sample: "You Are What I'm All About" by The New Birth

hey you
i know you got to-dos to do 
so when you do one hallelujah
power to ya 
let us celebrate 
yay you 

yay you
i know you got to-dos to do 
so when you do one hallelujah
power to ya 
let us celebrate 
yay you 

lil task
looking like a “pass”
i don’t wanna do that
i wanna relax
i meant to send an email back like a week ago
i’m weak i know
but today i will complete the goal

open up the email thread
well that’s step one
done
i think that’s cause to have a lil fun
get super fucked up and get kicked out of gristedes
run into the street and get struck by a mercedes 
end up eating through a feeding tube
that’s a life hack
in a full body cast 
so i don’t have to write back
to any email ever
it’s pretty clever 
facing my goals head on 
just feels better 

hey you
i know you got to-dos to do 
so when you do one hallelujah
power to ya 
let us celebrate 
yay you 

yay you
i know you got to-dos to do 
so when you do one hallelujah
power to ya 
let us celebrate 
yay you 

now wave your hands in the air
if you feel overwhelmed
like all the littlest busy business 
is a prison cell 
it’s tough to bring yourself to do it
but neglecting its worse
crossing an item of a checklist
is a method that works

so when you’re “IN” stack
is bigger than your “OUT” stack
you know you gotta fix that baby
be about that 
pop a pill
buckle down
whoops you took the wrong pill
now you’re freaking out 
screaming in a Key Foods

YAY, YOU!

Barfed at a Party

SAMPLE: "Take What You Take" by Lily Allen

Mario

SAMPLE: Mutha'uckas by Flight of the Conchords

Mutha'uckas (remix)

Levitating (remix)

I Just Entered A Saloon

SAMPLE: Weak For Your Love by Thee Sacred Souls

for my dogs

The Day I Forgot How To Fuck

I'm a hot dog man
I'm a hot dog man
do my hot dog dance
call me Foot Long Frank
I put my foot in the thang 
like damn, goddamn
I'm a hot dog, I'm a pop star
never stop, naw, i'm the top dog
you mustered (mustard) all your strength being jealous
you still playing catch-up (ketchup)
I just lay back here and relish (relish)

hot dog man

Panda Like U

night sweats

Welcome Back to New York

Mambo No. 2

I Wanted It Too

instrumental: I'm Doin' My Thang, Gramatik
recorded & mixed by Mike Spits, EQ

LYRICS:

listen closely, i’m about to offer up 
a comprehensive account of all the mommas i fucked
a compilation of my copulation with the momma population 
from atop the tallest tower to the bottom of the basement 
it's a common conversation far as i’m concerned 
cuz i fucked every momma everywhere around the world 
from manhattan to pakistan and then back again
except the handful of nations impacted by the travel ban

i fucked ya momma yo
i beat the odds and stuck my cock into like half of the globe 
and all of the ladies that gestated life
i’m mackin on those
they carried babies
now they lay me 
make my package explode
gross
i fucked ya momma yo
i gave her plenty d
she gave you 23 of ya chromosomes
this is an overdose 
of poetic yo momma jokes
so settle in, I’m milking this milf bit, geronimo 

i fucked ya momma
in the rough
like a diamond
stuck it up her butt
then i nutted on her eyelids
i fucked ya momma on my own private island 
took a private jet 
got her wet with my privates
i fucked ya momma 
in the middle of the ocean
in the belly of the whale
sprayed my load all over both tits
i fucked ya momma
then she gave me a promotion 
she's promoting from within
cuz my dick is in her oh shit 

i fucked ya momma yo
i'm sleeping with her 
but she didn't bring pajamas though 
cuz she sleeps in the buff 
with her teeth round my nuts
then I stuff yo momma like she was an envelope
i fucked ya momma on a pile of forever stamps
don’t need to lick her even cuz yo momma’s hella damp
but obviously i go down on her 
then i go to town on her
then i fuck the rest of the town
cuz I’m the momma champ

i got a momma fuckin fetish
i sandwiched two meaty mommas on a bed of lettuce 
i ate ya momma’s pussy cuz she said i had to finish
that before i ate dessert
you know how mommas be gettin
over protective 
i fucked your momma at the dentist
she took me for a cleaning 
put my penis in her, then split 
i fucked yo momma on the court after a game of tennis
when she needed an abortion, drove yo momma to the clinic 
and i fucked her there
yo momma sucked my dick through the hole in my underwear
I say yo momma, cuz as far as names go I am unaware 
what yo momma’s name is
this isn’t momma dating
this purely momma fuckin 
on a no name momma basis 

i fucked yo momma
why?
cuz no one told me not to
now i run a momma brothel 
all for me
they always offering 
to make waffles
i fucked a billion
ladies who have raised children
lately i get the feeling
i’ve become a soulless momma-fucking villain 

huh
strange 
i feel nothing
i fucked ya momma 
then I busted on her stomach
a couple months ago this was a rush
but something changed
i’ve adjusted 
now my pulse is barely budging 
i fucked ya momma on a dragon in a dungeon 
ya momma loved it, but for me it wasn’t fun it’s dime a dozen 
this is the hero’s repercussion
bestowed the ultimate boon
but low and behold 
got multiple poon 
suddenly it’s joyless
it feels pointless
nevertheless
i fucked yo momma
on a toilet 
i fucked yo momma 
in a pond filled with koi fish 
i fucked yo momma 
with the antidote
my dick is  poison

