CRASHWAVE

Morning light feels wrong on my skin,
Empty bed, lets me breathe again.
My heartbeats slow when there's no rush,
The silence is loud, but not enough.

My eyes look so empty,
Just wanna sleep, my lids heavy,
Colors are so dull, yet still new,
I keep seeing brand new hues.

Strange to feel, strange to stay,
Strange to heal, to just walk away.
My scars still hurt I cannot lie,
I feel the burn all the time.

It feels so strange
Quiet days, soft pain
Miss you, but not the same
Learning life without your name.

Fuck it's all so weird
Life without you here
I shared my darkest fears
Just finished wiping my tears.

These nights feel so calm,
All of it feels so wrong,
Used to crave the sugar sting,
Now I feel the realest things.

Miss the rush, not the ache,
Miss your voice, not the break,
Did you know love doesn't burn?
A lesson I struggle to learn.

Bottles kept me calm at night,
I can't seem to sleep tonight,
Trusting is so slow these days,
You cursed me in the worst ways.

All the stupid shit you'd say,
It was still hard to walk away,
What even happened to me?
How am I trapped yet free?

It feels so strange
Quiet days, soft pain
Miss you, but not the same
Learning life without your name.

Fuck it's all so weird
Life without you here
I shared my darkest fears
Just finished wiping my tears.

This shit is so hard,
I don't know what to do.

Strange

Your touch still clings like fabric glue
Cheap and rough, but feels like you
Think of you when I taste orange cream,
Hurts my heart, but fuels my dreams.

All the colors left one day,
Your pastel words faded away,
Still see your ghost roaming my halls,
The floor's felt, know it all too well.

Soft yet sharp, it tears my skin,
Comfort hurts from deep within,
Empty warmth just feels like guilt
Heart still wrapped in love we built

I've felt too much.
It's so soft and tough,
Even now, it’s not enough,
The felts to thick, it's to rough

I've felt too much
The scratch and blush,
I need to rip up the carpet,
I can't even get started

Synthetic love that won’t let go,
Fuzzy scars that never show,
Holds me close and cuts me slow,
Stings so sweet, still need it though.

Heart still bruised in pastel hue,
Better numb than missing you,
Even when the high is gone,
Felt remains, still lingers on.

Warmth that cuts, soft decay
Felt you leave, but couldn’t stay
Even silence pulls your name
Softest hurt that feels the same

A rug that cuts me every time
Clings so close, feels like crime
Discomfort that scrapes my skin,
Sometimes my demons win.

I've felt too much.
It's so soft and tough,
Even now, it’s not enough,
The felts to thick, it's to rough

I've felt too much
The scratch and blush,
I need to rip up the carpet,
I can't even get started


Can't even get started.
I can't even get started.

felt

These empty nights are bad for me,
My demons call to me again,
They say I could be free,
Need a "pick me up" now and then.

A confident look on my face,
But inside I miss your taste,
Cherry poison's, what I crave,
"Just drink this, don't be lame."

Crave the hurt you always bring,
Miss the pain more than the sting,
Hands still shake, voice still cracks,
Begging you'd pull me back.

Please

I need to float up high,
One drink can get me by,
I need something else to blame,
Please I cannot feel the shame.

Please, Please oh fucking please.

I need a pill, I need a line,
Swore this would get better with time,
I need this in my life.

I am slipping down the slope,
Lost all my god-damn hope,
Tried so hard to cope,
Recovery's a fucking joke.

I drank a 5th to myself,
Took five Xanax from my shelf,
I don't need fucking help,
This is the hand I've been dealt.

Cravings twist and wrap me tight,
Begging for that pastel night,
I just need a lil' taste,
My empty veins still know your grace.

Crave the hurt you always bring,
Miss the pain more than the sting,
Hands still shake, voice still cracks,
Begging you to pull me back.

Please

I need to float up high,
One drink can get me by,
I need something else to blame,
Please I cannot feel the shame.

Please, Please oh fucking please.

I need a pill, I need a line,
Swore this would get better with time,
I need this in my life.

Please, just once, just once again
Soft regrets are my best friends
Please, don’t fade, don’t fade away
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away.

please

I painted my lips a sweet,
Candy red
Hid the storm that swirls,
Inside my head
Said I'm fine,
didn't know what it meant,
Just tell pretty lies,
I can't forget.

