dedicated to boudreaux - my best friend. 

your unwavering love for myself, our family, and the world you saw with great vibrance inspires me daily. from the moment you opened your precious eyes until the moment the world closed them, you were a being of love and pure intent. 
i didn’t deserve you. 
i still haven’t learned how to live without you. 

i hope this honors your memory.
________________________________________________
________________________________________________

written, recorded, mixed and produced by preston woolsey in omaha, nebraska.

digitally mastered by @alexanderpanos in northern illinois. 

horn performances and arrangements by padraig greene (@clovehitch) in kingston.

clarinets in ‘your combination’ by zachary alexander (@otrapic) in central maryland.
backing vocals in 'your combination' by @oyeme-thomas in chicago, illinois.
ambient elements in 'your combination' by alexander panos.

string performances by althea d’souza (@dawnfarer) in northern california 
(string arrangements by althea d'souza and preston woolsey)

bubba

blessed with vocals by @dawnfarer

[lyrics]
all of mine.
yeah, no.
I don't believe it was for sale

the time is gone
yeah, no.
the sand has overflown the pail

you'd shoot me
stab me
hang me by the neck
and i'd
apologize for nothing
no no no
nothing ever changed

no sooner than
you'd build me up
you'd knock me down
reduce me back
to trembling
no no no no
nothing ever changed
for me

you razed the town
yeah no
you decreased it down to dirt

zero mercy
leave no livestock standing

you'd shoot me
stab me
hang me by the neck
and i'd
apologize for nothing
no no no no
nothing ever changed

no sooner than
you'd build me up
you'd knock me down
reduce me back
to trembling
no no no no
nothing ever changed

lie and cheat and steal
from me
your love was spiked
you watched like
movie screenings
no no no no
nothing ever changed

you told me
to go fuck right off
without your words,
instead just with your torment
no no no no
no you'll never change for me

no no no no
nothing ever changed

no no no no
nothing ever changed

beachcombing (feat. dawnfarer)

(mom & dad)

When I was still young
I found you in the rink
I saw truth in you
You saw truth in me

So I gave you my heart
You gave me your all

I saw all your scars!
You wrapped my injuries.
So I won't let you down.

wretched.
fighting.
friendly.
fire.
taking.
pieces.
breaking.

bones.

screaming.
yelling.
throwing.
shatter.
yearning.
lonely.
doesn't.
matter.

I don't wanna leave you broken.
I wont leave the kids all broken.
I refuse to blow the horn now.
It's worth the fight but i'm still struggling.

I've died one thousand times
And killed you even more
stab me in the chest

...I miss you just the same.

When I was still young.
I found you in the rink.
When I was still young.
I found you in the skating rink.

I love you 'till I die.

Shatter

one night I woke crying
it scared me wide awake

I went for water and remembered
the things you said to me in my sleep

it was a nasty dream
where they shot the dog
and the broke the locks
we were so scared

they cocked the gun
and they tied us to the kitchen chairs
and you said
"could you feel ready to die? do you feel ready to die?"

once i calmed my heartbeat
i sat up quietly
trying not to ponder
the terror i had seen

it was a nasty dream
where they shot the dog
and the broke the locks
we were so scared

they cocked the gun
and they tied us to the kitchen chairs
and you said
"could you feel ready to die? do you feel ready to die?"

night terror

Is it worth the feeling you get
when it's said and done?

Mother nature built the sun
to tell you when to rest.  

songbird, songbird
do the lyrics still linger?

songbird, songbird
do you know what time it is?

songbird, songbird
have you eaten breakfast?

won't you tell me why you do this
to yourself these days?

songbird, songbird 
why must you go sing yourself to death?

songbird, songbird
do the lyrics still linger?

songbird, songbird
do you know what time it is?

songbird, songbird
have you eaten breakfast?

songbird, songbird
do the lyrics still linger?

songbird, songbird
do you know what time it is?

songbird, songbird
have you eaten breakfast?

