Copy of if you don’t love me

Don't Abandon All Hope

You were always good with words
They rolled off your tongue like honey
I dreamt of Heaven with you and me
‘Cause you were so God damn funny

I caught you in a little white lie
Then I let out a pitiful cry
And asked, “How could you?”
And you replied…

I cannot tell a lie
I’m an honest guy
Who chopped the cherry tree?
I swear it wasn’t me

It isn’t make believe
There’s no web I weaved 
Baby please don’t go
I’m not Pinocchio

I couldn’t believe what I’d seen
I caught you right there in the act
You smirked and said, “That’s your opinion”
I scoffed and shouted, “That’s a fact”

Then you pulled me close and held me tight
You locked the doors, turned off all the lights
I asked for the truth, you rolled your eyes 
Then you replied…

I cannot tell a lie
I’m an honest guy
Who chopped the cherry tree?
I swear it wasn’t me

It isn’t make believe
There’s no web I weaved 
Baby please don’t go
I’m not Pinocchio

3 AM, my mind was racing
I knew I had to get out of here
I thought I was controlling the puppet
The whole time he was the puppeteer

His whole life’s a lie
He’s gone too far this time
A bad boy who cried wolf
I swear I’ve had enough

It’s all make believe
It’s a web he weaved 
I just have to go
Goodbye Pinocchio

His whole life’s a lie
He’s gone too far this time
A bad boy who cried wolf
I swear I’ve had enough

It’s all make believe
It’s a web he weaved 
I just have to go
Goodbye Pinocchio

pinocchio

Lost Here

Snowstorm

I went outside again today
The clouds were still familiar gray

Since you left, it’s been this way 
There’s no relief from the weather

The sunny days are long gone
Hail poured from dusk until dawn

Forecast said I should move on
And try to find some place better

I hope you’re somewhere so warm
But I’m stuck in the snowstorm

All the birds are southbound
But I’m here year round

Like an evergreen
Fallen on the hard ground

No one heard me scream 
Did it even make a sound?

My brain was fogged, my body weak
I tumbled from the highest peak

Plunged into the frigid creek
And stayed there for awhile

I tried to move, but time stood still
To ease the pain, I popped a pill

Then I hiked back to the top of the hill
And howled your name for miles

I hope you’re somewhere so warm
But I’m stuck in the snowstorm

All the birds are southbound
But I’m here year round

Like an evergreen
Fallen on the hard ground

No one heard me scream 
Did it even make a sound?

Did it make a sound?
Did it make a sound?

Did it make a sound?
Did it make a sound?

I hope you’re somewhere so warm
But I’m stuck in the snowstorm

All the birds are southbound
But I’m here year round

Like an evergreen
Fallen on the hard ground

No one heard me scream 
Did it even make a sound?

Did it make a sound?

snowstorm

Down the Hall

Well I tried, I tried, I tried
I must’ve tried a thousand times
But I couldn’t ever seem to find
a way back home to you 

To the days of hide and seek
When I’d get mad ‘cause I’d catch you peek 
We wouldn’t talk for the rest of the week
Just like two kids would do 

Now that I’m older
I’ve learned things I wish I knew
And if I could do it over
I wouldn’t waste that time with you 

But I didn’t know nothing lasts forever
I didn’t know time comes for us all
I used to think we’d always be together
and you’d always live down the hall

In the nights after you left, 
I trashed our place and barely slept
Screamed at the pillow as I wept
thinking ‘bout the time

We dressed up like debutantes
Reserved two seats at the restaurant 
You said order anything I want
then didn’t leave a dime

Now that I’m older
I’ve learned things I wish I knew
And if I could do it over,
I’d do it every time with you

I didn’t know nothing lasts forever
I didn’t know time comes for us all
I used to think we’d always be together
and you’d always live down the hall

I still wear your favorite sweater
we bought down at the mall
And I still say the prayer you taught me 
in case He ever calls

