I've been really liking this track that I wrote recently, so I've put together a more full mix using Ableton Live 9 (yeah, I need to update to one of the more recent versions). This song is representing much of what I'm seeing in the world at the moment, as well as just my response to some of what's happening. I hope you enjoy.

Screaming (full mix)

Simple little piece that I wrote on the train the other week that I thought I'd share with you all.

When I was younger, I was a much more prolific songwriter - often writing songs each week, sometimes each day. These days, it feels like I might write one every couple of months. At the same time, though, my creative outputs have diversified - I'm doing other sorts of writing as well, and there's more than one way to process things. So this song is talking about some of that.

Hope you enjoy :)

Anything More

Over the last few months, I've broken away from the more traditional church, for a number of reasons. At the same time, I doubt I ever would have thought of myself as "traditional" - we had female pastors, and new and upbeat music; but there were still some very clear lines. This was okay, this was not okay. These people were in, these people were out.

But that's not what I saw reflected in the person of Jesus - or in my life and experience. Jesus was about inclusion, not exclusion. So when things started coming up for me that I knew would put me on the "outside" of most churches, rather than pushing away from it, I leaned into it.

The world is not black and white. And neither is faith, or God, or the Bible. These things are complex, and intricate, and interwoven, and nuanced.

This song shows some of these common and arbitrary "lines" that people draw, and calls us to move past them. Too many people are left outside - by us, not by God. God is still working there. But the church chooses not to.

Black And White

This is a song that I wrote a number of years back, but found again recently. It's about waking up to a rainy day, and quickly slowing down - particularly after having a lot happening the day before, emotionally or physically (or both!). I hope you enjoy :)

Quickslow

This is a song that I wrote a few years back about negative words in our lives. Sometimes those words come from people around us; sometimes they come from ourselves. Often, with time enough from the former, they become the latter as well.

It's really hard leaving those behind. Because it feels true. It feels like all you deserve, and all that you can be, and all that you are worth; but you are worth so much more. And who you are is so much more. We are each deserving of love, and life, a full and healthy life. The truth calls to us; the truth of who we can be, not what people have said we are, or we have believed we are. We are more than that. We are loved. We are beautiful. We are wonderful.

I hope you can start to believe that too.

Whispers In The Wind

This is a very new song, that I wrote in the past week. It resonates with me and vibes with me in so many ways. It's about how, though we change, or our perceptions of ourselves can change - other people can get stuck on who we used to be. And sometimes that means leaving people behind until they catch up. Because this is who we are now.

You'll hear me trying a bit of a more femme voice in parts - that's still something I'm very much exploring and don't feel particularly confident in yet, but it feels like it has a place in this song. Apologies if it comes off a bit rough in parts.

Lyrics included below.

V1:
I've made mistakes I know
And there's times I wish I'd known better
But believe me I have grown
Yet you seem to think that you know better

C:
And so I'm asking you why you're still stuck on the rearview
What you see ain't me, what I am's something new
Yet you still think you somehow know me better than I do
But you don't have a clue, cause you're stuck on the rearview

V2:
Yes, I haven't always looked like this
And I used to respond to he and his
But people change, and so have I
Yet you still call me dude and guy, let me ask why

C + B:
Well, the rearview might be good for a smile
I'll look back there once or twice for a while
But that doesn't mean it defines who I am
We get to decide who we are, the future's unplanned

C x2

Rearview

This is a song that I wrote back in 2016, six years ago. It was written collaboratively, as part of a songwriting workshop. Each verse is written from the perspective of a different person - Judas Iscariot, Simon Peter, and Jesus. It centres around the events just preceding and following the Easter story, while not touching on the Easter events themselves per se.

It's a song about how, no matter who we are, or what we have done, we are loved, and forgiven, and welcome; completely, and eternally.

My church has been looking recently at a couple of stories featuring these three characters, so my mind came back to this song, and I thought I would share it with people again.

I Am With You (3 Souls)

This is a track that I wrote last year, and I've been wanting to put it up for a while! Finally got it through Ableton, I love the layers of this one.
It's a song about knowing what you want to do - knowing what you *need* to do - and taking the dive. Despite the fear, despite the anxiety, despite everything. Will you fly, or fall? You'll never know until you try.

I don't consider myself much of a patriot, but I do love this song, so I thought I'd try and do an a cappella version. But after recording the voice, I knew it needed that snare in there. I hope you enjoy :)

Lest we forget.

The song "I Was Only 19" was originally written by Redgum, and I do not hold any rights to it.

I Was Only 19, semi-a cappella

This is a song I wrote a few months back - there was a songwriting competition I was in where you needed your own backing tracks, so I made one for this! But forgot to put this one up, so here you go :)
It's a love song, but a bit of a different one. This isn't the healthiest of relationships - but it's also acknowledging that none are perfect. We all make mistakes, we all hurt those around us in some way or another. But that doesn't mean we should avoid relationship.

