Rest Yourself Under the Tree

I Come to You and Open Wide

Abide with Me

7 Minutes

www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/ns/894
1
Grant me, O Lord, a heart that’s soft;
Remove my heart of stone;
Oh, may I ever yield to You,
Take Your will for my own,
Take Your will for my own.
2
Grant me, O Lord, a heart that’s pure,
That I would single be,
Your presence seeking with the saints,
Pursuing faithfully,
Pursuing faithfully.
3
Grant me, O Lord, a loving heart,
Draw me each day to turn;
Renew, refresh, rekindle, Lord,
That I for You would yearn,
That I for You would yearn.
4
Grant me, O Lord, a heart at peace
With no offense to shade
Our fellowship, in which I walk,
Where anxious thoughts are stayed,
Where anxious thoughts are stayed.
5
Our hearts establish blameless, Lord,
In holiness held fast;
The living of Your kingdom, Lord,
Bring to the earth at last,
Bring to the earth at last!

Grant Me, O Lord

I recorded an instrumental version of the same hymn two years ago when a sister taught it to me. Now, I had the feeling to record it again, after all the experiences the Lord has given this year.

I really enjoyed the third stanza of this hymn:
"Just rest, He knows;
With Him blindness is pleasant!
Just rest, He knows;
Sightless, you see Him best!
Just rest, He knows;
My soul, don’t waste the present
On those “what-if’s“.
Just turn to Him and rest!"

After almost two years of the pandemic, I felt hopeful entering into 2022, thinking that perhaps it held better hopes for more freedom and a sense of normality that we knew before everything came "crashing down".

However, in January, COVID hit our household to such an extent that I didn't see coming. I even came to a point of thinking that maybe I'll lose a family member to this virus--spending days at the hospital with a seeming plethora of medication just to get better. It was such a grueling time, a battle in my mind, a severe weakening of my faith, and I thought it was the end for me; I was in fight mode, endeavoring for survival against all the aspects of depression. I forgot my spirit. I didn't think it would help. "I just needed to get things done," I said to myself.

Everyone recovered eventually, thank the Lord. But my mind remained traumatized. The scenes kept coming back, and I dreaded every time night came because the eerie silence reminded me of the calm before the storm. For months on end, I would lay in bed 'til the wee hours of the morning--unable to sleep--paralyzed with the fear of extreme possibilities. My mind was filled with SOOOO MANY "what if's": What if it happens again? What if I can't cope? What if there won't be enough supply to meet the need?

These thoughts occupied my mind endlessly. I felt like my spirit was so powerless against my raging mind, which triggered my emotions, and caused my body to suffer the consequences as well. The sightlessness drove me to my wit's end. I think, deep in my heart, I was angry at the Lord for giving me such a heavy burden again. I was complaining, "Why does this keep happening to me?!" I had no rest in my tripartite being. But one message struck me concerning "God's Economy in Faith" during a working ones' conference.

It posed a question: "Do you believe that He (God) is repeating all the things He did in the past? No. He is not repeating anything. He is always moving forward." But what about you? Are you stuck in the past? Are you a person of yesterday?

I was indeed severely hindered by the past. I couldn't move on. The events of the past fueled an increasing amount of unbelief. What a shameful situation I was in. Every day, I felt like I was drowning, like Peter started sinking when he looked at the waves. I couldn't help it. The waves were so huge, ones I've never encountered in such magnitude.

Rest comes when we look at the Lord, and it seems I still haven't been perfected in this aspect especially when it concerns family--family is such a blind side for me. Everything else just fades, even my spirit, when it boils down to this.

In the end, I'm thankful to the Lord for exposing me of my shortage in this matter. I thought I was okay...I wasn't. But I acknowledge that I am still in the process, and I thank the Lord and all the saints for really carrying us in prayer. It was way beyond my capacity; I despaired of living. 

One last thing. The brother mentioned such an encouraging word.
"What should we do if we recognize unbelief?
We say, "I BELIEVE!"
"LORD, HELP MY UNBELIEF!"

This brings us to the chorus of the hymn:
"Thank and praise You, Jesus!
Through all unknowns,
You make Yourself so dear!"

I still love You, Lord. You are dearer than before!

(Link to full lyrics: https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/ns/34)

Fear Not, He Knows (NS34)

Reigning Life

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning 
New every morning 
Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness

I Come to You and Open Wide

Wiles Brothers

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