In August 2019, a close friend of mine passed away from an overdose. This song is a portrait of the grief I and those close to her experienced in the aftermath. Rest in Peace Antonia, it would've been your 22nd tomorrow (4/23). We miss you, and we won't forget you and your strength in the face of adversity.

Updated October 2021

Lyrics

She was alive, 
She was loved, she was alive. 
It's not right, she was alive
Help me dye my hair, cause she was alive
She was alive, alive

Hold on my friend you weren't supposed to leave yet
Cause you had so much more to live for
And so much to give, an absence of forgiveness
From those of us that you had adored
And how could I expect to outlive you
Even if you didn't make it to twenty-two
What the hell are we supposed to do
(What the hell am I supposed to do / You did whatever you wanted to)

Of all my old sins that you forgave
You helped me believe I was worthy of being saved
But then I paved a distance from your new path
Creating space and time to lose track

The wicked traps placed, illness you succumb
I wished to document how far we had come
Wasted saturday night. in the morning you're gone
Now I'm required to sing this song

(Theres not enough narcan left inside. I will pay for leaving you behind)

I should've found you in the night
I had no idea where you were when you lost your life
These words should not exist
You are dearly missed
Antonia
You are dearly missed

The one who forgave my transgressions
Who rebuked me from deep within
(There's not enough Narcan left inside)
Who gave me a chance to grow has departed
(I will pay for leaving you behind)
The casual smirk and deceptive grin
The unrequited assurance
(Beautiful perfect scum of your design)
That began the change of of everything I know
(A family of idiots must survive)
Restarted

She was alive
She was loved, she was alive
I'm not fine. She was alive
You should reconcile cause she was alive
She was alive, alive

So what will I do with this pain of mine
Confusion overwhelming inside
I could've sworn all my friends were forbidden from dying
Forbidden
Forbidden

Seeing your name on street signs fills me with anguish
Speaking your fate aloud feels like hearing a lie
(This cant be true, this can't be true)
This is impossible, improbable in our timeline

Some nights after you died
I reached over ninety-thousand miles in my car
And I didn't even notice
I couldn't cause I was too busy 
driving slowly around the suburbs that we both grew up in
And screaming in disbelief

(Reveal those positive angel minutes)
Did all that make-up hide your pain inside
(And we'll revel in those positive angel minutes to the end)
Shelter us all from the burden you resolved to bear alone
(Reveal those positive angel minutes)
Did all that make-up hide your pain inside
(And we'll revel in those positive angel minutes to the end)
We all admired what was on the surface, concealer sealing away the unknown

The one who forgave my transgressions
Who rebuked me from deep within
(There's not enough Narcan left inside)
Who gave me a chance to grow has departed
(I will pay for leaving you behind)
The casual smirk and deceptive grin
The unrequited assurance
(Beautiful perfect scum of your design)
That began the change of of everything I know
(A family of idiots must survive)
Has restarted
Cause she was alive

Sorry I Passed Out And Just Woke Up, I Need My Sleeps (She Was Alive)

HI!! THIS IS A DEMO OF THE FIRST FULL SONG I'VE EVER WRITTEN!!! HOPEFULLY SOON IT'LL BE LIKE!!! FULL!!! I WANTED TO POST IT SO HERE!
LYRICS:
20 minutes left until I have to leave
Your weight on my chest makes it kinda hard to breath
I don't mind
I don't mind
I've been kinda quiet so of course you wonder why
I know the reason, but I wish I could lie:
"I don't know"
"I don't know"
It's that sinking feeling oh it never goes away
It's that sinking feeling, clock's ticking time away
What's it gonna take, can I convince you to stay?
Please don't go
Please don't go
I know you've got a plan and it's been set in stone
But can't you carve something new where I'm not left alone
You don't know?
Yeah, I know
Friends graduating early, and they know exactly
What they'll do
I'm outlasting managers at my job, I don't know
If that's good
It's that sinking feeling oh it never goes away
It's that sinking feeling, clock's ticking time away
What's it gonna take, can I convince you to stay?
Please don't go
Please don't go
Tell me that you love me just before you go away
I'll hear those words and do my best to be ok
"I love you."
"I love you too."

Last Save Point (Demo)

truly the most terrifying beast of them all

Mommy's Special Boy

I’m an angsty little fuck and I don’t care. 

Another demo for a new project I’m looking to start. 

You can sing? Hit me up, I need someone better than me. The vocal parts I write are far too ambitious for my singing ability.

