If you're reading this, wow... hi... I'm still here. I have become more of a visual artist. 

I made this song maybe seven years ago. I never finished it (there should be a second verse and a climactic ending) but I listen to it from time to time and it hits me. I thought it was worth sharing. Love always, Anthony/Rejigging/Cowboy/Celluloi/Too many names

lyrics:
ooh the way that you still care
I feel it in your stare
you know I want you here
I want to be there
just want to be there
want to be there with you baby
there with you baby
there
palms are singing
you don't tell me to pray
I am leaving
you don't ask me to say

there

lyrics:

so much is going on
i can't just set it off

cold eye lines in your mind
i am out of time

sit back down and you'll see that you're all i want
all i want is the night that we were alone

ghouls

DIME (TELL ME)

come on i'm waiting now
i don't have time for this
i need you to make up your mind one final time
wanting it was a separate entity indeed
but you reminding me so constantly's not what i need
wish i could go back in time
to when i only saw you from time to time
things were much simpler then
i wish we still could be
the person each other didn't know and only see
i never knew it then
i wish i didn't now
that every single thing i dedicate myself is gone

dime

how much could i
really want to remember
this sadness and worry

and when did i
become obsessed with the lies
and the fables and stories

‘cause you’re still an ocean liner
but i’m not the captain this time
and i am a lifeboat and you
are the passenger time after time

tell me was it worth it?
tell me was i kind?
tell me was it worth the pain you caused?
tell me was it mine?
all this time spent on you
i could be doing so many other things
all this time i wasted on you
i could be wasting so many other dreams

(artwork is actually a photo of my friend michael)

Nito (unfinished demo)

vivo en palabras
que no te pude decir
todo tiempo pasa
para que pueda pedir

que una vez me digas
algo en honestidad
en vez de parecer
tan afuera de realidad

Eventual heal

You are not a friend now, you are not a lover
You are not an oh my god 
I'm green glass in the good goth church now
Courts could've called me cold 

Fighting for a friend in flames I follow
Fool and I forged my own
You are not the least bit framed and I know it
You are not the least bit shamed

(breaths)

When am I gonna find myself out of sorrow
You certainly weren't the first
I can see the tree bark forged in the pulpit
I can trace your back with earth

You made it seem like I was your lover
You let me down again
Cold ignoring one of another
You let this whole life end

How did I have nothing to lose
But I lost everything and you 

Samples from "In Sympathy" by Depeche Mode

Cympathy

He wants to be alone

Recorded June 2016 in Richmond, VA

He wants to be alone

None of your words made sense in my head
I'm left with less of what you said and more of what you did
You left me with holes and pain I can't describe or get over
I took the plunge for you thinking that you would do the same for me
Ah ah maybe you suggested
I took the bullet taking you out with me
And now it's done so I miss you but not who you are now
If you ever wanna meet again I'd love to take you out
If you're nice to me and treat me like you should I'll call you baby
Ah ah ah ah oh
I can't dance alone to songs I know you made me feel at home to
I wonder if you listen and get sad too

None of your words made sense in my head

None of your words made sense in my head

flowers in a vase 
receipt for roses from May 
in the jacket you gave me 

teabags, a coffee mug 
mono virus plush 
your name on a toothbrush 

2 bottles you put in the freezer 
we were making cocktails 
I just wanna squeeze you tight 
and never let go 
of all the things that things couldn't show 

Valentina hot sauce 
Super Mario stars 
a peach on a take-out container 
that 40 with with a slant 
still holds my window open

Receipt for Roses

boy you're so stupid, so stupid. let me love you like you did. i wish you knew how bad i want to be with you but you ignore me, you deplore me, and you leave me alone too much

18 Sept 2016

It was hot the night you came
It was hot the night you went away
We're both on the same page
So why can't you just stay
I saw it in your brain
I thought that you had changed

I'm lying here with my fingers in between yours
I'm sitting beside you and I know it's not what you want
So give me a sign that you're mine
And I'll give you all I've got
Just give me a sign that I'm yours
And it's all I want
Love the way it feels on your lips
The mark you left on me equips me with
This sense of pain I cannot quit
you or leave you estranged 
So bring me flowers when it's May
And tell me that you're better than
You were when you destroyed yourself
And you took me with you to hell
I want to run away

Exercises

I won't

saw you get a text with his name you told me that it wasn't the same I should have known better than trying to be your only one call it a night with no one by my side i should have known that you'd never be mine i wanna cook you eggs in the morning but you’d have to want to stay the night and I always text you, you just don't reply what a rush, what a touch i’d be lucky if you think about me half as much and I'm fucked up and what have I become? I know you lunged into me hidden the way your eyes scan up and down I wanted you to admit it but I couldn't reach you either way you let me slip away holding onto nothing never mattered anyway I just wanna finish something that's more than you could say on a tuesday morning why'd you do me that way? that's more than you could say ~ why did you let me down, why did you let me go?

Huevos

lyrics:

ooh does he fall all over you like I did?
ooh does he give you all my love?
ooh are you happier than ever? x2

ooh don’t you make me open my mouth
I don’t want to be around
you go build that life together
I’ll just be sitting out

forget your lies I have to do better
fuck your lying ass I will forget you
x2

- break -

you go build that life together x8

better better better better baby

ooh does he fall all over you like I did?
ooh are you giving him my love?
ooh are you happier than ever? x2

build

separación

i came down from the city yesterday
soldered wires hanging off of my face
as the mosses surrounded the place
of the work of the night time
 
everyone in this village
is out of their minds

if i had to promise, i'd be
promising lies
if i can't know everything,
all i know is size
is it my generation
who can't cope with size
of the trees that surround them
all they see is lies

hale

basin (caldwell)

this for all the boys who love boys who never heard their stories in the songs they wanted to dance to

Rejigging

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