Essence

Sunshine

Resolution

don't start a fire and then turn your back
i just remember all this cursing, i was working on being a better person
but you prolly ain't hear a word of that
so determined to redistribute this hurt,
you sent missles labeled as words, so i sent yo furniture hurling back
young and gifted thespian playing victim
cus she texted me and them messages ain't descriptive
so why you even trippin', i never would make you live with
the same pain that i experienced... might have got her number while i was drunk and delirious
and might have touched her hand, but i promise nothing was serious
but since we talkin' appearances, why ol' boy still hittin yo' line up
i thought yall was done and you sittin here talkin' bout me when...
decades pass and God is gracious
my mind's theater flashes scenes that i'm not amazed with
soul as dry as the woman at the well's
and dove in it til i would either plummet or i'd scale
so i could oversee the wreckage left
hope was fleeting, sweet words were potpourri when effort left
that beast and i were neck and neck
until my belle appeared and had head ringing
dissonance from seeing what a gift it is
to knowing those i left thinking
they could never find love, we ain't know the definition
laying down your life for the ungrateful, the test of scripture
but growing up, i ain't see a model
just seen my role models with a fleet of models
men chasing this full of hope but leaving hollow
plagued with a false standard,
in pain with a heart stranded, and misery loves company
couldn't have that love for you if i ain't have that love for me
and i ain't know the Lord so I ain't understand what love could be

MHH Reflection - Prod. by JesTer

to my great-grandpa

i replay it like a screensaver
when i'm sitting idle
wish i could sit beside you
shoot the breeze and hit the bible
you were seasoned, who could rival what i seen
fighting through the height of trouble that goliath couldn't see
eyes were glued to heights above you, so reliant on the king
even when your body make you stop and sit
with every other step from lack of oxygen
but you used to the strain from packing mama down
a path of moccasins who snuck up on you without a sound
the family hard to live with, the spirituality drifting
the faith you had was tremendous but even so you was slippin'
when mama pulled out that pistol cus you and that lady kissing
if faye wasn't around then thangs may have been different
and i know you wasn't perfect
i ain't even ask for that
don't know if you know but you showed me how to a man was supposed
hold up his whole family through constant pain and asthma attacks
we could breathe when you couldn't
when pops was doing his thang overseas
fighting for our freedom in iran and iraq -
you took my hand and helped me see how to manage the fact
that growing where i did was the fast track to pitching crack
or having them jacks knees in yo neck with yo hands on yo back
you laid the blueprint
worked your body ragged
took mama to a place that she not imagine
with all these kids and grandkids running 'round and laughing
cognizant we all on this ride with God in tandem
now i'm older and i finally got some understanding
looking back at all you taught me as i sit and drink my coffee
while my daughter and her mama sit around relaxing
i replay it like a screensaver
when i'm sitting idle
seeing you laying there lifeless
even cracked a little smile
while this thunder and lightning teamed up
to mask the many sounds of mama screaming
and me crying as that stretcher rolled you out
and filled my wretched soul with doubt
finally let it go and now
i just wish that we could talk again
ain't understand ya methods
but could always see the heart within

To The Old Homie - Prod By Agrenius

MUDxCLAY

one time for the pain that you endure
and one more for the way that you ensured
i would have my best chance,
some wouldn't understand
and i don't blame the next man
but being a child raising a child isn't easy
even when a year or more passes between our greetings -
even when the young me struggled with finding reasons
to reach out,
i ain't need your presence to what you be about- 
and my Granna did her thing to keep me free of doubt
mama, i love you, ain't got a bad thing to say about you
all the lives you impacted, you got this way about you
the compassion to see all these children be great around you
the self-sacrifice even when it hurts -
assured of the fact that you would always keep your word
i ain't there in person, but i'm sending hugs
to a mother that gave me her all to show me i was loved

two times for the lives that y'all gave up
and two more for everyday y'all coulda stayed duckin'
something so optional -
raising another's baby, never made me an obstacle
from droppin' outta high school to keep the fam survivin'
to sickness and the losses that y'all suffered in silence
so much love was provided,
so much trouble that i was, thinkin' i knew it all
but when the storm was brewing, i always knew who to call
i could never fully show my all appreciation
i just try to look at my family and recreate it
i just see the effort of Steph to fill the gap
and put a stamp on my own heart to send it back
i was blessed with enough mamas to make a village
and it took til my old age to face the privilege
i ain't always there in person but i'm sending hugs
to my mamas that gave me they all to show me i was loved

three times for the effortless transition
and three more for your patience and your conviction
giving your life a holy mission -
serving these women distant
from the truth of their worth and godly image
every minute that you spending with bean,
i see her shifting
from unmolded ball full of sin
to something different -
when you tired coming home from the job
straight to the kitchen,
when i tell you take a seat and get rest,
and you dismiss it -
from a wife to a mother,
you are like no other -
every new year's a new treasure i discover
still moving like a g with this one we got in the oven
still graceful to t, no measure to how you love me -
this year, a couple flowers and some oreos
wasn't enough to let his blessing and the glory show
so when you hear this, it's all kisses and hugs
for everything you sacrifice to show our children they loved

RFFJ

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