No Kids Beat 2021

All my friends dead over stupid shit
but I think I'm worse off for still living
so I'll hang all my gods on a crucifix
they died just to justify all my sins

now I'm sliding the spear between their ribs
wine for the heathens a bloodletting
filling the trough for the feast of pigs
a river to drown all our children in

01 Sunny Park for a Daughter with Asthma

Lets Not Talk, Kidd

Fade in, red waves 
Recede, bloodstains 
Heart ache, pale face 
Gives way, to bleached drains  

Eyes twitch, lungs give
 New hope, hope lives 
Clouds fade, clear skies 
Wrists heal, razor slides

 --- 

Young girl, open field 
Smiles wide, eyes sealed 
Loves life, no doubts 
Time stops, fade out

Red Waves

I Can't Hear My Voices

Honor Flight Unfinished

Screaming out into flooded streets
I know that If I blow out my lungs
Maybe you will hear a
Whisper of what I used to be

The last person to hear of the mutiny is
the captain as he's fed to the deep-
with wax melting at opposing ends
No more NyQuil means no more sleep
I’m a stick up kid robbing myself of dreams and it seems
That I’m often off in coffins coughing
Dracula hacking up phlegm enough
to fill up a fucking aqueduct
and just when I thought I've had enough
The monsters relapse
The Lazarus basilisk
these hooks hurt at first
but now it seems living without them
is worse than the curse
of battered arms
I’m wading in water waist deep
stuck in these hazy day dreams
amazed at the crazed state that my brains in
wide eyed and shaking staring at ceilings
sucking in air thru clenched teeth
struggling with cold sweats and sleep terrors
forcing myself to remember to breathe 
-
 Jesus, and It seems
that Like automatic sprinklers watering lawns
 when its already raining
I'm an addict whose addicted to digging ditches
six feet too deep for me to be escaping-
But let them say that I'm dead
-I fucking dare them

Screaming out into flooded streets
I know that If I blow out my lungs
Maybe you will hear a
Whisper of what I used to be

but yeah, let em say that I'm dead
cuz I never been anything less
and the ghosts that I've come to know 
have become jealous of my breath
They’re clawing at my chest 
there trying to rob me of my lungs
Like I give a fuck
I’ll keep on pretending that this shit is fun
and If the flood wants come up to get me
just let it fucking try
and if I ever said here felt like home
just know that I fucking lied
I’m the condemned to death
yet I'm content with my fate
I’m tied to the stake
with a half dozen barrels aimed straight at my face
And mustering all the sarcasm
 that I can of from the grave
I'll smile wide and I’ll call
the firing squad brave-
I’m Ahab's last breath,
and I’m spit for hatreds sake
Chasing my white whale to the depths
Freebasing these anchor weights
I’m the one man crew of the sinking ship
slipping deep beneath the waves
And As I'm left Dead in the wake
I’ll still curse Poseidon's name
Let them say that I’m dead
- because they’re coming down with me/

Screaming out into flooded streets
I know that If I blow out my lungs
Maybe you will hear a
Whisper of what I used to be

And finally it seems after all this time
I’ll keep My promises dad
I tried to outgrow your shadow, but 
still it seems I am my father’s son

I know, I know it was more than just the drugs that fucked my brain
I know, I know it but in the end the flood’ll take me away

08 The Flood

Nothing has changed 

and autumn has come back to claim
the green of summer once again 
and the rusted leaves are decaying

And the reflective surface 
Of the rivers and puddles 
mirror their crimson appearance 
-watching as the red dead leaves 
dance all over the grey graves 
of my long gone friends

I sit down to think
and I wonder if the trees roots 
have yet to brake through 
The decaying casket lids

if the decomposing bodies 
buried beneath me have yet
To become sustenance for them.
and I wonder why I left

because I’ll still remain a slave 
to all my medicines, 
you know, whats a normal life 
but just a sad lack of sedatives, 

and don’t talk to me about regrets 
because I wrote these lines
I’ll relive these deaths 
each night for the rest of my life

and this would be a bloodletting 
if I had any left
Maybe its time for me to admit to myself 
that I'm already dead

And I’ve just been having a hard time
coming to grips with it
this is a homecoming 

Connecticut 



Welcome home they say
while Radical Face plays in the background of a bad bar
everyone asking how was tour 
everybody gonna ask it the same way that they did last year

