So heftig das es mir die gottverdammten Beine im Moshpit bricht

In August 2019, a close friend of mine passed away from an overdose. This song is a portrait of the grief I and those close to her experienced in the aftermath. Rest in Peace Antonia, it would've been your 22nd tomorrow (4/23). We miss you, and we won't forget you and your strength in the face of adversity.

Updated October 2021

Lyrics

She was alive, 
She was loved, she was alive. 
It's not right, she was alive
Help me dye my hair, cause she was alive
She was alive, alive

Hold on my friend you weren't supposed to leave yet
Cause you had so much more to live for
And so much to give, an absence of forgiveness
From those of us that you had adored
And how could I expect to outlive you
Even if you didn't make it to twenty-two
What the hell are we supposed to do
(What the hell am I supposed to do / You did whatever you wanted to)

Of all my old sins that you forgave
You helped me believe I was worthy of being saved
But then I paved a distance from your new path
Creating space and time to lose track

The wicked traps placed, illness you succumb
I wished to document how far we had come
Wasted saturday night. in the morning you're gone
Now I'm required to sing this song

(Theres not enough narcan left inside. I will pay for leaving you behind)

I should've found you in the night
I had no idea where you were when you lost your life
These words should not exist
You are dearly missed
Antonia
You are dearly missed

The one who forgave my transgressions
Who rebuked me from deep within
(There's not enough Narcan left inside)
Who gave me a chance to grow has departed
(I will pay for leaving you behind)
The casual smirk and deceptive grin
The unrequited assurance
(Beautiful perfect scum of your design)
That began the change of of everything I know
(A family of idiots must survive)
Restarted

She was alive
She was loved, she was alive
I'm not fine. She was alive
You should reconcile cause she was alive
She was alive, alive

So what will I do with this pain of mine
Confusion overwhelming inside
I could've sworn all my friends were forbidden from dying
Forbidden
Forbidden

Seeing your name on street signs fills me with anguish
Speaking your fate aloud feels like hearing a lie
(This cant be true, this can't be true)
This is impossible, improbable in our timeline

Some nights after you died
I reached over ninety-thousand miles in my car
And I didn't even notice
I couldn't cause I was too busy 
driving slowly around the suburbs that we both grew up in
And screaming in disbelief

(Reveal those positive angel minutes)
Did all that make-up hide your pain inside
(And we'll revel in those positive angel minutes to the end)
Shelter us all from the burden you resolved to bear alone
(Reveal those positive angel minutes)
Did all that make-up hide your pain inside
(And we'll revel in those positive angel minutes to the end)
We all admired what was on the surface, concealer sealing away the unknown

The one who forgave my transgressions
Who rebuked me from deep within
(There's not enough Narcan left inside)
Who gave me a chance to grow has departed
(I will pay for leaving you behind)
The casual smirk and deceptive grin
The unrequited assurance
(Beautiful perfect scum of your design)
That began the change of of everything I know
(A family of idiots must survive)
Has restarted
Cause she was alive

Sorry I Passed Out And Just Woke Up, I Need My Sleeps (She Was Alive)

Held on a long time and,
now it's gone

Blistered from broken words like,
"I'll stay around"

Gave empty my all,
Let Forever fall

Don't you, lead me astray

Fortunes are all wrong now,
crumbs on the floor

I wanted all I wanted,
all once more

Gave empty my all,
Let forever fall

Don't you let me go astray
please don't let me go astray


Credits:
Written by Lilac Blister
Produced by Lilac Blister and Justin Cardoze
Engineered & Mastered by Justin Cardoze

ASTRAY

truly the most terrifying beast of them all

Mommy's Special Boy

You asked for the truth. 
I’ll tell you no lie
And what do I get?
You tell me good bye. 
Don’t ask for the truth
If you want a lie. 
I’ll give you the truth. 
If you ask for it. 
You ask me again and I’ll do it again 
You ask me again and I’ll do it again 
You ask me again and I’ll tell you again 
You ask ,e again and I’ll tell all your friends. 
It was late last night
We went to a party
You had too much to drink 
And got a bit rowdy 
You fell asleep 
We had permanent marker
And when you woke up
You had a hangover. 
You looked in the mirror didn’t like what you saw 
You looked in the mirror and you gave me a call. 
You looked in the mirror didn’t like what you saw 
You looked in the mirror and you gave me a call.
Alright. 
Ask me again.

No Lie

The JB Conspiracy - Starting Again

Song-a-week 2021

Week 20

Theme: True to your roots

Im a pop punk guy at heart.  Here's every pop-punk song ever written, but again. 

C’mon!

A new fight, every day. avoiding conflict was like ballet,
Constant motion and on display, It was killing me.

There’s a south bound exit with an old dive whisky bar
Every time that I drive past, I wonder where you are, where did you go?
Im drinking makers here by myself, in the hoodie that you left at my house
Every time I hear our song I wonder, where you are, where did you go?

Things weren't always so bad, I think about the good times that we had
How did we get, so off track My heart hurts, I want you back, 
 
There’s a south bound exit with an old dive whisky bar
Every time that I drive past, I wonder where you are, where did you go?
Im drinking makers here by myself, in the hoodie that you left at my house
Every time I hear our song I wonder, where you are, where did you go?

Where Did You Go? (Demo)

Im a Punk

Hatrick

A reflection on the spiritual sickness at the core of addiction — the disconnection from self, others, and something greater.

The Malady

A fierce and unpredictable sonic assault ⚡, driven by stop-and-go rhythms that hit without warning 🚧. Dissonant guitars scream through controlled chaos 🔥 while the distorted bass rumbles like a machine on the edge of explosion ⚙️💥. Every second pulses with frantic, almost feral energy 🩸—sudden breaks, violent tempo shifts, and abrasive textures colliding in a whirlwind of noise. A raw, visceral hardcore/mathcore experience built to shake the senses like an uncontrollable sonic storm 🌪️🎶.

Break the Floor

REDFIELD 153: Anchors & Hearts – Guns Against Liberty
Shop, links & Info https://geni.us/AnchorsHearts 
 
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

https://www.anchorsandhearts.de
https://www.facebook.com/anchorsandheartsrocks 
https://www.instagram.com/anchorsandhearts 
https://www.tiktok.com/@anchorsandhearts
https://twitter.com/AnchorsHearts

https://www.redfield-records.com 
https://www.facebook.com/redfieldrecords

Im a Punk

Ruff_X ☆ Nosferatu

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