This was written in less than a week as an assignment for Collaborative Songwriting as a duo between myself and "Taylor Wilde", completed and submitted on June 17th 2018.  The mix is a pretty rough because I did not have separate tracks for drum, guitar and bass when creating this version, "MY" version of the mix.  I wrote all of the lyrics to this song.  I sang and recorded all of the vocals, and played the little "cosmic" synth track.  Taylor had the lead on this project as far as the "type" of sound we were attempting to create and his vision was Coheed and Cambria but my vocals are way more inspired by Robert Smith.  I added harmony to it, though, because most of what I listened to from Coheed and Cambria included harmony and also because I don't think I'm a wank off at adding harmonies to songs!  So, here it is and sad to say, it's totally based on a true story...

"UNDERGROUND"

Is the air clean where she comes from?
Just ask yourself what does it mean
When she cuts herself 
And longs to hurt someone

Is there pain and fights
Until all hours of the night?
If I figured her out wrong
Love is never right

Watch her turn herself into a bird
And fly away like I did
Oh wait, that’s right, she can’t
Because she’s never tried

Disappear without a word 
To save herself 
Just like I will?
She’ll put you underground
Instead of safe here by my side

Does she win “thee” award
For all those dead beats that she scored?
Does that make her some kind of queen?
Does her opinion matter more?

And if she wakes at five
No one cares 
If she goes straight to bed at nine
And all her time is spent 
Spinning webs of lies

I witnessed as your mother’s heart
Turned into a lump of coal
Over every vain, disgusting lie
This distasteful woman told

Somehow I thought 
Mom always wants what’s best for you
I’m surprised that no one realized
The truth is in the proof

So, what is there that’s real?
Tell me, what is there that’s real?
And if you still believe her lies
Don’t expect me to look back
If that’s not how you’ll always feel

"Underground"

All I know is that whoever he turns out to be, before he tears it up, he had better let ME fly up there with THIS one.  Otherwise, he's a deaf motherfucker and he can take those Winklepicklers and shove one straight up his ass and the other one up hers!!

This recording is all one take, just myself and guitar, no metronome to follow, no sales increases, no deadlines, just pure passion and sound. 
 
Believe it or not, it's RUSTY.  I hadn't played THIS song until tonight, at about 1 am, since last August.  I hadn't shined this one up since the Open Mic my ex (boyfriend/almost fiance) and I hosted together at Plan B.  GOD, I miss playing LIVE music!!  I got inspired to finally record it again in the key I now like to play it in, tonight/this morning.  AND also since I FINALLY had the fucken TIME, now that no one else is here to pull the focus away from what it is that I truly have always dreamed of working on with someone special, anyway, TOGETHER, as a family.

And in case you're ever curious at to what the old key/recording sounds like it's on www.reverbnation.com/petrasbixby

“With My Tears” - Words & Music by Petras Bixby

“Maybe I’ll grow a lover,” I said.
Plant an onion bulb out by my shed
It’s been too many lonely years
I would water it with my tears

I’ll buy an emerald and an aquamarine
Light my candles pink, blue, red and green
Throw three coins into the wishing well
Now, I’m going to chant my magick spell:

“This is how much I want you here with me right now
I’d make you reveal yourself if I could think of how
Within a ring of trees, where the ocean meets the land
Under a new moon no one sees with the Equinox at hand
To prove how much I need you here with me right now
To swear this oath I treasure I repeat this vow”

The power of patience and of time
True love with Reason and with Rhyme
All of my peace resides in you
The child lines in my palms led me to

Crystals I’ll bathe in the sun’s light
Lapis stones speak to me at night
Your voice is always in my dreams
Waking me as the teardrop streams

“Maybe I’ll grow a lover,” I said.
Plant an onion bulb out by my shed
It’s been too many lonely years
I would water it with my tears

Petras Bixby's Album

With My Tears - New Key

To the Winklepickler Family:  Particularly Ms. Winklepickler, for calling me "disgusting" SIMPLY for being exhausted enough to sleep in until 3 or even 4pm like any REAL Vampyre would, FUCK you.


