"Hey i like your stuff, wanna make some music?"

That was the first message I ever got from Sun Eater and we made the song 'Fast' together.  We went on to make a couple other songs, and we planned another collab back on November 29th. He sent me some lyrics that he had written down for a beat, and I told him that I was going to be busy for a while but I would definitely get around to finishing the song.

Nearly a month later on December 28th, I recorded my part and sent it to him but I didn't hear back from him until I received a DM from his best friend telling me that he had passed away.

This is the song we were going to make together, I recorded his lyrics on his part and I hope I do him justice.

Rest in peace, I'm gonna miss you man.

https://m.soundcloud.com/centipede-454385314

[Intro]
I pray that I forget
I'll drink my pain away
I know that you don't think 
It help my mental state

[Suneater]
I aim my hand up to the sky
My finger gun gon' smite the Eye
That's gazing down upon my soul
And making me feel claustrophobic
Nightmares seem to come and go
I'm told that they might never leave
I love to see that bottle full so
Tell me all I need to know
Fill my head with perfect lies
So I can sleep just one more time

[Rainy]
Some days my mind is quiet, 
Gives me the peace that I lack
And I'd just lie in silence,
Until the voices come back

I just wish that I could find a way to remedy this sickness
But the medicine don't help when everything's up in my head
And it's just getting worse with every day, there ain't no way to fix this
And the bottle's getting empty, wonder if I'll end up dead?

But it's all in my head

Flowers bloom, and leaves will fall,
Seasons change, and death will call,
I'll be ready for that day when I'll be knocking on my grave
So won't you tell me your sweet little lies
Tell me I'll be fine,
Cause you know I'll buy 
every single line
and every single lie
that you sell me every time

Flowers bloom, and leaves will fall,
Seasons change, and death will call,
I'll be ready for that day when I'll be knocking on my grave

Sun Eater

Just the shit I been feeling.

Produced by Regony
Mixed by Hangyeol (@singingnight)

시-간이 너무 빨라, hold up
(Time is passing too quickly, hold up)
숨쉴틈도 없이 이미 twenty-four, getting older
(I'm twenty four and getting older, without a moment to breathe)
folder 안에 들어있는 나의 album
속 들여다보면 낮설은 나의 photos
(I can't recognize myself when I look into my old photos in my albums)
I been tryna change, but I’m still the same me, 
Feeling kinda strained, it’s a struggle lately
I hope I’ll be happy, but it’s all a daydream
Bending under pressure, now I’m crumbling like pastry
여전히 혼자 울고 우울해 난
(I still cry alone and I'm still depressed)
여전히 무력하고 무능해 난
(I still feel powerless, I'm still useless)
여전히 stuck in this rut and I’m down on my luck, feeling fucked, can’t get outta this slump
My mind is empty, I wish I’d end me
My friends are often the ones I envy
I laugh along cause they seem so happy
Wish em the best but I wish it was me
내-고통은 자업자득의결과
(Is my pain the result of my own deeds?)
아님 그저 남들보다 운이 나빴던걸까
(Or is it just a result of bad luck)
외로움의, 흔적, 그려 내 rorschach
(Looking at remnants of loneliness, dripping down like a rorschach)
Sleepless nights that I don’t ever wanna take back
Doubting myself, never proud of myself,
어떻게 해야할지 난 아직 모르겠어
(I still don't know what I need to do)
I need a fucking way, a way away out of this hell
I’m trapped in my mind, I can’t find the key to this cell, now I’m- 

