Name: Lesson 6 - How to Listen Without Making It About You by Professor RJ Starr
Duration: 9 min 16 s
Description: In Lesson 6 of The Emotional Intelligence Series, Professor RJ Starr explores the art of truly listening—without shifting the focus back to yourself. This grounded, psychology-based lesson unpacks why we often hijack conversations unintentionally and how to stay present with others in a way that fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety.

In Lesson 6 of The Emotional Intelligence Series, Professor RJ Starr explores the art of truly listening—without shifting the focus back to yourself. This grounded, psychology-based lesson unpacks why we often hijack conversations unintentionally and how to stay present with others in a way that fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety.


Lesson 6 - How to Listen Without Making It About You

What happens when our inner world can no longer contain what we’ve lived through? This lesson looks at trauma as a collapse of narrative coherence, the role of dissociation and dissonance, and how the mind protects itself when reality becomes unbearable.

Lesson 5 - When Reality Fractures – Trauma, Dissonance, and Distortion

Consensus reality holds communities together—but what happens when it falls apart? This lesson explores how culture, media, and belonging shape our shared sense of truth, and how psychological safety can determine what we’re even willing to believe.

Lesson 6 - Consensus and Culture – Shared Reality in a Fractured World

What if we’re not the contents of our mind? In this lesson, we explore disidentification and presence as psychological tools. You’ll learn how awareness allows us to observe thought without being ruled by it—and why this shift offers real contact with reality.

Lesson 7 - Awareness Beyond the Mind – Disidentification and Presence

In this final lesson, we look at how to live without needing certainty. We explore psychological flexibility and grounded curiosity as mature responses to a complex world—and offer an approach to reality rooted not in control, but in clarity, contact, and care.

Lesson 8 - Living With Openness – Psychological Flexibility and Grounded Curiosity

This recording captures Dr. Matthew Collins lecturing his undergraduate class, Introduction to Existential Psychology, about Professor RJ Starr’s paper on existential liminality. Starr’s work explores what happens when identity breaks down and we find ourselves “in between” lives. The lecture unpacks the psychological roots, cultural context, and clinical implications of liminality in a way students can immediately connect to their own experiences.

Classroom Talk: Existential Liminality and the In-Between Self

This short recording, read by Richard Price (CEO of Academia.edu), introduces my latest paper: Adversarial Social Posture: A Proposed Construct for Understanding Everyday Irritability and the Perception of Others as Inconvenience.

The paper presents Adversarial Social Posture (ASP) as a new psychological framework to explain why people increasingly experience others not as neutral cohabitants, but as obstacles. It explores the roots of impatience, grievance, and irritation in modern life, and considers the profound implications for relationships, mental health, and civic life.

Read the full paper here: https://profrjstarr.com/research-and-papers/introducing-adversarial-social-posture-a-new-construct-for-modern-psychology 

Adversarial Social Posture Introduction by Academia

Trust in public health didn’t disappear—it was eroded by history, power, and emotion. This essay examines the psychology of institutional skepticism: how betrayal, control, and uncertainty shape disbelief, and why distrust has become both a defense and an identity in a world where authority often feels less earned than imposed.

Listen as Professor RJ Starr explores the emotional, social, and cognitive roots of distrust—and what it will take to rebuild faith in institutions without demanding it.

Why People Distrust Public Health: The Psychology of Institutional Skepticism

Artificial intelligence isn’t just changing work—it’s changing identity. In this lecture, Professor RJ Starr explores the psychology of replacement, displacement, and the collapse of value systems in the age of automation. What AI takes from us isn’t employment; it’s meaning. This lecture was originally delivered live to an audience and recorded for "The Artificial Era" series at PROFRJSTARR.com.

The Myth of Replacement - What AI Really Takes from Us

Professor RJ Starr is an academic psychologist, educator, and author exploring the inner life through the lens of emotional intelligence, regulation, and self-awareness.
This SoundCloud page features original short-form audio recordings—thoughtful reflections designed to help listeners navigate their emotions, relationships, and personal growth with clarity and maturity.

To explore more of my work, visit https://profrjstarr.com

Lesson 6 - How to Listen Without Making It About You

Professor RJ Starr

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