If You Love Me

This was the arrangement of Autumn Leaves I did for my Arranging Musics assignment. Thought I may as well put it up here.
It's done for alto, tenor and bari sax, trumpet, trombone, acoustic and bass guitar, piano and drums. Written in mainly jazz style, with a few bars of latin. We had to have both, but I knew jazz better, so I effectively did the whole thing in jazz and then changed a couple of bits :P
It's only 36 bars worth, so it's not very long, but I'm pretty happy with it. Hope you like :)

Autumn Leaves

I did this version of Drown Me a little while ago with Ableton Live 9, showing all the different layers and such I originally heard in the song. We're not going to be able to do all of that with the arrangement we've got live, so here it is for you now! Hope you enjoy :)

Living

Drown Me

This is a little a cappella cover of Scarborough Fair. I probably could've done it a bit longer, added in a few more harmonies, but thought I'd keep this one simpler. Love the haunting nature of this one :) Hope you enjoy!

Scarborough Fair A Cappella

This one is a bit more personal than most of the songs that I've written, and certainly more so than any that I've put up. It's not meant as a dig at anyone, and I hope it's never interpreted that way, because that's not the intention. It's meant to represent where I'm at emotionally, what I've been through, and attempting to represent all of that in one song. Somehow. I think I've done a reasonable job, considering how much I'm trying to put in there. But I hope that some people will be able to relate to what I've written, and find it helpful knowing that they're not the only ones. You pretty much never are. :)
Also, this isn't an accurate representation of where my head's at, or what's going on with me and God at present. But I can only do so much in one song!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)

Tattered Heart

This is a track that I recorded for Busk For A Cure last year, but I never put up anywhere! You can also listen to the full compilation album with lots of other cool artists here: https://open.spotify.com/album/3vesEPNa1i1ZZKJAXEIOwJ

It's a fun song that I wrote a while back, and a bit of a political one in some ways. But I enjoy it. Hope you do too!

Busk For A Cure Vol. 2

Free Choice

This is where I've been at for the past while. It's been difficult to write anything new, because I've been rather overwhelmed by what's happening in the world. This isn't anything particularly clear, or formulated - the music is partly on-the-spot, as is the melody. The writing is just where my head is at.

Lyrics below:
I try to sing of your love
But all I see
Are those that do not love
What you have made
I try to tell of your joy
But mine is lost
As I see a world burning
Hotter and hotter
I try to speak of your peace
But none is here
We only know war
Against ourselves and this world
And trying to share about hope
Seems laughable
I see no hope in this world
Or in the eyes that pass me by

And I know
That this is why people need these all the more
When it is so clear
They cannot be found here
But the earth that you have made
Is dying, and screaming,
And crying
I cannot hush these sounds
You have made me with ears to hear the cries
Of those who are hurting
And a heart to hurt with them

And Father, each day more are
And each day our world hurts more
And we are killing it

Because we are not willing
To sacrifice our comfort for our survival
For without this earth
We will not survive

I know that you could change this
And I know that you could save us
But I also know that you let us make our choices
And bear their weight
I just wish that for once
The weight wasn’t so heavy
And borne by so many
And so much

I don’t know if this will be the end
Or if you will make a way through
But I know this will hurt
For so many
And I just pray
That you can help me
To make it hurt a little less

Worship Amidst The Flames

A new song! I haven't written much for a while. This is a simple one, a worship-style track, but I like it. Still finalising a couple of the lyrics, a couple of lines in the chorus were being a bit fiddly, but I'm fairly happy with it.

The One

This is a cover that I did for a competition a few years back - Peter Hollens recorded it originally, and I really liked it. This is probably the cover that I've put the most work into, when I didn't have much to work with, and I'm really happy with it. Hope you enjoy.

December Song

This is an old nursery rhyme I've had in my head for a while to do a little round of. Hope you enjoy! :)

Mow The Meadow

I'm releasing this one a bit ahead of time. Technically it's part of my #TrueStory album, the fourth in #TheCruxProject - so I'm a while away from getting there - but the message of this song just keeps coming back to me more and more.

God loves all, pursues all, wants all to be with him - there is no exception.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting *anyone* to perish, but *everyone* to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to *all* people. Titus 2:11

We need to work to make our religion, the way that we follow God, more inclusive. God doesn't exclude people from following him because of things they've done, or said, or the way they're wired. When Jesus was walking around, inclusion was one of the big things he did - including those that others turned away from. Everyone was welcome - not everyone wanted to join, and follow him, but everyone was welcome. That's what we need to see more of. That's what I want to see more of.

True Story

No Exception

It's a bit late - but here's my Christmas track for last year, just for funsies. 12 Days Of Christmas, with 12 vocal tracks. Took a while, but it's done! Hope you enjoy.

12 Days Of Christmas A Cappella

This started with me just challenging myself to write something, because I haven't in too long. This is what came out of it, and I'm actually really happy with it.

It's somewhat the story of our world today - how each of us are hurting each other (either intentionally, or unintentionally), as well as this world that we're living in, in so many ways.

Screaming

I wrote this song back in 2017, the first track I wrote for the #TrueStory album. It was written in a time when I didn't know what was happening, or where I was going, or what God was doing. These are the words that came out.
The song is based off two verses, from two of my favourite books of the Bible; Job, and Ecclesiastes.

Job 1:21 NLT; "He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!”"

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15; "For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.
And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again."

In-Between

#ActuallyAutistic, ADHD, queer, non-binary (they/she), polyamorous, Christian - and singer/songwriter, pianist, sometimes guitarist or uke-ist. I do a bit of anything and everything, but just in my spare time. Hope you enjoy what you find here. :)

Raven Joy Bower

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks