slow walking
outside my door
touch everything
to teach me

its not enough to fix my roof though
i know you know its my first day

teach me / first day

the better version

u painted me a picture and i watched the colors fade
oh love liar
u were the only thing i wanted then u made the skies turn gray
oh love liar

im just a pawn in ur game
(a role u want me to play)
i watched the truth unveil
i see ur real face
im just a pawn in ur game
(a role u want me to play)
i watched the truth unveil
i see ur real face

wounds deep and raw
they dont believe what i saw
thought i was pure im wrong
tainted with many flaws
a burning ache remains
a constant haunting trace
in reverie im lost in an unfamiliar place

Love liar

this song is all midi guitar

that's one way to make me feel alone
i won't change until i've found my hope
give me a break (break!)
search for my answers, still at the first stage
i won't break unless they make me change

where does pain come from?
is it you or all the deep cuts
you'll forget me soon, so what
is it me or did you move on 
just to leave me in the dust
i've dug myself into this hole
it's in my head out of control
afraid of death but you killed my soul

one day, i'll stop caring about them
if i knew how to stop i would
my mom asked me "look what you've become"
but she's misunderstood
i'm passing by without a goal
no reason to keep my control
this fucking mental takes its toll

where does pain come from?
is it you or all the deep cuts
you'll forget me soon, so what
is it me or did you move on 
just to leave me in the dust
i've dug myself into this hole
it's in my head out of control
afraid of death but you killed my soul

Deep cuts

I haven't felt the same since I last saw you
my heads been blank (where did i put my mind at)
If she's wondering what i'm up to, don't let her know

oh, I dont know why
ur still here and not with him
The seasons go by
and those lights have yet to dim
I spent my new paycheck
and I wasted it on someone that i didn't know
My memory fogged up its all fading
and its all out of my control

I haven't felt the same since I last saw you
my heads been blank (I think I threw it all away)
If she's wondering what i'm up to, don't let her know

Its Cloudy In Here

The moon looks better than it did last year
Or maybe I'm seeing it different now
I never it see that clear

The first time I told myself
that I love me was when I was someone else
The first time I let the ice melt
was when he forced me to break out of my shell

I Was Someone Else

all vocals n instrumentation done by @sincetrin + @elliemillss


trapped, trapped inside the wall of my lies
dad, why cant you do anything right
laugh, only moments i know im alive
gash, blood is slowly dripping off the knife

its takes time to see the signs
left alone, and wonder why
stuffed my feelings deep inside
now its super hard to find

will it get better
or will it ever stop
felt like this forever
leave me out to rot

dont care bout the weather
i just wanna go
maybe in December 
buried in the snow

i wanna go
anywhere
anywhere
but here

Self - Titled (Demo v2)

production by me (+64)
art by me

lyrics:
ive lost my train of thought
ive lost my brain in an instant
if i talked it out
would even try to listen

hold on again
just wait til may
youll feel again
just one more day
x2

hold on

production by me

sometimes i wish i was someone else
but after all, whats the fun in that
i know i lost my patience last week
but after all, i know you love me back
but after all, whats the fun in that

i wonder how it couldve been
if i had left myself alone for one more night
theres so many things i shouldve said
im leaving myself in the past, ill leave her dead

i cant keep things to myself
because after all, whats the fun in that
and i cant lie sometimes, i want to fall in love
i get so worried that u might not love me back

i wonder how it couldve been
if i had left myself alone for one more night
theres so many things i shouldve said
im leaving myself in the past, ill leave her dead

Learning to love solitude

demo from october 2024, originally for "drafts"
ib the cabs

she dances in the spotlight, i stay in the dark
i trace all my thoughts just to tear them all apart
i start to talk quietly when they get louder

even if i tried, even if you wanted to change my whole life
i’d always end up running in circles
running in circles
even if i died, even if the whole world had turned from my side
i’d always end up running in circles
running in circles

Running in circles

anything but homesick.. 

i'm not one 2 argue 
so i'm never home
pitch black in the dark
i'll be good on my own
you can meet me in the center
b4 i throw out my phone
i'll let you call me stubborn
b4 i mess with my pulse

they don't give a fuck 
bout where i been @
they don't give a fuck 
bout where i go
all i know 
i can't be where the noise @
so is it selfish 
if i never make it home?

someone who could listen
girl i need that
i'll die b4 i ever let you know
every step i take
i tend 2 fall back
i try my best
but now i'm losing all control

Its Cloudy In Here

red letter diary