Bank-founding billionaire Philip Bank encounters a travelling circus; lonely yet beautiful spinster Ms. Velvet looks for love, while 60s rock legends Cream turn to a life of crime in this, our inaugural podcast.

Title: Cash Rules Everything Around Me, Cream get the Money
Main Character: Philip
Strange Secret: He cannot open umbrellas
Climactic Final Location: The tunnels under Liverpool
Sponsored by: Rubber gloves

Series 1, Episode 1 - 'Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M, Get the Money'

Mummy’s boy Oglethorpe turns amateur sleuth; Colin Montgomerie trawls the golf courses of Scotland in search of treasure, and a man’s unfeasibly long legs meet a prolonged, sticky end in our second rip-roaring adventure!

Title: Montgomerie’s Quest
Main Character: Oglethorpe
Strange Secret: He has an S and M Treehouse
Climactic Final Location: The Pound Shop in Govan, Glasgow
Sponsored by: Lollipops

Series 1, Episode 2 – 'Montgomerie's Quest'

Godfrey-spurning Scot Ethel finds herself jobless in London; the sinister Russian ‘Master’ and child-henchman Gribble cook up a meteorological plot to steal the crown jewels, and Daniel’s microphone occasionally cuts out in our thrilling third episode!

Title: The Rolling Thunder
Main Character: Ethel
Strange Secret: She is allergic to chocolate
Climactic Final Location: The bathroom at Buckingham Palace
Sponsored by: Lollipops

Series 1, Episode 3 – 'The Rolling Thunder'

Fearless explorer Dr Gringshopp and curious companion Lee Gormenghast journey along the Amazon; gentleman adventurers Snatchladle and Childe concoct the most abominable quest of all; and we walk the perilous tightrope of ex State Governorial lawsuits in our globetrotting fourth episode!

Title: Cooking Bananas in a Canoe
Main Character: Lee
Strange Secret: He does not exist
Climactic Final Location: A hut in Alaska
Sponsored by: Hair

Series 1, Episode 4 – 'Cooking Bananas in a Canoe'

Bridge-decorating train-dodger Geoffrey paints his little cotton socks off for Mr Musselwhite; dastardly Scot Lord Calico asks Mr Quivers to investigate the exodus of Fifers; and Miriam’s personification of fruit and use of hallucinatory surfactant raises questions as to whether she’s a suitable guardian for her son Tommy.

Title: The Mystery of the Forth Elephant
Main Character: Geoffrey
Strange Secret: He loves rabbits
Climactic Final Location: Edinburgh Zoo
Sponsored by: German Children

Series 1, Episode 5 - 'The Mystery of the Forth Elephant'

Chronically inept spy Thomas investigates the secretion of unknown weaponry into music cases at the request of Mr Venables; criminal mastermind Rupert sends hydrophilic angoraphile Phyllis to meet a cockney; and the audience’s pre-recording obsession with the number of swimming pools in Senegal (answers here) leads to some inscrutable moments.

Title: I’m Sorry Guv’nor
Main Character: Thomas
Strange Secret: He glows in the dark
Climactic Final Location: A music shop in Senegal
Sponsored by: Shoe soles

Series 1, Episode 6 – ‘I’m Sorry Guv’nor’

Nobel Prize winner-training teacher Geraldo Jimenez must defend St Cuthbert’s School from Grimsby Council’s plans to bulldoze it; town planner Jethro Jelroy and wife grapple with problems of the heart and the hound; while the Jelroy’s son and star pupil Concertine flees into the woods, and a certain soul legend has Grimsby on the mind, in the Wireless Podcast!

Title: My Spaniel, Rachel
Main Character: Geraldo
Strange Secret: He has the heart of a robot
Climactic Final Location: The frozen goods aisle in Tesco in Grimsby
Sponsored by: Mr Tickle Soft Toys

Series 1, Episode 12 - ‘My Spaniel, Rachel’

It's the brand new series of the Wireless Podcast, kicking off with a horsey tale that plumbs new depths of mystery and adventure. Benjamin's bride heads to finishing school, and seems a changed filly upon her return. Can the day be saved before a Balkan misdemeanour catches up with our rather wet hero?

Title: The Invaders of the Brackfield Plumbing Company
Main Character: Benjamin
Strange Secret: Can choose to be invisible
Featured Location: Cheltenham Ladies College
Sponsored by: False Beer

Series 2, Episode 1 - 'The Invaders of the Brackfield Plumbing Company'

Can ambassadorial assistant Jemima restore the English tongue to its proper form before all hell (and her drunken charge's trousers) breaks loose in Uganda? Big game hunting, Welsh children abroad, saucy carpets, and British pride put to the test - it's all here as lagnauge gtes dsirputed in the dazzling second episode of the second series of The Wireless Podcast!

