i was wrong one time now im gettin right twice
hold it up to par im not rly tht nice
tell me all your flaws ill use them wen its right
say that im fault but i double down blame
cause i see you in this pain
holdin it down for mea
only got myself to blame
and im not okay
but ill see you when it rains
(s/o kurai)
i feel your vibrations when im high
holdin you near for i wont die
talkin thru pain tht i confide
said yu loved me but thts a lie
dont know wot i see when we meet eyes

meet eyez

all alone, talkin to myself
dont know where i went wrong
feelin of despair, creepin and now youre gone
keep lookin at my phone, i got no one to call
all of this sadness creeping i know
im losing focus now that youre gone

i cant keep going alone.

1dvvid - call *demo*

prod: @loserrrrrrrrrrrrr
*nov 2022*
carving out my sorry hopes throwing out our chronicles
anxiety went and won and ill tell you what you want
breakdown when i heard youre gone but i try and play it off
carving out my sorry hopes and i care to much i know
so ill keep to myself cause i know better
not to trust someone who i know wont matter
in a couple months i swear ill blast my head offf
cause im feeling way to fed up

sorry hopes (runt)

notes// I went to the gym the day I made this song

smokin on gas smokin on green, i would give you all of me
know im hurtin you i see, i dont hve the right to see
what youre thinkin abt me, know im hurtin you baby
i cant form my words to please
my love pure i know it seems
that im faking for the lead
break my habits for my queen
know i fuck up constantly
will you save me baby please
i know its selfish to plead but i need you like a fiend
drink the bottle keep the peace, but i say shit i dont mean

selfish (Toni Veretta x Kidu)

1. scheme

im feelin left out
when i carry it around
am i only trippin out?
you look fine without a doubt
face the bottle keep me sound :/
know you hate i chug it down
you get scared im not around
do you (i) wna talk it out?

you get mad and ask wtf im thinkin
you shut down and dont talk wht am i missin
thought you trusted me or was tht just a big scheme?
its the third time idk wht im thinkin
wna trust but you got me second guessing
dont know whts the truth you play it so perfectly
am i the one whos wrong? or did you just play me??

2. Fallin out

why you in my head?
do you care abt it?
wear a poker face cant read what you said
words only fallin out, theres no truth to them
biggest fear, we fallin out can you blame me for it?

can you blame me for it?

wonder what you say when im not in ears view
can you blame me that i went and chose you
doin all the right wrongs, did i hurt you?
shoulda listened to my mom she knew abt you

wonder whats in your head
do you think abt it?
the way i do when
we fight out instead

3. Hear me out 

will you hear me out

pourin out my heart
hopin tht i say the right things now
while youre here rn open up my heart
let you see how fucked up i was with you
not around now you act all fine
while im losing my mind cant you see how
im hurtin now tht youre back around

can you hear me now???
pourin out my heart hope i play my part
will you use me now?

its a dead romance there was never no chance
dont hear a sound going out for what
rather stay home and ill drink it down
see youre doin fine while i rot my mind
oh thts it now??
i cant see why you went ahead and played me now

Im To Drunk To Remember Why I Did It

anxious as hell early in the mornin
goin outside wonder if its for me
know its fleetin but i want it only
chase a new high feelin like a zombie
now i cant breathe, the weight that im holdin
feelin your touch, calm me down only

know i fucked up.. do you still hold me close??
i get scared when you leave me alone
will you leave if i say what i hold?
put down my pride in hopes you dont go

forgive me

self prod

followin my heart got me scared about the damage
can I really trust? idk if im still manic
givin you my heart hopin that you understand it
playin all my cards, got me scared I cant hide it
hope I play my part pls dont leave me abandoned :/
gotta work hard or my worth will only vanish

blame it on my pops, got me thinkin tht she 2 faced
I got lots of trust issues but I just rly save face
dont know who to trust, got done wrong in to many ways
boy a fake friend, he a fraud, speakin 2 wayz

heard it all again, nothin new
its the same way, im use to gettin used
im to tired ill just stay away
gotta keep it to myself
said it all but nothin changes
so ill just work it off, money only thing tht helps me
gotta get it all, cant do her wrong

cause shes the one who saved me..

