An 80s influenced, bleep-tastic Ono-fest with a pulsing bassline. What's not to like?

The Sun Is Down [ROW Photosphere Mix]

The first track from our new album, ‘Pier Pressure’, available when we get the LinnDrum to work again. It's like we always said: people don't appreciate an LM-2 until it's gone…

The single ‘Cupping His Balls at Hunstanton Crazy Golf’ can be purchased at https://rumoursofwhores.bandcamp.com/album/cupping-his-balls-at-hunstanton-crazy-golf for less than it costs to hire a putter for half an hour. In fact you're better off hiring a golf club and doing the putting yourself…

Cupping His Balls at Hunstanton Crazy Golf [Radio Edit]

‘Hands Full at the Postcard Rack’ is taken from our new album, ‘Pier Pressure’, available when we get the LinnDrum to work again. It's like we always said: people don't appreciate an LM-2 until it's gone…

Both the single and extended version can be purchased at https://rumoursofwhores.bandcamp.com/album/hands-full-at-the-postcard-rack for less than it costs to hire a putter for half an hour. In fact you're better off hiring a golf club and doing the putting yourself…

Hands Full at the Postcard Rack

‘Pumping the Hungry Slots’ is a poem for times gone by, a childhood haunted by the robotic intonation ‘Green wizard needs food badly’. Alas… the supply of 10p pieces always fell short, with always one more Grunt generator to go.

Pumping the Hungry Slots

I walk the rain-swept sands with you, each step a quiet rhythm beneath the grey embrace of the sky. The sea breathes an ancient song, echoing the soft raindrops that kiss our skin, that linger in our hair. Your hand brushes mine, a fleeting spark of warmth, and the only thing that matters is you.

Oh, and my cornet's getting damp…

New single - three tracks - bandcamp:
https://rumoursofwhores.bandcamp.com/album/two-big-scoops-on-filey-sands

Two Big Scoops on Filey Sands [Radio Edit]

I walk the rain-swept sands with you, each step a quiet rhythm beneath the grey embrace of the sky. The sea breathes an ancient song, echoing the soft raindrops that kiss our skin, that linger in our hair. Your hand brushes mine, a fleeting spark of warmth, and the only thing that matters is you.

Oh, and my cornet's getting damp…

Extra toppings? What, like an Emulator II?

New single - three tracks - bandcamp:
https://rumoursofwhores.bandcamp.com/album/two-big-scoops-on-filey-sands

Two Big Scoops on Filey Sands [Extra Toppings Remix]

It's been nearly a decade years since we released our cover/remix of Baard's track ‘A Saviour for the Nations’, the b-side to his first single, the superb ‘Life in a Goldfish Bowl’. Why did it take us so long… the Logic Pro file's been sitting there since 2016, but somehow we never quite put it all together. But here it is… a lick of paint, a bit of extra synth, and judicious analogue twinkles.

Baard - Life in a Goldfish Bowl [ROW Core Mix]

“Life in a Goldfish Bowl” is a cult classic 1982 single by Baard, an early musical project of Alexander Bard, who later gained fame with Army of Lovers, Vacuum, and more. It was reissued by Genetic Records in 2002 and 2012, and its minimalist electronic sound and moody existential lyrics speak to ROW in ways we can't explain. We covered the b-side “A Saviour for the Nations”, revisted “Life in a Goldfish Bowl” more recently, and then felt led to rework the song with a fervor that only teenage years mis-spent in the 80s can produce. Play loud.

Life in a Goldfish Bowl [ROW Hadalpelagic Zone Rework]

Tesla Reveals The Device To The Astonished Crowd

ambient.slowrain

ambient.slowrain [2008 Version]

Even with the rich history of women in aviation, today less than ten percent of professional pilots are women.

ambient.aviation

Perversion For Profit [Extended Version]

The theme tune to Rumours of Whores, and erstwhile b-side to the ill-fated 2009 release of 'I've Had Better' - the single that wasn't to be and, indeed, didn't and wouldn't. The only copy, pressed onto the blank side of a white label, was sent to Jean Michel Jarre and subsequently forwarded to the buyer of Musique Pour Supermarché. Apparently, despite his proclivities for owning one-of-a-kind recordings, he popped it in the recycling bin and allowed it to be collected one rainy Portuguese morning.

