i found a strand of your hair right in my pillowcase
i can't describe the feeling how my heart aches
there's so many things that i wish i could say
i guess i only wonder if you're playing it safe
everything was meant only to be, just not as long as it seemed

but i could never cheat on you, or even anyone
unless they did it to me first because i might be that petty
my insecurities, there might be too many
i wanted nothing more than us going steady

it's such a shame how the times have changed
i renounce it all and let the feeling remain
another day, dead and gone to waste

i tried to go back and find it, that's when i knew i was wrong
ran out of words to describe it, that's when i ruined the song

all the water in the ocean couldn't wash that stain
wish i was feeling something other than pain
and i've been going through the motions with no chance to complain
worried i'm working without something to gain

aching from the weight of my grief, show me mercy

show me mercy

but i could never cheat on you, or even anyone
unless they did it to me first because i might be that petty
my insecurities, there might be too many
i wanted nothing more than

i spent my days trying to be multifaceted
in some years i'd try to tally up the damages
i can't hope you'd take me back, i guess i'm past it
and like the other song goes, "i like to do magic"

fear is only a feeling that only feelings can change
i still try to maintain, but despite everything strange
our different phases of life, i'll never blame
i light the spliff and hope the emotions fade

i tried to go back and find it, that's when i knew i was wrong
ran out of words to describe it, that's when i ruined the song
all the water in the ocean couldn't wash that stain
wish i was feeling something other than pain
i've been going through the motions with no chance to complain
worried i'm working without something to gain

how can ever keep myself from harm?
running away to scream inside my car

MERCY

i feel like it fell into pieces without any reason
i think summer that we moved in was my favorite season

i feel like it’s wrong like i don’t pray for this
cemented in my ways and there’s no changing it
i might change my life, no, i won’t wait for it
if you could change your life what would you stake for it?

i dropped the book, and i lost the page
embarked on my journey, carried the weight
i think it’s time i’m let in, they tell me “wait at the gate”
i can’t watch all the paint while still expecting change

alone again, in a new context
you could try to break me but i won’t ever bend
i try to break the cycle but it won’t ever end
deny myself a feeling when i hit unsend

and i swear you’re my everything
but it’s also why i gotta go
and i swear you’re my everything 
yeah you took my heart but can you free my soul?

i just hate the fact i cannot come home 
made the choice and now i walk down the road
can’t be the man i thought i was when we first met
it’s just another quiet night all alone
my self-respect was severed down to the bone
felt undeserving of the things that i own
work everyday to show myself that i’ve grown
tell me god how do i hide what i’ve shown 

i know you know they tried to break us
tried to separate us
i wake up and watch the trees change
god, they’ve done betrayed us

i feel like it’s wrong like i don’t pray for this
cemented in my ways and there’s no changing it
i might change my life, no, i won’t wait for it
if you could change your life what would you stake for it?

i dropped the book, and i lost the page
embarked on my journey, carried the weight
i think it’s time i’m let in, they tell me “wait at the gate”
i can’t watch all the paint while still expecting change

alone again, in a new context
you could try to break me but i won’t ever bend
i try to break the cycle but it won’t ever end
deny myself a feeling when i hit unsend

and i swear you’re my everything
but it’s also why i gotta go
and i swear you’re my everything 
yeah you took my heart but can you free my soul?

WEIGHT

every day i wake up wondering if something’s wrong with me
i tried to manifest my prominence they said it was petty
i tried to manifest my confidence they said it’s not ready
i held the problems of many 
if only it wasn’t heavy

but i cannot lay around
i gotta get paid for this sound
i think i went way too deep you’re dragging me into the ground
like what is it you want from me?
it’s all that i think about

i’m just devolving back into to the very thing i hate
another dumb mistake
and i might not pump the brakes
drop the beat, blow off some steam, that’s only all it takes 

like why can’t we just go out?
then tell me what keeps you down
can’t seem to find the reason why that you cannot leave your house

i tried to manifest my prominence they said it was petty
i tried to manifest my confidence they said it’s not ready
i held the problems of many 
if only it wasn’t heavy

but i cannot lay around
i gotta get paid for this sound
i think i went way too deep you’re dragging me into the ground
like what is it you want from me?
it’s all that i think about

HEAVY

like who’s driving the whip?
i done gave up on that shit
change my mind, i’m such a hypocrite,
cause you’re something that i’ll never quit

and nothing matters when i’m not somebody to you
somebody to anybody, nobody to you
i’ve done given up on loving you
but i still find myself pining for you
though we’ve never spoken

i tried to make sense of the lie but i just let it run
cause who am i to ruin all of the fun?
who am i to deny —
i changed my mind halfway through writing the verse
and i could give you everything but only better or worse

and i’m still going through some shit, i can’t say i love you back
meanwhile i’m checking my phone to see if *** hits me back

like who’s driving the whip?
i done gave up on that shit
change my mind, i’m such a hypocrite,
cause you’re something that i’ll never quit

