From the day we said "I Do" (1999) Heather and I have tried so many things to improve our marriage.&nbsp; We've gone to marriage counseling, read countless books and attended a tonne of Marriage Conference.&nbsp; And out of all that, we found something that truly works for us. In this Episode of the Quick and Dirty Podcast, we are going to give you THE number one key in our Marriage that has brought us from a life of heartache, hurts and hell to a life that is peaceful, fun, joyful and loving. &nbsp; This One Key is Simple, yet not at all Simple!!!  Give Freely Give freely in everything: Time, Money, Words, Actions, Thoughts  You don't always have to win, you don't always have to be right, you don't always and to say the last word. True Love is Sacrifice

Giving up in your Marriage

How do you Stay Connected in Survival Mode? In this Episode, we answer a question called in by the Quick and Dirty Website.&nbsp; Don and Glory asks: "how do we stay connected when you're in survival mode"! PLANNING  Once a month planning   Weekly Scheduling: some weeks are the same so we just take a quick glance at the calendar to see if anything needs to be added, changed or figured out.&nbsp; It only takes a few minutes once you've had your initial once a month planning session.   Planning helps to keep the guessing work out of the equation.   Each of us knows what each others responsibilities are for that week so there isn't room for disappointment. We are both on the same page entering in each week.   Being flexible&nbsp;  Life throws us curve balls so it's really important to have a plan and be flexible if things change.&nbsp;     Plan for set backs&nbsp;   Budget your time   [Jar Example] Jar with 24 colorful balls&nbsp;representing the 24 hours we all have in&nbsp;a day. &nbsp;So each is 1 hour. &nbsp;Depending on your sleeping patterns, you might take out 7 balls and 10 hours for work. &nbsp;So just those 2 activities alone is 17 hours, which leaves you with 7 more balls remaining. Then there's breakfast, supper and then bedtime for the little ones. &nbsp;That might take up 3. &nbsp; So what are you guys left with...4! &nbsp;   Be intentional when planning. Set a time each day to connect. Planning out your priorities for that week makes it easer to say NO when you are planned, scheduled and working towards the same goals.  PRIORITIES  Keep Relationship a Priority Couch Time Say no to extra activities. &nbsp;(Men: Floor hockey, Wing Night,&nbsp;Women: Book clubs, Coffee Dates) They may be good things, but it's just no for now.&nbsp;Is it worth a ball?  PROTECTION  This is our protected time and we keep this time focused and set apart from every other days business. So many appointments, people and commitments that are vying for our time. &nbsp;So in our planning, we carve out time that is specifically for family time, or one-on-one time each week.&nbsp;   OUR EXAMPLE  Sundays is protected family time (big meal with the whole family, play games, be silly, have fun, recharge and connect)   Evening: Planning (Really Really big calendar)    THE ONE KEY  Every step of the way, you must intentionally foster your relationship through this busy season which does not last forever, because seasons change. &nbsp;And because you planned,&nbsp;prioritized&nbsp;and protected your&nbsp;relationship, you will enter the season a lot stronger, and, more connected!

Protect to Connect

In today's Episode we want to share a few different fight&nbsp;styles and how destructive they are, BUT, we also give you simple steps you can take today, to manage how you argument in a more healthy way!  Criticism and Blaming (1st)  You are always late! "You never get off your phone"     "You never..." "You always..."&nbsp;    This style could lead to contempt and you begin to attack their character and you now add the word 'Because...'  "You are always late...BECAUSE you are so lazy!" "You never get off your phone...BECAUSE you are so selfish"  There are 2 ways to respond to this.  Defensiveness (2nd)  With this style, once you hear any accusations or comments against you, you are quick to react, your v olume rises and you pull up the shield and begin to defend yourself. &nbsp; This could lead to defensive and harsh responses such as&nbsp;  "Just shut up!"&nbsp; "Oh never mind"  And then you begin to move into belittling the person and also start attacking them as a person  "Just shut up, you're so stupid!"  This style makes it difficult to have a conversation with someone so defensive. &nbsp;The conversation escalates, you start going back and forth and you both&nbsp;go no where.  Stonewalling (3rd)  A good word picture. You become cold, hard, and nothing is getting through. You are a stone wall! By completely shutting down, the conversation ends, they don't exist to you and it makes the other person feel like they don't matter. &nbsp; They can become, nothing gets solved, issues get swept under the under the rug and then fight after fight, you end up building a mountain of unsolved issues. &nbsp; What can you do to Manage these? &nbsp; Criticism/Blaming &nbsp; Begin using &nbsp;"I" Statements (own your feelings) instead you "You: statements &nbsp; Try using the XYZ Forumula by Les and Leslie Parrott  In situation X, when you do Y, I feel Z   "At night when we're getting ready for bed, when you stay on your phone, I feel like I don't matter"&nbsp;    A complaint is easier to react to, instead of a&nbsp;criticism.&nbsp; &nbsp; Defensiveness Own your&nbsp;responsibilities. &nbsp;Take what happened and avoid repeating them now that you know how it makes them feel. &nbsp; Stonewalling Let your spouse know you need time to process the issue. &nbsp;Give them an&nbsp;appropriate&nbsp;amount of time and then return to them and discuss. &nbsp;This&nbsp;eliminates&nbsp;the emotions around it and you can solve things respectfully.&nbsp; &nbsp;  The One Key In every&nbsp;argument or even fight,&nbsp;it's not always an agreement but it's more of an understanding of the person and their perspective. &nbsp;And this can cause your relationship to draw closer, instead of pushing you further apart!