They clapped their hands,
I played my role,
Couldn't fix my broken soul,
Now I'm up here on this stage,
Praying you'll see my face,
And not think I'm,
A fucking disgrace.

They ask why I look so rough,
They thought I was good and tough,
"Since when are you so stressed?"
They only cared when I was at my best.

These motherfuckers asking where my stress at
I was forced through hell and had to walk back
They say “sorry, didn’t mean it” — I don’t wanna hear that
Popping pills and downing shots to get the old me back

Bubblegum venom on my tongue
Taste's so sweet, I feel so numb
They don't care when you're down and low,
They only care if you're putting on a show.

I've been so stressed, tryna stay clean,
Pretending you aren't what I need,
I turned to drugs when I couldn't stand,
My sobriety lost almost on demand.

They ask why I look so rough,
They thought I was good and tough,
"Since when are you so stressed?"
They only cared when I was at my best.

These motherfuckers asking where my stress at
I was forced through hell and had to walk back
They say “sorry, didn’t mean it” — I don’t wanna hear that
Popping pills and downing shots to get the old me back

They wanna know how I got so low,
But nobody helped me when I was moving slow,
I fell on my own fucking face,
I can't believe I lost a one girl race.

They didn't care when I was depressed,
Only when I faked happiness,
All the fucking time,
I just can't get these thoughts off my mind.

I used to be so strong.


Stress

I swore I’d quit, I swore I’d stop,
Now I’m back inside the shop,
Counting coins for one more hit,
Like my promises don’t mean shit.

You said I was strong enough,
Guess I lied, was never tough,
When the craving calls my name,
Head first I dive into the flame,

Candy, colored dreams
Locked in, like a god damn fiend,
Every time I think I’m free,
It drags me down so easily.

Relapse, 
Relapse,

Sugar on my skin,
It's your fault I fell again,
Hikaru, I was so simple and clean,
Now I'm a girl with nicotine dreams.

Relapse, 
Relapse,

You're my favorite mistake,
Pour another cup for my sake,
Don’t act like you don’t know why,
I keep getting high,

You were the reason I got by

You held me in your strong arms,
I fell for your boyish charm,
Can't tell if it was fake or real,
Since you left, I can't feel.

I’m the mess you left behind,
But your voice control's my mind
Even sober, I’m not clean
You’re my sweetest, cruelest dream

It’s the rush and it’s the ache,
It’s the smile that feels so fake,
Why run when the highs right there,
Pills are so small and meant to share.

Candy, colored dreams
Locked in, like a  god damn fiend,
Every time I think I’m free,
It drags me down so easily.

Relapse, 
Relapse,

Sugar on my skin,
It's your fault I fell again,
Hikaru, I was so simple and clean,
Now I'm a girl with nicotine dreams.

Relapse, 
Relapse,

You're my favorite mistake,
Pour another cup for my sake,
Don’t act like you don’t know why,
I keep getting high,

You were the reason I got by

I can’t get by…
You’re the reason why…

R E L A P S E

I crashed and craved,
Never found my wave,
My heart's your favorite game,
New game plus on your only save,

The poison was so sweet,
Mixed with cake I couldn't eat,
I know I used to get cold feet,
Now I can't escape the heat.

Every night I’m burning through,
All I wanted was you,
Every sin’s a love I taste,
Every high’s just an escape.

Cravecore, Crashwave,
I took those pills to feel safe,
Drank that shit to feel numb,
Now all I feel is fucking dumb

Crashwave, Cravecore,
Afterglow wasn't enough,
I wanted so much more,
This addiction has more in store.

Plastic flowers, neon skies
Sugar stains under my eyes
Body’s breaking, I can’t stop
Spin the wheel until I drop

You’re the fever in my blood
Dancing in a sugar flood
Take my hands and pull me in
We don’t quit — we just begin

Break me open, let me pour,
Every second, crave some more,
If I stop, my heart might freeze,
Feed me, baby, I can’t breathe.

Cravecore, Crashwave,
I took those pills to feel safe,
Drank that shit to feel numb,
Now all I feel is fucking dumb

Crashwave, Cravecore,
Afterglow wasn't enough,
I wanted so much more,
This addiction has more in store.

I don't know what's wrong with me,
Just indulge in tom foolery,
Everyone is judging me,
Your face is all I wanna see.

