The Thin Grey Line

(prettyboiark)


these flames look good on you
this shame i choose to use

bloodstained carpet my heart
fire dancing in dark
would i take this too far
still im falling apart

internal wasteland unchart
broken pieces depart

im still running from myself my other side elopes
i can not fathom that your gone i thundered cried alone
imma get straight to the point why stutter i cant cope
when i look back at my life i wonder why im chose

bloodstained carpet my heart
fire dancing in dark
could i take this too far
still im falling apart
apart

i fall apart

i fall apart - prettyboiark

(prettyboiark)

plaguing my mind like a virus
will i ever find my solace 
changing my life without trying
rerunned memories aint pausing
maybe if i pushed on harder
my efforts wont be for nothing

who am i trynna fool bluffing
(fuck)

no i will never let u go
told i would try but i dont
woke up at night by ur home 
(with) hope on my mind and coke in my nose
 
maybe in the right time i will finally accept
but currently im pressing a tech 9 against my head

years
they slip away
im trying not to recgonize my past is only pain
here
i dig my grave
will i ever climb out only time could tell the case

posted on the side of my woes
could i just survive what i wrote
my pen only destroyed homes
wont cope with what i chose to make

one day may i ever find the awnser i always dread
until that time im drowning in delusions chose instead

lying to the mirror

lying to the mirror - prettyboiark

(prettyboiark)

yeah you know i love you but u make me drown
close my eyes and then i breathe my last breath
theres no future when demise is all you ever wanna get
i brought you back alive but then u looked at me upset

i regress when i think of you
my wrist band inside the psychward rooms
bloody hands, stains wont wash through, too

im
im falling
down
(you drag me back your claws are digging in my brain,
runing from your love until you're leaving me insane)

im
im balling
out
(endless tears they leaking down   out of my face
this water from my eyes they drown me straight into my grave)

im
im falling
down

you know that feeling when you're watching your beloved treading water
and there's nothing u can do while on the side lines
except
look away
u gotta look away
i mistook her pain
instead im put into shamed

if u ever try to save somebody drowning they will only drag you under the water
next thing you know
i just dug my grave
six feet into the scape
was trynna give her escape
instead im drowning in flames

i regress when i think of you
my wrist band inside the psychward rooms
bloody hands, stains wont   wash through, too

im
im falling
down
(you drag me back your claws are digging in my brain,
runing from your love until you're leaving me insane)

im
im balling
out
(endless tears they leaking down out of my face
this water from my eyes they drown me straight into my grave)

disconnecting with love

disconnecting with love - prettyboiark

i was a lil tipsy when i recorded this whoops lmao
(radon thane of bev)
slept too late, got no ambition in my life
no fucking mission and my heart wheeps "can i die"
thoughts of suicide always creeping on my mind
even in my dreams everythings grim without light,
always in the mouth of strangers speaking death
not talking about the kind where i can finally reach rest,
but the kind that makes you feel empty and lonely inside
the type of fucking feeling that makes me wanna cry
i've never had friends that made me feel secure
shattered up heart and never ever being heard
never had nobody to glue the pieces back together
when im off drug i have never felt better
got the xannies in my brain always dulling my anxiety
always feelings depression never got no variety
i loath for the day where i feel sobriety
feeling as i dont belong in society
the clock is racing past 2 and im still in bed
the thought of getting up is filling me with dread
wishing in life for at least one friend
please end these diranged thoughts going through my head
(jus kill me fam)
slept too late, got no ambition in my life
no fucking mission and my heart wheeps "can i die"
thoughts of suicide always creeping on my mind
even in my dreams everythings grim without light,
slept too late, got no ambition in my life
no fucking mission and my heart wheeps to die
thoughts of suicide always creeping on my mind
even in my dreams everythings grim without light,