who_saved_me_jan_5th

prod Takuori!
man im pissed off, dont tell me how to live ill tip off
you dont understand, ill wrist swab
im done strugglin i wna fall off

ya im losin my head fuck it all
i give no fucks 
let it in, let in 
spoil it all

dont care what you say ill rip off
ya im sippin on the paint to end it all

can you say honestly? then tell me to off it
go ahead n kill me then tell me the same thing
idk what to believe i cant make sense of it
im thinkin overtime
im tweakin out im tweakin out
idc no more i wna be 6 underground
will you save me? honestly idk now

paint

im drunk as shit
(4/23/23)
tell me to come over, set me right again
pullin on my soul ties, will i fumble it???
goin on my own wonderin if its the end :/
hold you close i get burned, double down on it

waitin for the next test, will i get let in??
tell me tht you miss me but ik its a trick
tell me im the issue but you acted on it
ik that you missed him but i still went ahead

now im the one shorted
now will you tell me again

soul tiess

@prod.chaoss

im doin it again, makin it public
im doin it again, i guess i miss
losing myself for the sake of it
make it sour on account of my head

killin my head
from what i did
cant you save me from what i said
losin my head prayin you just end
all of it
who gave you this power then?

and im losing myself thinking abt it
wishin youd just text me then
swinging ur head, you take it in
i cant wonder what i did to care abt it
i cant get you out of my head
i told all my friends im over it

but im just lyin for what you said
waitin temptingly
i dont let it come up to me

sake of it

I still think of you when high
whos to say I cant rewrite?
what I did just for the night
I cant wait oh tell my why
Im fuckin up again just set me right
treat you right just one last time
I cant stand the way you lie
Ill do what I set aside
I know what I said aint right
will you give me one last try?
I know that I cant deny
I fucked up just like last time

11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11

smoking it off, pushin out the part
I fall apart 
I see things a way you cant understand
you're fallin off
man im pissed off cause im trippin out
I lost my heart
stay in your ways, im done arguin just for the cause

make excuses in my head but you keep on proving wrong
im excusing all the anger but you went and upped the cost
how is it fair? if im the one who stuck up for the part
how is it fair? if youre the one who kept on going on

fallin off (rubbish)

notes// 
ive stopped drinkin, its been 2 weeks


Im stuck in my headd
knowin what you did ya im fuckin all of it 
drinkin to much tht its fuckin w my head
shes tryna save me but im stuck on it
I know what you did

losin myself in this shit I hope it wins
I dont wna deal with it again
takin all the pain and I go and hide it 
how you hate on me when you're the one who caused it

man im pissed off
why am I still feelin all of this off????
yaaa I see that you moveddd on fuckk offfffffffff
I dont wna care, ill tipp off
BUT I CARE, I CARE

save me (drunk freestyle) +rubbish

notes// 
i can never come to hate anyone cause im always grateful for what they let me experience when they were in my life

now im stackin up all of my doughh
go ahead leave me alone
ima act like I dont care no more
seein how you movin on
what I want, get it alone
know you mad cause im at fault
but im trippin on my own

where you at while im at home??
dont know what you think no more
smokin till my lungs cant hold
sorry but i cant let go
holdin out till im still old
I know you don't care no more
I know that I let it go

what im grieving, holding close
let me go my mind wont hold
the regret I went and told


Im trippin Im trippin
I always see how im the cause of the issue
tell me again, oh im sorry for it
tell me again how you hated my sins
huh?
ya im not sure I fear it
im stuck on it over what you just did
holdin my pride, ya ill sell it again

ya you cant live it down, 100% ya that ill let you down
I know what I want, I cant let it out
I know my first time that I played the foul