‘Cause now I know, nothing lasts forever
Now I know, time comes for us all
I used to think we’d always be together
and you’d always live down the hall

I used to think we’d always be together
and you’d always live down the hall

down the hall

This was a 3-way collaboration that began during 50/90. I loved Simon's musical track, and he agreed to let me write lyrics for it. Bruce (Epic Dreamery) agreed to join our team to complete the song. I hope you like it as much as I do :)

(Lyrics: Andrea Brennan
Guitars, Bass, Drums: Simon Ashby
Vocals, Synths, Production/Arrangement: Epic Dreamery)

AURORA’S EMBRACE

The sun is setting, low in the sky
Slowly, surely, It kisses the world goodbye
A dusky glow is all that’s left, as she closes her eyes 
Nighttime arrives

Aurora slumbers  Aurora slumbers 
Tucked in her bed, under a blanket of darkness
Aurora slumbers . . . The day draws to an end
But the world keeps on turning around, safe and sound . . . in Aurora’s embrace
With each night, there comes a new day, under the watchful eye of Aurora’s embrace

In the wee hours, the goddess will glide
Upon her chariot of fire, through a starlit sky 
Forging a trail of colors, that shimmer as she rides
When the time is right . . .

Aurora slumbers Aurora slumbers 
Tucked in her bed, under a blanket of darkness
Aurora slumbers . . . The day draws to an end
And the world keeps on turning around, safe and sound . . in Aurora’s embrace
With each night, there comes a new day, under the watchful eye of Aurora’s embrace

Aurora awakens . . Her duty awaits. . . She heralds to the world. . .the dawn of a new day

The world keeps on turning, turning around, in Aurora’s embrace
With each night, there comes a new day, under the watchful eye of Aurora’s embrace

AURORA'S EMBRACE

Someone I Could Trust

I kissed you after hours of sipping whiskey sours and told you you were my best friend
I was lying in your bedding, dreaming ‘bout a wedding when you whispered it’s the end

I begged you to explain
Please tell me what changed
Was anything ever true?
You said it’s never been you

I thought I was keeping up but you left me in the dust 
I was shiny and brand new till you put me out to rust
I’m not used to stable but I was getting used to us
And I thought you were someone…
Someone I could trust

I hadn’t even left, when you lit a cigarette,
and blew the smoke right in my face
To the door I stumbled, through my tears I mumbled, 
you’re making a big mistake 

I begged you to explain
Please tell me what changed
Was anything ever true?
You said it’s me not you

I thought I was keeping up but you left me in the dust 
I was shiny and brand new till you put me out to rust
I’m not used to stable but I was getting used to us
And I thought you were someone…
Someone I could trust

I showed up to work late, put too much on my plate
Bought new clothes and cut my hair
Found someone who adores me, always reassures me
He says he’s not going anywhere 

But I don’t know if he’s honest
‘Cause you broke that same promise 
You swore you’d always keep
And now these scars run deep 

I thought I was keeping up but you left me in the dust 
I was shiny and brand new till you put me out to rust
I’m not used to stable but I was getting used to us
And I thought you were someone…
But you were never someone…
Someone I could trust

No you were never someone…
Someone I could trust

someone i could trust

Lyrics:

 i think i was born different 
a little magical, a little rare
 like while people star-gazed
 i saw worlds in my head
it felt lonely 
that no one could understand

 i’ve never been able to be  fully here 
because half of me died  before i was ten
 i’ve never known  a life without grief 
but i promised myself  i would create something out of it
 and despite the downfalls
 i followed those dreams 

the emptiness  echoed so loud 
that i fell in love  with designing sounds
 but a part of me  is still there  by the door  
waiting for someone 
to come home 

i was too young  to know betrayal  
the way i did 
some days i wish  i just got 
to be a kid
so i think it’s time  to return to her  
and seek out justice for all the times
 everyone pretended  they didn’t notice
i was getting hurt