I Fucked Yo Momma

**subscribe at sbipresstapes.com for full album, coming July 2018**

written & performed by Rob Tanchum
produced by Superfool (Kevin Hall & Shawheen Keyani)
executive produced by Simon Oré & SPI Press 
additional vocals by Church
saxophone by Jordan Cohen
recorded at Superfool Headquarters, Starburns Industries and EQ Studios
vocal sample: Reggie Watts, Late Night With Conan O’Brien

LYRICS:

now clap your hands if you’re always sad 
and you know there’s something wrong with you
now move your feet if you’re incomplete
and there’s nothing love or drugs can do 

let me hear you say

i 
don’t 
feel 
so 
good
X2

i got a wonderful life
i found the love of my life 
and she treats me special every day
her parents pay for my rent 
my parents pay for expense
i got a lot of faith invested in me

i got a few best friends
proving time and again 
that they’re more than friends, they’re family
i get to do what i love 
creating music and stuff 
but i never seem to be happy 

so let me hear you say

i 
don’t 
feel 
so 
good
X2

i never struggled for much 
i never hustled or punched
i never worried for nobody but me 
i lead a privileged life 
with the littlest strife 
all my conflict happens internally

i’ve had incredible luck
all of my stars have aligned 
so why am i whining like i’m out on the street
because my brain is a mess
no matter how good it gets
i’m always gonna be a little empty 

so  let me hear you say

i 
don’t 
feel 
so 
good
X4

don’t have a right to complain 
first off i’m white and a man
the most substantial advantage a human life can attain 
been handed chances on chances
since i was damping my pampers
entitled comes with the title 
the system’s slanted to me

never ever been abused false accused mistreated 
get to bend the rules; white skin and a penis 
and i barely ever lose, play the game on easy 
cuz my people made the game and the whole gang cheated

i’m sorry, sorry i’m sorry
not begging your pardon 
this is purely preface 
Professor Prefacer reporting 
it’s important 
for me
to get this all out on the table 
‘fore i start in 
shortly 
i’m bout to tell you all a tale 

about a white male protagonist 
(sorry, i’m sorry)
embarking out to find happiness 
(sorry, i’m sorry)
 who gets abducted by aliens 
(sorry, i’m sorry) 
and has to undergo analysis 
(i’m sorry)

IDFSG - Single

IDFSG

you can’t hurt me sucka
cuz every single lil thing hurts me sucka
tough luck if you tryna fuck with mee
i'm paper thin bullet proof
go on try n shoot
you’ll be shooting straight through

im too soft to live
sensitive 
to my detriment 
ever reevaluating everything that's ever said 
second guessing every second 
effectively defective 
projecting my cathexis 
like obsessions my profession
each interaction only seeing the infractions
you asking "pass the salt"
i’m over analyzing that shit 
what’s the implication ?
you insinuating that you hate my restaurant suggestion?
that my taste is basic?
saying that i'm wasting my potential ?
my friendships non-essential?
you wish i never left the womb alive and never met you ?
that everyone we know thinks that i'm stupid and fat?
because by asking for salt you’re only proving that fact

you can’t hurt me sucka
cuz every single lil thing hurts me sucka
tough luck if you tryna fuck with mee
i'm paper thin bullet proof
go on try n shoot
you’ll be shooting straight through

im topsy turvy 
man a lot disturbs me 
im the opposite of the bodhisattva, heard me? 
reachin negative nirvana 
all my thoughts converging 
then returning to the world
as a hollow person 
ego annihilation 
peakover analyzation
i go into situations 
knowing pain is adjacent
“but it’s all in your head” 
so is all information
i'm one with nature
my nature is facing deforestation 
that’s why you can’t knock me down
son, i'm nothing but stumps 
i don’t stand up for myself
i do nothing but slump 
i’m rob tanchum mutha fucka 
i’m inherently numb
plus i’m my number 1 hater 
so you ain’t tellin me noth-