Shit man, I don’t know anymore
but lemme run it back real quick

Now I’m trapped in my thoughts
Say that I’m great but I feel like a fraud
When I’m feeling like this, I been feeling so lost
Got to admit that I’m feeling exhaust-ed
(I think, I think) that I’m going insane
Every ounce of control that I try to regain
Slips through my fingers, can’t seem to retain
Now I’m jaded and bitter, my dreams decay-ing
All I ever wanted was to do the things I love
But all I ever feel’s that I’ll never be enough
If I don’t make it, don’t think it’d mean much
But I’m scared to quit, so I pick myself up
Again and again, never ending cycle
Karma’s a bitch, when I’m feeling spiteful
All I see is success, it ain’t ever mine, though
But I keep a straight face, like I never mind, no
Back to back, dealt another hand,
In a game of odds that I’ll never have
In my favor, now all the cards are stacked,
Gotta make a move, will it be my last?
Hail Mary, put a lotta faith in
This track I lay, pray, don’t go to waste
Carry my thoughts through my mental haze
To find a way to make the pain go away
Rainy, I got these clouds in my mind
With the tears I spill, my emotions decline
And my self reflection’s far from benign
All my thoughts ever do is serve to remind me- 
That I failed again today,
Just like yesterday,
Mind in disarray
Wallow in self hate,
How much can I take, before I break,
I fade away, to darker places-
Now I’m floating, weightless
In a sea of dreams, no direction, aimless
Future uncertain, I’m feeling anxious
All I ever seem to do is pray I make it,
Yet remain complacent, never changing,
Static, in this stasis, I been wasting
Time, it only passes, when I face these
Demons in my head, no point I can see-

RAINY.

I'm drifting in the wind
Been trying to make amends
I been crawling on my knees
Wading through my misery
And I been losing all my sense of self, 
been tired of this shit, no helping 
me when I'm like this
I'm stuck in an abyss 

Trapped in a prison of my own design
While I'm tryna find a place I can run or hide
Away from this hate inside my veins when I lie awake, 
barely sleep at night
Don't peep inside
The parts I bury, show my decent side
The darkness I carry with a cheap smile
While I'm tearing my heart into pieces, I
Been trying to change,
No luck with the ways that I did,
So I'd just switch up the pace
To better myself, hated the way that I been
They say that they know how it is
They said it gets better with time, they lied
They said I'd succeed if I only tried 
But the times that I failed have been weighing me down, 
sinking, I'm drowning, I need a way out
Beat the bass into my soul when I'm feeling low
Making music, tryna deal when I'm losing hope
Drinking late, 
while I contemplate 
with a mind full of thoughts about letting go
Woah,
I'm young no more, I been getting old
Now, the more I learn, the less I know
There's no, changing the past, tried moving on
But I hold on to regrets, I should've known
I can only, accept the fact, 
that I'm dying slowly, while I'm living fast, 
Try to cherish the moments that never last
But they slip so easily through my hands
my life is a movie, got a stellar cast
But I'm winding down to the final act
And I'm wishing that I could run it back
Just to say goodbye to the ones that passed

And when the clouds all clear
And the sun comes up again
I'm closing up the curtains as I sink into my bed
Don't look for me in here
Don't wonder how I been
I'm doing just the same as when my misery began

curtains

when I wake up in the morning all I think about is you
when I go to sleep at night, hope I dream about you

I'm feeling blessed,
You got me feeling happy when I'm feeling stressed
You tell me not to worry when I feel a mess,
when you ask me if I want you, know the answer's  

yes

You're all I want, all I need
Got all my love, you're all I see
You got my heart, so promise me 
You'll never give it back 

Cause baby it's you
You
Baby it's you
You're the one I love

when I wake up in the morning 
and I'm feeling kinda lonely
so I ask you how you're doing, 
Hoping that you'll text me back, 
but you never leave me hanging
Yeah I don't know how you do it
When you're,
Working all day till the night falls
But you,
Answer every time, whenever I call
Can't believe you're mine, 
Yeah, you're my gold,
Everytime I think about you, got a smile on

Cause baby it's you
You
Said baby it's you
You're the one I love

So stay with me tonight and forever
don't ever leave my side
no matter what happens, I'll be there
I'll be waiting for you here,
I'll be calling out your name until we fall asleep again

you.