Oh, behold...!
Tis the lonesomest pure and fading rose
And the light that shines beneath her petals
Is dim and growing weak
And today
The wind could blow all her bees away
And leave all 
A sight at her thorny stems exposed

She's in love with a ghost
The lonesomest pure and fading rose
She well knows
The violet's shy smile is more the sign 
To those who believe 
In the nothing
To trade for the "love" 
They'll soon dispose

Oh, behold...!
Her virtue, her strength is never sold
Oh, the years of "Wait.."
In search of a lover's heart of gold
But to wait
Claims life of a seed that's sown too late
Or the smile of the violets
Shall always captivate

She belongs in the nursery
Where such rarities known 
Could have no price
Cultivated for only
The love worthy 
Of one for whom she dies

To Behold You (This Worthless Thing)

This song is dedicated to all the bogus, bullshitters.  Congratulations, you're full of shit.

Title:  “Bullshit”

Written by Petras Bixby and Rose Banuelos

All lyrics, vocals, rhythm/drums/bass, synth pad, mixing, and angsty vibe - Petras Bixby

Guitar, Piano, and putting up with Petras Bixby’s angsty vibe - 
Rose Banuelos 



What kind of front
Are you pulling
Advertising your tits
As if the psychos with the hearing problems
Make you legit
                                  
You’re such a fake, bogus person
Claiming no jealousy
You’ve got your head in the clouds
Making a mockery
                               
You’ve got a stash full of nothing
Trying to make us believe
You swear you’re such a fucken ringer
With the rights of a thief
If they say stand and deliver
Then here’s mine, now where’s yours?
You’re the “accomplished” advice giver
But you’re knocking on doors

Chorus:

Don’t you know money talks
And bullshit walks
So, you can put it up or shut up
Or don’t ask me for a dime of my time
Well, listen, money talks
And bullshit walks
And no one ever wants to hear it
(No one fucken wants to hear it)
 If all you can do is sit there and whine
                            
And all the critters come out
To take me down one by one
As if without ANY doubt
I’M the one aiming the gun
And I’ve never even HEARD of you
Why would I give a god damn at ALL?

YOU came up out of the blue
And still here asking for things
As if you don’t have a clue 
About which bird even sings
                                                                     
Because you headed for my BOYFRIEND
And he’s never even written a song

Chorus:
Don’t you know money talks..

Bridge:

And your false accusations 
Are a dead giveaway
You’re such a bogus, bullshit person
All I have left to say is 

Money talks…

(Chorus repeats twice)

BULLSHIT

I wasn't born into a rich kid's life with killer game consoles and just like LITERALLY everything just handed to me.  I was hired at 12.  Anybody remember the Oasis Thrift store over on Oasis St?  That was MY first job out of high school.  And if anyone REALLY wants to know, this is a PUNK rock song inspired by Jello Biafra.


No one knows how hard this is
This reality
No one knows how hard I try
No one knows but me

Staining boards that bite my fingers
For a pauper's fee
It kills the gift I have for canvas
With a peasant's artistry  - (Written for Peter Raymond Shaw, R.I.P.)

Sorting filthy piles of books each day
I clean and mend their covers
I try my best to do it faster 
Just to hear the "high ups" say:

"You have problems LISTENING
You're hardly worth the pay
Your replacement's out there waiting
Your bright thoughts aren't worth anything

They spy Mr. Fresh, the delivery man
And HOW their anger settles!
They steal white roses from his hand
Then, they make me sweep the petals
They make me sweep the petals

Petals

I'm not certain if this song and this image REALLY fit well together but in MY opinion they do, as long as you CRANK the song.  HA!