QUIT

(never again)
(never again)
never again, god i'm hanging by a thread
all my life another night on the edge
i'll say goodbye now
you can cry your eyes out
i'll be alright while you're alone
tell me when, god i'm hanging by a thread
all my life another night on the edge
i don't think you get it
god you're so pathetic
crying out the exit all alone

can you tell me that you cared
every night i've been impaired
but deep down i'm so scared

i got drunk
hit a bump
why am i feeling so slump
i've been losing my shit
and i haven't slept in months
quitting weed made me dream
and i don't like it one bit
(this life's not what it seems)

i hit a blunt, i hit a bag, now what's the move
when i wake up, i don't need drugs, i just need you
woah
i just spent another night out
now i'm back inside your house
i've been so turnt up tryna fight the urge to sleep
but it's been a couple days and it's more than i can take
but i'll find a way
there's something 'bout the way that you make me feel
which path do i take
throw it all away or bury my heart

and i can't believe you actually made me bury my beliefs
i gave it all of me and sacrificed my unity
the tragic path to you and me
it's always something that's not up to you or me
it's in my head but it's not something i can see
it's only something that is slightly out of reach
it's something out a eulogy

i got drunk
hit a bump
why am i feeling so slump
i've been losing my shit
and i haven't slept in months
quitting weed made me dream
and i don't like it one bit
(this life's not what it seems)

never again, god i'm hanging by a thread
all my life another night on the edge
i'll say goodbye now
you can cry your eyes out
i'll be alright while you're alone

can you tell me that you cared
every night i've been impaired
but deep down i'm so scared

THREAD w/ lil narnia, fats’e, anxiety attacks!

replaying our discussions, i toss and turn about
and i can’t make any deductions without some burning doubt
and i can’t make any assumptions of how it’s turning out
i can’t worry now

i just gotta keep it moving cause there’s no burning out
i just gotta keep improving like the world keeps turning round
and my friend turned his back me when he thought he was earning clout
he wanted me to stay in second place, but i think i learned his route
that’s not what i’m concerned about 

there’s no room for stupid gimmicks i’m never copping out 
gotta get this money moving cause there’s no stopping now

replaying our discussions, i toss and turn about
and i can’t make any deductions without some burning doubt
and i can’t make any assumptions of how it’s turning out
i can’t worry now

DOUBT

i was at the bar they played a song that you would play
i was in the car i found a bracelet that you made
almost lost my mind when i woke up on a tuesday
and i still think about you how is your toothache? 
i’ll still forgive you for the mistakes that you’ve made
just give me time and i can change in a new way
just give me time and i can change in a new way

i’m waiting in the cold
it’s only what i get for being so bold
did the faint idea of me already get old?
it’s another night surrounded by stone

so what mistake has left me dead & alone?
just give me time and i can shape to the mold
i chase the fawn but i can’t take me a hold
then i came upon another sight to behold 

i then imagine something that couldn’t be 
a situation with some room to breathe
i had to fight it with my whole body
now i come home to time alone with nobody
i guess my own mistakes were made to ruin me

no communication came fluently
i wish i could deny every human need
maybe i’d learn of being alone in peace
i’d stare at my screen, compose melodies
inside the note, my memories
stare at my phone, it humored me
then it ruined me
it ruined me

i was at the bar they played a song that you would play
i was in the car i found a bracelet that you made
almost lost my mind when i woke up on a tuesday
and i still think about you how is your toothache? 
i’ll still forgive you for the mistakes that you’ve made
just give me time and i can change in a new way 
just give me time and i can change in a new way

RUINED

guitar by 93feetofsmoke

but i don’t wanna fight the truth
it’s everything that i go through
my mistake was only learning something new
but every time i still think “what’s the use?”

and there’s no feeling inside anything i do 
no meaning inside everything that i’ve been through
my transformation’s for the betterment of you
so is it wrong to say you’re bringing down the room?

and if she calls me back
the second i put down the phone i’ll wonder where we at
cause she could leave tomorrow
“i’m never coming back”
maybe she’s worth the wait
relieve me of the weight

but if she calls me bae
then i might run away
if she goes through my phone
break it off every way
but i’ll still lie awake
i might not right away
and you could say i’m wrong
but not in every way

i’ll cut my losses but refuse to move inside your line
maybe recover through the passage of my precious time
another day another tangent of my manic plight 
maybe 
maybe it’s worth bringing the truth to the light

that you made plans with a man
surprised i didn’t ask?
cause everything he has
is nothing i don’t have

and then i had a dream
it wasn’t you and me
i didn’t have a face
fulfilled me anyway

but i don’t wanna fight the truth
it’s everything that i go through
my mistake was only learning something new
but every time i still think “what’s the use?”

PLIGHT

too deep in the moment or thinking too far to see
that if she’s falling back, falling back on me
or is she crawling back, crawling back to me
i thought you wanted to be like my enemy
and in my life i can’t tell who’s my frenemy
like is he plotting on, plotting the end of me 
is it only cause he’s afraid me?

i didn’t know that thoughts could make my body ache 
a blow like that, i’m not sure how much i can take 
i thought my skin was tough but this here wasn’t fate

i didn’t have the strength to call you back
what is so wrong with me?
maybe i’m the one that’s falling back
what if she’s onto me?
if i could travel time, i’d roll it back and do everything that you pleased
daily i could feel you pulling back
you still left me on my knees

i can’t see the gains throughout everything that i’ve been through
i pray i’m okay with bailing out and finding someone new
nowadays i think i’m missing you longer than how i knew 
nowadays i’m pacing hundreds of miles inside my room

but i don’t wanna fight the truth
it’s everything that i go through
my mistake was only learning something new
but every time i still think what’s the use?

FATE

Lyrics_

Vessels in my heart detach
These drugs wont fix my feelings
Fresh wounds old scars still healing
I never thought it would get this hard

I watched it all fall apart in front of me
I lost a part of me
Im sick of dealing with these

Changes
I cant face it
A broken home they say that love is blind
The children watch their father cry

Changes
I cant face it
I think im running out of tears to cry
I’llpace around my room another night

In pain but I’ll still be there
Always my brothers keeper
Sister know how you’re feeling
Wish i could take it all away

I’ll bare the burden
I’ll catch the bullet right in front of you
I used to be gold
But the weight has slowly turned me blue

RUINED

polearm

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