i just had a really really strange experience and since xhules won't pick up their phone i'm just gonna write it down as long as it's fresh. yesterday i went home around 20:30, listening to this mix, kinda in a pensive mood because i was gonna talk to jules and i was wondering how she was. at oskar-hoffmann-straße three dudes stood at the platform. one of them immediately caught my attention, not because of his clothing or such, i just looked at his face and thought "oh, he looks sad". like his eyes were tired. all three dudes were holding a beer and a mild scent of alcohol entered the u35 with them. it was funny, while he was entering he also started looking at me, and you know how you usually look somewhere else when a stranger reciprocates your look - well, neither of us did that and we shared a really long intense mutual stare. i was amused. and i liked it. throughout our shared ride together i avoided looking directly at him because i didn't wanna make either of us feel uncomfortable, however i continued watching him through the reflection of the dark windows. i thought it would be funny if he'd figure this out and reciprocate my look in this indirect way. he didn't though. he looked at me directly a few more times though (or maybe just in my direction, of course i can't tell for sure), and so i decided to wave him goodbye as soon as i left the tram. things came differently though and i didn't get to do it. on my way home i thought about this encounter a bit more and wondered if i would regret not having talked to him in hindsight. there was something in this look. or maybe not, that would be the thing to be found out. i thought that, maybe, coincidentally, i would see him again, and wondered whether i would talk to him then. i didn't quite finish that thought, knowing that i barely ever saw a face twice in the u35, except maybe that pfandsammler dude who regularly commuted between hustadt and the center. anyway, today i took the 306 to uni again, i almost didn't catch it. then when we were at brückstraße i spotted the dude again. at first i wasn't sure if it was him, not believing this coincidence and attributing it to my poor recognition skills. he wore the exact same things as the evening before though. my thoughts started racing. i wondered whether i should get out and say hi. within a few moments the doors closed though, my hesitation had been too long. i continued watching him through the windows. he looked confused and his movements were erratic. he seemed like he wanted to cross the lights, crossed the street halfway, then turned back and waited for a bit. then did the same thing with a crossing in another direction. my primed brain was wondering if he maybe had a psychotic episode, he just looked so agitated and confused. maybe i could get off the next station to ask him if he needed help? thoughts about social norms and coming off as creepy hit me again, simultaneously with the worry that he might, in a state of paranoia, think i was following him considering the circumstances and our intense encounter. by then we had arrived at rathaus station. my hesitation to get out was still too big. but this encounter was so ridiculously random, it was screaming for a follow-up. or was it? between rathaus and hauptbahnhof i was thinking there wasn't space for such pseudo-meaningful encounters in my life right now, i needed to focus on my shit and not get involved in some other person's life story. at hauptbahnhof i made a resolution: if i had to wait for the u35 more than 15 minutes i would go back and ask if he needed help. the screen showed me 13 minutes. good enough. i turned back and took the 306 in the other direction. i secretly hoped he wouldn't be there so that i wouldn't have to overcome my concerns and inhibitions. when i got out there was no one there. i walked to rathaus nord, looking around and hoping to see him somewhere. i had missed my second, ridiculously slim chance.

progressing together

Frustration is my Dedication. Frustration is my Inspiration.

Cover : Denk Studio

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Dead To Me

D:ZZY- One (FREE DOWNLOAD)

Written, performed, produced: Elijah Hook
Additional final mixing and mastering: Earl Davis
Artwork: Mukulu

Tracklist: 

Stehe Bis Ich Falle 
Das Üble Gefühl 
Urlaub im Senegal 
Ambition 
Yaboey 
Colman Baracks 
Zwischen Tür und Angel

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