Name: Lesson 6 - How to Listen Without Making It About You by Professor RJ Starr
Duration: 9 min 16 s
Description: In Lesson 6 of The Emotional Intelligence Series, Professor RJ Starr explores the art of truly listening—without shifting the focus back to yourself. This grounded, psychology-based lesson unpacks why we often hijack conversations unintentionally and how to stay present with others in a way that fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety.

In Lesson 6 of The Emotional Intelligence Series, Professor RJ Starr explores the art of truly listening—without shifting the focus back to yourself. This grounded, psychology-based lesson unpacks why we often hijack conversations unintentionally and how to stay present with others in a way that fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety.


Lesson 6 - How to Listen Without Making It About You

In this opening lesson, we explore why the nature of reality is not just a philosophical question, but a deeply psychological one. We look at how confusion, disorientation, and fragmentation affect mental health, and why understanding our internal frameworks is the first step toward clarity and coherence.



Lesson 1 - Why Reality Matters

Here we explore how the brain doesn’t just record reality—it constructs it. We dive into the science of perception, belief formation, memory distortion, and the shortcuts the mind uses to keep us safe, even when those shortcuts come at a cost.


Lesson 3 - The Mind as Filter – Perception, Belief, and Memory

This lesson breaks down what we’re actually referring to when we use the word “reality.” We unpack objective vs. subjective reality, consensus culture, and how language and cognition shape what we experience as true. Reality, it turns out, is more layered than we think.


Lesson 2 - What Do We Mean by Reality

Humans are storytelling beings. This lesson examines how we form narrative identities, how our personal stories shape what we see as real, and why meaning is often more important to us than accuracy. We also explore how healing happens when stories become more flexible.


Lesson 4 - Living in Narratives – Identity and Meaning-Making

What happens when our inner world can no longer contain what we’ve lived through? This lesson looks at trauma as a collapse of narrative coherence, the role of dissociation and dissonance, and how the mind protects itself when reality becomes unbearable.

Lesson 5 - When Reality Fractures – Trauma, Dissonance, and Distortion

Consensus reality holds communities together—but what happens when it falls apart? This lesson explores how culture, media, and belonging shape our shared sense of truth, and how psychological safety can determine what we’re even willing to believe.

Lesson 6 - Consensus and Culture – Shared Reality in a Fractured World

What if we’re not the contents of our mind? In this lesson, we explore disidentification and presence as psychological tools. You’ll learn how awareness allows us to observe thought without being ruled by it—and why this shift offers real contact with reality.

Lesson 7 - Awareness Beyond the Mind – Disidentification and Presence

In this final lesson, we look at how to live without needing certainty. We explore psychological flexibility and grounded curiosity as mature responses to a complex world—and offer an approach to reality rooted not in control, but in clarity, contact, and care.

Lesson 8 - Living With Openness – Psychological Flexibility and Grounded Curiosity

Professor RJ Starr is an academic psychologist, educator, and author exploring the inner life through the lens of emotional intelligence, regulation, and self-awareness.
This SoundCloud page features original short-form audio recordings—thoughtful reflections designed to help listeners navigate their emotions, relationships, and personal growth with clarity and maturity.

To explore more of my work, visit https://profrjstarr.com

Lesson 6 - How to Listen Without Making It About You

Professor RJ Starr

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