Drop the Gloves

What Heather came to understand was that when exposed to an&nbsp;environment&nbsp;where respect is abused, demanded&nbsp;and used as a way to control, the exact opposite occurs and it&nbsp;breeds an undercurrent of resentment and contempt.&nbsp; Extend kind words and being polite was about as much trust and respect Heather was willing to give up.&nbsp;  I had noticed by just being polite, Dale's heart towards Heather started to open up and he would become more kind with his words.&nbsp; Then in Heather's respect experiment, she started to do kind things for him and as she extended a little more trust and respect, his heart opened up even a little more and they started to get a bit of momentum going. At the same time rebuilding trust. Respect spills into everything. Here are a few examples:  Not undermining your husband's parenting style.  Ask your kids, "what does Dad say about that?"   Finances -&nbsp; learn to agree with how you spend our money Avoid nagging Give him space and time to spend on his hobbies ...and more!   As much as Men like to be and feel loved, as a core, they need to feel respected. &nbsp; The One Key Wives, ask your Husband: What does respect look like to you? Guys, write your list and share it with your spouse. &nbsp;

Respect Yo Man

In this Episode, we chat about the core need of a woman and what that looks like when it's implemented in a relationship. The One Key &nbsp; Women need security and love. Women feel most secure when they are married to a sacrificial, caring man. &nbsp;  Guys: ask your Wife "What does love look like to you?" Ladies, Write your list and share it with them. GuysL APPLY IT  Break the Crazy Cycle of a Disrespectful and Unloving Marriage. When a man loves his wife unconditionally, the woman will respect his man, which will simply cycle into a beautiful and amazing marriage relationship. The concept is Simple. &nbsp;  &nbsp; Quick and Dirty on: INSTAGRAM FACEBOOK WEBSITE

Put Her in Her Place

How does one stay desirable their&nbsp;spouse through the&nbsp;entirety&nbsp;of a marriage?   &nbsp;    Desirable&nbsp;to your Husband   Be his Cheerleader and Biggest Fan   Appreciation   Thank him for what he does Taking notice of who he is   Support and&nbsp;Encouragement   Support for the hard things he goes through Meetings, Races, Decisions, Dreams and Goals&nbsp; He will know you are there for him         Desirable&nbsp;to your Wife   Create and Provide Safe Environments for your Wife   Physically   Strong Protector Strong Presence   Sexually   Thoughts are just for your spouse.&nbsp; Build Trust. Without it, they stay closed and Sexy Time is less frequent Send Messages - "Good Morning" "I love you" Constant Affirmations - Feeling secure that she is the only one on your mind   Emotionally and Mentally   Trust. Tell everything, even if it hurts. To make mistakes without ridicule Laugh and be silly Be her authentic self&nbsp; Strong Tower - Handle it when she is feeling down   Spiritually   Respect Different beliefs         &nbsp; The One Key that you can take away from this episode:   Woman: Be your husbands Number One Cheerleader and their biggest fan Men: Create and Provide a Safe Environment Physically, Sexually, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually   &nbsp; Doing&nbsp;these simple things will keep you&nbsp;desirable&nbsp;to your spouse through the&nbsp;entirety&nbsp;of your&nbsp;marriage. &nbsp; &nbsp;

How to Stay Desirable to your Spouse

There's no other time in history where we've been so bombarded with the many distractions of life. From our jobs, to our families, and most of all, to Social Media, we need to get back to being intentional at combatting those distractions in order to have strong and healthy Relationships.

How to Avoid Daily Distractions in your Marriage

Too often we think that relationships with the opposite sex can be harmless.&nbsp; But then you end up going for JUST coffee, and then it's JUST lunch, which turns into JUST dinner, and then it's JUST talking in your car and before you know it, you both find yourself JUST in bed together wondering how this could have happened. &nbsp; We recommend you Affair Proof your Marriage with Boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex.&nbsp; It's not like you can't have a relationship with them, it just might look a bit different.&nbsp; And the main thing we advise is to NEVER be alone with them.&nbsp; Too many things can happen and in the end, it's not worth throwing your marriage away for the sake of a friendship.&nbsp; &nbsp; The One Key &nbsp; Spend some time with each other and discuss&nbsp;and agree on areas in your relationship where you need to set boundaries in place. These can be new ones, or they can even be boundaries that have been crossed in the past, and now you need to put them in place.

Affair Proof your Marriage with Boundaries

Once you cross a boundary, it becomes easier to cross it again. And once that begins, the lines keep moving farther and farther out until you become desensitizedto the dangers around you. &nbsp; Best Sex Married people should be having the best sex, but when this topic comes up, many couples are struggling in this area and sex is usually the first casualty to drop when it comes to other problems in marriage. Boundary  What are you feeding your mind? What fantasies are you having? What thoughts are you bringing into the bedroom?  All those things play a huge part when it comes to becoming sexually unsatisfied with your partner. The One Key: Have an open and honest conversation with your spouse about what boundaries&nbsp;need to be put in place as far as what you watch, the music you listen and anything else that&nbsp; would hinder you from having a deep and intimate your marriage&nbsp;

Boundaries with Sex

One Key We want you to walk away from this episode and talk to your spouse about what is acceptable and enjoyable in bed.&nbsp; Once you are in agreement, we believe that there are no boundaries, except the things that either of you are uncomfortable with.&nbsp; Respect&nbsp;each other, agree on things and sex will become a beautiful thing that you both can look forward to.&nbsp;

Boundaries in Bed

Quick and Practical, Simple Marriage Advice
"Simple, yet not at all Simple"

The Quick and Dirty Marriage Podcast