a song about the time i spend wishing i was just like everyone else

/

i wish that i could feel
breeze blowing on my skin
i wish that i could heal
but the knife goes further in
hopeful tone of voice, but you still dont believe this
make a deal with god cuz you really need this
silence in the night, you dont wanna feel this
im onto you

dont tell me where it hurts because i dont wanna know
if you see the river can you tell me how it flows?
am i doomed to do this all again?
no, i dont wanna see this, i want it to end

just push me to shore, before they pull me down
oh is there something more? or will i just drown
again, again, i dont have a defense
im cut from the cloth of the sky, heavensent
just push me to shore, before they pull me down
(pull me down, pull me down, pull me down, pull me down)

the skys too bright at night and the moons too red
3:30 on the clock when i go to bed
ill prove that im invincible right here on this ledge
i know ill grow my wings when i fall off of the edge
i hear sweet melodies
youll never make me take my medley
of whites, of reds, of blues, of blacks,
of poison, this is an attack

just push me to shore, before they pull me down
oh is there something more? or will i just drown

just push me to shore, before they pull me down
oh is there something more? or will i just drown
again, again, i dont have a defense
im cut from the cloth of the sky, heavensent
just push me to shore, before they pull me down
(pull me down, pull me down, pull me down, pull me down)

I shave my legs and my arms
Hoping one day I'll be part
Of everything that you take for granted, see 
I'll punch my mirror again
And cut my wrists with the shards
I'm floating, don't want to sink in the granite sea 
Falling apart at the seams
I'm not doing this for me
It drips, it signals a crack to bring a flood 
If it's just like what you think
I'll die alone at nineteen
In a hospital covered in my own blood

Is that so crazy?  God I swear
Just to hear the things I hear
If it is, that still doesn't mean you get to drag me by my hair 
Out of the dream I breathe and wear
If it's fake I still don't care
Because I'd rather be a god of nothing than have this cloudy stare 
I'm not so crazy, can't you see
I don't care about what you think
Either way I guess it's destiny if I breathe or sink 
Can you please not look at me?
Because I am scared of what you'll see
Because I could look like a god or just a girl who scared to breathe

just push me gently to shore, just push me gently to shore

just push me to shore, just push me to shore
the tide will take me home, as it has done before

just push me to shore, before they pull me down
oh is there something more? or will i just drown
just push me to shore, before they pull me down
oh is there something more? or will i just drown
or will i just drown

pushed to shore

so much for showing, just gonna be a laughing stock
i wouldnt have even done it, 
and i need a safeguard in case i give up
so i've deleted everything, 
scrubbing out everything
can't hurt if i'm unobserved

i've deleted everything

a song about my roots and the childhood i lost

/

veered into a ditch
theres no coming back from that
hard to find my way
visions in and out of black
is there nothing to look forward to at home?
is there really nothing, nowhere i could go?

im just so imperfect
how was i made from scraps of you?
and my childhoods fading
im just grasping at scraps of youth
i swear im really trying to see the light in this
i wake up not to silence, but to a deafening hiss
the choir is getting louder, they tell me i should quit
they tell me that if im not dead, then im not doing shit
(how was i made)
im just so imperfect
how was i made from scraps of you?
and my childhoods fading
im just grasping at scraps
your words are falling flat, youre fading in the mix
its so hard to forget about this feeling that ive sinned
i think about the time that, he brushed against my skin
and even when he tried to push, the issue didnt fit
(how was i made)

save your breath for another day
save excuses, please
you gave me all that youve got
but now its starting to rot
i cant take it

its not enough, not enough, not enough,
its not enough, not enough, not enough

how was i made from scraps of you?
how was i made from scraps of you?
i didnt get to be,
the girl i wanted to be
how was i made from scraps of you?
how was i made from scraps of you?
its not my fault

scraps of you

51 hours of work over nearly 2 months

https://miraonthewall.bandcamp.com/track/small-world

artwork - koyamori (https://www.deviantart.com/koyamori/art/terrariums-274205066)

--- Lyrics ---

I'm in a small world

My life hangs by a twisted fraying thread
Get betrayed by fate and I might be dead
Too overwhelmed to try the one way out
Yet I cannot wait I can't do without
I can't just run away to fix my life
Problems have no place they stick to my side
Yearning for touch from half the world away
Dreaming in my bed wrapped around my tear stained duvet

I'm in a small world

I'm in a small world
Connections race away from me
And I'm just a small girl
Nothing as far as I can see
My arm is reaching
Out for a hand to hold me tight
But I'm alone here
Lovers are all far out of sight

Far out of sight

I must rely entirely on you
I can't talk like they do
I don't get preference though
You've closer friends in tow
I have this envy overwhelming me
Drowning in jealousy
Yet only joy I see
In my periphery
They said you need to show the creeps your face
To hang around our space
Kicked right back to the curb
Another week of hurt
Dragged myself out of bed and got dressed up
Been waiting for a month
Cancelled cause you were drunk
I guess fuck me for getting my hopes up

I'm in a small world
I'm just a small girl
My arm is reaching
But I'm alone here
Far out of sight

Far out of sight

Far out of sight

Small World

i watched a man die last night
shoveled pills but they couldn’t even keep him alive
and when i saw my reflection in those empty eyes
i bit my tongue

and he said
“boy, it seems i’ve finally reached my time
the gross unknown, the twisted blurry lines”
and i couldn’t help but stand there
stoned and petrified
i wish i’d said goodbye

if i see your face again i think i'll fall apart
conflated, left in idle stress, you found your way in to my art
floating down the lake bed, tears piled in my arms
cos it all leads down to something less, we feel so small amongst the stars

if i die here wondering, "was i ever enough?"
deflated, lost the confidence to bottle it up
falling through the mattress, fear boils and erupts
no lifeline can save me drowning, i'm giving up

so i looked to myself
and asked “who the hell am i?
was the death of who i was a noble sacrifice?”
shoveled pills and then drank the liquid suicide
i’ll let fate carry me tonight

and he said
“boy, it seems i’ve finally reached my time
the gross unknown, the twisted blurry lines”
and i couldn’t help but stand there
stoned and petrified
i wish i’d said goodbye

PERMADEATH

original by @flatroomvr , @cmten , and daniel bearnas

https://soundcloud.com/flatroomvr/bloodsugar-ft-cmten

!! happy halloween !!

flatroom - blood sugar (hyperlnxx flip)

healing (feat. saoirse dream)

verse 1:
could you please excuse me
I’ve been failing brain to mouth
I’ll probably die in this stall

from choking on some
backwash thought that’s spinning
round my throat again
erode again

chorus:
I hope I’ll stay forgotten

verse 2:
don’t look closely
all my whites are yellow now
I wear my heart on my teeth

lips pressed tightly
these foam filled walls
are muffling my speech
I’ve been talking in my sleep

stall (demo)

Couldn't Believe (Vox Rough Track)

Shatterline is the sound of breaking and becoming — a collision of industrial rock, cyberpunk atmosphere, and raw human emotion.
Blending heavy guitars, cinematic synths, and haunting baritone vocals, PulseMeld dives into identity, loss, rebellion, and rebirth across ten tracks that move between pain and power.
Each song is a fragment of the fracture — from the haunting confession of “Leaving Town to Find Peace” to the electric defiance of “Machines of Eden” and the gothic ache of “Black Rose.”

Lost In You

When the Night Comes Down

“Steps" out NOW

mgmt: lipglossmgmt@gmail.com
priestess of light and healing

pushed to shore

phixel