Songbird

have you forgiven yourself?
have you forgiven yourself?

you're cruel and you're drenched
in sweat.
you're cruel and you're drenched
in sweat.

have your helping of revenge and write a hateful song.
have your helping of revenge and say a nasty prayer.

your bed is your padded cell.
your bed is your padded cell.

so bite your tongue and
paint the cell with
every god damn ounce

Old Market

Day by day
I'm a liar and a theif
I am cruelty I am peace
I am winter with a crease

A geyser guising
As a waterfall in space
Just a comet saving face
Just a bomb without a failsafe

I would have to choose
Not to be with you

I could hit the earth moving
Past the speed of sound

I could fall into you
As I light the forest fire
And burn myself alive

I would say
You are virtue, you are clay
You would harden by the day
Toothpicks violate your frame

Hold my water
As I sleep the day away
My eyes only show me grey
Your eyes show me everything

I could never choose
Not to be with you

I could hit the earth moving
Past the speed of sound

I could fall into you
As I light the forest fire
And burn myself alive

I could never choose
Not to die for you

impact event

open up your calluses
and broken up involvences

the solving is the palming sin
the promises forgotten when 
the violence wins. 
a fever dream seemed heaven sent.

your colors ripped my bloodshot eyes
which took your own as final prize

the price involved, the price you gained
the voice i broke, to mouth your name

a sick and twitsted lullaby
you catalyze, and bastardize

that painful fucking lullaby
you never seem to cauterize

you take from me, you disregard. 
you're getting off, i'm bleeding out

i'm bleeding out 

what did He do?
what did He do to you?

tourniquet

you came first from the clouds
i watched as you slowly 
learned to hate me
the future is forced 
dystopia

so forget about me

but remember this 
with a formidable dread
you'll never feel it again

gold and crimson

love y'all :)

lyrics:
you're a boy, builder boy
driving straight to illinois
have a friend or a few
you have no friends   

all remorse, intercourse
they have seen too much of you
you're a worthless, ugly view
you are worthless

you're a mess, don't annoy
to them, you're a lego toy
abs in disrepair
abs

all regret, harsh vignette
put it through your useless head
find your way to the middle east
find your way

lose yourself, go get laid
there's a hefty price to pay
you won't sleep for a couple weeks 
you won't sleep

all remorse, intercourse
they have seen too much of you
you're a worthless, ugly view

you are worthless

catching your lie
try to survive
i coulda died
into your knife

gargling blood
onto your lap
as you run your
hands through my hair

vision blurring
looking at you
lucky to see
you smirking at me

twisting that knife
into my lung
making it mush
still not enough

click

illinois

(i dont know what im trying to get at anymore)

would you visit my house on the harbor?

you are you are
my fading scar

would you visit a house on the harbor?

i want to believe
you would visit me

i want to believe
i want to believe
i want to believe
i-

a small house on the harbor

admiring the storm that kills you

original by nomy (https://nomy.nu)

You are in pain
Take your life, take your life with cocaine
But I am who I am
So I do what I can, when I can
But I can't really do a damn thing

So fine this day
All your problems have gone away
But tomorrow, when you wake up
All your problems are back to stay 

Your life, a game
Turn it up, turn it up with cocaine
And every time that you live is a time when you feel
And the only time you heal

Tell me what it is
And it would never be like this
A problem that we have in common
Baby tell me what it is
It probably doesn't mean a piss

Yeah rip my heart apart

Now it's too late, too late to live
Only heaven loves you now
So love it back for once
Just once
Now it's too late, too late to live
And my conscience killing me
So I'm alive
But I am not free

And for all of you that can relate to this too
And for all of you that can relate to this too
 
White snow, I know
You're on a place where I just can't go
But I hope you do remember
Your snow doesn't warm you in December

You are in pain
Take your life, take your life with cocaine
But I am who I am
So I do what I can, when I can
But I can't really do a damn thing

Now it's too late, too late to live
Only heaven loves you now
So love it back for once 
Just once

Now it's too late, too late to live
And my conscience killing me
So I'm alive
But I am not free

And for all of you that can relate to this too
And for all of you that can relate to this too

Tell me what it is
And it would never be like this
A problem that we have in common
Baby tell me what it is 
It probably doesn't mean a piss

you rip my heart apart

You are in pain
Take your life, take your life with cocaine
But I am who I am
So I do what I can, when I can
But I can't really do a damn thing

Now it's too late, too late to live
Only heaven loves you now
So love it back for once
Just once
Now it's too late, too late to live
And my conscience killing me
So I'm alive
But I am not free

And for all of you that can relate to this too
And for all of you that can relate to this too

Now it's too late

cocaine

I hear your breath beneath the door
I leave your toys on my carpet floor

I keep them there and think of what I had
Sometimes I feel like I was your dad

But you are leaving me
You are leaving me 

I hear your scratching up the vinyl door
I haven’t moved your bowls from the kitchen floor

I keep them there and think of what I had
Sometimes I feel like I was your dad

But you are leaving me
You are leaving me

But you are leaving me
You are leaving me

phantom

this is the first single from my new record.
pictured is my best friend who recently passed, his name is boudreaux but we usually called him bubba. i want you to know who he was because he deserves more than i could ever have given him.

mastered by @alexanderpanos

It's killing me this time.
The only thing ive ever known
Is how I can crack like a stone
And I want that to change
It's hard to accomplish - I lose track of time
I was killing this indigenous feeling
I never knew how to react

Atarax,
Copy that
Close enough
I catch a laugh
Call me a slab
Poured to crack
The pack
Hydrogen atoms
Will stack on my back
Untill I snap

You were an acrobat
I was a stumbler
Tumbling caught
In the turbulent air

I could not ask him
Because I have already
Burned up the grace
That was given to me

I was a copycat
You were a soldier
I know what you meant-
I could hardly see

GO! GO! GO!

