Name: Jesus Never Showed by Rob Barnhardt
Duration: 2 min 58 s
Description: It's New Year's Eve, 1999 – convinced of Jesus' impending return, a lonely old bachelor sells all his worldly possessions and eagerly awaits the rapture.

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It's New Year's Eve, 1999 – convinced of Jesus' impending return, a lonely old bachelor sells all his worldly possessions and eagerly awaits the rapture. ￼

Jesus Never Showed

High Road

Treaty Oak Revival - Fishnets

Lucero

Drink 'Till We're Gone

New Freedom Blues

04 Lazy River

Town Mountain - Snowin' On Raton

Ryan Bingham Live

Hallelujah (Live)

Pitchin' Fits

Rob Barnhardt is a word nerd, irrational numbers enthusiast, avid disestablishmentarian, penny ante poker phenom and notorious sleep-aholic who sometimes dreams in Rock ‘n’ Roll. His parents were the star attraction in a daring high wire act that famously worked without a net. Both died while he was still young. He was sent to his grandmother's brothel where he was raised by prostitutes. Encouraged by a Jesuit priest, he taught himself guitar at 13, becoming an accomplished classical guitarist. He was high school valedictorian and went off to Julliard on a music scholarship. He kept a revolver and a rattlesnake in his dorm room, supplementing his scholarship with money he made selling drugs. He took advantage of the many parties at Juilliard and would often show up to them naked. He got kicked out of school for running an illegal numbers game and became an ambulance driver, hustling pool and playing in a jazz combo on the side. He met and fell in love with an Atlantic City showgirl on an ocean liner when he was 27. They jumped ship and married in Istanbul, exploring Eastern mythology and the occult while on their honeymoon. On a party dare gone awry, he fatally shot his new bride while attempting an ill conceived version of William Tell, missing the shot glass placed atop her head and instead shooting her in the eye. After serving seven years hard labor for manslaughter, he escaped from a Romanian prison and stole away on a southbound freighter. He found himself in Brisbane, living in a motel and living hand to mouth, furiously writing songs and drinking heavily. Between sporadic bar gigs, he took odd jobs at shipyards and funeral homes. He never remarried, preferring one night stands and prostitutes to a committed monogamous relationship. At this writing, he lives a hermit-like existence in a sparsely furnished farmhouse East of Omaha. And when he does venture out for musical engagements, he usually wants to be back at home.

Jesus Never Showed

Rob Barnhardt

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