F U N K

In 1980, Billy Noknees walked into a London studio with a grim look, a shopping list, and a full string section. What came out was Milk—a dark, cinematic disco ballad that tells the tragic tale of a simple shopping trip gone horribly, apocalyptically wrong. It was described by one surviving session musician as

“...like Bohemian Rhapsody, but about milk and death.”

The session, produced by Cliff “Half Pint” Dairyman, was intended to be part of a concept EP about domestic errands, but Billy became emotionally fixated on the quest for milk after he’d spent 45 minutes the previous day locked inside a Spar during a shelving collapse.

The Song: A Creamy Descent Into Madness
With lush bass arrangements, dramatic piano stabs, and a mournful beat, Milk starts deceptively simple—with Billy solemnly announcing:

"I woke with purpose,
bold and bright, 
But Slipped on a hedgehog
immediate fright"

But things spiral quickly as every verse adds another layer of catastrophe:

The Session: A Beautiful Mess
Cliff Dairyman attempted to maintain order, but the choir kept breaking down in laughter, and the violinist was so emotionally overwhelmed by the bridge that he briefly retired. Billy, naturally, insisted on wearing a milkman’s outfit for the session and brought in eight pints of actual milk, which he poured over himself during the final chorus.

The janitor called the fire brigade.

The Aftermath
Milk was released as a 12" single in the UK with a scratch-and-sniff sleeve that smelled faintly of spoiled dairy, and predictably, it was pulled from shelves within two weeks. Only 12 copies are known to survive, with one found in 2016 wedged into the fridge of a long-abandoned caravan in Cornwall.

Now, AI-remastered and creamier than ever, Milk returns in all its tragic glory. The sleeve has been faithfully restored—featuring, simply, a bottle of Milk.

So pour yourself a cup of tea, and prepare for disaster—Milk is back!
One man’s journey for dairy. One shop's downfall. One epic weepy disco tragedy

Ghetto Life

Rick James

Recent comments

amethyst

amethyst

Greedy Enterprise

Travis T

Related tracks