[self-disintegration] 

i'm changing now
i think i'm different than i was
i'm apotheosizing
from the beginning of the album
i am different to now
i am better
i know myself
my weakness is my strength 
i am no longer dependent on others 

alright i’m sorry but this track is a lie
plotted a point on the album to have my character self-actualize 
this isn’t close to the truth
i'm feelin every bruise
i got these every day blues  
in every effort i lose
i haven’t grown from this yet 
i’ll be a wreck for a sec
i know i need a new therapist 
this won’t autocorrect
i need to get outta bed
eat better, get to the gym 
i need to kick my legs a little ‘fore i quit tryna swim
it’s not enough to know my weakness if i don’t work through it 
i make the music face the music, now my face must do it 
i'm rob tanchum mutha fucka
and i’m so damn stupid
now here’s the hook again even though its straight up bull shit

you can’t hurt me sucka
cuz every single lil thing hurts me sucka
tough luck if you tryna fuck with mee
i'm paper thin bullet proof
go on try n shoot
you’ll be shooting straight through

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
recorded at Superfool Headquarters

INTROSPECTIVE FLEX OUTRO

how could you go
I wish you'd come back 
I'm all alone
I really needed you  
now that you’re gone
so much left unsaid 
we weren’t done
i miss my therapist

I miss my I miss my 
I miss my therapist X a bunch

you were my first
took my oscar insurance
we clicked soon as we met
but you had to refer me
I came in for prescriptions
you wrote them, but couldn’t commit to
a full on regular treatment
your colleague would have to see me
okay that’s fine
I feigned a smile
I was disappointed
deep down inside I think we both knew 
it was fate that brought me to you 
that in addition to my add depression
unchecked anxiety, we knew we’d have amazing sessions 

instant connection 
haters will say it’s projection 
but i swear i stepped into your office lost
left with direction 
i kvetched and you detected my cathexis in a second 
in a sentence you made sense of 20 plus years of obsessions  
not to mention 
gave the genuine impression 
of investment 
piqued your professional interest 
with my comedy credentials 
you were partial to the podcasts about comics and their issues 
there i was 
the perfect case 
going to waste 
ay dawg i miss you

how could you go
I wish you'd come back
I'm all alone
I really needed you 
now that you’re gone
so much left unsaid 
we weren’t done
i miss my therapist

I started working
with a person
and it was working
it wasn't perfect
but it was worth it
it was helping
my mental health 
was getting dealt with 
but just a couple doors down I knew
someone else got to talk to you
dropping gems
and emeralds and jewels 
I sure could use 
wish i's with you 
but pretty soon I got the news
my current doc was moving on
said I could choose how to proceed
I brought up you, but he said naw
you had a job out in Chicago 
you were moving there in June 
it was March, we couldn't start for just 3 months he said
guess that was true 

i called you up 
on my way home
just to confirm 
that you were going 
you told me yes 
and i could sense
shared disappointment 
in your tone
although its bittersweet
you said to me
cuz ethically 
now you could see
my 2 man show at ucb 
and be a friend slash fan of me 
i laughed, the promo cards were in my backpack 
if you’re in, i’ll circle back and pass that 
yes you were, i wound up in your office
chattin for an hour and a half that’s
what we could have had, we both acknowledged 
would a 3 month fling be such a problem?
you were winding down with all your patients 
we threw caution to the wind and started 

how could you go
I wish you'd come back
I'm all alone
I really needed you 
now that you’re gone
so much left unsaid 
we weren’t done
i miss my therapist

each
week
was
special
these devils that i wrestle
you’d 
pin
down
effortlessly like heaven sent you 
you took my pile a thoughts
untangled them and tied em off
in manageable regions 
then made me the boss
michael scott 
but bliss is only ignorance
to think this wouldn’t sting when it was over 
was derivative of every rom com in existence
wish i ran and stopped you at the airport right before you boarded 
stormed the gate with roses
told you what we had was more important 

back on the market
my heart had darkened
the bar you set was so hiiiiiigh
no one could top it 
my rebound lasted twice as long as we did 
i hated him right away
but was too depressed to leave him 
so i tracked down your number
rang you up, hoping for comfort 
that was not
what i received
you wrote us off
as something i had bloated up 
but no it wasn’t 
that’s some bunk
there just some shrinks that can’t be shrunk
you were the one 
and now we’re done 
but i still love and miss you son 

how could you go
I wish you'd come back 
I'm all alone
I really needed you  
now that you’re gone
so much left unsaid 
we weren’t done
i miss my therapist

I miss my I miss my 
I miss my therapist

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool, Kaleigh Young
featuring Kaleigh Young
additional production by Will Moritz 
recorded at Superfool Headquarters, Will Moritz

DR. PATEL ft. Kaleigh Young

sorry i ruined your birthday
sorry i wrecked your special day
i didn’t mean to ruin your birthday 
sorry i threw up on your cake