My Pride Will Be The End Of Me (rubbish)

*shout out J money*

fuck it all 20 till I set it off
told you I dont care no more
I know you dont care at all

but im stackin tall 
50 for the steering woahh
knew that I would get it all
got the movement from my pops

got it by default
off the muscle what I got 
feel my palms they goin numb
I feel the high goin up

goin up

notes// 
is it bad to be simple?

copin with this gas I could never go wrong
hurry down the bottle cause im scared of what youd say
sorry im so stubborn my pops made me this way
im not your madonna you wont bring me dismay
wonder whats so different between me n them
I know its not truly tht im better than them

savin me from the hurt I thought you better than this

maybe im to blind like how im makin this song
bottle clear my vision you keep tellin me whats wrong

dec 5th

notes// 
her favorite

will you be okay if I die rn?
drinkin all the pain in my life rn
laugh it all away to avoid assumption
feelin out tha pain in my life rn

heard how you talk when im not around
act 2 faced its nothin new now
heard it all my life, you failed turn around
screamin at my face
cause how ive turned out now

dec9th (Drinkin Tha Pain)

notes//
unpack the baggage (shoutout 2hollis)

cause you stay up in my head
cause you mean something
run away n ignore all of my dreams
its feelin 2 faced get away from me
will you regret what you said to me?

how you get mad when i say where I be?
projectin all the time but he isn't me

id be lyin (dec 24th)

notes// louis let me cover this idk of what tho 
(july 24th)

so tell me is it true that you care???
do you really mean it that you love my hair??
feels like ive been walkin from the outside in
im cold n tired just let me in

so can I put my hand right there?
would you think its weird if I went through your hair?
I dont wanna scare you off like everyone else
im losin myself
im losin myself

i hate my voice (cover)

prod: grail

woaahhh
so cold
dont wanna go
showin all my sins but I carry on
dont know what to do when its all brought up
throwin up the set but you call my bluff
cryin out again, is it all my fault?

cause I ruin everything
you're doin it again
I get cold feet
losin everything im fine with it
im doin it again I know you hate me
im runnin again from what im facing

Hide In Her Wings

prod: grail


suit me
I cant compete
I saw it first, I sold my keep
don't tax me
I cannot leave, I cannot think over it
of what I said, im sellin it
to hell with me

I saw through it again
you claim innocence 
but im done hearin it

i have a lot in common with my father

I hate leaving without you
throw it all away I mean nothing beside you
got me fiending without you

cause I don't need you with me
cause I don't need what you see
blame it on me ill play for keeps

cause you can count on me
cause you can keep on me
don't hold back I want it all for me
but you don't see what I need
cause im to close to folding

im to drunk to carry on
I dont know what ive been on
stuck in my head its all I want

I sit up writing poems while she tells me how awesome games are

pullin out my pack oh
you swear you had enough
why you cryin bout ya funds
boy got set up

breathin in the chemicals 
got me zonin out
lookin at my state of mind
im so blessed up

counterfeit pills
look at how you missed
don't look at me twice im still him
I know its not fair but I count my chips
now go ahead n talk ya shit

ya sittin in a pit now
whole mansion while I sip now
so what you wanna recall?
oh hit him now

geekbarz

cause I wonder where you're at or why you left
got me on going back
im finding it
I don't care about it
please bury it
dead romance all again

say it out loud please say it with ya chest
calling me out for all of what you did
playin it back to make it make sense in my head
in my head

dead romance

prod. grail
notes//
inspired by 2020 juju and bloodyshield

I cant force myself to fall asleep
fightin it off, thoughts float around me
evil things they help when they please
holdin it up, its expected of me

surrounded by the snow
"the drips the best thing"
I dont know but they usin my keys
use before the show, act accordingly
downin all the dope, see it take them from

spewing all these words but do you hear me?