the emptiness  echoed so loud 
that i fell in love  with designing sounds
 but a part of me  is still there  by the door  
waiting for someone 
to come home 

no one loved me hard enough
 for me to believe it 
i became an orchestra of longing
to be found— except no one ever did

so i tucked my thoughts  so deep within 
i woke up one day  and i was out of reach
it was different once i turned sixteen
and my wounds became  
displayed on my skin

the emptiness  echoed so loud 
that i fell in love  with designing sounds
 but a part of me  is still there  by the door  
waiting for someone 
to come home 

i murmur spells 
while the world sleeps
 i still got magic
growing inside of me

i murmur spells 
while the world sleeps
 i still got magic
growing inside of me

GRIMOIRE (Demo)

“Losing Control” drifts through the storm of sorrow, where rain washes away the past and silence speaks louder than words. It's a soul unraveling—through pain, through numbness—until a glimmer of light breaks the dark. From losing oneself to finding hope in love again, the song is a slow burn of release, reflection, and rebirth.

Break The Matrix

Losing Control

Losing Control (2025 Remastered)

Break My Record

Gentlemen, please start your engines
We’ll go on the count of three 
Buckle up, get ready for action 
Do you think you can keep up with me?

Vroom, vroom, vroom, ready or not
Pedal to the metal, give it all you got
Bang, bang, bang, sounds so frightening 
I’m striking faster than Texas lightning

You might be quick, but honey I’m quicker
The track is slick, but baby I’m slicker
My tank is full and the flag is checkered
And ain’t nobody gonna break my record

If you don’t like the heat, leave the kitchen
If you can’t keep the pace, switch lanes
I’m the leader of a no fail mission
Do you think you can handle the pain?

Vroom, vroom, vroom, ready or not
Pedal to the metal, give it all you got
Bang, bang, bang, fire that pistol
I’m driving faster than Dale at Bristol 

You might be quick, but honey I’m quicker
The track is slick, but baby I’m slicker
My tank is full and the flag is checkered
And ain’t nobody gonna break my record

Boy, you look dumbstruck
by my full scale invasion
Boy, this ain’t dumb luck
This is total domination

Vroom, vroom, vroom, ready or not
Pedal to the metal, give it all you got
Bang, bang, bang, shoot that gun
One of us is losing and I ain’t the one

You might be quick, but honey I’m quicker
The track is slick, but baby I’m slicker
My tank is full and the flag is checkered
And ain’t nobody gonna break my record

You might be quick, but honey I’m quicker
The track is slick, but baby I’m slicker
My tank is full and the flag is checkered
And ain’t nobody gonna break my record

I said ain’t nobody gonna break my record

Lyrics © 2025 Brooke Justus. All Rights Reserved.

break my record

Holy Water And Poison

More Than A Memory

When I go back to that place
The first time I saw your face
You were wearing Kelly green
Color of your favorite team
We would hang out after school
Cannonballs into the pool
We were young and still had dreams
‘Til you drowned us in the stream 

It’s been so long now
I can barely recall
Sometimes I’m not sure
It happened at all
We’re so much further
than a stone’s throw
But still I wonder 
where does your mind go?

When you drive through town,
Past the old playground,
Do you take a look around?
Does it make you think of me?
When you see the swing set,
Where our souls first met,
Does it sting with regret—
‘bout setting me free?
And when you walk through the park,
do you check for our mark?
Two initials in a heart
Like a scar upon the tree
And when you see it there…
Are we more than a memory?

I saw your sister in July
Couldn’t look me in the eye
Said you bought a new house
Moved into it with your spouse
But I still see us in your car
Driving to our favorite bar
Belting every single song
Like we did all summer long

It’s been so long since
the last time we spoke
Most of the details
are clouded by smoke
I have recovered 
from the shock of the blow
But still I wonder
where does your mind go?