Can't make it without you in my life,
Once I thought I'd be your wife,
Now I can't even get a call,
A text, a chat, nothing at all.

It's like I never mattered.
You left me broke and shattered,
I can't tell what's sadder,
The tears or the laughter.

CRAVECORE!!!

You told me I'm your only reason,
That you like to keep living,
I'm trying to keep you here,
But I keep slipping, sorry dear.

Your problems are manufactured,
Like you're not happy with laughter,
You need chaos, you need drama,
Like you get off on your trauma.

Wading through the storms you made,
Hoping you can still be saved,
If I'm the life raft you keep 'round,
Then why are you weighing me down?

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

You put so much on me,
It was selfish, that's not for me.
I still love you, you know I do,
You just kept making me a fool.

I can't fix your problems,
Even when I solved them,
It's like you made more and more,
Just kept showing me the door.

If I am the only thing keeping you up,
Why do you act like I'm not enough,
You put this weight on my chest,
Is this a test, I need some rest, I wish you the fucking best

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

I feel so selfish myself,
I need professional help,
You leaned on me too much,
But to this day I crave your touch.

We're poison for each other,
You smothered while I suffered,
You keep doing this to yourself,
I put your pieces back myself,

I've got a chip on my shoulder,
Every day I get colder,
Every day I get older,
I just get colder as I get older.

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

Baby I'm so sorry...
I'm so fucking sorry..

w e i g h t

You’re the hit I can’t deny,
Every taste gets me by,
But my hands are shaking now,
Every kiss just pulls me down.

You say “baby, I’m your fix,”
But you’re playing all your tricks,
I don’t care if it’s a lie,
Long as I can feel tonight.

You’re a fever in my veins,
Every touch rewires my brain,
I should run but here I stay,
Breathing in your hurricane.

There's no-one else I desire,
Every make-up takes me higher,
I’m addicted to the pain,
And the way you say my name.

You’re my poison but I sip you slow
You’re my danger and I can’t let go
I know we’re breaking but I still hold tight
If you’re the darkness I don’t want the light

Toxicity, it’s in our blood,
Yet I crave another flood,
We pull each other down beneath,
I need you to fucking breathe.

Toxicity, it tastes so sweet,
Like a sugar treat you can't beat
We hurt ourselves, we both agree,
If this is hell, then I’ll burn here happily.

I love playing with your hair,
I love the way you used to stare,
I’d rather ache a thousand nights,
Then let you out my sight.

Even when you cried,
I stayed right by your side,
To you, I'd never lie,
Couldn't leave you if I tried.

You’re my poison but I sip you slow
You’re my danger and I can’t let go
I know we’re breaking but I still hold tight
If you’re the darkness I don’t want the light

Toxicity, it’s in our blood,
Yet I crave another flood,
We pull each other down beneath,
I need you to fucking breathe.

Toxicity, it tastes so sweet,
Like a sugar treat you can't beat
We hurt ourselves, we both agree,
If this is hell, then I’ll burn here happily.

We’re bad for each other
But I can’t get enough
I’m chasing the shivers
You’re my dangerous drug
It’s tearing us open
But I’ll bleed for your touch
I just can't get enough

Toxicity, it’s in our blood,
Yet I crave another flood,
We pull each other down beneath,
I need you to fucking breathe.

Toxicity, it tastes so sweet,
Like a sugar treat you can't beat
We hurt ourselves, we both agree,
If this is hell, then I’ll burn here happily.

Toxicity

Breathing in slow,
But it don’t feel right
Lungs barley working,
There's no end in sight,
Every inhale,
Tastes bittersweet,
Every exhale,
Breeds cavities.

I'm scared,
Of who I am,
I'm scarred,
From the reprimand,
Who did I become?
Will this ever be done?
I no longer even feel numb,
I fear this all has just begun.

I keep pretending,
Keep the disguise
I’m holding on to something,
That’s not mine
Wearing a smile,
Like a second skin
But I’m hollow inside,
Where I let it in.

Shallow breath, shallow heart,
Tear me down, pull me apart,
Every step feels like a crime,
When I’m living in borrowed time,
Shallow breath, shallow eyes,
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine.

I never learned, did I?
Almost gouged my own eye,
You looked at me and just asked "why?"
Like I'm supposed to know why.