You were an acrobat
I was a stumbler
Tumbling caught
In the turbulent air

I could not ask him
Because I have already
Burned up the grace
That was given to me

You were an acrobat
I was a stumbler
Tumbling caught
In the turbulent air

I could not ask him
Because I have already
Burned up the grace
That was given to me

I was a copycat
You were a soldier
I know what you meant-
I could hardly see

Pre-order Bubba

stumbler

i'm bordered by graphite
it's getting on my skin

i'm not your gun
i caught the middle light at the end of time

stalking net that finds me stray 
and puts me down for mange

cans caught on the call night; they fill me up 

fire on the end cap
makeshift filler failing to the bag the gaps

insects crawling through the gaps 
that solder both my eyes closed

halogen

mastered by @alexanderpanos
_____________________________________________________

You've got a hold I cant explain
you would make me writhe in pain
you watched me as I grabbed the brake
and you made me hesitate

I falter but I own my faults
Though I can't control my thoughts
If you tell me im a piece of shit
Ill believe it

You complicated a simple stance
Could you give me one more chance?
You blew me off, said à tout à l'heure
Could you give me one more chance?
Could you give me one more chance?
Could you give me one more chance?

You know id kill to be your man
but you counter half my plans
I try to make you change your mind
Youre a loveable landmine

I know I should have self respect
But I cant put down the phone
You would throw me like an apple core
You dont like me

You complicated a simple stance
Could you give me one more chance?
You blew me off, said à tout à l'heure
Could you give me one more chance?
Could you give me one more chance?
Could you give me one more chance?

Bubba

marlboro red

You have a string of stirring hell
You feel the padded prison cell
I beg to God to treat you well

You desolate your sense of self
You lose control of mental health
I beg to God to treat you well

I was met with awe then
You knew
I caught you calling coffin
Withdrew

Your combination i've never seen
Now you'll live to see the dream
Go inform your fireteam

And if you live across the sea
You're still right in front of me
Adjoining panoply

I was met with awe then
You knew
I caught you calling coffin
Withdrew
I saw you with a pistol
heirloom
I fail to see your motive
simoom

frame the lake

Under the live oak where you stand,
I throw a stick and then you fly away.
You held it tight, 
almost as if you taunted me.
"You.. You couldn't catch me if you tried to!"
 
Under the live oak there you stand,
lowered your level posture so I would join you.

I couldn't catch you if I tried.

Run; do not think.
Evening pressing sunset oak leaves.
Run, you love thing.

Love thing.

run you love thing

album release show on may 30th in chicago: 
https://link.dice.fm/P9e4e3ae41d4?dice_id=P9e4e3ae41d4

music video: https://youtu.be/mu1dBfg4SiE

master by alexander panos in northern illinois
clarinets by zachary alexander in baltimore
backing vocals by oyeme thomas in chicago
horns by padraig greene in kingston

lyrics: 
the problem breeds a novel thief
and you conned it, ironic

you stayed with me, connected seams
and i loved it, i covet

and i needed that, i was catatonic
you carefully returned for me

calligraphic notes, stars would ink the pages
(you called my name with covered eyes)
blooming from the basement

that's like flashing hope to the patient
(you called my name with covered eyes) 
don't give them a reason

your combination i've never seen

but you've given me that, it was catastrophic

you're simply eternity

calligraphic notes, stars would ink the pages
(you called my name with covered eyes)
blooming from the basement

that's like flashing hope to the patient
(you called my name with covered eyes) 
don't give them a reason

your combination i've never seen

your combination

official music video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-48_1Q8rXfY

horns written and recorded by @clovehitch in kingston
album mastered by @alexanderpanos in northern illinois

---lyrics---
bubba, wait there for me,
i will find you.
wait there for me

i will find you bubba.

when you left me i was scared pup
i still hear you scratching up my 
vinyl door and running in the yard
it's baren, empty, fucked - cause i still love you 
like the last day that i saw you

now that you're gone,
i can't believe that you are.

i am lost,
i'm sorry I left you again.