When you drive through town,
Past the old playground,
Do you take a look around?
Does it make you think of me?
When you see the swing set,
Where our souls first met,
Does it sting with regret—
‘bout setting me free?
And when you walk through the park,
do you check for our mark?
Carved so deep into the bark
Like a scar upon the tree
And when you see it there…
Are we more than a memory?

I don’t expect you to show up on a white horse
Our story’s over, it’s run the whole course 
But I’ve always questioned, if you felt any remorse about us
I know you must…

When you drive through town,
Past the old playground,
And you take a look around
I know it makes you think of me
When you see the swing set,
Where our souls first met,
Bet the sting of regret
Is as painful as can be
And when you walk through the park,
and you check for our mark
B and K inside a heart
like a scar upon the tree
And when you see it there…
We’re more than a memory

When you see it there…
We’re more than a memory

2025 © Golden Quill Productions, LLC.

more than a memory

https://open.spotify.com/intl-fr/album/10sxiy3Ds20LZwmXCscjae
https://music.apple.com/us/album/funny-days-ep/1822802207
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm8WMUk78ieCvdKBsnjLuVg

recorded in Area 52 Studio, Saugerties New York   
Steve Rust on Bass, Harvey Sorgen on Drums, Olivia Siegel Keyboards     Barbara Browning Vocals & Cello   Imre L. Vocals, Guitars, Hammond organ

Kiss on my Lips: Collaboration with Mike Fox

Interlude - Fallen -Fire Ark Radio Production

Interlude - Fallen

“I Wish (I Was Like You)” is an emotional song about longing, self-denial, and the fear of hurting those we care about — wrapped in a dark, poetic vampire metaphor.

I love exploring different genres and diving into new musical worlds — and right now, it's musical theatre that's calling me.

This song is part of a musical project in collaboration with Sarah Paradise Brown, centered around themes of inner conflict, unfulfilled love, and the tension between light and darkness.

A new song with Sarah is already in the works — and there may be more to come as we continue to unfold this mysterious chapter.

Lyrics / Music / Vocals: 
Axel Menningen



"I wish (I was like you)"

You wake up with the sun in your eyes.
You breathe like nothing hurts.
You laugh like life is simple.
I watch you from the dark.

I try to move like you.
To speak like you.
But my steps are too heavy.
And something inside me always pulls me back.

I wish I was like you.
I wish I didn't want what I want.
I wish I could be close
without the fear,
without the hunger.
But I can't.

You hold my hand like it's safe.
You look at me like I'm still human.
And for a moment,
I almost believe it.

But the night speaks to me.
It whispers what I am.
And the blood calls louder
than your voice ever could.

I wish I was like you.
I wish I didn't want what I want.
I wish I could be close
without the fear,
without the hunger.
But I can't.

I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want to lose myself.
But if I choose you,
I lose what keeps me alive.

I wish I was like you.
I wish I could just love.
But I'm built for hunger,
not for peace.
Not for love.
Not like you.

I Wish (I Was Like You)

Lyrics:

i remember leaving 
quietly closed the door 
i didn’t say goodbye to you 
i was too tired out

i took all my journals
left most of my clothes
i couldn’t fit 6 years of my life
and drag them to the airport

we got married
somewhere in central park
i had dreamt of new york
for so long

but once i got there
it never felt like home
just my blood packed in a suitcase
for 11 months

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

i still like the sound of the rain
the way it clobbers the ground
and touches it just enough
to melt and spread around 

i recall our fire escape
and my old college town 
and the way you would burst into tears
while i was holding it down 

i left my friends and went to New York
i had no job, so i had no choice 
and i cried on the bus, flooded the floors
from beginning to end of the road

once i arrived, i wanted to go 
brooklyn was nice, but it wasn’t my home
6 roommates and i, smoking some dope
hotboxing the place, sliding the slope 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

for those 2 years and a half 
something in me just shut down
surviving your fluctuations
like fall leaves tinged with brown

every winter
i died a little more 
and by the time summer arrived
i just didn’t care for the sun 

some parts of it were fun
like the smoke in my lungs 
but most days i just wanted to run 
undo the love that was already done 
my body was there, but my mind was gone
it wasn’t just you, we both did it wrong
‘cause you pulled the trigger, but i held the gun

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same? 

if time heals pain
why does it still hurt the same?

