In the year of our holy lord 2023, the god John Pork descended upon the populace. And His Word became GOSPEL to the folk. 3 men in particular, were selected to transcribe the information thus spoken by His Porky Self. In His Honor, they were renamed to the following: General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV, Doctor Sir Professor Pork PHD., and Uncle Pork.

This EP is meant to serve as a beacon - a window into the world of His Utopia. All of the following tracks have been hand-selected from a series of sessions spanning the year, to give a simple taster into His Ruly Gospel Fantasy.

Here are some statements from the Followers of His Gospel:

"We are outstanded with the success that inspires us. No matter what, the awesomesauce fuels us. Thank you for everything, you saucers." - John Pork II

"We all hate Jim Pee." - Uncle Pork

"uh" - Doctor Sir Professor Pork PHD.

"well is saul in your mind / is saul in your mine" - General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV

(managed by John Pork II)

Copyright Pork Records© 2023

ALL PROCEEDS GO TO THE JONATHAN PORK FOUNDATION. MAY HE REST FOR OUR SINS.

Car Honk.

In the year of our holy lord 2023, the god Jim Pee descended upon the populace. And His Word became GOSPEL to the folk. Many were there to see His Actions, and now the scum of John Pork has been cleansed. This is a statement from Himself, in the flesh:

"John Pork is the enemy." - Jim Pee

Sunroof No 9

In the year of our holy lord 2023, the god John Pork descended upon the populace. And His Word became GOSPEL to the folk. 3 men in particular, were selected to transcribe the information thus spoken by His Porky Self. In His Honor, they were renamed to the following: General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV, Doctor Sir Professor Pork PHD., and Uncle Pork. 

Throughout the past month and a half, the three Scholars were at a crossroads. The popularity of His Word would continue flourishing thanks to social media, and new Collaborators were soon following in The Light of the Pork. However, the Scholars were soon becoming tired from the constant scribing of events of their god. One day, John Pork  would provide a book of Festive Celebrations upon them all, with caution from Above. From the revelations of Porkmas tradition, the Spirit of Porkmas would be preserved (alongside various other memories and gratitudes) thanks to the Porkmas EP. What you are listening is the cream of the crop in GOSPELS so far. Thank you to all the Followers who have shared their love of the Cause, especially to President Gilbert, Mo, and Miioo. Oh, and to Auerero and DixieLand64.

"awesomesauce" - Chandler Hallow

"Hey Awesomesauce, here is the Porkmas song!" - Lowkey 303

"note this bird, it will die" - General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV

"we need fart for the tracks otherwise it won't come out on crimble" -  Doctor Sir Professor Pork PHD.

"hi, i'm uploading this without everyone knowing!!" - Uncle Pork

Icecicle

Porkmas Day

Hello. This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track. 
This is a track. This is a track.

Dilemna

track. track. this is a. 

this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
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this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
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this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a. 
this is a. this is a. this is a.

16 Bars

The Boringsauce Sessions: An Unofficial Official Confidential Sampler Guide Compilation Demo Tape Used Mainly for Promotional Purposes featuring The Shmuru.

In the year of our holy lord 2023, the god John Pork descended upon the populace. And His Word became GOSPEL to the folk. 3 men in particular, were selected to transcribe the information thus spoken by His Porky Self. In His Honor, they were renamed to the following: General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV, Doctor Sir Professor Pork PHD., and Uncle Pork.

The year of 2024 hath erected itself upon us, like the morning cry of a cock-ah-doodle-do things with. In the wake of the trio's absence, their work had been stolen - robbed by heinous robber-thiefs who barged into Pork Studios, ripped the master tapes from the archives, burnt them onto a CD, rubbed the CD in kitty litter, shipped it to Canada, covered it in maple syrup, let the crows have at it for three and a half days, then mailed back with particularly expensive shipping rates and delays, and promptly posted the files online for monetary gain on the official Awesomesauce platforms, streams, places to be. To this day, we are unable to track down the culprits. It is believed that Jim Pee was responsible for such vile acts of vandalism upon Awesomesauce. He is still on the run, hoping his piggy self isn't piggied on a spitroast, and spat on whilst roasted.

These are some quotes from our terribly triumphantual trio:

"I will not sue anyone, but this does not mean I am happy." - Uncle Pork

"this is stupid, i'm gonna go trip on a banana peel now" - General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV

"The music has becometh the musiked. The artister has been quantized. I'mn't at this momentn't in times." - Doctor Sir Professor Pork Ph.D.

Originally released on April 1st, 2024.

Bowling 33

Frank In Portland

The Call II

In the year of our holy lord 2023, the god John Pork descended upon the populace. And His Word became GOSPEL to the folk. 3 men in particular, were selected to transcribe the information thus spoken by His Porky Self. In His Honor, they were renamed to the following: General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV, Doctor Sir Professor Pork PHD., and Uncle Pork.

2024 had arrived, and the figurative foot it had footed in the doorstep of Pork Studios had managed to trip every member - a spiral to the ground had commenced, and the Admiral ended up breaking her nose. However, this did not stop the esteemed General from flying out to compete in PickleBalls, the largest competitive pickleball tournament in the country. The Mouse of Doubt had snuck in and bitten Swiss cheese-like holes through many of the in-countable un-valuable tapes, which ended up letting a sea of green meanies in. All the while, a cat-lamb hybrid needed to be taken care of, which stagnated recording sessions thoroughly. All the while, the mysterious Jim Pee remained at large, becoming the second most wanted man in America (right behind Jake Weddle). 

But hope still remains present, as reports from Colorado begin to trickle of a mysterious sight - a pig flying out of a river. 

Until then - John Pork II needed an anti-tax-writeoff and begged his accountant to begin releasing whatever un-holey music they could, thus resulting in the Reflections single release.

Here are the quotes that could be gathered and attributed to the band: 

"Something Funny" - Uncle Pork

"my name isn’t dave balfe" - General Admiral Sergeant Porkinson Esq. IV

"I brag and I boast, but I still can’t eat toast" - Doctor Sir Professor Pork Ph.D.

Originally released August 19th, 2024.

awesomesauce

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