(i really owe you an apology!)

sorry i ruined your birthday
sorry i wrecked your special day
i didn’t mean to ruin your birthday
sorry i burned down your estate 

(i cannot pay you for the damages)

damn this is embarrassing 
egg on my face 
i made a mess beyond comparison 
but let me explain 
i came to celebrate your birthday
in the friendliest way
it got away from me 
and now i’m paying for my mistakes 
you told me come thru at 8
we’ll probably wrap up at 10
it’s just a casual event
a couple family and friends 
no need to bring a present
if you’re drinking bring your own drinks 
let’s make my 27th birthday one to never forget 
i took that last bit to heart 
perhaps a little too far 
i drank a handle of daniels and 
smashed your grandmothers harp 
i parked my car in your car 
i called your dog a r’tard 
borrowed your vintage map collection 
threw some darts into florida 
brought up all of my exes
and then proceeded to call em 
over the stereo system 
mixed in with kendrick lamar 
i took control of the party 
by locking all of the doors 
and yelling at all of your guests to fucking get on the floor!
sorry 

sorry i ruined your birthday
sorry i wrecked your special day
i didn’t mean to ruin your birthday 
sorry your torso was displaced 

(i hope your health insurance covers that!)

if you’re mad i understand 
i take the blame 
shouldn’t have raided your closet, set your galoshes aflame 
i made a malotov cocktail out of a bottl’a champagne 
and paced the party with a lighter, threatened to detonate
i asked your mom for a date 
i asked your daddy to fuck
i asked your little brother if he’d stick his hand in my butt 
i took a spray paint can and painted bannon and trump 
hugging with you in the middle 
proclaiming “nothing but love!”
by then the house was on fire 
and we were out on the lawn 
i had retired to a squad car 
with some handcuffs on
the fire fighters you invited
stayed til 5 in the morn
and when the fire finally died 
all your possessions were gone 
it was a memorable birthday 
they rolled you off on a gurney 
with minor 3rd degree burns
into a 9 hour surgery 
and when you wake up
i hope you hear this song
so you forgive me 
and we can let bygones be and move on

sorry i ruined your birthday
sorry i wrecked your special day
i didn’t mean to ruin your birthday 
sorry i kicked you in the face 

(that was partially an accident!)

sorry i ruined your birthday
sorry i wrecked your special day
i didn’t mean to ruin your birthday
sorry you’re in a body brace 

(personally i think you pull it off!)

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
recorded at Superfool Headquarters

RUINED UR BIRTHDAY

now everybody listen up this a brand new dance
to make you look real cool when you crap your pants
just follow these steps and you'll be alright
any time you make a mess you go and bust this rhyme

it goes
1-2
shoopty doop
everybody in the place take a big ol poop
now say 3-4 slip slop galore
someone call the janitor in to mop the floor
mop mop the floor
tell him mop the floor
someone call the janitor 

okay now say you're in the club
and you're jammin out
but then somethin from your butt
comes scramblin out 
it's too late to stop it
what's done is done
so don't let it get awkward
you can make it fun 
step 1
tell the dj that you shit your pants
this kind of thing happens a lot
he'll understand 
step 2
ask him if he will put on this song
step 3
act as if you have done nothing wrong

and sing 
1-2
shoopty doop
everybody in the place take a big ol poop
now say 3-4 slip slop galore
someone call the janitor in to mop the floor
mop mop the floor
tell him mop the floor
someone call the janitor  

so now you're in the clear
won't be the subject of snickering
everybody in the club
is in the same predicament 
excrement trickling
thinkin this ridiculous
why the fuck did we just listen to this
shit is in
our pants
in our shoes 
we just blindly obeyed
twith this dance record's rules 
and it ruined our day
this was really not worth it
why would someone make this 
now we all have to go home and shower

and sing
1-2
shoopty doop
everybody in the place take a big ol poop
now say 3-4 slip slop galore
someone call the janitor in to mop the floor
mop mop the floor
tell him mop the floor
someone call the janitor

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
recorded at Superfool Headquarters

POOP YA PANTS DANCE

ooh i hate the pain when i’m feelin stressed out 
make it go away
make it go away now
i don’t want to get to the bottom 
of the problem
i would rather see the bottom of a bottle drained out 

self medicate

ooh i hate the pain when i’m feelin stressed out 
make it go away
make it go away now
i don’t want to hear myself think 
so i take a couple drinks
and i pray my brain waves’ll fade out

self medicate 

---

blackout
no memory of what had went down
i know i went out but it’s blank now
i met some people i think
i drank a million drinks 
i drank and drank and drank and 

blacked out
no memory of what had went down
i know i went out but it’s blank now
i met some people i think
i drank a million drinks 
i drank and drank and drank and

ooo boy 
i’m dizzy 
the bathroom floor is spinning 
just woke up naked clinging to the toilet extra sticky
my head is ringing like
somebody body slammed and hit me 
it smells like vomit 
think it’s safe to say that probably is me