Grim Dreams (prod. young enzo)

lyrics:

right now i know you are having sex with someone
and im smoking in my kitchen making pasta salad for my lunch
i hate the way my heart it ached when i found wrappers for a condom
on the floor of your bedroom last summer

im trying not to feel lonely im trying not to feel rejected
as im picking basil pouring pesto in a lunchbox and the
basil it is dried cus the basil plant it died i still feel
weird about the fact that you are probably inside

somebody elses mind
and i am picking dying leaves of a plant that didn’t survive
a year has passed since it began you dating other people and its well
fine i just forgot how much it sucks to have to share you with em

but i loved you a lot and i love you even more now
didn’t think it possible but somehow it just happened how
when you kiss me on my neck or hold me in your arms
im butter melting sideways down a oven filled with warmth

and when you kiss me on my lips and i taste your morning breath
when im waking in the sunlight and were laying in my bed
in my lucid dreaming wake i cuddle into you
id rather be around you than alone and that is new

and new things are coming
like knowing you are interested in people is comforting
cus it makes me feel like you  are going to be fine
the way we both feared none of us would make it out alive

and i am eating the pesto straight from the glass
and outside a couples walking by hand in hand
it makes me think that i am just the worst person alive
i know its not true but i can’t shake this feeling inside

that the only reason you  dont want me now
is because you know me inside and out
and you saw all the ugly that i hide from the rest
and you knew it best to get away from this mess

and right now i know you are having sex with someone
and i hope you’re comfortable and having fun
im falling fast asleep and thinking bout the day 
how everyone around me feel so scary far away

and right now i know you are having sex with someone right now i know you are sleeping next to someone
right now i know you are waking up with someone right now i know you are gonna fall for someone

Right Now

dont give up -demo

Juice WRLD Feat. Lil Yachty - Nobody

Yung Bans

Right Through You

Forever Love

realised too late that the title is gramatically incorrect but oh well.

lyrics:
first time i told anyone that i had ocd
they almost laughed a little bit about the fact but not at me
because the fact was i was sick but everyone kinda assumed
that i could not have ocd when they took a step into my room
with my sheets half off my bed and half my closet on the floor
and torn up papers, bags of garbage, stickers splattered on my door
forever messy all my life, a joke that followed since i was a kid
so no one realised when i got sick and couldn’t do anything.

i didn’t know i had compulsions, never questioned them for long.
the things i did to make myself calm down was not what felt so wrong.
it was my brain and all its humming noise, its never-ending sounds.
and even if it wasn’t screaming static it was always loud.
before i knew about obsessions id had grown used to the fact
that sometimes thoughts or weird ideas would stick around but then they’d pass
of course they left after a while and was replaced by something else
but i just thought that that was normal, after all i was a kid.

when i was 16 something changed and the ideas stopped passing by
now replaced by one thought i could not get rid of if i tried
it overshadowed every other thing and kept me up at night
and suddenly it was the only thing id think of all the time.
ocd is such a guilty thing, it feels like being chained.
it feels like you are going crazy with the weight of all the shame
it feels like waking up in mornings fearing for your life
because your brain is tryna convince you that you deserve to die.
its like your toeing on the edge of what is true and what is fake
because your brain is suddenly an unfamiliar place
and like a meatcleaver it cuts your thoughts to pieces without name
and you can’t see whats up and down you only focus on the pain.
its like theres something in your eye so you can only see with one
and there is so much you are missing but you’re convinced you’re not.
you are aware that you are crazy but you’re doubting everyone
and you get lost inside this spiral of fighting and giving up-

its like a shadow in your skull that somehow controls all your thoughts
and there is no room for your rationality or normal stuff
so all you ever really focus on is everything you fear
and everything becomes a phobia until you’re barely there.
i cannot comprehend the hours i have spent in total terror
every night of secret punishments of pleas and empty prayers
every night id gone to bed so sure i wouldn’t wake up
and every time that i considered if enough was now enough
so the first time i told anyone that i had ocd
there was a lump so big inside my throat i almost couldn’t speak
and when they chuckled i was stunned cus i expected some relief
but instead i was forced to prove to them that i was really sick
i never washed my hands for hours, never sorted all my stuff
but i would freak out in the shower, cus i was alone with my thoughts
and after meds and years of therapy im better after all
but still i wish my illness wasn’t made out to be laughing stock

Grim Dreams (prod. young enzo)

ɽadon thane of bev

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