pittsfield by sufjan stevens

SPINNING LIGHTS ON A HEADLAMP TALL
STORMY NIGHTS IN A BATHROOM STALL
I STILL DONT LIKE U
I STILL DONT LIKE U
OF COURSE U WOULD STAY FOR THE THRILL OF IT ALL
THATS WHY YOU'RE BLEEDING OUT IN THE HILL OF IT ALL
I STILL DONT LIKE U 
I STILL DONT LIKE U
BANG BANG, BANG GOES THE BROKEN GLASS
THATS WHAT U GET WHEN YOU'RE SITTING ON UR FUKING ASS
I STILL DONT LIKE U 
I STILL DONT LIKE U
WAIT WAIT FOR FAME TO COME KNOCK DOWN UR DOOR 
BUT GET NOTHING U SILLY STOOPID FUCKING WHORE
I STILL DONT LIKE U 
I STILL DONT LIKE U 
(WHOAAAAAA)

*I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU*

face wants - a concept i learned about in class that led to a lot of self reflection and synths
//
impostor syndrome strikes again
looks like everybody wants to be your friend
but when the curtains close do you even know where you will go?
feeling so alone

secretly sleepwalk in the light
you found shelter in the shadow of your mind
shapeshift to fit inside a framework that you like
feeling lost inside

what do you want me to
be i think i might lose
myself if you don't choose yeah
i've been waiting for you
a beacon in the night
some semblance of a sign
i'd give it all sometimes
to know what's waiting for you

self-made distraction traps you in
how do you know that you are meant to be just this?
you seek a sense of validation from a screen
do they know you're who you want yourself to be?
do you know you're who you want yourself to be?

what do you want me to
be i think i might lose
myself if you don't choose yeah
i've been waiting for you
a beacon in the night
some semblance of a sign
i'd give it all sometimes
to know what's waiting for you
-
"face wants" is an ode to myself about a concept i learned about in class. if i remember correctly, there are two types of face and one of them is called positive face, which refers to our desire for praise and approval from others. face wants is the idea that we want other people to fulfill our face so we can feel validated, and we do many things to protect or save face, or how we appear to others. 

when i was making “face wants” i thought a lot about how social media is an outlet where we can inflate our self-image and portray the person that we want to be. it can be very confusing to figure out who you are, especially when you’re young and bombarded with messages we find on the internet about who we should like, where we should be, what we should look like and what we should be doing. it made me reflect about my relationship with social media and how sometimes i find myself "shapeshifting to fit inside a framework" that i like, which is, a lot of the time, not the greatest thing for one’s mental health. using instagram as a mirror or a tool for approval can be damaging and is something i’m still working on.

since a lot of my music is kind of slow and mellow, i thought it would be an interesting juxtaposition to pair a modern-day concept like social media with an energetic ‘80s new wave vibe, a genre i hold dear to my heart because of my parents and their love for it.

// written, recorded + produced by bianca ocampo
http://instagram.com/bianca.jpeg/
http://www.youtube.com/user/ocampobianca
http://urbanationmusic.bandcamp.com/

third period (a song of satire. vaping is bad for u)

quilt club

Related tracks