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed 

LYRICS:
I know I suck but that's alright
I talk too much, that's why we fight
I feel alone, but say I'm fine
I'm pushing everyone away tonight

Am I the one that's all to blame? yeah
The only reason I'm this way, now
I'm running through these thoughts again, now
No one seems to feel the same, no

And though I put up a façade
And act like I'm all that I got
I feel like I'm only a fraud
Pretending I'm something I'm not

I know I suck but that's alright
I talk too much, that's why we fight
I feel alone, but say I'm fine,

I hate myself when I'm like this
Calculating in my head
Push away all of my friends
Always say I don't like that
Every night I get nightmares
Stay up laying in my bed
Post a picture to my 'gram
Hoping someone'll hit me back

I hate wondering why people put up with me
I guess I'm just waiting for them to be fed up with me
Put on a face to face the people who do care for me
Cause I'm scared they'll see the truth and turn away from me

But that's fine, I'm fine without em, oh
I lied, oh well, I doubt they'll know
If you're listening to this, let's be alone
Let's be alone together

I know I suck but that's alright
I talk too much, that's why we fight
I feel like shit, but say I'm fine,
I guess I'll be alone tonight

i suck

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed

LYRICS:
I'm not okay
But I say I'm fine
I'm not okay
But I'll be alright
Yeah I'll be alright

I've been tryna change
Tryna get my head straight
Tryna get everything back in place
But nowadays, I've been losing face
Been losing faith in everything
And everything still bothers me to this day

I don't wanna live my life like this,
I don't wanna spend my nights like this,
I don't wanna keep thinking bout the bad things
All they ever gave me were all these bad dreams

And these nightmares keep coming
And I just keep running,
I feel like I'm falling,
While everybody's watching me
I'm scared to reach out because of my anxiety
Honestly I'm tired of all of this entirely
I wanna turn over a new leaf
Yeah I really wanna sing about some new things
I'm tired of this sadness,
Like a disease, it's quite contagious
They say misery loves company
But I'm still alone regardless

I've been drifting in the wind
I've been drowning in my sins
I've been crawling on my knees
Living in my misery
And I'm so tired of this shit
Wish things could be different
But could I change anything?
Or am I just ignorant?

[Verse 2]
Pitter patter, goes the rain on the sill
The sky's open wide, and my teardrops spill
Another sleepless night, another bitter pill
I think of reasons why, why my life is still
Still struggling daily, and every day I'm failing
Every morning when I wake, I feel far from amazing
I feel terrible inside, and I just really want to die
I'm scared to commit suicide, cause I don't know what's after life 
Shit, what the hell am I supposed to do,
When all I see is all this gloom,
And all my pills have been consumed
So I just sit and feel confused,
Can't handle all this abuse
That I'm inflicting on myself
I need a doctor or some help,

But only time will tell
If all the times I fell
Would shape and make me into someone else
Somebody that's stronger than I am now
I need that strength, cause I can barely stand now

I've been drifting in the wind
I've been drowning in my sins
I've been crawling on my knees
Living in my misery
And I'm so tired of this shit
Wish things could be different
But could I change anything?
Or am I just ignorant?

I'm staring down at my reflection in the rain
I'm looking back at my life, and I need to change

Changes

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed 

LYRICS:
Teardrops dripping on the floor
Patterns on the carpet, aqua decor
Rain falling down on the windowsill
I look out vacantly as I take another pill
(As I take another pill x2)

Take a bit of adderall
Just to calm my nerves
Try to sleep, forget it all
I'm tired of getting hurt
I don't wanna hurt nobody,
I just wanna be alone
But I'm tired of feeling lonely
I wanna be with her
Just to, help me bear the pain, 
staring at the rain,
Tryna, 
figure out my brain,
going insane,
Needed to 
stop the train of rambling thoughts, 
so I started cutting myself
As the only thing I could do to cut out the pain of 
Not having a childhood
I tried to hide it all,
So I blamed it on a cat
that I never even had
And I covered up my hands
With my sleeve
Every time that I bleed
It was easier to breathe and,
People kept asking, and I just ignored,
I just sat here painting, my aqua decor (x2)  

Teardrops dripping on the floor
Patterns on the carpet, aqua decor
Rain falling down on the windowsill
I look out vacantly as I take another pill
(as I take another pill x4)

Aqua Decor

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed 

LYRICS:
[Intro]
Yeah, I've been
run-running
Fuck, I've been
Stuck, darkness
Yeah, I've been
run-running
Fuck, I've been
Stuck, darkness

[Verse 1]
They're taking my heart now
They're taking my heart now
And I don't know why

The days are passing by
Way too fast, and I
Can't keep track of all the changes,
I don't know who I am anymore
What's my purpose?
What am I living for?
So many questions in my mind
But not many answers that I find
Ask me how I'm doing, I'll think for a while
And then I'll probably tell you that I'm fine