[groan] what happened
ow my head
i need an aspirin

i pull the shower curtain back
and it’s my friend sebastian?
dude what the crap
why are you also naked
in my bathtub nappin 
this is odd behavior
that’s not how we operate here 

i don’t remember
i feel like i been on a bender
i drank so much 
i musta stuffed my gut with chicken tenders
i know i went to jenna’s party-

wait we probably met there
i vaguely recollect
wrecking the place, then jettin elsewhere 

where the fuck is my phone

probably with the rest of our clothes 

if we find them then we find clues

then let’s pray to god that they’re close

open the door and my apartments soaked in blood?
don’t know from what
this can’t be good

oh god rob
did we kill someone 
it’s on the walls 
it’s in the rug 
we have to cover up this fuckin murda 
we won’t last in jail we’re not assertive 
we are small and frail and they’’ll hurt us 
dude let’s bail and sail to the berhermas

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
recorded at Superfool Headquarters

SELF MEDICATE // BLACKOUT

yo ambulances
why you making so much noise
I can’t stand you bitches
why you being so annoyin
wowwow how loud do you need to be
quit disturbin me
with all of these emergencies 

I’m on the street out trollin for something to eat
I’m honestly just strolling, soaking in the breeze
birds chirping in the trees
pleasing my synesthes'
world looking wonderful
reaching my inner peace
but in a heartbeat that’s abruptly interrupted
someone's heart erupted
now it’s suddenly this big production
like jeez we get it
you’re going to the hospital 
but do you really got to be obnoxious in the process though?
sirens shriekin
like you’re worried we can’t hear you
but you’re just drumming up business
since we’re all gon need new ears soon
can’t you see that we’re in pain
is that not your job?
do us all a favor, save us too, locate the volume knob

yo ambulances
why you making so much noise
I can’t stand you bitches
why you being so annoyin
wowwow how loud do you need to be
quit disturbin me
with all of these emergencies 

I said fuck emts that's how I treat em 
we put our headphones on loud
but the sound still bleed in 
we been constantly accosted with
lots of this raucous cacophonous awfulness
think it’s time to put a stop to this
you saving lives
but you killing the vibe
tell me would I be described as a villain if I
say I would rather people die
than take a minute of time
out of my day
to wait the full duration that it takes an ambulance to pass
man, da fuck is that
nothing in it’s path
traffic at a halt 
pedal on the gas
still it manages to last an eternity 
got my music full blast
haven’t heard a peep
lack of courtesy 

yo ambulances
why you making so much noise
I can’t stand you bitches
why you being so annoyin
wowwow how loud do you need to be
quit disturbin me
with all of these emergencies

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Will Moritz, Superfool
featuring Sinsay, Dan Harmon 
recorded at Starburns Industries and EQ Studios

YO AMBULANCES ft. Sinsay

been about a month since i had a shave
full ass beard, on my face 
pullin it off though, it looks great 
all that’s left is to maintain 
tell myself that I won’t slip
1 stray hair hanging on my lip
grab my clippers, snip snip snip
and the fellas know what happens next...

it was just a trim
didn’t think this would happen 
happen to me again 
this is always what happens 
i messed up
now my beard’s uneven 
guess this means that I have to
shave it down to the skin
rebegin like a piece of shit
listen
only fools try to trim 

i wonder if i’ll ever learn my lesson
it always happens but somehow i keep forgetting 
messing with my beard now my beard is missing 
all this baby face failing’s getting real depressing 
just one time, lemme not fuck up
lemme do a touch up with no self destruct
can i please live happily
trim away the scragglies 
feel attractive 
without symmetry distracting me 
i’m a victim of selective memory
can’t believe i gotta tell another beard to rest in peace 
I’m gettin on my knees and I’m praying to beard god 
in another month stop me from shaving my beard off 
thought i had control, next second i veered off
irredeemable now, my only options to shear it off
but fear not
because it will grow back
mustache, chin strap, sideburns, soul patch

it was just a trim
didn’t think this would happen 
happen to me again 
this is always what happens 
i messed up
now my beard’s uneven 
guess this means that I have to
shave it down to the skin
rebegin like a piece of shit
listen
only fools try to trim

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool, Rob Tanchum
recorded at Superfool Headquarters

