lyrics 

// 

i wish i knew how to stop, 
it's hard to look i wanna rip each mirror off, 
but it's comfort in a world of discomfort, 
but it kills me more each day 

i wanna be like her, 
she was someone i once knew, 
she knew what she wanted and everyone wanted her too, 
i wondered why i was inclined to love her 
figured it out on the walk through, 

it's human nature to love what is beautiful, 
but what is beautiful won't love you

what is beautiful won't love you

i love you, always. 

lyrics 

// 

valentina mops all the corridors, 
if there was a woman as strong as her, 
living anywhere in this world 

valentina, a city, a face, a coffin 
there will never be a time she isn't with me in my mind.. 

shushing me, cause i could never shut my mouth, 
but i could never say enough for them to see 

shushing me, cause she knows the pain that i'm in now,
but she could never be the one to bring us peace 

valentina raised me up to be a woman 
but a woman i could never be, 
she was always so disappointed in me, 
but valentina loved me more than anyone, 
she was always standing by my side, 
always asked me to confide 

valentina is my mothers mother 
the only one who really cared 
she was so strong, but so scared 

shushing me, cause i could never shut my mouth, 
but i could never say enough for them to see 

shushing me, cause she knows the pain that i'm in now,
but she could never be the one to bring us peace

valentina

this was a sad day. but it ended! because all sad days end! now that's something to look forward to. 

anyways, 
lyrics
// 
i said i'm starting over so i am, 
tomorrow im gonna wake up a new man 
make mom a cup of coffee in bed, 
i'll never raise my voice at her again 
and tomorrow i'll be everybody's friend 
(can't do it any longer) 

i know i can do it if i try, 
and i know i don't have to cry 
tomorrow i'll be everybody's friend 

feels divine being home
please don't tell me where to go 
no bars, no pills, no random guys, 
no angst, no anger, just my pride 
i'll be fine all alone
it feels divine being home 

can't do it any longer, but i'll do it 

can't care no more that i'm not her, 
sad how those lines seem to blur 
if they were there, they'd feel my hurt 
that's all i want in this whole world

july 31

i wrote this when i thought i had completely lost faith in life and love after a really bad experience. it was almost 2 years ago now. i wish i could go back and tell myself those feelings aren't as permanent as they seem. they'll come back again, and again, but they'll never overstay their welcome, and it's not your fault (pinky promise). 

anyways, 
lyrics 

make it easy make it quick so i can go home and cry
still make it peaceful, ethereal, make it kind 
don't dare make a fool of me 
and ask if, i'm alright
if i'm good for anything it's for being tossed aside 

last night, 
i got so high, 
my fingers ran wild, 
i thought of you 

coming for ages or coming of age? 
looking for teardrops only finding cravings 
wanting to feel but only feeling tainted 
somehow the love and the anguish has faded 
don't ask if it hurts, nothing can hurt me 
don't bandage the burns, more flames are coming 

make it hard, make it rough so i can sleep tonight, 
i want the tigers in your fingers to eat me alive, 
don't dare make a fool of me and ask if i'm fine 
i'm fine as fine gets or fine as i can get without trying

would she cry?

about not knowing anything, expecting nothing, and it's really special to me for that reason. 

anyways, 
lyrics

// 

i don't wanna live forever, 
in fact i hardly wanna live right now,
but today i spoke to heather, 
she said she likes having me around 

and my meds they seem to be working, 
today i even showered and paid my bills
and i hope i can take them forever 
my hollow hopes are finally filled 

and anyone who wants me can take me 
i've been on the clearance rack for years and years 
and i know nothings gonna last forever 
but today do with me what you will 

this is the first happy song ive ever written 
so im sorry if i just cant get it right, 
but im drunk off a single glass of week-old chardonnay 
and god damnit, i'll be happy tonight

uncorked wine

you all over me - tswizzle cover

birthday blues written and recorded in the span of 15 mins i dissociated entirely enjoy

lyrics 

//

i'm 21 now, still hoping vlad will come home from his trip soon
if we deserve better, well its not coming 
i miss laughing, screaming, running 
through peaks in nowhere, pennsylvania 
"he's got me" i once could say that 
it's been 13 years

since then there's been forty-million men, 
a battered heart, an empty bed 
i'm leaving tears on folded sheets and spilling neats in a doubletree 
"this feeling has to happen" 
they say "this has to happen"
do you know how long its been happening? 

i was young -  i wanted love and christmas eve, 
mom and dad and block parties,
not four guitars and a broken lease 
but to silence war, make him believe 

now that i live in tortureland, when i'm not slipping through the sand 
i'm woken up to shaking knees, a feeling that just won't let me breathe 
so i stop the thoughts, i write the mantras
"i'm better off" what if i'm not though?
i bathe it off, wait for tomorrow 
bloodshot eyes, self soothe with vodka 
the jeans don't fit, i call the shots though 
i'm better off, what if i'm not though?

it's taken years to get me here
four brown eyes, two empty beers 
says he loves me, i know he still loves her
our whole life flashes by in a blur 
in 20 years we'll have a pool 
he'll wake up drive the kids to school 
then in 10 days or 10 years  i'll wake up
with this same feeling, he'll be gone 
the kids come knocking at the door, 
i'll tell them what i was told before, 
"it's not your fault, we're better off, you may not want to but, life goes on" 

then claire will be singing these same songs, 
on bathroom floors same fights with god
we'll dream of love like 
high school couples 
dance floor dare, die for each other 

meet the parents, shake their hands, 
make good plans and take good care
without the harrowing withdrawals 

expecting nothing, getting nothing, 
secretly praying for something

claire she'll be singing all my songs, 
on bathroom floors, our fight with god 
we'll dream of love like high school couples, 
dance floor dare, die for each other 

meet the parents, shake their hands, 
make good plans and take good care

expecting nothing, getting nothing


Written, Recorded and Produced by Rachelle Fazylova,  June 2022.

claire and me in 2047

for my two sisters. the deepest love i’ve ever known.

next year - two door cinema club cover (rachelle fazylova)

go to 1:15 to skip instrumental in the beginning!!!

The 1975 Mashup (somebody else, sex, girls, this must be my dream)

putting life back into a dead childhood dream and resolving a burdening fear that no one will ever hear my songs.  voice memos, demos, and crying voice cracks

all songs written, recorded, produced by rachelle fazylova unless denoted as a cover

rachelle fazylova

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