I want to be so mad at you,
But I know you're mad at me too.
You say I changed, you say I died,
All this time I just thought you lied,

I keep pretending, I keep the disguise
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine
I know you love to dramatize,
Like how I love to romanticize.

Shallow breath, shallow heart,
Tear me down, pull me apart,
Every step feels like a crime,
When I’m living in borrowed time,
Shallow breath, shallow eyes,
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine.

So what do we do now?
Could you love me some how?
Fuck, do you love me now?
Promise I won't drag you down.

Shallow breath, shallow heart,
Tear me down, pull me apart,
Every step feels like a crime,
When I’m living in borrowed time,
Shallow breath, shallow eyes,
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine.

I’m holding on… to something… that’s not mine…

Shallow

I filled my mouth with sugar,
Every pill, another trigger,
Every taste, a racked chamber,
What's left, is this sad remainder.

Mirror shows me something strange,
I’ve rotted out, I’m rearranged,
My teeth are damaged, lost all taste,
Can't keep going, it's all a waste.

Now my teeth hurt,
Knew it wouldn't work,
It racks my brain,
Can't believe I drove us insane,

Cavities in my soul,
Hollowed out, lost control
You can’t kiss the poison clean,
Even if you still believe in me
Cavities in my mouth,
Sweet decay without a doubt,
The candy wasn't worth it,
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.

I watched you fade like morning light,
Every grin had something to hide,
I tried so hard to fight the tide,
When you were mine I nearly died.

Your laughter turned paper-thin,
Your warmth was gone, you had frail skin,
Those problems are from deep within,
I'm sorry I should've done more then.

I was losing you,
But I tried so hard.
It wasn't enough,
I'm sorry I'm not enough.

Cavities in your soul,
Hollowed out, lost control
I can’t kiss the poison clean,
Even if I still believe,
Cavities in your mouth,
Sweet decay without a doubt,
That candy wasn't worth it,
Just sorry we're not perfect.

It hurts, It hurts
Biting down makes it worse,
Sorry the drugs were just a curse,
After the liquor we nearly burst,

We watched it all fade,
Now in the waters we wade,
Facing the storm we made,
Laying in the beds we made.

Cavities in my soul,
Hollowed out, lost control
You can’t kiss the poison clean,
Even if you still believe in me
Cavities in my mouth,
Sweet decay without a doubt,
The candy wasn't worth it,
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.

Nothing left of me…
Nothing sweet anymore…

Cavities

The party's over,
Confetti coats the floor,
I don’t feel anything,
Not like before.

I taste nothing now,
Just the bitterness is left,
But now my head hurts, my mouth is trashed,
And even though I know it’s best I still can’t lay you to rest.

I know you fought it,
Even when it tore you down,
I never meant to hurt you,
Didn’t want to see you drown.

You’re still the one I’d choose,
Even with all that we’ve lost,
But love alone ain’t enough,
And we both paid the cost.

I couldn't get over it,
Bennet Foddy how I kept taking hits,
Reached for you like a lifeline,
But I pulled too hard on your hand.

You tried and to that I applaud,
We were like fire works with shock and awe,
I know it was me as much as it was you,
It feels good to know I meant something to you.

Life wasn’t gentle,
And we both took the hits,
One day I hope we’re stronger,
Maybe we can mend from this.

I’ll be there if you need me,
Even if we never try again,
You were my fire, my closest friend,
And I don’t want that to end.

The sweetness is gone,
All I taste is gray,
You were my everything,
But we both decayed.


aftertaste

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

I saw your name in,
The corner of my phone
Didn’t press it,
Just let it go
You’re probably drunk,
You’re probably fine
I’m just here, wasting my own fucking time

I walked past the bar,
Where we first met,
Saw someone laugh,
Like you did then,
I almost called,
I sent you a text, You ignored it,
You’ve probably found a bunch of new friends

I tell myself it’s for the best,
I tell myself it’s all progress,
But some nights I still check the clock,
Waiting on a text that never drops.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I keep your hoodie in the bottom drawer
Pretend I don’t, it's there for sure
Every time I’m feeling weak
I wear it just so I can sleep

I see your favorite coffee shop
I turn around before I stop
‘Cause what if you’re in there with someone new
And I don’t know what I would do

I tell myself it’s for the best
I tell myself it’s all progress
But some nights I still check the clock
Waiting on a text that never drops

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

Maybe someday we’ll run into each other
And laugh about how we couldn’t recover
But for now, I’ll smile and pretend
That this isn’t still the end

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I swear I am okay,
It's alright you didn't stay,
I promise we're both better off,
I've been online too long, it's time to log off,

I keep watching your fucking stories,
Don't know where you are, I'm always worried,
I'm gonna run into you,
Something I always fear, but we never do.