UNPLANNED SHAVE

someday 
you will 
be chill
be chill 

de-stress
un-feel 
be chill
be chill 

in time your mind will hear wind chimes 
over car horns 
and slammed doors 
and cliff dives 
over dark thoughts 
that curse off the good thoughts 
over rough starts
that cut short the good stuff 

first look, last look
never second guess again 
possess the zen 
to befriend the voice inside your head 
whaddup buddy
isnt life lovely
dumped out self doubt 
pumped up *puppies!*

pleasantness only
the present tense only
forgettin the future
the past is the old me 
i master the old me 
im happy and cozy 
i switch the subject from you to i cuz that doesn’t hold me 

holy moly behold the odyssey
meet the goddess and go with honesty
conquer consciousness
for cosmic bliss 
unlock the flow of life
and swap it in

got no time for no time 
from here on it’s go time 
from coastline to coastline 
no fear, clear eyes, blue skies, oh my 
oh my
oh my 
from coastline to coastline 
no fear, clear eyes, blue skies, oh my

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
featuring Iman Europe 
recorded at Superfool Headquarters and another place Iman isn't cool with anymore so I don't know the name

SOMEDAY ft. Iman Europe

fuck you tanchum
we are your thoughts
you don’t control us
we are your boss 
you can’t do nothing without checkin with us 
spiralin a mile a minute, pilin up
we don’t love you tanchum 
we hate your guts
you suck at everything

but-

shut the fuck up
we’re here forever so you can never have fun
spinnin your regular thoughts to negative ones

okay now  
what 
in the hell 
do you think you’re doin?

what?

white guy joke rap?
are you that stupid?
are you clueless
or just perfectly cool with
appropriating black culture
so you can noodle with music?
you fuckin doofus

no i know, thats why i don’t usually do this 
does it help that im addressing it?

it doesn’t excuse it 
you’re still choosing to contribute to systematic abuses
rootin through the black community’s roots for your amusement 

oof
that hits me right in my white fragility
i don’t want to be a villain, but-

but your writing ability?
you’re an artist making art
so what’s the harm in you rapping? 

but dan harmon said to do it
 
that old rich white bastard? 
that’s backward
that’s not a pass 
that’s a disaster
this is massively problematic
you macklemore back up

but i’m being authentic 
i’m not tryna act black or do an accent

but you sorta are 

i swear it’s an accident!
i’m just passionate 
about rap
that’s all that’s happenin 
i’m a hip hop fan
so that’s the language i’m channelin 

whoa are you about to start crying?

... no!

so emotional 

i hate you!

the self hatred’s mutual bro!
short fat sad sack
dumb ugly ass hat 
weak willed lazy
lil baby 
takin mad naps 
no fun
lame friend
self centered 
stayin in
makin plans
then flakin
cuz of all of the pain you’re in

stop it 
drop it
im a mess
i got it
im depressed 
don’t know how to handle stress
it’s chronic 
im a bullshit person
the worst version of who i could be 
obvously i know this 
we go over all this constantly 
maybe that’s the reason i’m stuck
you won’t get off of me
blocking up my chakras with these self fulfilling prophecies 
foggin up my goggles 
oglin my problems
toppling my towers
‘fore i even build the bottom 

i 
don’t 
know 
those are valid points, but back up
i’m the voice of reason 
’member chatting bout the rap stuff?
gettin pretty sloppy with perspective in this track, bruh 
maybe this is all the proof we need that you’re an asshole 

fuck myself
im a dumb ass fuck 
n i hate myself 
cuz i suck so much 
wrote this whole song wrong
yup i fucked it up
broke the 4th wall now
cuz i suck i suck 

i suck

(yeah you suck)

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
featuring Dan Harmon
recorded at Superfool Headquarters, Starburns Industries

THOUGHT SPIRAL ft. Dan Harmon

now clap your hands if you’re always sad 
and you know there’s something wrong with you
now move your feet if you’re incomplete
and there’s nothing love or drugs can do 

now let me hear you say

i 
don’t 
feel 
so 
good
X2

i got a wonderful life
i found the love of my life 
and she treats me special every day
her parents pay for my rent 
my parents pay for expense
i got a lot of faith invested in me
i got a few best friends
proving time and again 
that they’re more than friends, they’re family
i get to do what i love 
creating music and stuff 
but i never seem to be happy 

so let me hear you say

i 
don’t 
feel 
so 
good
X2

i never struggled for much 
i never hustled or punched
i never worried for nobody but me 
i lead a privileged life 
with the littlest strife 
all my conflict happens internally
i’ve had incredible luck
all of my stars have aligned 
so why am i whining like i’m out on the street
because my brain is a mess
no matter how good it gets
i’m always gonna be a little empty 

so  let me hear you say

i 
don’t 
feel 
so 
good
X4

don’t have a right to complain 
first off i’m white and a man
the most substantial advantage a human life can attain 
been handed chances on chances
since i was damping my pampers
entitled comes with the title 
the system’s slanted to me
never ever been abused false accused mistreated 
get to bend the rules; white skin and a penis 
and i barely ever lose, play the game on easy 
cuz my people made the game and the whole gang cheated

i’m sorry, sorry, i’m sorry
not begging your pardon 
this is purely preface 
Professor Prefacer reporting 
it’s important 
for me
to get this all out on the table 
‘fore i start in 
shortly 
i’m bout to tell you all a tale 

about a white male protagonist 
(sorry, i’m sorry)
embarking out to find happiness 
(sorry, i’m sorry)
 who gets abducted by aliens 
(sorry, i’m sorry) 
and has to undergo analysis 
(i’m sorry)