[Chorus]
You can bet I'm fine, I promise, I promise,
When I said I'm fine, I promised
I would always be just fine, when I'm never alright

[Verse]
Every day, when it pours, when it rains,
and I pray to find a way, through the pain, 
Try to self medicate with everything that I hate
Poison running through my veins
Say you understand my pain
You and I are not the same

Thoughts are running through my brain now
I don't wanna think about a thing now
Feeling like the whole world's spinning round
It's been a while since you've been around

I don't wanna die so soon so I just behave for you
I don't wanna die so soon so I-

[Chorus]
You can bet I'm fine, I promise, I promise,
When I said I'm fine, I promised
I would always be just fine, when I'm never alright 

[Outro]
Please just let me go
Let me go
I've seen enough
I've seen enough

DEMONS (Joji Cover & Remix)

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed 

LYRICS:
I don't like the way 
you make me feel
 
You bring out the worst in me
We fight like we're adversaries
Back and forth for hours, 
You're the reason I've been losing sleep
Can't stand the way you talk to me
But there's no way of talking back
You're just a voice inside my twisted head
I hope you understand,
That we share a life in misery
But when we keep each other company
It's draining, mentally, and honestly
I hate the shit you say to me
Wish that you'd just go away
I'd do anything to shut you up
Just to be alone a day
You're standing in that mirror,
The opposite but same
And I see clearer when I'm with you
But you're poisoning my brain
And I don't think I need a therapist
To know what's wrong with me
It's just you, you're the reason 
That I wanna fucking scream
I can't stand the way you look at me 
with those fucking eyes
And all you do is fucking whine
That I'm the one that you despise
And I don't think you recognize
That I am you and you are I
You're no better than I am,
You're just a figment in my mind

I feel ugly
I feel lonely
I feel just the way I am
When I'm with you, when I'm with you

Mirror

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed 

LYRICS:
[Chorus]
Street lamps shining
like spotlights on the road
The pitter patter of the rain
It's keeping time
While petals fall
And if I were to die tonight
Would you miss me?
...
Are you listening?

I don't wanna be alone (x8)  

[Verse 1]
I walk around with a smile on my face
Cause I know there's a time and a place
For this smile that I wear and the tears that replace
This smile when it's gone, and I'm all alone
And I, just really wanna tell you the truth
But I ain't myself when I'm feeling blue
So I just fall back to the lies again
Pull the black cloth over your eyes again
And I keep on living as if nothing is wrong
Every time that I fall, I just pretend to move on
But that really gets to me, gets into my head
Every little mistake, every stupid thing that I said
I just wish that I could live like everybody else is living
Or is that too much to ask for, what am I even thinking
Happiness is overrated, and I'm undermotivated
To pursue it anymore, so I'm just walkin' out the door

[Chorus]
Street lamps shining
like spotlights on the road
The pitter patter of the rain
It's keeping time
While petals fall
And if I were to die tonight
Would you miss me?

[Interlude]
Woman: Do you feel alone right now?
Man: I don't know. I mean, I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... Everyone dies alone.
Woman: Does that scare you?
Man: I don't wanna be alone.

[Chorus]
I'm so fucking terrified
Feeling like I'm paralyzed
All I see is nightmares in my sleep
Yeah, when I close my eyes
Voices screaming in my mind
Guilty thoughts and sleepless nights
I wonder if you'll miss me
If I went and fucking died tonight

[Verse 2]
I feel alive, though I feel like dying
And I feel a high, when I feel like crying
When the tears dry, I realize
That my cold, dead eyes, and my fake smile
Tell the truth behind my fake life
But nobody asks, never asks why
Why I only express myself through these lines
When I write my songs about suicide
And as I write these lyrics with these shaky hands
Know I just want you to understand,
I don't know how many times I gotta say
That I'm totally fine, though I'm not okay
So just treat me the same way
That you did before, always
Yeah, treat me the same way
That you did before, always

[Outro]
I wanna fly
I wanna fly away
But I'm trapped like
Like a bird in a cage
You don't know my pain
You don't know my..

