...
Now this concludes the spoken part of my assignment, I’m out of time. I just wanted to add a song that I created a while back, that was basically me fighting through my lack of self-regulation and my (excessive) emotions and trying to create a song in order to reflect on that. In this song I talk about perseverance and pushing through. I talk about how I’m dealing with the dissonance of having this problem with my self-regulation and the song is mostly just me having a conversation with myself and trying to deal with that dissonance and having an open dialogue with a part of myself that I don’t wanna be and a part of myself that I do wanna be. 
This is totally optional for you to listen to and it’s an extended time from the assignment and the time I was given but here I’m just going to put it down either way because it is so relevant to this whole assignment. Now this beat is made by a YouTuber named Beatfella ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPromYKcBVo&ab_channel=Beatfella ), and I just went on it and I wrote the song and I performed and I recorded it and here it is.

Lyrics:
(Verse 1):
I don’t wanna feel
Feel no more
I don’t wanna feel no more
Feel no more
I don’t wanna feel no more
I feel so much, 
so much bull shhhhhh
Bull shhhhh
I wanna run away but I stay
(oh yeah)
Far away,
Far away,
Whoaaaa,
She be telling me that I’m too busy now,
Lighting up the philly in my city now,
Trusting the process,
Looking for locksmiths,
Looking for locksmiths,
I got the key,
But it don’t fit,
Uh huhh, Uh huhh, uh huhh

(Chorus):
I just wanna find a way,
I just wanna find a way,
I just wanna find a way,
I just wanna find a way out,
(conversation with self)
What are you all about? 
What are you on about?
I don’t understand sometimes you really be trippin,
Yeah we different,
Yeah we different,

(Verse 2):
(conversation with self)
If you knew what I knew you would love me now,
If you saw what I see you would trust me now,
Time been passing fast or is it just me now?
Future getting past us and it’s ugly now,
Trust in the process,
Do it regardless,
F** the opponent (myself)
F** the opponent
(oh yeah)
Hahahahaha

(Chorus):
I just wanna find a way,
I just wanna find a way,
I just wanna find a way,
I just wanna find a way out,
(conversation with self)
What are you all about? 
What are you on about?
I don’t understand sometimes you really be trippin,
Yeah we different,
Yeah we different,
Whoaaaaa
I feel so much,
So much bull shhhh
Bull shhhh
I wanna run away but I stay,
Far away.

Strength Reflection & Self-Care Plan Part Two Section B

Part two of my "Who Am I" reflection for Indigenous Approach to SSW class.

She say, 

Her:

“How can you help?
How can you help me from struggles that I’ve been dealt?
How can you undo the feelings that I have felt
When all of the feelings that I been feeling you havent felt?

You something else,
You representing a system that abused us,
Used us subdued us just to try to confuse us.

They took my momma away,
Tried to brainwash her and say,
That it was part of her faith,

I have no faith in you,
She was just a kid only 8, 
And all they taught her was hate,
And all they taught her was hate.

How you supposed to relate?
They putting food on your plate,
You nothing more than a snake,
Go wipe that look off your face,

I'm sorry.

I know you gotta make rent,
I'm sorry that I make sense,
I'm sorry that I make sense,
I ain't come here to make friends,
I ain't come here for amends,
I just came here for the feeling that I get when i vent.

How can you help?
How can you help me from struggles that I’ve been dealt?
How can you tell me my something is something else?
How can you undo the feelings that I have felt?”

Me:

No I can't help you with that,
That’s just something I gotta let you know right off the bat,
That’s just something that I can only imagine if that,
If you came here just to vent then you don’t need to relax,

If they tell me that you trippin they can miss me with that,
If you tell me what you need then I'll be looking for that,
Everything that they done took I wish that I could give back,
But that stuff ain’t in my hands so I feel you on that.

