06 When You Know It

05 Interlude

04 Adriamycin

03 Vicodin Lips

02 The Wasteland & White Horses

01 Intro

Apologies ft. Kim-P

A few months before chemo, a friend jumped on me from out of nowhere while I was standing in a parking lot in Mississippi.  I dropped my phone and the screen cracked but didn't spider-web.  There was a hairline fracture in the glass as if a bolt of lightning ran from the self-facing camera to the home button.  It was nearly unnoticeable except for when I tilted the screen.

I wrote the first lines to my "Side Effects" EP on the Notes app during my first infusion in California.  As treatment progressed, there were complications and surgeries.  I remember the blood-soaked wads of gauze after 3 unsuccessful PICC/Port procedures.  At each turn, there were phone calls, messages of support.  Stuck in an apartment and strapped to a bag full of chemo, it seemed that everyone else had lives to go about and places to be. 

Scroll through my old phone and you'll see different stages of deterioration: my hair is falling out, I'm bloated from the Prednisone.  On the inside, I'd started to frame the world around its flaws.  I felt as if the wind would blow me away.

This song is about scars.  Things you can't unsee.  I wrote it when I was two months into treatment but never recorded it.  Maybe I thought it'd go away, like ignoring a blister until it heals.  But it's impossible to ignore the weight of grief.  It's a boulder that fits in your pocket.  Shove it in the nightstand behind old chargers.  The reality is the screen is still broken.  Sometimes you look at it.  Most of the time, you don't.

(PS - I have a new phone now.)

mixed/mastered by base jase

Damage

Riverside Drew
(2024- )
"Every Rhyme Elevates Knowledge"
(2001-2024)

Riverside Drew

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