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
additional vocals by Church
saxophone by Jordan Cohen
recorded at Superfool Headquarters, Starburns Industries and EQ Studios
vocal sample: Reggie Watts, Late Night With Conan O’Brien

alien men are in my mind
alien men they wanna run tests on me 
my thoughts are coming out as rhymes 
oh my 
so they can tune around my brain and dial in on me 

i’m disturbed i’m depressed i’m inadequate
george costanza said it best so i sampled it 
i’m disturbed i’m depressed i’m inadequate X2
hate myself with a passion so passionate 
george costanza said it best so i sampled it 
i’m disturbed i’m depressed i’m inadequate X2

i’m scared i’m feelin exposed
in a chamber filled with sci-fi rigamarole 
hooked up to the console of a ufo 
had my psyche downloaded into digital code
then exported as flows over instrumentals 
getting probed never sounded so listenable 
i was sitting at home
i was taking a shit
next thing i know i’m sucked inside an alien ship

written and performed by Rob Tanchum
music composed and produced by Superfool
featuring Dan Harmon as Xacari, Jeff Davis as Zarway 
vocal sample: Jason Alexander, Seinfeld S04E15 The Visa 
recorded at Superfool Headquarters, Starburns Industries

INTRO

i would have your back rob tanchum ~2017~

my friend
max gets a brain fog 
up in his brain
day after day 
it hits him swiftly
and it gets in his way
it’s like a thickness in his thoughts 
a sickness nothing seems to cure 
it’s like his single biggest flaw
cant think can’t string together words
and it hurts

he’s met with several specialists 
he’s tested every medicine 
been electroshocked and botoxed,
acupunctured, all were negative 
Diagnosis? 
No one’s getting it 
so I had to step in and settle it 
Now im no Gregory house
but i’ve been fiddlin around
and i figured it out 
i got the cure

Maxy you been asking all the wrong questions
You been checkin boxes off the wrong checklist 
Wasting time with experts of the human form   
When instead 
You should go and see an equine vet
Im pretty sure you’re a horse

you are not a man
you’re a horse
you’re not tall
you’re deformed
you can’t talk?
well of course 
you’re a horse 
you are not a human 
You’re a stallion 
no you’re not an impaired person 
You’re a horse with special talents 
you’re a horse 

finally
everything adds up 
you’re a horse 
blimey 
you should be proper chuffed 
you’re a horse 
ride me
is what you should be thinking
cuz immersing yourself in a horses life is the only way to fix this

so listen:
for instance
you work in a business 
managing people
and handlin instruments 
ridiculous
you should be cloppin around in a field 
you should be trottin around in a field  
you should be eatin oats out of a bag
you should be crapping wherever you feel
come lick this sugar cube out of my hand

you don’t need that backpack no more 
drop down on all fours 
now have hooves for hands
i have found the cure
all this time with humans has been giving you headaches 
(only one solution)
if you want relief leaving people is how you will get it 
go and live amongst the horses 

take off your clothes 
sell all your things
you’ll be stable
once we get you into a stable 
and brush your mane 
renounce your life 
give up your dreams
we’re not writers
you’re a damn horse 
i’m the jockey that rides you 
giddy up bitch 

now promenade promenade promenade promenade
let’s do dressage do dressage do dressage do dressage 

woo
nice movements
i’m seeing fantastic improvements
maxy youre much more relaxed now
we finally found the solution
huh
i guess it wasn’t the gluten 
nah 
i guess it wasn’t the gluten 
guess it had nothing to do with the gluten 
you didn’t have to remove it 
stupid

you are not a man
you’re a horse
you’re not tall
you’re deformed
you can’t talk?
well of course 
you’re a horse 
you are not the son of cari ash 
no she found you in a basket
and she raised you as a man
but you're a horse