Melancholy

An EP containing some of my favorite tracks from 2016 to 2024, now remastered and remixed

LYRICS:
[Intro]
혹시, 한국사람 알아요?
(Do you know an artist by the name of "Korean"?)
이젠 강아지를 좋아하는 척은 안하지만..
("Now I don't pretend like I like dogs anymore")
이라는 노래를 만드신 진짜 멋있는 분이라고 생각하는데 말이에요,
(Is a song made by him, and I think he's a really cool guy)
 
[Chorus]
Cut my frontal lobe, tear out my veins,
Pump me full of novocaine
Cause I don't wanna feel a thing,
I wanna fucking die or turn off my brain,
Said
Cut my frontal lobe, tear out my veins,
Pump me full of novocaine
Cause I just fucking hate
My life, living day by day by day-
 
[Verse 1]
I wake up in the morning and I look into the mirror
I been starving myself daily cause I want that perfect figure
My hair been falling out because I'm under so much pressure
When I work my fucking ass off till everyone's impressed cause
I hate the way I look, and I hate the way I think,
And I hate the way I smile, I hate everything about me
I try to fucking change, but I end up just the same
It's a cycle, can't escape, but I can't accept this fate
So I take a knife and draw some funny lines
up on my forearm
Addicted to the pain so I keep going back for more, I
don't think that I can take this,
much longer, cause I'm fading
my blood drip to the pavement
All this time that I been wasting-
 
[Bridge]
이제 사는게 좆같지 않은척은 안하지만
(Now I don't pretend like life isn't shitty)
웃으면서 지내는게 너무 피곤하기만, 할뿐이야
(But living with a smile is fucking tiring)
넌 모르겠지 이런 나의 심정
(You probably don't get how I feel)
가끔 괜찮은듯 하다간 또 칼로 팔을 찢어
(Sometimes I feel fine, but then I start cutting again)
 
[Chorus]
Cut my frontal lobe, tear out my veins,
Pump me full of novocaine
Cause I don't wanna feel a thing,
I wanna fucking die or turn off my brain,
Said
Cut my frontal lobe, tear out my veins,
Pump me full of novocaine
Cause I just fucking hate
My life, living day by day by-
 
[Verse 2]
My friends are fucking dying,
my mom's been in and out the hospital for four years,
I been trying to cope but I just want to tie a rope,
Round my neck like a necktie (necktie)
Wanna jump out the window, but I can't fly (can't fly)
Wanna take a bath with a toaster (toaster???)
but there's no outlet in my shower (I'm outta luck)
And I been so fucking lonely, but I push people away
And all these optimists can blow me, I don't give a shit what they say
Fuck you mean the glass is half full,
my glass is full of vodka
I'm happy when I'm drunk cause I don't get no fucking thoughts, I
been having dreams of suicide and violence in my head
But I act like it's not difficult to fall asleep in bed
When I stay up late and hate myself for all the things I am
And I try to find a way out but there's nothing that I can do
 
What a dilemma,
trying to do better, but I just been fed up
feels like I'm set to be stuck like forever
But it's whatever, I just been trippin' on winds like a feather
 
And I fucking try
But I'm tired of fucking trying, trying
Please set me free
 
[Chorus]
Cut my frontal lobe, tear out my veins,
Pump me full of novocaine
Cause I don't wanna feel a thing,
I wanna fucking die or turn off my brain,
Said
Cut my frontal lobe, tear out my veins,
Pump me full of novocaine
Cause I just fucking hate
My life, living day by day by-
 
[Outro]
이제 사는게 좆같지 않은척은 안하지만
(Now I don't pretend like life isn't shitty)
웃으면서 지내는게 너무 피곤하기만, 할뿐이야
(But living with a smile is fucking tiring)
넌 모르겠지 이런 나의 심정
(You probably don't get how I feel)
가끔 괜찮은듯 하다간 또 칼로 팔을 찢어
(Sometimes I feel fine, but then I start cutting again)
이제 사는게 좆같지 않은척은 안하지만
(Now I don't pretend like life isn't shitty)
남 속이며 살아가고 세월은 계속 지나
(Tricking others as time keep passing by)
우울한땐 가끔씩 내 짖궂은 팔에 피만, 흘리지
(Sometimes when I'm lonely, my arm bleeds)
결국 알아주는건 나 혼자니까
(Because the only person who understands me, is me alone)

