I left the love of my life. I didn't think I was good enough and so I broke it to prove I was right about myself. The feeling desperation after and feeling a sense of hope years later is what this song is about. Can you relate?

Lyrics:

I sit at home going crazy
I feel alone without you baby
Your sweet love is so amazin
Life not the same without you blazin

Please change your mind
Please help me find 
The willingness to carry on
Singing songs to take me back home

I’m wide awake seeing clearly 
No more love but I say maybe 
Any love can be amazin 
Burning up from all the blazin

Please change your mind
Please help me find 
The willingness to carry on
Singing songs to take me back home

Oh oh Oh oh

Please change your mind
Please help me find 
The willingness to carry on
Singing songs to take me back home

Take Me Back Home

Song Probe #4

My "producer" slash songwriter journey has revived a conversation with a friend. Now I'm on the hunt to bring her song to life. 

DRI-FI

Peace. 

Randy

Dri-Fi

Toxicity is magnetic. Whether I was driving a few blocks. Road-tripping from Kanas to Dallas. Or flying from California to Dallas. Pulling off her freeway exit triggered the same reaction every single time. As if my in-heart navigation system measured the exact distance from mile marker to doorstep — sending a warning signal to every molecule in me. That warning signal was my addiction. 

I miss her every day and I’m relieved I will never see her again. Ever. 

Lyrics:

It’s been a while
Since my soul connected with another 
So don’t say no
I wanna hold you never let you go 

Your day was long, I know this 
Take my hand enter bliss 

I say oh!. I wanna crawl inside your lovely, baby 
I say oh! Walls crumbling when I’m inside you, lady 

I know it’s strange
When we are standin front of one another 
You see my scars 
I see your scars c’mon let’s heal together 

Your day was long, I know this 
Take my hand together enter bliss

I say oh!. I wanna crawl inside your lovely, baby 
I say oh! Walls crumbling when I’m inside you, lady

Crawl Inside You

I produced this track back in January. Three days after my 45th birthday. I spent two weeks in the hospital and felt festive :)

drumming, samples, and looping. All new stuff to me. My acoustic guitar and a love song will always be my home base but I’m having a blast exploring. 

So... a few days after I put together the instrumental titled “Closer” I stumbled on a freestyle track performed by Spain based rapper - Livia Gonzalez. I didn’t understand a word she was saying but I was hooked. She has that old school boom bap vibe with a sinister tone. I was so stoked on her phonetics and cadence. She was nice enough to write and perform on my very first hip hop production! In Spanish! ✊🏽🙏🏽 place 🎧 on head for bass. The mix is rough and unpolished but I hope y’all enjoy it. ✌️ #rookieproducer 


#songwriter #singersongwriter #guitar #guitarist #originalmusic #indieartist #artist #songwritingprocess #creativeprocess #composer #hiphop #rap #rapper

Closer (Feat. Livia Gonzalez)

I've been learning how to use stabs and risers to create different emotional responses. This one makes me feel angry. At everyone :) 

Hope you enjoy it! 

Randy

Sinister

This song is about the complexity of connection, and the personal process of heartbreak.  When we feel we've stumbled upon someone special I think often there lies a tendency to equate this to romantic love. Maybe it's due to the notion that great friendships lay the pavement for great relationships. Maybe it's just curiosity, or maybe it's the love addict in me. I met someone who I believed could make a great partner, and unfortunately, she didn't see me in the same light. 

Although my initial narrative of our romantic connection proved to be greater than the reality, or her experiential reality, what happened in the process was the emergence of a friendship that although isn't romantic love in the traditional sense, is still incredibly fulfilling, and loving. I'll always be thankful for my connection with her. I don't regret the desire she invoked in me, and I will never blame her for it, how could I? Even though it hurt me in the process, having the relationship not come to fruition in the way I thought, it taught me about how layered desire and affection can be. She was a light for me when I needed it most.

This Afternoon

You know what I'm talking about. She walks into the room and you're toast. She lifts me higher!

Randy San Nicolas Music

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