this song was born from a fit of rage, disappointment, and loneliness. i wanted to explain what it was like to watch your ex partner move on as you stayed longing for what was once there. you try to find others to love but realise they’re just another version of your past lover. moving on becomes like a petty competition where both parties just try to be happier than the other.

shell (voice memo)

destination love (demo)

manitoba (demo)

wrote this one for my tdp audition - but it’s really about that one ex-partner who won’t let go

wasting water (voice memo)

Live at Waterloo Studios
Mixed by Nick Craig at Talent Development Project

turn to dust (live at waterloo studios)

both sides now (joni mitchell cover)

A song about missing someone you still have…

I’m taking the long way home tonight 
Turning left down Flood Street instead of turning right 
Sometimes I see you in the streetlights 
Bathe me in your glow, tell me everything’s alright

I can hear it
In the car when
The radio 
Is on
There’s an echo
Of your voice
Distant
But not gone
And I miss you
In the morning
At the crack of every dawn
I will never 
forget you
Even when our love is worn through

Holding your hand a little too tight
Walking with you down Flood Street in the middle of the night 

Now I’m laughing with my friends
About something you said
Months ago
Lost and running down the halls
Knocking hard on every door
Hoping one might lead to a road
That takes me home
TO YOU

If I find you
In another life
And our faces
Aren’t the same
Will you recognise 
My voice when
I call out
Your name?
Don’t act like
A stranger
Don’t put me through that pain
I will never
Forget you
Even when our love is maimed

I know that
You haven’t left my side just yet
I know that
But I play it all out in my head
I know that
The future’s undecided
Am I over-excited?
Don’t let this love be one-sided

And your parents
They warned ya
You might end up
In a song
If you hear this
In 20 years
I hope you still
Sing along
When you’re somewhere
In London
And I‘ve got it all wrong
Would you come back
To Flood Street?
Even if our love is torn 
Even if our love is worn through

Flood Street - Demo

Haven’t even turned the key
But you’re already
Halfway out the door
I’ll go home with someone new
Stare into their eyes 
And I’ll see yours

Knew you for the shortest time
But just enough to feel like you were mine
Take a sip and drown me out 
Cause I know that you taste me
In your wine
And I can’t help but hope

Something will happen again
And we’ll tie the knot
Where you left loose ends
I know we’re probably better as friends
But if you were to ask
Well I wouldn’t be against it 

Saw you from across the bar
Caught you staring holes 
into my head 
I wish that I hated you
But you can’t heal a wound
That never bled
So I’m just left to hope

Something will happen again
And we’ll tie the knot
Where you left loose ends
I know we’re probably better as friends
But if you were to ask
Well I wouldn’t be against

Dinner dates and cheap dive bars
And leaving my things in your car
Love letters and picture frames
Calling just to hear you say my name
If that was casual
And your damage was collateral 
I guess I never cared at all
But since we’re telling lies
I’ll tell you I don’t hope 

Something will happen again
And we’ll tie the knot
Where you left loose ends
I know we’re probably better as friends
But if you were to ask
Well I wouldn’t be against it

i wouldn’t be against it (voice memo)

taken from my tiktok

You were staring at a cold pool of water
Throwing rocks like you did as a kid
One splash and that’s when you realised
You don’t feel the same as you did

Said life’s been             
getting in the way of
Everything you want can’t
Give me what I need
I’ll wait while
You’re taking your sweet time
Savouring each second
You spend without me

I’ll see you on a Monday like always
But this time you won’t kiss me goodbye
I knew it when we sat there in silence
Your next sentence would cut like a knife 

And I don’t
Even know what we were
Treat me like a lover
Til you wanna leave
I’ll wait while
You make it through May I’ll
See you on the other
Side of you and me  

Please don’t pretend
We’ll do this again
Again
Relearn real love
Break my heart again
Again
Again
Again
Again and again and again
Again
Again
Again and again and again

again

an assessment i did for uni 🥰

boyfriend
not yet
but you’re acting like one
my friends
tell me
it looks like we’re in love

we say 
things that
only couples would say
morning
goodnight
tell me, how was your
day?

and i find it kind of funny how you talk to me like this but you
you’ve been keeping me a secret from your friends and i’m thinking
oooooh what am i to you?

