, you can wear some gloves as well
It can help keep you safe while you’re coverin’ your face and you’re using loads of Purell
I say, wear a mask if you want to, every time you leave your home
You can pick up one or two if you’re in a Jean Coutu
or maybe make one on your own

Wear a mask, wear a mask
It’s really not a difficult task
Wear a mask, wear a mask
Everybody’s buying ‘em fast 
Wear a mask, wear a mask
Make one out of old underpants 
Wear a mask, wear a mask
Hopefully the virus will pass...

Its a safety mask…

Wear a Safety Mask!

In COVID times, if TC’s on a bye-week well it might come on at midnight or 9

In COVID times, Jake’s art show was cancelled, so he unveiled his new paintings online
 
In COVID times, Winter’s not Starbucking just like Vampire Weekend’s not on the road 

In Covid times, you’re not s’posed to go out, so you just, stay, home

No assembling of the Crisis Crew
Social distancing is what they do
Larry David stopped by Cazzie’s room
That was cool...

COVID Times

My friends from high school, come out to see us
Our gear fits nicely into my Prius
Once we get cooking no one can stop us
I print our flyers out, at lunch, in my office

Now, you won’t hear us, on your radio station
Most of our fans are direct relations
Two tight sets, then straight home again
My kids got soccer practice in the morning at 10

We are a regional band!
A strictly regional band
We are not widely known
We book shows near our homes
We are a regional band!

We Are A Regional Band!

Last night me and my pals we, hit the Sturgis rally
We ain’t the sharpest knives in the drawer
Couldn’t hide our disbelief at the large amount of freaks 
Who thought that Smashmouth’s something worthwhile to die for...

Well, you come for the music and you leave with a fever
Skeptical of science like a Covid non-believer
Doesn’t make sense not to wear a mask, 
Your temp goes up and your lungs won’t last

So many fools ignore the rules
Now the second wave will be brutal
We’re helpin’ the virus to spread
South Dakota soon will be dead

Hey kids, get your Covid
Cuz the show is, so fun
Skippin’, social distance
Cuz we think it, is dumb
An unbelievable scene
Let’s hope that they’re fast, with a vaccine…

All Star Sturgis Rally Redo 2020

Daniel my brother, you were/good on TC/will you still tend the bar?/when they end quarantine/our sorrows drowned/while talkin’ Allentown/when Daniel’s at the bar/on a Saturday night...

Daniel At The Bar

(There’s some corn drippin out)

I said, certified beef
Seven days a week
Ranchero sauce streaks
All up in your bedsheets...
Yeah...

Yeah you eatin’ a wet ass burrito
Bring your bib, from your crib, for this wet ass burrito
Wipe your chin, ten napkins, for this wet ass burrito

Went out to dinner, just me and my wife
Worst margarita I had in my life
Wet ass burrito was drippin’ with goo
Gave it a two, and a bad Yelp review

Stainin’ my shirt, stainin’ my jeans
Loaded with cheese and with too many beans
Mushy tomatoes too much sour cream
A whole lotta guac, comin’ outta the seams
Something is off, the burrito is funky
Don’t let it drip on my new Chunky Dunkies
We gotta swing by Lonnie's dads
Defrost some McRibs cuz we're hungry...

The government wants to control you
There’s nanobots inside vaccines
My WhatsApp group, is telling me the deal
Coronavirus isn’t real

Lockdown, they want you to stay home
Lockdown, I tell you it’s a hoax
Lockdown, I wear a mask but don’t cover my nose

Lockdown, Eric Clapton

I’m gonna come out and say it, we need Cazzie David, on our TC eps, she’s the best, let’s face it 
She got a cool vibe, but it’s tricky to place it
Kinda loves pop culture, but doesn’t embrace it

But check it; she’s set to mess with, anybody else on the TC guest list
Rashida, she’s kinda by far the leader, but Cazzie’s on track to come back and beat her
And Winter, your record is about to be splintered,  you’re catching up slow but Cazzies a sprinter 
Here’s a fun fact; a ‘3-peat’? she’s done that, and I don’t see Jamie Foxx making a comeback


This show is #MustSeeTC
So everybody, just take a seat
Cuz she’s gotta lotta, anxiety
And it feels so angsty with Cazzie
I said this show is #MustSeeTC
So everybody, just take a seat
Cuz she’s gotta lotta, anxiety
And it feels so angsty with Cazzie

Cazzie David #MustSeeTC

It’s Claire
It’s Claire
All she wanna do is drink her icecaps
It’s Claire
It’s Claire
Catch her at a Dunkin pickin up snacks

She grew up in Georgia, 
Went to school in Athens, 
Love to watch the Dawgs play
Football is a passion
It’s Claire
It’s Claire 
She moved away but soon she’s coming right back

You know she love to listen to Time Crisis
She won a lotta merch you know it’s priceless
Had a TC meet-up in Chicago
Saw VW and had her mind blown

She don’t even care how long it takes
One day she’ll buy a mattress just like Drake’s
And if you’re ever wonderin’ where she’s been
She’s probably Starbucking with Winter and Tessine

She’s a TC Head, a TC Head
She’s listening with Tucker while they lay in bed
A TC Head, a TC Head
She trying to figure out what books the book club read

It’s Claire
It’s Claire
All she wanna do is drink her ice caps
It’s Claire
It’s Claire
Catch her at a Dunkin pickin up snacks

She grew up in Georgia, 
Went to school in Athens, 
Love to watch the Dawgs play
Football is a passion
It’s Claire
It’s Claire 
Now she’s in Chicago just to chillax…

It's Claire!

Falling Rain (feat. RAF)

He makes his living with taste and restraint
Give him a Chase Bank, or Pizza Hut to paint
His birthday is today; yours ain’t
Let’s throw Jake a party! 

He’s an American painter, and a rock music sage
Does he know current pop culture? It’s difficult to gauge 
Cuz 44’s 'a real-ass age'
Let’s throw Jake a party!

Mix the margaritas up
Drink ‘em all down...
Mix the margaritas up
Pass ‘em all ‘round...

Patrickworld

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