I just wanna help my people,
Try to fill their cups even when I need a refill,
Wash away their pain as we swim away from evil,

…and you just helped me with that,

All the struggle that you juggle when it’s hard to look back,
All the reasons that you venting and the karma in that,
All the purpose at your surface and your passion in tact,
All the feelings that you show me this is how i'll react:

I want empowerment to fight for the rights of the voiceless,
Aimed to make lanes for the choice of the choiceless,
Pain to feed mouths in the name of expression, 
Shame coming out and replaced with connection.

Look what you doing for me,
For my community we, 
Embracing what we can be.

I just wanna give back,
I just wanna react,
There's nothing more I wanna do than just to help you with that.

She say 

Her:

“How can you help?
How can you help me from struggles that I’ve been dealt?
How can you tell me my something is something else?
How can you undo the feelings that I have felt?”

She say 

“How can you help?
How can you help me from struggles that I’ve been dealt?
How can you tell me my something is something else?
How can you undo the feelings that I have felt?”

Me:

There’s nothing that I can do,
To conquer what you been through.
There’s nothing that I can say,
To make the pain go away.
There’s nothing that I can write,
To make the trauma feel right.
There’s nothing that I can feel,
To make that part of you heal.

I’m so disgusted at them,
To come attack your existence,
Intentions of demolition,
To take away your resistance.
 
The struggle that you been through,
I understand your position,
The only thing i can do,
Is let you heal and just listen.

Just Listen

Part one of my "Who Am I" reflection for Indigenous Approach to SSW class.

I wasn’t born here,
We came here in fear of all the poverty at home yeah.
We immigrated illegally we was gone yeah.
Cause back there they done took over our freedom,
They took over our system,
And they took away our safety.
Took away our peace
When they took away a piece of me.
That’s why we had to leave and make our way into a country 
Where they did the same to you,
Little did we knew,
Or little did we know.
English wasn't easy 
Tryna learn to speak freely 
When I didn’t know the language,
Hard to understand
What’s freedom of speech?
When I gotta talk like you 
Just to start feeling free,
It wasn’t me.
But now it is.
People saying wow,
How you talk you should be proud,
You don’t even have an accent,
You fit into a crowd.
What’s unique when you can’t speak
The language that you thinking with?
I remember being 15 when it start to hit,
Even in my mind my when my language started switching and
The way I felt pride knowing that I was less different
From matthew and casey and martin and bailey,
Oppression in the air, I was fighting it daily,

What’s there to do?
When you losing sight of what it is and all your views,
When you digging deep and losing sleep to get a clue,
And the main thing you missing is a piece of you.


First generation on this land came from Pakistan,
The trees are the same, the leaves are the same
The wind and the moon, the breeze are the same.
Hard to explain all these feelings that I’m feeling,
When they told me how i'm living is like living with no meaning,
It’s like looking to the sky and they pushing down the ceiling,
But I,
Dug deeper,
Planted all my roots 
And I, struck ether,
Chanted all my truths

And now 
I can see the differences and how they shaping us,
Think I found my courage it was hiding in the place of love.

I know my brothers and sisters have been through a lot in the winter,
My story’s a splinter, 
Your story is deep, 
The scars in your heart 
You could never be sheep,
You are an eagle,
When I see you fly it’s higher than me.

I wanna learn cause you get me
And make my mind empty 
So I can fill it up with all your blessings
If you let me,

I’m tired of being oppressed and misled subtly,
For things like my brown skin, name and lack of luxury,
For having low income and lack of opportunity,
For feeling like i'll get less because of my identity.

But I know that this awareness is there 
Just to bridge the gap between us 
And prepare us for what’s next.

I wanna love you and hear you not judge you, 
I wanna empathize with pain that u felt.
I wanna feel you the real you and trust you, 
And I can do that cause I did it for myself.

I appreciate the values that define you,
I appreciate this land that is yours.
Had to practice so much gratitude to find you, 
And I know you deserve so much more.

To my Indigenous sisters and my brothers,
I understand cause we have the same mother,

That all the oppression and repression and cages,
The destruction made it hard for you to stand.
And all the suppression and depression im faced with
Made it hard to understand who I am.

pT. Shams