I’m not a petty person 
but no one’s gonna out petty me 
not a truer word spoken 
thank you Bob Petrie 

I better change my virtual presence 
I better text a couple old hunnies 
oh wait I’m laughably weird now 
at least my heartache’s kinda funny

Kinda Funny

I got my new trousers wet 
trying to sleep under a tree in the Retiro 
I hopped in a cab 
and typically groaned at the fare-o 

after this I'm never coming back
to mainland Europe again
but I’m not gonna bother 
exchanging my last 20 euros

20 Euros

My wallpaper is no longer your cute scrunched up face 
It's that photo of the sheep outside our local spoons 
now they tauntingly bleat at me as I go about my day 
while they tirelessly knock back their WKD blues

Blues

Dad cheered me up recounting his best bits of Peep Show 
when Jez eats the dog and he reaches a new low 
I feel like that dog and you’re Robert Webb 
Except I’m pretty sure I’d prefer you in my bed

Ploz

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