evil things

ima find out how to make you mine
I miss your love for me, I miss your company
the way that this shit panned out, this shit dubbin me
and now I show no expression like its nun to me
girl I swear you the only one that matters
like damn atleast my pockets gettin fatter
and now my hoes ask me baby whats the matter, you not her
fuck man theres to much on my platter
she was everything I wanted n I had her

kkkkkkkk99999999999

prod. rubbish

findin how to end it all
your words make me feel all wrong
put it down as the worst ill fall, it begins to fall apart
breakdown in class, im in shock
how you can just end it all
but whos to blame? ya im the culprittt
do my fears tend to go n show?
hidin it behind the folds, I know what I said I hold to it

now whos the one causin all the wrong?
is it me or you at fault?
I cant blame you I set it off
Im the one that did it wrong
reap what I sow, I deserve it
at least I said what I held closest

voicemail

to much going on and im feelin it all
I try to move on but I still hit the wall
it creeps up again, the feelings that I let 4 years to set in
but im trippin out again, stomach turning 
will I throw up again?
hide in my head im twisting it again
trust issues come up, im runnin again
will I freeze up or will I win in the end

who's to say?

nothing feels real
call up my mom she asks 
"what's the big deal?"
my brains back to fucked up I need the pills

it creeps

self prod

I decided no more trippin out got me tired
you wont let me go I decided
to keep it to myself
know I tried it

hold to your vices I understand the timing
I couldnt find it, im fallin behind it
my lungs excited cause I still stay the highest
I try to fix it but you rather stay silent
the way that you move fuckin up my head
cant get behind it but im still tryin
I know what I said, it made you hurt n hide it
but please I swear im workin on dyin

im full of vices

self prod

im pissed with what I did cause I felt all of it
I see how it ended, you could care less of it
now im movin on my end, youre not a part of it
I didn't burn the bridge you take all fault of it
make excuses in my head, I see the best of it
ima a fool for saving it cause you just left it
im breaking all the ends that I held hopeless
don't unblock it again, nah im just jokin

please prove me wrong again
that im not stupid
ill throw it under the bridge if its still worth it
im pickin up the parts with bloody fingertips
ill say fuck it all if you just show it
but im havin 2nd thoughts, that im not worthy
I see how you fall, im catchin all of it
Ill ignore the flaws, if youre true till the end

im stubborn

stay steady trippin but im still here
fundin out the path bae im all ears
takin all that cap are you sincere?
got me runnin out the back cause ya man here
spittin all these lies is that all that you know?
look me in the eyes while ya doin my blow
you put up an act try to win my revote
I made up my mind dont wna see you no more

new york blow

self prod

no you cant hurt me no more
seeing how tf you moved on
chest hurtin when I go to bed man im fucked off these meds
seeing how im mad but I know you care less
with every move that I make I feel less of a man

tell me I deserve the best but you still toy with my head
know theres to much on my head man im tired sick of it
will I get my head through it or am I stuck in your trance?
I feel like im losing my chance

just like my pops with how I choose to grieve
if I go far will you let me be?
you tore it up

It Sits In My Head

dont fuck up my pick up, full send it till im all gone
cant afford to sit up, I wont stop till I knock out
evil things in my head, take these drugs till I go numb
drinkin till I forget that im to fucked up n im way to gone

ya I got a problem I dont wanna fix, ya im way to gone in the depths of it
im abusing it but I cant get off it

dont fuck up my pickup I full send it till im all gone
can I settle it up, im falling out dont wanna watch
take these drugs to get up, im pourin im sorry mom
I know that I messed up, just like my dad im copin on

veins

self prod prod me me i prod this

tell me what im missing, I know all the answers
I swear that ill play my part no more antics
unblock it n block it again, don't understand it
im tryin my best to hold out but its a challenge
ill speak my truth till the end like im a madman
got it from my pops in the end, don't understand him

huh?
and Im and Im and Im
sorry for wasting your time
scold me out for ruining your life
but if you give me one try I swear ill do it right

these expectations worry me

ill regret putting these words into the world I know but im puttin it in words cause that's all I know

fool

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