New Haven is a dumb grey space
old friends died or left
new friends didn't take their place
now I'm praying for a major change

and I don't pray, no I don't play
ever have a gun to your face in the snow?
ever have a woman take your heart and rip it into forty parts?
ever say fuck art?

have you ever been stabbed in the back
by a man that you thought was your brother?
in the end it will come back to haunt you

feds are swarming more than salt lake mormons
more than trump hats in the midwest
more than forty days and nights in the desert
no water no doubt heavy weathers gonna come

now were stuck with the memories thats it

all thats left is death in the forecast
all thats left is cold sweat from the night before
all thats left is regret and bone
those fruits of war

feels like it all changed for me
doesn't seem like it will ever change for them
and I’m not gonna blame, just cringe
not gonna quit, 

this is Connecticut, 
shit

10 Connecticut ft. Ceschi

So far as I'm concerned I should have died when I was five
modern medicine’s the only fucking thing helping me to survive
and every single day is an honest struggle and I'm just trying to stay alive
Because I've been living my life off of nothing but stolen time 

and in my eyes that makes me strive to become something greater
fuck a Macbook I’ll still rhyme using pen and paper,
and fuck backspaces, scribbling words out, and erasers, 
I’ll keep it all on the page so I can remember where my mistakes were

I was baptized in a river of the tears shed at my own missed funeral
and I find that the sinner in me fears the unknown and I ain’t able
to grow beyond this shell of a human being
I just wanna escape this hell and find meaning

but it's deceiving for me to believe that there's more inside of me
I can barely breathe with all the worries that have been drowning me
like “What do my parents think?” or “Are they even proud of me?”
or are they just proud of the fake face that I put on every time that they're around

I've found that I've lost myself, three thousand miles away,
I'm happier than I've ever been, but that don't mean that I’m ok
I've been growing up with thoughts in my mind that I shouldn't be alive
failing to die when I was five may have been the greatest mistake of my life


Bury me beneath the ground please.

and if the day finally comes where I'm lying in a casket
I wouldn't want to look out and see anyone sad at my passing
because I should have died in a hospital bed scared and lonely
just know that all the time that you've gotten to know me 

it hasn't been a gift but a cheating of death
with outstretched hands at the side of the river, but there ain’t any of them left
and maybe the currents already got me, and away I'm being swept
but so long as there's a way I'll keep fighting for this breath

because I haven’t fought this long- these 20 years against the fates
for me to give up now, the bells are tolling, but me I’m running late
the ferryman's out searching but I've been running all this time
and this shadows been cast over me for damn near my whole life

and it's a struggle everyday for me to balance these lows and highs
my hearts lined with black ice, my lungs filled with white lies
“I’m alright” “It doesn’t hurt” and “I swear I'm fucking fine”
people say I'm a bad liar, but I do it all the time

and fuck lines because I'm writing this to ease my troubled mind,    
wading out into the ebb and flow of the tides 
drowning in my own tears, my own fears, and my own fucking cries
It’s time you left the coffin side- my friends, if you would, please rise


Bury me beneath the ground please.

02 The River

As the sun sets
and we head off into the west
the shadows edge
of the forest at best
reminds us that 
even the most beautiful 
meadows must come to an end

the sun fades yet
thru the darkest of my days I’ll never forget 
you were my friend 
til the end I’ll miss you. I love you, amen.

in that tribute video that Al Di’atri made
theres a beautiful scene where you walk down some steps to the beach
and I swear every time in my eyes it symbolizes you climbing into the grave
because Vinny I think you knew and it wasn't a mistake

anyway

Al’s holding the camera and he lags a bit behind
and by the time he gets to the bottom of the steps you've moved off to the side
and I could never blame you Vin, you know I couldn't if I tried but each of us have been stuck at the bottom of those steps since the day that you died

and it'd be a lie if I pretended that time made any of this easy
iI cant wait to see you face and embrace arms wide like in that picture Nick painted
But till that day you'll remain buried deep in a grave
Six feet beneath a tombstone that reads

Forever Smiling… 

As the sun sets
and we head off into the west
the shadows edge
of the forest at best
reminds us that 
even the most beautiful 
meadows must come to an end

the sun fades yet
thru the darkest of my days
I’ll never forget you were my friend 
til the end I’ll miss you. I love you, amen.   