Max Ash's Mystery Illness

it’s christmas time
that means santa will be visiting
and bringing gifts again into the homes of christian kids 
hell be sliding down your chimneys while you’re fast asleep
remember children stay in bed 
don’t try to sneak a peak 
cuz santa doesn’t leave loose ends
and if he catches you
he’s gonna do something bad that santa often has to do
he’s gonna strangle you 
and make you disappear 
yes santa murders children 
and it happens every year 


santa’s one and only rule of christmas is 
never leave behind any witness 
no ones ever seen him
and then lived to share
he’ll kill a child like it’s nothing 
he don’t fuckin care 
he can justify it as humane 
cuz the sight of santa’s real face 
would drive a kid insane 
stuff em him in his sack 
chop em up in his sleigh 
feed em to the reindeer 
and be about his merry way 
santa slay

falalalalala falalalalala falalalalala
santa slay santa slay
falalalalala falalalalala falalalalala
the family’ll never be the same
falalalalala falalalalala
you crazy, santa
falala falala falalala falalalalalalala

he sees you when you’re sleeping 
he knows when you’re awake
no one who’s ever seen him
has ever got away 
he’s a supernatural being
and he doesn’t make mistakes 
he’ll protect his anonymity 
no matter what it takes 
the second that he’s spotted
he’ll sever your carotid
he’s never been bothered by blood
not a problem 
his body count is higher than attila the hun’s 
he’s been doing this consistently since christmas begun

so lil timmy-tommy,
who’s up in his pajamies,
you better get to bed soon 
or santas gonna murder you
jiffany and priston,
I pray to god you’re listening,
no more christmas mischief 
cuz santas gonna murder you 
it’s not because you’re naughty 
santa brought you your toys 
you just stumbled on a secret
you were spose to avoid 
you better watch out
you better not cry
tuck yourself under the covers 
less you wanna fucking die
(it's christmas!)

falalalalala falalalalala falalalalala
santa slay santa slay
falalalalala falalalalala falalalalala
the family’ll never be the same
falalalalala falalalalala
you crazy, santa
falala falala falalala falalalalalalala

Santa Doesn't Leave Loose Ends

if you ever wondered 
what’s the opposite 
of the optimal optical cognizance
hit the mens locker room
when you're at the gym
and i’m positive
you will spot this, it's

grandfather dick
yuck
grandfather dick
uch

it’s unavoidable 
there’s no stoppin it
it’s an institution 
it’s grandfathered in
you could look away
but there’s lot of them
soft and shriveled, leather skin
like a moccasin 
they got no shame (nah)
they just let em air (air)
cause it ain’t no thang to em
they don't medi-care (joke)
different generation 
from another era
back in their day
towels still were very rare

grandfather dick
yuck
grandfather dick
uch

my gym membership 
didn’t mention this
free weights, treadmills, many elder dicks
can I get changed
without millions
of willy’s that were living before television
really I’m just tryna lace my shoes man
look up and my face is waist level with a
relic from truman’s administration 
I know it’s the locker room
and lots a dudes are naked
but why they got to mill about
and strike up conversations?

dick after dick
day after day
locker for locker
yo put those old cocks away
burnin calories
but these phalluses stay
at least the fatter me
just had to see one dick on display

tick tock
tick tock
grandfather clock
how many granfather's cocks
will i clock?

grandfather dick
yuck
grandfather dick
uch

Grandfather Dick

let me spit you a situation you might have lived thru
you’re just minding your business when someone tries to slip thru 
engage you in a conversation you did not consent to 
but you don’t have the breath to waste 
so here’s what to instead do 

when somebody’s in your face tell em 
fligoogigoo
get the fuck away
aka
fligoogigoo
it’s more demeaning than real words it’s
fligoogigoo 
they’ll get the meaning from context
fligoogigoo

fligoogigoo
i’m as chilly as an igloo
i’m not into chillin with you
seee the headphones in my ear dude?
fligoogigoo

fligoogigoo
i’mma stick to my sudoku
you can go and chat with someone whose body language is open
fligoogigoo

not me
i’mma stay in my seat
I was really happy
before you started to yap at me
please 
I’m asking you to leave
tol em 
fligoogigoo
fligoogigoo
now get the fuck away

sample: "Tribute" by Tenacious D

Fligoogigoo

i'm fatter than i've ever been before
i've been fat in the past, but this time it's more
i've sittin on my ass and snacking
i've been packing on some extra padding
oh lord
got engaged, lost 30, then i gained 50
now that wedding's postponed til my clothes fit me
saw some photos of myself back when i was skinny
and legitimately thought 
yo, who is he?

i want candy
ice cream
chocolate treats
i want fresh baked cookies
and magnolia treats
i wanna stay in bed and not get dressed
but
i want less prominent man breasts
dilemma
push ups
sit ups
all that shit
i haven't even started and i'm ready to quit 
i wanna snap my fingers and already be fit
i guess i'm gonna go and google if that's possible?

yo-yo

Mary-Kate & Ashley

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVjC5d9__3_eYSfXOp09ftQ

Rob Tanchum

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