how i feel.

lyrix:

why?
something turned gray in the sky
turning into myself to lie
waiting for the rain inside to die


high
cant really remember what before was like
standing on the sharp edge of a knife
waiting for the rain inside to die

choir of fallen angels
sing sins for the dead
buried alone beneath rotted trees
or deep inside the sea.
this entity sings no prayers for me
only demons on an empty beach
watching the waves drag me away
to bring me out to be.

Wait for sleep

(for lack of a better name) 
unsure if i like the end so i may come back to it. 
lyrix (as i wrote it not as i sang it, too lazy to change little words):

the old pale moon hangs low in the sky
clingin heavy to a string cryin why why why
she sings a sad sad song
when she gets there he always gone

higher and higher she try and climb
but seems she cant catch his bright eye
she sings a sad sad song
but she can never seem to catch the sun

through many days and many nights
nothin was whole and nothin was right
but she hears a sad sad song
bout a love that aint come along

surprise to hear, it was her sun
his low voice echo, she try to run
but she could only hear that sad sad song
bout a love that aint come along

he sang, girl i know you far away
wherever i go you just wont stay
but i can hear your sad sad song
without you my heart feel wrong
i love you baby dont you cry
but i guess we have to say goodbye



The sun and the moon

i apologize for the poor quality. just something i had to get off my chest. my laptop is fucked. 

lyrix:

seems like heaven sent you 
to remind me to remind me
emptiness, impermanence
you remind me you remind me
of a mirror to my soul
that confines me it confines me
the torn wings and open chest
that define me that define me

at night i only lie awake 
to remind me to remind me
of that lonely road we all must take
that reminds me that reminds me
of that beautiful but ugly fate
life binds me, it binds me
in moist earth make my tired nest
where you'll find me, you'll find me

two verses

this one isn't as cohesive as i would have liked, but i guess i'm pretty out of practice at this point. 

lyrix:
who knew
you'd light up the room
who knew
you'd peel back the gloom i'm in
who knew
you'd light up this room too
who knew
you'd light up my room.

i crawled through a tunnel and into a cave
i watched as my memories turned into graves
i swallowed a pill to try not to weep
i heightened my phobias and forgot how to sleep

the people around me packed in like sardines
princes and paupers and bitches and queens
the black mold within them crept up inside
but i feared no one, i had nothing to hide

we'll blind them
together we'll blind them
you told me don't cry, together we'll blind with light
we'll blind them,
together we'll blind them
but for now, we'll stay here alone tonight

who knew?

my super crappy first attempt at putting actual music in my songs. super simple/beginner, i'm just tryin to figure shit out. i kinda like it though so i guess ill try and finish it. and i apologize, my computer sounds like an airplane. 

lyrix:
i wonder what's in your eyes
such a lost look i despise it
like jade wings of dragonflies
sea of tears but they just won't come 
like black water beneath the ice
i just hope that we don't fall under
and no matter how i try
i just cant seem to make it better

from my chest gleams a sunbeam bright
and it blinds but he wants to touch it
and in places it just feels right
but alone i can't remember
blades of grass and purple skies
burning rainbows in the night
but no matter how i try
i just cant seem to make it better
make it better

dragonflies

someone needs to produce my music/show me how to do it i am not cut out for these beeps and boops.

lyrix:

i wonder what's in your eyes
such a lost look i despise it
like jade wings of dragonflies
sea of tears but they just won't come 
like black water beneath the ice
i just hope that we don't fall under
and no matter how i try
i just cant seem to make it better

from my chest gleams a sunbeam bright
and it blinds but he wants to touch it
and in places is just feels right
but alone i can't remember
blades of grass and purple skies
burning rainbows in the night
but no matter how i try
i just cant seem to make it better 

and i wandered far away
under city lights charred and gray
wondering where the ghost of you
might have come to stay
and i waited in the dark
breathing in smog covered stars
black cement heavy on my back
was i even coming back

dragonflies (finished)

first part of new song...

lyrix:

these dreams that i had
where i waited for you
i opened my eyes to the night
embraced it cause i had to

it could've been harder than that
when i looked at you
but i had my heart in the light
flickering so soft and so blue

ive become a worn down thing now
terrible, and beautiful too
he found my tears and pushed them back
he found my wings and watched as they grew

he filled the cracks with his own blood
and with his tongue he licked my wounds
he'd give me the clothes from his back
he made rain for my flowers to bloom. 

