As Halloween approaches, I want to share with you the beauty of Fear and Loathing.

In 2022, I got hit with a diagnosis—borderline personality disorder. That’s when I also found out I couldn’t recognize my own emotions (plot twist!), which were suppressed in childhood so I wouldn’t lose my mind because of external circumstances.

This disorder can’t be cured, but thanks to therapy (DBT), you can compensate for some things, socialize better, avoid losing your mind entirely, become successful, and all that... But that's not the point right now. One of the goals in therapy is to learn how to understand your emotions. Fuck me!!! It turned out to be way harder than I thought. Up until then, I honestly thought I was fine with that, dividing emotions into "meh" and "ok" (what a great palette!!).

Music came to the rescue because every track is like a file full of emotions. I started creating my own catalog of emotions from the music I liked, because if I like it, it means there’s something in it that resonates with me.

Over the course of a year, I learned to extract emotions from music and from myself. During that time, I went through a six-month depressive episode, sank into poverty, got hit with a cascade of debts and diagnoses (what a combo), and ended up in a psych ward. (life’s anything but boring.)

After walking this colorful path, I now look toward a bright future with interest (why not!). And I also want to share with you my first collection of emotions— «Fear and Loathing» . Exactly what you need to get into the Halloween spirit!

KSHM - Fear And Loathing [KSH]

I want to share my "Power" with you. Each person has their own, and mine was born from overcoming anxiety, fear, pain, and shame — shame for my own weaknesses and for failing to meet the expectations of those close to me.
I lived in the illusion that every action of mine was scrutinized under a microscope, with people seeking to find flaws in me, shouting, “Imposter!”
I stumbled and fell, breaking down in the isolation of my mind. But each time, I rose again. And I will keep rising.
With this revelation, I want to support everyone who is also going through these challenges and remind them of the great strength that lives within each of us!


KSHM- Power (SHM)

Today, I want to declare my love for my girl once again—this time through music.

I’ve recorded a mix with your favorite tracks. I love you. ❤️
Thank you for your support!

And to all my friends—I love you endlessly!

Listen, feel, live it. 🎶

KSHM- FEAR AND LOVE

The KSHM project, featuring Kishkis & Shmalacis, which explores the clash between rational and emotional intelligence in the context of ADHD, BPD and bipolar disorder. Dark techno and beatlectero tell how repressed feelings can be expressed through body move.

KSHM | Kishkis un Shmalacis

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