It's over
 Sleep now if you can
Shake off those nightmares 
You can never hope to understand 

Life isn't what you make of it sometimes 
And the innocent suffer for deviant's crimes
Even if your business is the biggest on the map
You’re just like the rest of us:  trapped

Chorus:

Trapped in a world
With a sun
That’s lived half of its life
In a world being run
By “New Hitler’s” advice
In a place
Where lines continually blur

In a place you survive 
But wish you never were

And you’re all just a simpleton
Honey, you’re just a simpleton
You’re the mayor of simpleton
And you’re trapped

Chorus 2:
Trapped 
Work as hard as you can
But you’ll never be a man
Work your body out of breath
But you’re still not cheating death
Like a song on repeat
About a partner who’s a cheat
Like a crook on the run
Who’s just waiting for the gun
 
And we’re all such a miracle
Yeah, you’re life is a miracle
Keep on living that miracle
But you’re trapped

TRAPPED - InSIN - RratedRemix

Whenever I would tell people that my exboyfriend was the first guy I had kissed in almost 10 years, it actually bugged the hell out of him which always made me a little uneasy, sad, kind of and a little scared even.  It was simply a TRUE statement and I wasn't looking for an "award" or a cookie or anything but he wasn't PROUD of me for it, as opposed to embarrassed or something and neither was his family.  I mean, just HOW far DOWN do you have to go after after the breakup with the person who claims so much INNOCENCE as all THAT?

This song is just exactly about WHY it was that in most cases I never could bring myself to sharing so much as an open mouthed KISS with anyone until I reconnected with him (of all the guys), and the ONLY reason why I trusted HIM even is because he started off as just an old friend.  I hope it runs its course again but NEVER again with anyone who isn't proud of me for all the things I've NEVER touched and all the place I've NEVER been.  That's a nice dream isn't it?  Too bad it never happens to anyone:


"When Will I Learn?"


So, when will I learn?
The glow in your eyes is starting to burn
You’ve entered this life
But sharing this dream is not your concern

So, I shield my heart
The best I know how
While my hope holds high
Try to shield my heart 
The best I know how
While my hope holds high

But if I need a friend to run to
Then, the door is closed to your home
If I someone to help me make it through
Then, I’m on my own

So, when will I learn?
The key to your heart
Is not mine to turn
You’re standing before these eyes
To tell me your secrets 
As well as your lies 

So, I shield my heart
The best I know how
While my hope holds high
Try to shield my heart 
The best I know how
While my hope holds high

But if I need a friend to run to
Then, the door is closed to your home
If I someone to help me make it through
Then, I’m on my own

Try to shield my heart 
The best I know how
While my hope holds high

But if I need a friend to run to
Then, the door is closed to your home
If I someone to help me make it through
Then, I’m on my own

When Will I Learn?

This song was completed before and recorded on April 28, 2017.  It was completed as an assignment for a Songwriting course I was taking through Berklee College of Music online.  This was a solo project, all written, recorded and performed by me, and me alone.  I just felt like posting it because it has a good vs evil, dark vs light, somewhat "heroic" feel to it and I've been in this type of mood, lately.  I feel as though I'm not being my TRUE self until my mind wanders into the realm of magic, a little.  THEN, it's been what I consider to be a more or less "normal" day.  I've been a follower all my life (just about, 11 years old, somewhere there about I bought my first book on the subject) of this belief.  

The first Opera I performed in was Bizet's "Carmen".  It was just a bit part but I loved that I was still in high school when it took place and I had to ask permission to perform with adults who I looked up to as performers and still admire, to this day.  The pageantry alone is worth the experience.  It's not my favorite style to sing in but one I've been told I excel at and have studied the art of ever since to the point of being able to genuinely compete with it.  I'd always prefer to teach those who are seeking to learn, though, as opposed to shaming the flamboyant floozies who have been tempted into doing so and failed.  I am not what I seem at surface value.  The opposite would result in a gorgeous and harmonious sound that I'm not always having to make with and all by myself.  I also believe it would bring much more joy and create strong bonds between kindred souls as opposed to causing cruel irony.


“Toast To The New Moon”


Spoken:  “Sweet child, so young, so innocent
Take good care!”

Hidden in a black velvet shine
Cloaked in sandalwood, mixed with copal
With Balm of Gilead for your potion
Steeped in blood red wine

Angels of the impending doom
Are completely dispelled with your power
Fleeing in shame for your very aura
Permeates the gloom

Gathered here are the spirits that guide you
To impart sacred wisdom to others
Spreading love through the hearts who still hear them
Breaking new hearts who shall now listen, too 

Spoken: “You are guided by the nightmares, by the unseen witness to every crime, and these entities shall guide you in justice and in faith until your mortal life has ended.  Salut!”