-Its getting that phone call 
sitting across from your mother 
And having to tell her you've got 
to go bury her brother

cuz dad found him strung up 
in the attic Hung from 
the rafters On a swing set 
built just for one

Its Tim sitting in that office
Finding out that after all this 
He wasn't going 
to beat this disease

And having to face his short future 
Knowing that all hope was useless
He was dying and the pain was here 
til he wasn't

Its Vinny overdosing 
In a room all alone
After a week of saying 
his goodbyes

Its the sound of that gun
and the warm rush of blood 
That Xe felt in the moments
before he died

Its finding out that Jafar 
wasn't gonna wake from that coma
that it was hopeless 
his brain was already broken

And all that’s left is a shell
his killer can rot in hell 
But that still 
wont bring back your friend

Its a twelve year old girl
with a body that don't work
Dying without a 
chance to grow old


At least for a moment
She had a father to hold her 	
A man who provided 
her love and a home

and god don't get no forgiveness 
cuz god pulled the trigger 
And he sits and watches 
as they bleed

because god don't know pain 
And god don't like ugly 
But I’ve seen his face-
he’s as ugly as me

Its that five year old crying
In the body of a giant
Because he never left 
that hospital bed

they say to just keep on living
But it isn't so simple 
damnit, I’m doing 
the best that I can

Cuz you’ll either drown in that river 
Or the flood’ll come up to get you
Or you’ll choke to death with
your own hands wrapped around your neck 

when the sound of that silence
Is a song so inviting   
This is it, welcome home 
Meadows end. 

Here lies everything you’ve ever wanted

11 Meadows End

My names Bill Catenzaro
And I got secrets to keep
I make dineros like a pharaoh
But the taxes are steep

Wanna stay on the straight and narrow
But the IRS is thieves
Subsidizing their payroll?
From Catenzaro’s proceeds?

“Gee willikers, if you say so”
Mother F- Homie please
Aint taking a single peso
Im the greatest calamity

the way Im hoarding this cheese
I stack it all up in heaps
Shout out Mia Farrow
Woody Allens a creep

Shout out Mia Farrow
Woody Allens a creep
  

Another work day done
no more orders to place
Time to slip into something nice,
time to cover up this face

sneaking out heading west
when the sun starts to dip
Gotta clean up this bread
And give them OPs the slip

Think I should just give it up
Would If I was a wiser man
But I put the Bill in bills
Im the Time Square Spider-Man

Its just a money laundering scheme
To keep all my green
Dumb tourists are just
my money machine


Time square Im right here
Taking pics with buzz lightyear
The Sightseers souvenirs
Chandeliers and light beer

Bill Catenzaro 2024

Kidds Gone Home

Bay Area Beats

Sleepwell and Staybehind

Our love was paper thin, noose enough,
neither of us with wedding rings, 
it was setting in, were just 
losing touch and settling

so heavily, we’re fools in love,
and if you toss in medicine 
seven feet, our graves were dug, 
and we were sinking

who was she, one to flee,
leaving me embarrassed?
i thought she would get up and leave
and i couldn't bare it

I had my heart pinned to my sleeve, 
and I was too afraid to wear it 
deaf to her cries and to her screams, 
too ashamed to hear em

soon shadows move smooth thru bedrooms
and lead to brand new bruises 
lost tempers and loose movements 
so she seem to melt as she always does, 

and i fell on to her 
and our kisses turn to fists, 
it was too late, 
the neighbors heard,

called cops, neighbors watch,
 fire in my eyes 
she screams, “it was me,” 
and she lies

they let me off, think this will stop, 
say this is what we want 
not again, this never ends,
this is cyanide

cuz I’m a poet of emotions devotions 
and sometimes fists,
a king who's greatest accomplishment 
is a black-eyed queen with a bruised wrist 

and i can be potent when spoken
 but the moment focus is broken
these explosions leave me hopeless, 
this is my opus my grip constricts

and constricts

because my motives outline the eyes of all my friends  
and thru my past actions I realize I’ve redefined regret  
and I’ll keep her alive next time if this could all be reset 
but she wont stop screaming “I love you” even as I beat her to death

and Her broken ribs become the knives that rob the breath from her lungs  
she doesn't blink, her eyes are wide as her mouth overflows with blood 
and her teeth, her beautiful teeth fight back in vain
making my fists bleed so I viciously beat til no teeth remain 

and her skull holding all those thoughts within her brain 
begins to fold her body begins to buckle and bones break 
and I know once her chest implodes and goes concave 
that she's gone so long to my red letter day