Passive Aggressive Break-up Song

Things are slow but that doesn’t mean
That Together we spend an enternity 
Living a lie that we hold inside
We keep it together until the passion has died 
That doesn’t mean that we are strong
Strength is a measure and not how long 
We’ll keep it together no matter the weather
But that doesn’t make either of us better 
Grab my hand and run with me
We can be whatever and we can be free
Bravery escapes me
And Thats the flavour of slavery
You’d cut off a limb to stop an infection 
You’d cut off me to save your inflection 
That the price of love an affection
But it cuts me up to see it in action 

*****CHORUS***********
Make Me - Escape Me - you will not break me 
Shake me - wake me - you will not forsake me
Shame me - blame me - you will not drain me
Love me and leave me - you broke my heart and the case is closed 
**************************

The past is my past and the scars are my proof
I have memories upon memories under my roof 
For you I would change and I swear by that 
But I bore a child and that won’t change the fact
That your jealousy won’t come to grips
That I can’t be just yours to hold on your fist
You fabricated a lie that you believed inside
And it’s because of that the passion has died. 

But you - you’ve moved on
And I’m still here
You pretend to care
When I’m not there

Inside I feel guilty for a crime not committed 
Even after you’ve gone I still need acquitting 
You took so much and you can’t even see
How much is too much and it’s killing me 
I wanna be friends and I wanna move on 
And I don’t want to hurt you by writing this song
My hurt needs expressing before it go wrong 
Before I go away and before I’m gone 


Breathe in. Breathe out

Passive Aggressive Break-up Song

a cover of Blink-182's song "generational divide"

guitar, bass, and vox done by me.
drums by OMFGrant (please support him he's dope)

thank u for listening <3

GENERATIONAL DIVIDE [COVER]



You're just a fly in the syrup
You're dead from the get up
I'm calling you out on your greed
You don't care where you're heading 
You're never gonna get it 
Even when it's all a lie
You're like a blind man walking
On his phone talking
Straight into the jaws of a shark
The illusion on achieving 
Is all you believe in
It'll knock you down a peg or two

YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN THE SYRUP
YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN THE SYRUP
YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN THE SYRUP
YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN MY DINNER

When you get where you're going
You've got no way of knowing
If you really thought that you should be there
When you're lying to yourself
When you think you know your goals
And you're chasing something that ain't real
If you just took a minute
And thought about what's in it
Your core beliefs will come apart
You put your eggs in one basket
You'll end up in a casket
With no one at your funeral

YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN THE SYRUP
YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN THE SYRUP
YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN THE SYRUP
YOU'RE JUST A FLY IN MY DINNER

All you care about is your ego
It's bigger than you'll ever know
You're just in time to see the truth
Your entire life is a spoof
There's nothing you can ever do
That will ever impress me
You're just another Mr BIG
A total prick

Turn around and fly away
Save your skin and fly away

FLY IN THE SYRUP

The End Of The World (feat. Jam the Grinder)

life is absurd (feat. pheonix)

Hatrick

And it just makes sense (repeat)

You and me, 
It just makes sense. 
I don't see another way, 
Cause we just ain't friends. 
You and me, 
For eternity, 
Baby you're my Destiny, 
Give a piece of me, 
To you,
And make the perfect recipe. 
Cooking up the lyrics, 
But you know that you're my seasoning. 
I'm falling, 
Only harder, 
And we never had the reasoning. 
It's tragic, 
If I had it, 
Then we let it go. 
You and me, 
Make sense, 
So we gotta know. 

You're my starlight, 
Bright night, 
Alcoholic, 
Moon shine, 
Drunk on you like all the time, 
Thine line, 
Between loved, 
And fucked up, 
All night.
But the alcohol, 
Is feeling just right. 

So tell me what you wanna do, 
Tell me where you wanna go, 
And girly we can make the move. 
I'm so in love with you, 
It's true, 
I hope these lyrics prove, 
All of my emotion, 
Commotion always pulsing. 
Two in love like Tennis, 
But you stroke it like we're golfing. 
Eyes and ears on you, 
So if you need it, 
Then I'm calling. 
If we ever made the jump, 
Then we'd hit the ground, 
We're falling. 
So fast, 
Our past is irrelevant.

You and me, 
It just makes sense. 
I don't see another way, 
Cause we just ain't friends. 
You and me, 
For eternity, 
Baby you're my Destiny, 
Give a piece of me, 
To you,
And make the perfect recipe. 
Cooking up the lyrics, 
But you know that you're my seasoning. 
I'm falling, 
Only harder, 
And we never had the reasoning. 
It's tragic, 
If I had it, 
Then we let it go. 
You and me, 
Make sense, 
So we gotta know. 

prod - https://www.youtube.com/c/siemspark/featured

Just Makes Sense (prod. siem spark)

These are the Lyrics (riffs) in My Head. This is Song # 3. [This Song has been re-structured as of 08/03/2021].

As my plan moves forward; so too it evolves. If you are a lyricist (even if you don't sing), I am now open for collaborations. Tracks # 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 are on the way.

Upon request: this track is downloadable.

GENERATIONAL DIVIDE [COVER]

plxsh

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