HOTBOX (Demo)

Jungle

I listen to the wind blow
I hear the creaks of the old screen door
What was once a storybook house
Is now the neighborhood eyesore 

I peer out through the window
You park the car in our driveway
I watch you check the mailbox
The same routine on a different day 

Then you come inside and you snort a line
And you’re stoned on misery by nine
While I’m wide awake mind racing after two
Wishing I was braver so I could say to you

If you don’t love me, don’t pretend you do
If you don’t need me, find somebody new
It’ll take some time and a lot of wine
But I’ll be fine ‘cause I can find
A man who knows he wants me too
If you don’t love me, don’t pretend you do 

I feel it when you come home 
You walk right by and don’t say hello
I find stains on the carpet
Blood red from your spilled Merlot

And I see it in your tired eyes
There’s no joy in that vacant stare
So you down another bottle
Pass out cold in the lazy chair 

Then I head upstairs to cry a prayer
and ask God why life’s so unfair 
And why I had to draw the hand I drew
And beg him for courage so I can say to you

If you don’t love me, don’t pretend you do
If you don’t need me, find somebody new
It’ll take some time and a lot of wine
But I’ll be fine ‘cause I can find
A man who knows he wants me too
If you don’t love me, don’t pretend you do 

If it were up to me, we’d always be
Two carefree kids sitting in a tree
But I’ve learned fairytales just don’t come true
And it wouldn’t be me if it were up to you

If you don’t love me, don’t pretend you do
If you don’t need me, find somebody new
It’ll take some time and a lot of wine
But I’ll be fine ‘cause I can find
A man who knows he wants me too
So if you don’t love me, don’t pretend you do

if you don’t love me

Dear Diary, 

I have a story to confess
I just need to get it off my chest
I did something so salacious
Let’s keep it on a need to know basis

Dear Diary, 

I have a dirty little secret
You’re the only one I trust to keep it
Hush hush, on the down low
Hidden underneath the pillow

Last night I was sleeping in his bed
and scratching his head
and kissing his neck
I was starry eyed, he was Van Gogh
He’s my ex, I should’ve said no 

But once he started grabbing my hips
and licking his lips
I couldn’t resist
I went further than I should go
Signed his body

Xoxo

Dear Diary,

I’m telling you this in confidence
Please don’t share it with an audience
It’s so much more than they can handle
If they found out it’d be a scandal

Dear Diary,

Typically, I’m a good girl
I wear my sunday dress and pearls
But between us, I‘d do it all again
He felt more like heaven than a sin 

Last night I was sleeping in his bed
and scratching his head
and kissing his neck
I was shipwrecked, he was Leo
It was going down, I couldn’t let go

‘Cause once he started
grabbing my hips
and licking his lips
I couldn’t resist
I went further than I should go
Signed his body

Xoxo

I’d take the fifth if I had to testify
I’d make up a lie, I’d give an alibi
I’d be clueless
But the truth is…

Last night I was sleeping in his bed
and scratching his head
and kissing his neck
I was starry eyed, he was Van Gogh
He’s my ex, I should’ve said no 

But once he started grabbing my hips
and licking his lips
I couldn’t resist
I went further than I should go
Signed his body

Xoxo

Last night I was sleeping in his bed
and scratching his head
and kissing his neck
I was shipwrecked, he was Leo
It was going down, I couldn’t let go

‘Cause once he started grabbing my hips
and licking his lips
I couldn’t resist
I went further than I should go
Signed his body

Xoxo

Copy of if you don’t love me

AJ