Bonus Track:  I Swear, It's Okay That You Moved On

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

Why can’t you see it,
Why can't you hear?
The way they whisper,
when you’re not here?

Baby, say that you love me, 
Darling, say you trust me, 
Honey, say you won't leave,
Stay with me, so you can breathe.

I’d rather see you shatter, 
Break apart in my hands,
Then let them tear you from me,
This is who they want me to be!?

They’ll rewrite who you are,
They'll Take my favorite star.

They'll creep, they'll lie, they'll twist your mind,
Say they love you, why would they lie?
Don’t you dare, don’t walk away,
If you love me, then you’ll stay.

Baby, say that you love me, 
Darling, say you trust me, 
Honey, say you won't leave,
Stay with me, so you can breathe.

I can feel it, I can taste it,
They want something drastic,
I'll set flame upon the masses
Prove my love with all their ashes.

I’d rather see you shatter, 
Break apart in my hands,
Then let them tear you from me,
This is who they want me to be!?

They’ll rewrite who you are,
They'll Take my favorite star.

Please darling sit down,
I'll handle it, don't frown,
I'll prove my love,
They'll meet angels up above.

I’d rather see you shatter, 
Break apart in my hands,
Then let them tear you from me,
This is who they want me to be!?

They’ll rewrite who you are,
They'll Take my favorite star.

Bonus Track:  Shatter

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

Hey, it's okay they hate you,
Nobody knows the real you,
To them you're just see through,
Don't waver, stay true.

They see you as a monster,
Blood's thicker than water,
This will last just a bit longer,
It's okay, take off your armor.

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

There's beauty in struggle,
It's okay if you just shuffle,
You can speak, don't need muffled,
No fights, no need to tussle,

It's okay don't move a muscle,
You can move slow, don't hustle,
Just please stay humble,
We'll solve the puzzle.

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

It's okay.
It's okay,

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

Bonus Track:  Another Day

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

Hey
Can I ask you something?
Will you
Hurt me

I bled on the floor
Still I beg for more
Are you keeping score
Because you're up by four

My tears feel to the ground
They didn't make a sound
I can't leave, I'm bound
Hope I don't see you around town.

Have marks from the bite
Ignored my fight or flight
Just to spend another night
Right by your side

It's okay that you left
Because there's nothing left
The most quiet theft
With me, your secrets kept.

I bled on the floor
Still I beg for more
Are you keeping score
Because you're up by four

My tears feel to the ground
They didn't make a sound
I can't leave, I'm bound
Hope I don't see you around town.

Hey
I asked you a question,
You're not just an obsession,
Please God answer my question,
Please God answer me.

hey...
will you...
hurt me?

Bonus Track:  Hey

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

I walk passed the venue daily.
Still remember the shows we saw,
Used to say, "your music won't work"
When you see me on TV, I'd have proved my worth.

You said, “these songs are okay,”
Wrote about you everyday,
You've been gone for so long,
You'll see me before too long

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

You laughed before when I played in basements,
Now my voice is in your weekday playlists
I saw your sister post a story last night
She was front row, screaming every single damn line

I remember,
you didn't think I'd make it
You smiled,
for my sake,
Just faked it,
I didn't need you,
to make me better,
Well that's a fucking lie,
I still cry,
On your cranberry sweater.

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

Fame won't make me feel better,
Your calls, a chain to my tether
I just wanted you, to hear my songs.
I'd do anything for you to sing along

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

I swear, when I get money,
I'll be able to help you,
They said when you have money,
They'll finally accept you,
I just wanted you to still love me,
Even though that isn't what this is anymore,
I know my music was always boring to you,
Like loving me was a chore

I just want you to believe
Yeah, I just want you to believe

Bonus Track:  When I get Money

I crash and crave, tryna find my wave.

Cravecore and Crashwave need to be genres.

PA 44 - 1/2

CRASHWAVE

q.exe