Bank-founding billionaire Philip Bank encounters a travelling circus; lonely yet beautiful spinster Ms. Velvet looks for love, while 60s rock legends Cream turn to a life of crime in this, our inaugural podcast.

Title: Cash Rules Everything Around Me, Cream get the Money
Main Character: Philip
Strange Secret: He cannot open umbrellas
Climactic Final Location: The tunnels under Liverpool
Sponsored by: Rubber gloves

Series 1, Episode 1 - 'Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M, Get the Money'

Godfrey-spurning Scot Ethel finds herself jobless in London; the sinister Russian ‘Master’ and child-henchman Gribble cook up a meteorological plot to steal the crown jewels, and Daniel’s microphone occasionally cuts out in our thrilling third episode!

Title: The Rolling Thunder
Main Character: Ethel
Strange Secret: She is allergic to chocolate
Climactic Final Location: The bathroom at Buckingham Palace
Sponsored by: Lollipops

Series 1, Episode 3 – 'The Rolling Thunder'

Fearless explorer Dr Gringshopp and curious companion Lee Gormenghast journey along the Amazon; gentleman adventurers Snatchladle and Childe concoct the most abominable quest of all; and we walk the perilous tightrope of ex State Governorial lawsuits in our globetrotting fourth episode!

Title: Cooking Bananas in a Canoe
Main Character: Lee
Strange Secret: He does not exist
Climactic Final Location: A hut in Alaska
Sponsored by: Hair

Series 1, Episode 4 – 'Cooking Bananas in a Canoe'

Bridge-decorating train-dodger Geoffrey paints his little cotton socks off for Mr Musselwhite; dastardly Scot Lord Calico asks Mr Quivers to investigate the exodus of Fifers; and Miriam’s personification of fruit and use of hallucinatory surfactant raises questions as to whether she’s a suitable guardian for her son Tommy.

Title: The Mystery of the Forth Elephant
Main Character: Geoffrey
Strange Secret: He loves rabbits
Climactic Final Location: Edinburgh Zoo
Sponsored by: German Children

Series 1, Episode 5 - 'The Mystery of the Forth Elephant'

Louvre security guard Wilbur has his sights set on curatorship and the hand of the ravissante Cecily, but first, Monsieur Beaujolais needs him to investigate a curious case of materialising art. A shadowy but efficient Dutch Master; a particularly persistent canard; and fourth dimensional exploits in the name of civil engineering all make an impression, while the audience’s childish response to French affirmatives threaten to disrupt the play’s mise-en-Seine. 

Title: The River That Ran Fast
Main Character: Wilbur
Strange Secret: He is Dead
Climactic Final Location: A Café in Paris
Sponsored by: Time Travelling Biscuits

Series 1, Episode 8 – ‘The River That Ran Fast’

Groom-to-be Adam can’t see past fiancé Genevieve’s Italian ice cream dalliances; Sarah commands Martin to carry out even more extreme engastration than her sister’s Turducken; and Benny the Boy Detective attempts to halt the animal thievery in our ninth rollicking podcast!

Title: ‘The Zookeeper’s Son’
Main Character: Adam
Strange Secret: He’s Allergic to the Colour Blue
Climactic Final Location: The Mars Factory in Slough
Sponsored by: Animal Shampoo

Series 1, Episode 9 – ‘The Zookeeper’s Son’

Bumbling, big-hearted policeman George receives a tip-off from the unfortunate Mr Ethelred about nefarious goings on in the box-packing factory; gruff, aspiring crimelord Albert Burninger and adolescent accomplice Jonathan discusses the finer points of mixing cocoa; while Sebastian Hough (or is it Hough?) makes an unlikely guinea pig in our eleventh episode, stuffed to the ribs with superfluous tracheotomies, dead dogs and Bevry!