Title: The Fact Dictionary
Main Character: Jemima
Strange Secret: Cannot Turn Left
Featured Location: Brewery Cellar in Uganda
Sponsored By: Laxatives

Series 2, Episode 2 - 'The Fact Dictionary'

Corpulent gender-secretive state-hopper Francis (or is it Frances?) is caught up in a devilish plot cooked-up by a certain decadent celluloid pair. Will Vegas be reduced to a graveyard thanks to a killer new show, or can our plucky hero(ine?) avoid being guilty of journalistic accessory to murder? Cretans in hotels, phone-box roulette and hacks in a pen - it's an audio experience to die for in this third episode of series two of The Wireless Podcast!

Title: An Evening With Taylors
Main Character: Francis/Frances
Strange Secret: He/She is an Amnesiac
Featured Location: A Casino in Las Vegas
Sponsored by: Teapots

Series 2, Episode 3 - 'An Evening With Taylors'

Subterranean guide Jacob has the homesick blues, but a trail of grape-based destruction across the Outback could lead him to answers about his mother's demise, and perhaps the devil himself. Plus everyone in Australia is part horse. Did we mention that?

Title: This Time The Red Wine Is No Excuse
Main Character: Jacob
Strange Secret: He has lost his skis
Featured Location: A pig-farm in Tasmania
Sponsored by: Cat food

Series 2, Episode 5 - 'This Time The Red Wine Is No Excuse'

Flatulent flame-belcher Joseph attracts the crowds to his animal-unfriendly touring circus, but not all the audience have his (or West Africa's) best interests in mind. Jellyfish pools! Melting Jethro Tull records! Men without beards! It's an African adventure like no other!

Title: Farting Fire!
Main Character: Joseph
Strange Secret: He can't swim
Featured Location: A scuba diving shop in Niger
Sponsored by: Shaving foam

Series 2, Episode 6 - 'Farting Fire!'

An Antipodean plot fosters Welsh discomfort. Train-driver (and de facto president) Jacob is the only one who can save the day, and the woman he (and his boss) loves. To top it all off, it's his birthday, and EVERYBODY'S drunk.

Title: Be Mine (Beer)
Main Character: Jacob
Strange Secret: He has three legs
Featured Location: A mine in South Wales
Sponsored by: Soap

Series 2, Episode 7 - 'Be Mine (Beer)'

Whisky-distiller Franca can't choose between the two men in her life, but an unlikely trip to Mars might just make her (omnipresent?) mind up. Oh, and there's also an EXTREMELY annoying character called Mitchum.

Title: What Goes On When The Lights Come Back On
Main Character: Franca
Strange Secret: She's not a human
Featured Location: A crater on Mars
Sponsored by: The shameless plugging of sausages

Series 2, Episode 10 - 'What Goes On When The Lights Come Back On'

The BBC kindly (and unwisely) let us have a bash at the airwaves, unleashing our improvised mayhem on a live audience at the Edinburgh Festival. 'Britain Tonight' was the result. Enjoy. 

'Britain Tonight!' Live on BBC Radio 6 Breakfast

Captain Albatross takes to the ocean with a threadbare crew, whilst God himself can’t bear losing the thread of his omniscience. It’s sort of Pirates of the Caribbean meets The Bible (and Matt Groeing is probably instigating legal proceedings) in this timber-shivering adventure!

Featuring special guest foley artist Alexis Dubus.

Title: God Only Knows What to Expect
Main character: Captain Albatross
Strange secret: Afraid of skunks
Featured Location: The couch at home
Sponsor: Blackbeard’s eyepatches

Series 3, Episode 5 – 'God Only Knows What To Expect'

Retired detective Uriah investigates a string of increasingly 'orrible crimes that lead him right to the heart of London's underworld (and a saucy French dame) in this soot-smothered slice of devious Victoriana.

Featuring special guest foley artist Brianna Williams.

Title: The Shimmyshank of the Chimney Sweep
Character: Uriah Creep
Strange Secret: A Phobia of Stickers
Featured Location: in Afghanistan, on Top of a Camel
Sponsor: Milquetoast Crunch

Series 3, Episode 6 – 'The Shimmyshank of the Chimney Sweep'

The Rat Pack are back, with their (old blue) eye on ensuring New York, New York is the only place named twice. Meanwhile nominatively determined Wolfgang is finding that, sure enough, everybody loves somebody, in the sleepy Australian town of Toodyay. Inevitably, there’s stormy weather on the horizon though, as Frank and co roll into the twofold-titled township with destructive intent.

Featuring special guest foley artist Alice Winn.

Title: The Revenge of the Rat Pack
Main Character: Wolfgang
Strange Secret: Has a Second Head
Featured Location: In A Pub in Toodyay, Australia
Sponsored by: Medicinal Tooth Powder

Series 4, Episode 1 – 'The Revenge Of The Rat Pack'

Hapless petty criminal Bailey cuts a deal with the coppers, and goes deep under cover. All the beards are being stolen from priceless artworks. But why? It's a race against time, and to top it all off, our reluctant hero's wearing paper clothes.

Featuring special guest foley artist Alice Winn.