girlfriend
not yet
i’m just manifesting
drink up 
make out
it’s the same old ending

i fall
too hard
now my bones are broken
i want
your heart
but my truth’s unspo-
ken

and i’m dreaming of another life where you are always by my side
so let’s just stay here forever never wanna hear you say good
byyeeeeeee i’m starry eyed

i’m not just an accessory
not just a keychain to hang from the carabiner on your jeans
don’t think you’ve won me over
‘cause it’s not over 
‘til I call you my
boyfriend
not yet
but you’re acting like one

boyfriend (not yet) (demo)

I dragged out our love like a cigarette 
It felt good til I was addicted to it 
I told you I loved you too much to quit
But no lighter could’ve kept our spark lit

October came and you still couldn’t fall
Let your phone ring whenever I’d call
But I held on until my hands were numb

Our flame is only embers now
And one breath of air
Could blow us out
The winds will change
And you’ll be gone
It’s hard to admit
You’re not the one

They all told me run away
Run as fast as you can
Never fall for a boy
Who thinks he’s a man
Cause he’ll trap you in an endless cycle 
Of I’m so smart yeah I’m so funny
Always standing outside
Peering through the windows
Never let me in
That’s how it always goes
But once I slam the door I’ll see that
You’re not smart, nah you’re not funny

I thought I saw you on the metro
It made me realise I should let go
But I’m still hooked and you’re reeling me in
And I’m tired of giving you all my love
I’m tired of feeling like less than enough
I’m tired of crying on my bedroom floor
Like every girl you’ve loved before 

My friends all think I’ve gone insane
I can’t even bear to hear your name
The winds will change and you’ll be gone
I know it now
You’re not the one

They all told me run away
Run as fast as you can
Never fall for a boy
Who thinks he’s a man
Cause he’ll trap you in an endless cycle 
Of I’m so smart yeah I’m so funny
Always standing outside
Peering through the windows
Never let me in
That’s how it always goes
But once I slam the door I’ll see that
You’re not smart, nah you’re not funny

You’re not smart, nah you’re not funny
Turned my days grey
When it was sunny
Broke my heart like 1 2 3 times
The clouds have cleared 
Now you’re not mine
I’m done hearing your excuses
Every lie left me with bruises
I was blind but everyone could see
You liked yourself more than you ever liked
Me

They all told me run away
Run as fast as you can
I tripped and fell for a boy
Who thinks he’s a man
And he trapped me in an endless cycle of
I’m so smart yeah I’m so funny
Always standing outside
Peering through the windows
Never let me in
That’s how it always goes
Now I’ve slammed the door
You’re not smart, nah you’re not funny

so smart, so funny (voice memo)

I know it tastes bad
So spit it out
I know that you don’t want that bitterness left in your mouth
You swished it around in your cheeks
Tied your tongue in a knot
So when I said it
You just stopped

If you don’t wanna chew
Just spit it out
Or swallow your words
You don’t have to shout it

And I know
That maybe I’m crazy
But if it’s all in my head
Then tell me what I should have said

If those words burn your tongue
Just spit them out
or at least blow on the sentence until it cools down
When I clear the table
Your plate’s still half full
Don’t stare at me like
I’m just your fool

I don’t know
How it was with her
But if she’s still in your head
Then maybe it’s best left unsaid

I spent ages
formulating
longing, waiting
just for you to
say it baby
don’t betray me
can you blame me?
they’re just three short words

i love you

spit it out (voice memo)

burn through hearts like a wildfire
blame it on misunderstanding 
i pour water on the flame
but it never goes out

keep me around, make me feel like i’m yours
but i’m just a stand in 
call me a friend
then you kiss me with the same mouth

what do you want now?
what do you want now?

you’re just a parasite
clinging on, feeding off my affirmation
i know it’s bad
but it’s turned into something i love

i think that i’m just addicted
to the anticipation
so i sit and wait for a train
that i know won’t come

what do you want now?
what do you want now?
it’s getting too loud
take me back to your house

and we’d do it like we used to
sitting on your couch
know we closed the book but
i can’t put the pen down
every word i write
looks kind of like your name
call it what you want while
i call it a damn shame

you pick me up from a party
it’s been a while since we did this
we didn’t touch 
but i still felt you on my skin

held my breath before i told you
how much i miss this
if wanting you back is a crime 
then i’m guilty as sin

what do you want now?
what do you want now?
it’s getting too loud
take me back to your house

and we’d do it like we used to
sitting on your couch
know we closed the book but
i can’t put the pen down
every word i write
looks kind of like your name
call it what you want while
i call it a damn shame

Ceffie

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