tell me what else could i do, 
had to turn away from you
in his heavy arms i'll stay
in the night i'm swept away

tell me what else could i do
had to turn away from you
in his heavy arms i'll stay
in his eyes i'm swept away

heavy eyes

creepy thing i started when i was drunk

lyrix:
he's got yellow eyes
weathered skin
glass fingers
he wears me thin
he slips inside
i turn away but my ribs are open wide
he's got yellow eyes
he's got yellow eyes

i was a flower, white and pale
dropping petals, i left a trail
i hardly trembled when i saw him smile
he burned my petals with his blackened bile 
he's got yellow eyes
he's got yellow eyes

and he laughed when i said god made me
and he told me, baby take my hand
i'll show you what you can be
i'll take you to the promised land
he's got yellow eyes
he's got yellow eyes
he's got devil's eyes
he's got devil's eyes


pact

not much to say about this one. 

lyrix:
i found myself on glittering shores
drowning myself in the breeze
the tide dragged away our beautiful corpse
and laid it to waste in the sea

i braced myself, against the cold
heart so detached it could freeze
i wallowed in wave pools until it got old
leaving behind tears with ease

i searched inside, tried to open wide
tried to pull out the blackness in me
but it found your warm heart, there in the dark
and now it's my blackness you bleed.

(boy, you waited
much too long for me
i can't take it
i hate how you make me see
the way you make it
so hard for us to breathe
the way you break this
dont try to hide from me
you think you've made it
easy for me to bleed
but i'm just bruised now
i'll heal up quick you see
and you'll rot away there
forever, probably.
don't try and feel bad for me
you're the only one who needs pity.) 

as our skeleton washed ashore,
broken trust dripping off the bones,
i fell to my knees.
i cradled it in my arms
tried to love away my mistakes 
as it tried to breathe. 
god i wished i tried
a little harder, and you called me a whore
but i would never.

regret

so this is not by any means done..i just wanted to put it out there...it feels disjointed to me and id like some feedback on what i should do next. i'm not sure if i'll keep the second vocal part..it was just me fucking around trying to piece shit together/beef it up a little. i'll throw up the lyrics for shits and giggles. they're from two separate poems that i wrote. the first one is supposed to be about someone i don't want, and the second about someone that no one wants me to have.

please, dont love me no more
i cant see through the smoke anymore
please, don't love me no more
i cant breathe through the smoke anymore
rain outside, it's starting to pour
dont love me no more

tease, cant take it no more
sorry love, you've become a bore
i can't seem to care anymore
tired of all these whores
pain outside, blood starting to pour
don't love me no more

heart flutter at someone new
try to get away from you
i can't seem to 
like there's stone in my pockets
there's a chain and you've locked it
no one else wants this

im just a poor gutter rat
feeding off the bones and scraps of fat
you threw away
someone pick me up, dont wanna go back
i just wanna be on the right track
into the blue and outta the black. 

(and the other part)

at the edge of a black lake 
teeming with swimming spiders,
fins swelling in the waves.
you're like a light house on an island
in the middle of an ocean of our demons.
there is no boat to carry me there
only ways to drown.
ghosts behind me screaming,
howling,
"don't go that way", they say,
"you'll die", they cry.
but i have nothing left to lose,
only things to gain.

faded words like love and trust
are buried in that sand.
armed with a jagged knife i plunge
into those eyeless, nameless things
letting their venomous arms embrace me
in our wounded tide. 
i close my eyes.


loves me not (unfinished)

LOooOoOoOongggGG

lyrix:

there is somethin in your eyes that's wrong
like you've been waiting way too long
like i'm never gonna finish a song
while i wait for you to pass the bong

there is somethin in your eyes that's feral
could be somethin to do with the metal on metal
hell was earth and earth was hell
you already know me too well

there is somethin in your eyes that stings
like a bird that's lost its wings,
a son crowned by his thorny ring
who wishes he weren't a king

there is somethin in your eyes that burns
the tourniquet that makes me yearn
a sailor that could never learn
rabbits make my stomach turn

and they all want you
like i do
 
they all want you

ugly things inside
i have to hide
an unfortunate bride
who slowly died

swallowed by a sickness,
an unbearable heat and thickness
consumed him too

his burning eyes
can recognize
my hollow lies
now i only give him truths

a thousand miles couldn't separate
our fate

an open wound into my heart
consumes the dark
until his stitches start
to heal the broken part

curled up at his feet
begging to eat
forcing sleep
by counting sheep
in dreams marred by hail and sleet
or burning heat
wolves teeth in meat
wearing horns to trick or treat

he sunk his eye into my head
without him i'm dead
ungratefully dead

last night i had a dream
of a friend i knew
his eyes were green
his heart was blue

there was some ice
stuck in his head
like fuckin lions
in bed

no more dreams
no more friends
go to hell
come back home 

you dont deserve me
i just hate you
now you will see
what i can do to you

you will not bleed
you will not burn
but you will see
what i can do to you

hurting
you inside
will make me cry
till i die
cuz it's a lie
like you're all lies
open up
that third eye 
or is that a lie?

they all want you

these songs are auditory transcriptions of my emotions, to be loved or hated by the world. 

S1R3N

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