Title: Beards From Faces!
Main Character: Bailey
Strange Secret: He's From Beta Centauri
Featured Location: Shona's Kitchen
Sponsored by: Meow Mix

Series 4, Episode 2 – 'Beards From Faces!'

Ex-pat Scot Malcolm just wants to be an opera star, but ghostly goings on are causing chaos in the theatre. Soon the US Intelligence Services are involved, and so are Coldplay, obviously.

Featuring special guest foley artist Bobbi Sox.

Title: Bananas Are Yellow 
Main Character: Malcolm The Brave 
Strange Secret: He’s A Duck In A Man Suit 
Featured Location: In An Opera Theatre In Mexico 
Sponsored by: Rabies

Series 4, Episode 6 – 'Bananas Are Yellow'

Foley: Patrick Hercamp

Name: Louis Moo
Secret: Antique chess set fetish
Location: Public bathroom/fish market in Berlin
Sponsor: Henry

Series 4, Episode 10 – 'The Devil In Disguise'

When sisters Kandi, Candy and Quandee learn that only one of them has been included in their late father’s will, all sher-bets are off. In Britain, Jeremy Corbyn seems out some Prime Ministerial fancy pants, to give him a much needed dose of panache. 
WARNING! Contains Crotch Goblins!

Series 5, Episode 1 – 'At The Bottom Of The Pit'

Conflicting feelings butt heads in The Hamlet of Emotions, as Love and Hate battle for the hand of the only outsider, Tracey. Meanwhile, prosecutors bring a bit of Broadway razzle-dazzle to the oddly ecclesiastical courtrooms of the American South; as judges bow to style over substance, will Love conquer all?

Series 5, Episode 2 – 'The Courtroom Dance Battle'

Something terrible lurks in the dark dark woods (although it isn't punctuation) but that won't stop Moggy fulfilling his promise to a mysterious young woman. However, the rest of the world just got a little darker when a certain pop princess forgot to check whether she had all her personal belongings with her before alighting from the train.

Series 5, Episode 3 – 'Don't Leave Your Umbrella On The Train'

Our tale follows Derek van Beeken and Robert De Nrio, two men fighting for their jobs in very different ways, one oppressed by the draconian employment laws of his country, the other by echoes of the past and his own hubris. But which will make the better fist of it?

Series 5, Episode 4 – 'Tough Act To Follow'

Arnold is a bullish American envoy in the South China Sea, at odds with the audibly Japanese submarine crew, and generally cuckolded by his wife back home. He may well have to mutiny and take control of the ship, if there’s to be any hope of stopping Australian PM (at the time) Malcolm Turnbull from starting a reckless unchecked war. A thrilling tale replete with accent troubles, naked beds and a lot of dodgy territory just about skirted!

Series 5, Episode 5 – 'The Gay Agenda'

Ace Iberian archaeologist Nikita might have nabbed a priceless magic carpet from a cavern, but now that the population of London is turning subterranean in pursuit of cheaper property prices, she may be the only one who can save humanity from the darkness. A thrilling tale, replete with excavated guacamole, lukewarm samosas, and precioussss things in the deep.

Series 5, Episode 6 – 'The Underground City'

Dr Spotless Dirt has been sent to the Planet of the Buttocks by NASA to find a remedy to save mankind's own backsides from extinction. But it soon becomes clear that this is only one small part of a much bigger threat facing the world, with its roots in biblical times. Let's just say our abnormally puerile audience really outdid themselves with the suggestions this time around...

Series 5, Episode 7 – 'The Forgotten Unicorn'

Mediocre young remainiac remoaner Jason Tepid finds himself imprisoned in Western Australia back in 2017 under a new British-Australian treaty, whilst over in Europe Geert Wilders is gearing up for that year's Dutch election. Some now dated and some still surprisingly relevant references to Brexit and all that ensue as Jason's quest to escape punishment and Wilders' lust for power are on a collision course...

Series 5, Episode 8 – 'Dutch Tits!'

⚠️ META EPISODE ALERT ⚠️ The entirely appropriately named Tess Tickle and loose-trousered Captain Cockburn rummage around a Hawaiian shipwreck; while audience member (and daughter of a figure-skating legend) Laurie revels in her newfound powers of suggestion.

Series 5, Episode 9 – 'Please Help Me!'

Richard and Judy's marriage gets off to a difficult start when they honeymoon separately on different continents, while casino moguls Freshwave and Clyde want to take the phrase 'the House always wins' to its most all-consuming logical conclusion. Can love triumph over Richard's indecision, the villains' greed for victory and New Zealand's antiquated laws?

Series 5, Episode 10 – 'In The House'

A smash-hit series of entirely improvised comedy adventures from critically acclaimed UK wits Racing Minds. Exotic locales, extraordinary characters, inexplicable plots - expect all this and more in a tongue-in-cheek homage to classic 50s radio serials. Broadcast live for your listening pleasure from sell-out runs at comedy festivals around the world.

Performed by Chris Turner, Tom Skelton, Daniel Nils Roberts & Douglas Walker.

Racing Minds

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