Life's Pretty Alright - 이제사는게좆같지않은척은안하지만

(Rainy)
너 없이 텅빈 마음속에 공허함만 남고
어둔 이 거리속에 나 홀로 걸어가
난 또 혼자가 됐네 그래도 괜찮아
난 아직도 잘지내, 늘 그래왔잖아 

널 본지 얼마 됐는지도 이젠 기억 안 나
너 땜에 생긴 상처들도 이젠 아물어가
저 멀리 떠난 네 뒷모습도 안 그리워 난
이제 행복해질려고 나

(Hwabaek)
미안, 나 요즘 잘 지내 
이런 말을 꼭 전하고 나면
글쎄, 지난 겨울 우리 마지막 인사 같이
외로운 밤이 다가와 몰래
기억나 그때 눈 내린 날씨
차가운 내 태도 맞춰준 마음씨
이건 내 추억 혹은 남은 불씨
아직도 안 꺼졌어 살아 하나 둘 씩
벌써일년이
음악뿐인 내 고민
우아한 그림같아
꿈 같은 너의 모습 그래
그냥 잊도록 빨리 놓아 날
괜찮아 혹시 마주 친다 해도
못 본척 해 그냥 멀리서만

(Rainy)
날 잊지 말아줘
나만 바라봐줘
이런 말을 해도 넌
아무 생각 없단걸 알아
이제 나도 놔줄게 goodbye
이별이자 새로운 시작
많은걸 바라지는 않아
우리 이제 행복해지자

Apathy feat. hwabaek

shoutout to Joer for the Fry30 (Fried Noodles x 530) Remix

up at 5:30 in the kitchen,
can't sleep, caught between
Moving on and reminiscing
Yeah, 
shit been like a rollercoaster ride, I guess
And when I'm feeling low, all I do is hope the high is next
All my life, 
I been struggling with my thoughts
But I try to remember all that I got
I got a family that's preachin' for me to seek redemption
And all the friends helping lift the burdens of my depression
The little things in life, they always say to hold on
Cause memories is all we got, when the soul's gone
Departed from the world, like the ones that left before me
I hold em in my heart, believe they're living through the stories
Contemplative through late nights and early mornings
Drinking helps, but the bottle's run out from all the pouring
No metaphors, I just mean that my heart's running empty
I tear myself up on rainy days, just to feel something

I live in a constant state of misery and fear
And when the world comes crashing down, around,
I'll still be here

Stumble blindly to my bedroom, half past six, 
Not a single wink of sleep slipping past these sips
Faces flashing past me in a corridor of doorways
In my mind, afraid to open up, these cans of worms I'm storing
Wish my mind was a hard drive I could wipe clean,  
But without the pain that made me, who would I be?
A blank slate, an empty book with no stories to tell
No scars to lead me when I'm travelling the path to hell
So I bottle up the bottles drunk through these sleepless nights
And push em down to somewhere deep and dark, 
where the light don't shine
I feel alive,
when I don't feel at all
But I'm hanging on
till the curtain call
Phone is silent, not a single soul, no ringing in my ears
Isolation's violent, feeling cold, it feed into my fears
I hope they think I'm someone trying to be enough,
Everybody wants to be remembered by the ones they love

I live in a constant state of misery and fear
And when the world comes crashing down, around,
I'll still be here

tired

I get a couple thoughts in my mind
couple days, I don't feel right
Got me feeling strange, in these still nights
Hard to breathe, and my chest tight

so I add those feelings to a pile, and, things 
seem to be fine for a while, I mean,
I haven't relapsed to the harm,
just look at my arms, 
The scars are slowly beginning to

fade

But wait,
What's that ringing I hear,
A whisper on one side, a scream in my ear
the doubts, they return and they're feeding my fears
I'll never be perfect, I'm flawed, I'm aware
I'm reminded of it when I look in the mirror
But I bottle it up, when I'm drinking my tears
I'm trying to be better, 
why don't you get it?
I said what I meant when I-