they would not allow me to be there for you,
but I'll never leave you again.
i'll never leave you again.
i'll never leave you again.

i'll never leave you.

pictured is boudreaux (bubba) embraced by my brother.

mastered by @alexanderpanos
_____________________________________________________

don't attach to something you can't control
i'm starting to bold up (that's the way you roll)
i'm starting to bold up

nobody buys you nothing, you're on your own
i'm starting to show up
i'm starting to show up

cover,
you and i can cover anything easily

other,
i am fulcrum for the death of a decency

you know what?
i am honestly the same you are to me

i'm cauterizing nothing, i'm bleeding out
i just want to throw up
i just want to throw up

i don't wanna tell you i need the help
i want to deny it
i want to deny - see!

i'm crumbling by pieces!
i'm sad but i don't mean it!

(you coulda said it i know you wanna)

be the breath i wanna breathe
i stumble i reprieve

(you coulda said it i know you wanna)

cover,
you and i can cover anything easily

other,
i am fulcrum for the death of a decency

you know what?
i am honestly the same you are to me

(silhouetting who i used to be)

cover,
you and i can cover anything easily

other,
i am fulcrum for the death of a decency

you know what?
i am honestly the same you are to me

mend

i know you're sickly
well i'm not the cure
but i know where to find it 
for you, but not for me
i'll bleed unnecessarily 
across the rugged floor

i know the best thing that i've ever seen
i was carefully counting 
the breaths in between
i can't say i was right 
but i know i'm not wrong
when i dig myself into 
the withering ground

i remember that morning - i watched as you died 
and i felt the conviction
the grass starts to die
and i ran by the red light
the engine would scream
like it knew what it meant 
what was there had been seen

so i flooded that engine down high-75
past a hundred, felt nothing 
but it coddled my eyes
as the trees started blurring 
the lines became vague
so i guessed their positions 
and kept it opaque

and i know now i wasn't
prepared for the loss
i was bound to my heart
contradicted by cross
on the hill i was buried
with christ by my side
we were dead but could never have
come back to life

(x2)
i accepted defeat 
and the angels would sing
of the glory of god 
as my ears start to ring
out the noise i had carried
down into my grave
and my name became letters
my face now decaying

the critters partake in my hollow remains,
i am carefully put back
to where i became what i was when i knew you
your name stays the same
as i'm dirt you are life

you are more than remains

the critters

music video: https://youtu.be/CyFUlA_qQ3Q?si=oefwFinVOnfvXPDV
mastered by @alexanderpanos

I think part of me died too
yeah I sink when I swim

and part of me wants to
drown in this world without you

but I can't find the rhyme
the reason's what's getting me

and I can't find the line
I'm lost and it's dark out

and i'm scared that i'm not scared
and i'm scared that the nicotine's helping
and i'm scared you might see it too

well, do you?

I think part of me likes to
walk the thin ice

I wish I was still with you
now i'm tearing at the straws

but I can't find the rhyme
the reason's what's getting me

and I can't find the line
I'm lost and it's dark out

and i'm scared that i'm not scared
and i'm scared that the nicotine's helping
and i'm scared you might see it too

and i'm scared that i'm not scared (your combination i've never seen)
and i'm scared that the nicotine's helping (your combination i've never seen)
and i'm scared you might see it too (your combination i've never seen)

well, do you?

not scared

thanks to @oyeme-thomas for lending her vocals to this song!
-----------------------------
you will go unnamed,

don't keep telling lies that look like truths
to my only ears
you know.

do you know?

please stop keeping my beat on the edge
of the sweet goodbye.

you know you should just let go.

yeah i've been waiting for some change
but i've been made into a fuckin fool!
yeah i know im not the best
but i've been clutching almost every night

is it my tough luck?
damn,
the way he touched you
sent shivers down my spine.

shivers down my spine.

tough luck!
damn, the way you looked at him
sent aches down to my core.

aches to my core.


just keep saying stuff that isn't true.
to my only ears.

you know you want control.

you keep bleeding my heart to a thread
so yeah,

goodbye for now.
i'm leaving now.

i've been waiting for some change
but i've been made into a fuckin tool

yeah i've been waiting for some change but
you just can't make up your fuckin mind!

is it my tough luck?
damn,
the way he touched you
sent shivers down my spine.

shivers down my spine.

tough luck!
damn, the way you looked at him
sent aches down to my core.

aches to my core.

is it my tough luck?
damn,
the way he touched you
sent shivers down my spine.

shivers down my spine.

important discussions

for now (w/ oyeme)

bubba out now

@krysalisalis wuz here O_<

‎preston woolsey

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