Rumours Of Whores [Radio Edit]

ambient.allthereis... from our second album of not-quite-but-nearly-ambient music. It's about the fact that *this*, around you, is all there is, but you can't really tell that from the music so it's quite safe to play to vicars, pastors, busybodies and the Pope. Go ahead, it's on us. Getting a Gracelands feel from it? No, I've no idea why, either. Yebo! Jabulani bo!

Ambient.allthereis

We intended a number of b-sides for the late 2000s, but after that episode in Morocco, which is frankly ridiculous, we gave up on the whole thing. It's just not possible for CDs to melt, and the Rocko The Ham's story makes less than sense. Either way, we paid the authorities' customs fees, but we certainly didn't make a profit. Paypal have yet to respond—make of that what you will. Either way, Laurie Anderson loved this when we played her the demo track; we're sorry now that we put her off in favour of an ill-fated date with Dannii.

In Fire

Our 2010 Ultra Limited Release single still brings back terrifying memories of having no ten pence pieces. That behemoth of a cabinet, the massive organ-heavy theme tune, and Barbarian, Wizard, Valkyrie and Elf standing by but (of course) requiring one to play at the appropriate station of the machine. God, it takes us back... thank the lords of emulation for MAME...

(Oh, and yes - the percussion is supposed to sound like it's suffering from mp3 compression artefacts. It's that posh-sounding shell shaky cabasa thing from Logic Pro X, although apparently we could have saved ourselves a hundred and forty-nine quid and just banged a tea-tray against the mixing desk and converted it to a low-quality mp3. Even better, I suppose we could have stuck a donk on it, or that 808 tom-tom Depeche Mode are so fond of on 'A Broken Frame'.)

Running Out

Imaginative and swirly, the birl is whirly. Roundabout and wholesome, you have to make your own tablet. This is a swirly cock-battler. Go first.

ambient.birl

The blackbird spreads its wings and prepares to push itself from the tile edge about which its three-toed feet grip. His head turns back toward me, inquisitive, bright-eyed, and the beak scrapes open once more. The moment is like something precious, the plain sound drifting across the air between us, his eye beating into mine with jewel-like intensity. He cocks his head to the other side, somehow communicating everything that’s precious or real to him in a single moment; the flight, the crumbs he finds on an old woman’s yard, the way he splays his legs out to land against the gusting wind; he manages to convey it all so clearly that I can see it reflected like a hologram inside the back of my head. Or perhaps it was already there, perhaps he’s merely awakened it all with his single glance of undeniable clarity. His beak flaps open once more and his knees bend as he nestles his body back against the roof, ready to finally launch into the leaden sky. He twists his beak open once more, releases a single, terminal squawk and keels over onto his side. He twitches, claws jerking crookedly, feebly opens his beak and finally lies still.

I buried him in waxed paper.

Ambient.greenwaxedpaper

I wondered what would happen when it rained, or when the wind grew stronger. When I prodded it the corner section seemed stable, though I was in no way convinced it would stand up to the rigours of winter. It wasn’t dangerous to anyone; all there was outside was a small strip of overgrown garden, though I did think it might offer burglars an easy option.

Usurer's Roof Worm (Intro)

Tired of today's pop tribulations? Longing for a simpler time? ROW produce music. We refuse to over-produce, partly because of idealism and partly because we're not very good at it. We combine a deep love of the disturbing with cheap Casio instruments and a broken Roland CR-78 we found in a skip. Dannii flat-out refuses to be in any of our tracks, and we're desperate for Sarah Brightman to do those shouty woah-oh bits like in Go West.

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