my motives outline the eyes of
her…



vendrán lluvias suaves y olores de tierra,
(There will come soft rains and the smell of the earth)

y golondrinas que girarán con brillante sonido;
(and swallows that will circle with brilliant sound)

y ranas que cantarán de noche en los estanques
(and frogs that will sing at night in the pools)

y ciruelos de tembloroso blanco
(and plums of trembling white)

y petirrojos que vestirán plumas de fuego
(and robins that will wear feathers of fire)

y silbarán en los alambres de las cercas;
(and will whistle on the fences)

y nadie sabrá nada de la guerra,
(and nobody will know anything about the war)

a nadie le interesara que haya terminado.
(No one will care if it is over)

A nadie le importará, ni a los pájaros ni a los árboles,
(No one will care, neither the birds nor the trees)

si la humanidad se destruye totalmente;
(if humanity is totally destroyed)

y la misma primavera, al despertarse al alba,
(and the same spring, when waking up at dawn)

apenas sabrá que hemos desaparecido.
(will hardly know that we have disappeared.)

Meadows End

09 A Red Letter Day

Most nights I wish this reality could just be some fevered dream of a fetus choking to death from its own umbilical chord wrapped around its neck. Every effort made to bring it out of its mothers womb sucking its soul back to gods doorstep- wrapped in a blanket of innocence.

This life is a tomb.

I’m haunted day and night by the memories of you, by my inability to get over how absolutely perfect you (were/are). How on my worst days, the sight of your face was all it would take to make me forget, forget damn near anything that could make me feel small, weak and otherwise unimportant. Its why I still carry your picture with me wherever I go. I miss being important to someone like you.

Every night my dreams are filled with your screams, and the steady stream of salt-stained skin from my eyes to my sheets remind me, the nightmare is real. I find it amazing and terrifying that a twenty five year old giant of a man can be broken by the memory of the only person he has ever given the whole of his love to.

My nights are long.

I stay up. I stay up until its impossible to stay up any longer, on days I can’t, I drink. I do what I can to get through the days. I surround myself with the amazing faces of my friends, travel to amazing places with them, but you are always there. The memories claw at me until I can no longer think, and I find my mind torn mid-conversation to thoughts of us together.

I can’t imagine meeting someone who could fill my heart so completely like you did, and I can’t imagine surviving the pain of losing someone like that again. Forcing myself out of your life for reasons neither of us could control, now there's a hole in my chest the size of a two year old girl.

I hope to god you don't remember me. I hope I stay well out of your dreams, I hope I haven't hurt you, Zoey please, forget the father that was never supposed to be.

07 Protozoey

Sometimes when I sleep 
my lungs forget to breathe
and I'm drowning in my dreams 
I'm always drowning in my dreams

and I'm lying thru my teeth 
I'm always lying thru my teeth 
I'm lying thru my teeth, Ma, 
always lying thru my teeth

and I talked with Jon last night, 
yeah I saw him in my sleep 
don't remember what we said, 
but he looked happy to me

and I'm lying thru my teeth 
I'm always lying thru my teeth 
I'm lying thru my teeth, Ma, 
always lying thru my teeth

I'm lying thru my teeth 
always lying thru my teeth
this has been a long time coming 
so no crying when I leave

04 Judy Garland

what am i but just the son of a cop
in the back of my dads work car 
and what have i got but just a-

voice inside my head irritating 
like razor blades behind my eyelids 
with a mind on fire ill supply the cries 
inside the minds of sleeping giants

rhyming until i die 
these streets stay quiet if not for sirens
Pontius Pilate 
ultra violence

so foster a conscious monster in your thoughts 
until god is no longer lost 
and toppled crosses regain their posture 
still a hostage to this forgotten stigmata

now I’m exhausted with a frost accosted heart 
and all my old role models have fallen 
to these archaic laws and left throat-throttled
and its got me

often contemplating
a Compton shotgun facelift 
nozzle aimed at my cranium left brainless
like Dead in the midst of Mayhem

you’ll forever remain the great unwashed at Salem 
and ill be the noose necked atheist
still unshaken being taken to the hangman 
as forever friends stay waiting

at the radius for 
Satan to come and claim him 
allowed a statement
face to the congregation back straightened

this forsaken apostle states
you've awakened the hatred 
your own mistakes have created
if you got prayers to say then say em 

cuz I'm falling
Second star to the right,
and straight on til morning.

Rickyswift

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