Title: ‘The Clockwork Kiwi Fruit
Main Character: George
Strange Secret: He loves to knit
Climactic Final Location: A Fishmarket in Grimsby
Sponsored by: Chopsticks

Series 1, Episode 11 – ‘The Clockwork Kiwi Fruit’

Fatherless young Gerald just wants to be boring with the pretty Prunella, but a Peruvian plot by child-catching Barty and Jeremiah puts all his plans in danger. From an Oxford furniture shop, via the hold of an ocean liner, to the lost city of Machu Picchu, will anyone save our globe-trotting heroes from a certain closet-villain, who takes the notion of the author as God dangerously literally?

Title: The Back of the Wardrobe
Main Character: Gerald
Strange Secret: He steals lepers’ loafers
Climactic Final Location: Machu Picchu
Sponsored by: Honky-tonk Karaoke

Series 1, Episode 13 – ‘The Back of the Wardrobe’

Can ambassadorial assistant Jemima restore the English tongue to its proper form before all hell (and her drunken charge's trousers) breaks loose in Uganda? Big game hunting, Welsh children abroad, saucy carpets, and British pride put to the test - it's all here as lagnauge gtes dsirputed in the dazzling second episode of the second series of The Wireless Podcast!

Title: The Fact Dictionary
Main Character: Jemima
Strange Secret: Cannot Turn Left
Featured Location: Brewery Cellar in Uganda
Sponsored By: Laxatives

Series 2, Episode 2 - 'The Fact Dictionary'

Abraham is a Potter with artistic pretensions, but a pretentious (former) artist is striving to make it all go to pot. It's the fairytale of the frog prince as you've never heard it before - with Hackneyed puns galore!

Title: The Mystical Frog that Fell Down a Well
Main Character: Abraham Potter 
Strange Secret: He has an echo
Featured Location: Hospital in Hackney
Sponsored by: Chocolate

Series 2, Episode 4 - 'The Mystical Frog That Fell Down A Well'

Subterranean guide Jacob has the homesick blues, but a trail of grape-based destruction across the Outback could lead him to answers about his mother's demise, and perhaps the devil himself. Plus everyone in Australia is part horse. Did we mention that?

Title: This Time The Red Wine Is No Excuse
Main Character: Jacob
Strange Secret: He has lost his skis
Featured Location: A pig-farm in Tasmania
Sponsored by: Cat food

Series 2, Episode 5 - 'This Time The Red Wine Is No Excuse'

Flatulent flame-belcher Joseph attracts the crowds to his animal-unfriendly touring circus, but not all the audience have his (or West Africa's) best interests in mind. Jellyfish pools! Melting Jethro Tull records! Men without beards! It's an African adventure like no other!

Title: Farting Fire!
Main Character: Joseph
Strange Secret: He can't swim
Featured Location: A scuba diving shop in Niger
Sponsored by: Shaving foam

Series 2, Episode 6 - 'Farting Fire!'

The BBC kindly (and unwisely) let us have a bash at the airwaves, unleashing our improvised mayhem on a live audience at the Edinburgh Festival. 'Britain Tonight' was the result. Enjoy. 

'Britain Tonight!' Live on BBC Radio 6 Breakfast

Lady Bottomley's morning mourning is interrupted as she finds herself knee-deep in gold-digging birthday-suited suitors. To make matters worse the butler hasn't spotted the squatters, and there's something very valuable hidden in the manor - if only anyone could find it. Plus society might just be falling apart.

Featuring special guest foley artist Will Pickvance - http://www.willpickvance.com

Title: Champagne In A Trashcan
Main Character: Lady Bottomley
Strange Secret: She is terrified of curtains
Featured Location: A nudist beach in Bournemouth
Sponsored by: Yorkshire puddings

Episode photograph by Kim Anderson.

Series 3, Episode 1 – 'Champagne In A Trashcan'

In this whiskey-soaked Southern parable, hapless Englebert is mistaken for his famous namesake, but life as a big-shot recording artist isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – particularly when a knuckle-cracking blues veteran might well be a rheum with a view to stealing his soul (to swap for soul on the steel-string). Also, a father is the devil’s son, and the band seriously need to see a doctor in this (Bohemian) Rhapsody in blues!

