i thought this only happened in the movies

the first off my ep of 1980s lofi songs ye

africa by toto by me

WIDE SUITCASE SEARCHING HEART

wandering
through the pool
of all my
faded dreams

wading through pages
of a dream journal titled “you”
my face turned -

i said nothing
but your features crumbled
like rocks down the side of a mountain
like empires of a time before us
like paper being thrown away, clinking against the trash bin of a past life

the sound traveled
as i whispered to you “i’m sorry”
but you faded away into the night
and i was left helplessly hoping
you heard me 
with one last breath
i sighed

wide suitcase, searching heart

separation cathar$i$

what have i done

i need to find peace with myself.
i need clarity in my words and confidence in my actions.
i need a heart that doesn’t ache and a body that doesn’t bleed.

i need to look into the sun, to blind myself in an effort to survive
i need my limbs to be torn. excruciating.
i need karma to kick my ass.

i need to become my own person.
i need to stop making my body’s fetal position hunched over a toilet bowl.
i need to quit spilling my guts.

i need to finally be comfortable in my own skin, in my own body, in my own parts.
i need a girl to grip these sides like it’s alright.
	and i need to be okay again.

kurt cobabe