I'm panicking, panic in
my head, there's static in
my veins, an addict in rehab, 
I like when it's numb,
When I feel no remorse for things that I've done
The things I regret and the things yet to come
It's always the same
I try and I fail, when I'm trying to change
Lying on nails when I'm staying up late
Going to sleep's getting harder for me 

these wolves look like sheep

They say that truth prevails,
So I fight through the lies, tooth and nail
But it's hard to recognize what's true or real
When I'm tryna stay sane, it's a whole ordeal
I don't know what to feel

That's a fact

Alone on the road,  
with this weight on my shoulder
It's taking it's toll,
Every year I get older

One step forward, one foot in front of
one more day, keep moving on and
one more sip, deep underwater
hate this shit, so peek under the covers

See what it's like,
See what I hide,
See what I keep buried deeper inside
See behind the lies
See behind the truth
See behind the mask
See if there's a path

Been looking for a way out through the dark
picking up pieces of my heart
I'm breaking down, watch me come apart
This is my...

tempest

the in-between moments.
(cover photo thanks to Joe)

LYRICS:
I keep to myself
been waiting too long
to figure it out
I don't want you gone

I know what I need
I know what I want
I don't have a thing
To help me along

And now I'm alone
Alone in the dark
You're sleeping while I'm
Alone with my thoughts

I got smoke up in my lungs
Can't quench this fire in my chest
I'm a candle slowly burning,
When I feel like such a mess

Unconditional, it's what you said you wanted
I piss you off, with words I never meant and
I miss you though, you're all I really got, I-

And I
Don't want
Don't want you to go
Don't leave me behind
When you're-
But I
Don't want
Don't want you to know
Just how much it hurts 
when you're not here

quiet

its a lil rough around the edges, a lil unpolished
just speaking my mind

Man, sometimes,
Sometimes I just feel like..
 
I feel like, I'm sitting on a tombstone
With my name etched in the side with a few roses
Laid in front of it, next to a few rows
Of unmarked mounds - while the tomb's still open
 
I was hoping that a lotta people showed up to the funeral,
My friends are probably busy, and my family's not around at all
So I sit in solemn silence, the ghosts'll keep me company
Let heaven be my witness, while my grave is looking up at me
 
Fire between my lips, I got smoke in my lungs
I should be trying to quit, but tonight I'm still young
It's,
Always like this, always the disconnect in my mind
between the people I care about, and who left me behind
 
I can't find, all the time, to connect with my peers
But I lie up at night and I swallow my tears
haha
Fuck it
If this the way it's gonna be
Then I might as well just start writing my own eulogy
 

 
 
Where do we go once the soul departs?
...
Does it matter?
We're all floating through this universe on a giant space rock
I'm just a single sperm cell on the tip of a giant space cock
 
I don't even fucking know what I'm saying
Some days I feel like I just might be going insane
On the edge of something dangerous, I'm staring down a cliff
I can't seem to find the space of mind to ever give a shit
 
Fuck everything, fuck everyone that never came around
Never gave a fucking chance to me to fucking prove myself
I don't give a fuck about myself, I put myself through hell
I'm walking through the flames, while I swallow all these nails
 
Crucify my ego, hang it by the neck and choke it
Drive a pike through my cortex, maybe that'll help me focus
On how meaningless it all is, nothing really matters
Fuck reflection, there's no light for me to look into a mirror
 
All I see is blackness, tossing dirt in my eyes
Only death will save me from feeling like a burden when I cry
Mental health only matters after someone takes their life
Look ma, I'm well adjusted, now watch me play with knives
 
Remember the time I chopped my arm into shreds?
I didn't cut too deep, I was scared that I'd end up dead
But that's the thing though, I'm just a dead man walking
Somebody call Rick Grimes, this corpse's still talking
 
In the end, I talk a lot of shit, and I get it
It's just the way that I cope with struggles but I always regret it
If I said something to hurt you, hope you know I never meant it
I just wish someone could hear me, but these walls are double padded
 
And I've had it, I'm an addict to this pain in my chest
Thought that I was different but I'm just enslaved like the rest
We're all tryna look for meaning, we're not so different, I guess
So let me read to you, my eulogy, as here I rest

posthumous

UNDER RECONSTRUCTION.

「1753」
Ruckus
4th Culture Club
REST IN PEACE suneater

rainy

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