Featuring special guest foley artist Famous Sharron – www.famoussharron.com/

Title: Rheumy Blues
Main Character: Englebert Humperdinck
Strange Secret: The Queen’s lovechild
Featured Location: The Jungle Gym
Sponsored by: Crunchy Hairspray

Episode photograph by Kim Anderson.

Series 3, Episode 2 – 'Rheumy Blues'

Unadorned grouch Sans moves to a mouthful of a sleepy village (and make sure you are asleep), where he's the only one who can stop inter-dimensional (and general) confusion as fiery fantasy becomes terrifying reality.

Featuring special guest foley artist Ruby Slippers.

Title: Judy’s Left Sock
Main Character: Sans Serif
Strange Secret: Couldn’t Tell The Tim
Featured Location: The Tower of Mordor
Sponsor: That Company That Isn’t Facebook But Wants To Be

Series 3, Episode 4 – 'Judy's Left Sock'

Captain Albatross takes to the ocean with a threadbare crew, whilst God himself can’t bear losing the thread of his omniscience. It’s sort of Pirates of the Caribbean meets The Bible (and Matt Groeing is probably instigating legal proceedings) in this timber-shivering adventure!

Featuring special guest foley artist Alexis Dubus.

Title: God Only Knows What to Expect
Main character: Captain Albatross
Strange secret: Afraid of skunks
Featured Location: The couch at home
Sponsor: Blackbeard’s eyepatches

Series 3, Episode 5 – 'God Only Knows What To Expect'

Retired detective Uriah investigates a string of increasingly 'orrible crimes that lead him right to the heart of London's underworld (and a saucy French dame) in this soot-smothered slice of devious Victoriana.

Featuring special guest foley artist Brianna Williams.

Title: The Shimmyshank of the Chimney Sweep
Character: Uriah Creep
Strange Secret: A Phobia of Stickers
Featured Location: in Afghanistan, on Top of a Camel
Sponsor: Milquetoast Crunch

Series 3, Episode 6 – 'The Shimmyshank of the Chimney Sweep'

Epithetic deity The Messiah is a prolific French artist. Can perfumed paintings help him to live up to his billing before Rupert Murdoch's devious plot to monopolise all forms of information plunges the world into darkness? Find out before the lawsuits ensue!

Featuring special guest foley artist Clara Cupcakes.

Title: Stop IT!
Character: The Messiah
Strange Secret: He’s an avid cuckold
Featured Location: Perfumery in Paris
Sponsor: Brown’s Beers

Series 3, Episode 7 – 'Stop IT'

The Rat Pack are back, with their (old blue) eye on ensuring New York, New York is the only place named twice. Meanwhile nominatively determined Wolfgang is finding that, sure enough, everybody loves somebody, in the sleepy Australian town of Toodyay. Inevitably, there’s stormy weather on the horizon though, as Frank and co roll into the twofold-titled township with destructive intent.

Featuring special guest foley artist Alice Winn.

Title: The Revenge of the Rat Pack
Main Character: Wolfgang
Strange Secret: Has a Second Head
Featured Location: In A Pub in Toodyay, Australia
Sponsored by: Medicinal Tooth Powder

Series 4, Episode 1 – 'The Revenge Of The Rat Pack'

Foley: Duncan Turner

Name: Sir Snowbaz Pynch
Secret: He was afraid of Chickens
Location: The Peak of Mt. Lofty
Sponsor: Pie Floater

Series 4, Episode 9 – 'Bad Things Happen'

Foley: Patrick Hercamp

Name: Louis Moo
Secret: Antique chess set fetish
Location: Public bathroom/fish market in Berlin
Sponsor: Henry

Series 4, Episode 10 – 'The Devil In Disguise'

When sisters Kandi, Candy and Quandee learn that only one of them has been included in their late father’s will, all sher-bets are off. In Britain, Jeremy Corbyn seems out some Prime Ministerial fancy pants, to give him a much needed dose of panache. 
WARNING! Contains Crotch Goblins!

Series 5, Episode 1 – 'At The Bottom Of The Pit'

Conflicting feelings butt heads in The Hamlet of Emotions, as Love and Hate battle for the hand of the only outsider, Tracey. Meanwhile, prosecutors bring a bit of Broadway razzle-dazzle to the oddly ecclesiastical courtrooms of the American South; as judges bow to style over substance, will Love conquer all?

Series 5, Episode 2 – 'The Courtroom Dance Battle'

Something terrible lurks in the dark dark woods (although it isn't punctuation) but that won't stop Moggy fulfilling his promise to a mysterious young woman. However, the rest of the world just got a little darker when a certain pop princess forgot to check whether she had all her personal belongings with her before alighting from the train.

Series 5, Episode 3 – 'Don't Leave Your Umbrella On The Train'

Our tale follows Derek van Beeken and Robert De Nrio, two men fighting for their jobs in very different ways, one oppressed by the draconian employment laws of his country, the other by echoes of the past and his own hubris. But which will make the better fist of it?

Series 5, Episode 4 – 'Tough Act To Follow'

Arnold is a bullish American envoy in the South China Sea, at odds with the audibly Japanese submarine crew, and generally cuckolded by his wife back home. He may well have to mutiny and take control of the ship, if there’s to be any hope of stopping Australian PM (at the time) Malcolm Turnbull from starting a reckless unchecked war. A thrilling tale replete with accent troubles, naked beds and a lot of dodgy territory just about skirted!

Series 5, Episode 5 – 'The Gay Agenda'

Ace Iberian archaeologist Nikita might have nabbed a priceless magic carpet from a cavern, but now that the population of London is turning subterranean in pursuit of cheaper property prices, she may be the only one who can save humanity from the darkness. A thrilling tale, replete with excavated guacamole, lukewarm samosas, and precioussss things in the deep.

Series 5, Episode 6 – 'The Underground City'

Dr Spotless Dirt has been sent to the Planet of the Buttocks by NASA to find a remedy to save mankind's own backsides from extinction. But it soon becomes clear that this is only one small part of a much bigger threat facing the world, with its roots in biblical times. Let's just say our abnormally puerile audience really outdid themselves with the suggestions this time around...

Series 5, Episode 7 – 'The Forgotten Unicorn'

Mediocre young remainiac remoaner Jason Tepid finds himself imprisoned in Western Australia back in 2017 under a new British-Australian treaty, whilst over in Europe Geert Wilders is gearing up for that year's Dutch election. Some now dated and some still surprisingly relevant references to Brexit and all that ensue as Jason's quest to escape punishment and Wilders' lust for power are on a collision course...

Series 5, Episode 8 – 'Dutch Tits!'

⚠️ META EPISODE ALERT ⚠️ The entirely appropriately named Tess Tickle and loose-trousered Captain Cockburn rummage around a Hawaiian shipwreck; while audience member (and daughter of a figure-skating legend) Laurie revels in her newfound powers of suggestion.

Series 5, Episode 9 – 'Please Help Me!'

Richard and Judy's marriage gets off to a difficult start when they honeymoon separately on different continents, while casino moguls Freshwave and Clyde want to take the phrase 'the House always wins' to its most all-consuming logical conclusion. Can love triumph over Richard's indecision, the villains' greed for victory and New Zealand's antiquated laws?

Series 5, Episode 10 – 'In The House'

A smash-hit series of entirely improvised comedy adventures from critically acclaimed UK wits Racing Minds. Exotic locales, extraordinary characters, inexplicable plots - expect all this and more in a tongue-in-cheek homage to classic 50s radio serials. Broadcast live for your listening pleasure from sell-out runs at comedy festivals around the world.

Performed by Chris Turner, Tom Skelton, Daniel Nils Roberts & Douglas Walker.

Racing Minds

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