Garageband Drummer

Now You Have To Be Happy All Over Again

I Want To Eat Your Heart (I Practiced On My Own)

talk so i can't hear you
live like you live here
every day i get further
talk so i can't hear you

Live Like You Live Here

Mostly Met (Instrumental)

Held to a standard
keeping facts in tow
but someday the water will rise and then
when the shades finally fall from our eyes
and expose all our miserable lives, well then
what will I show for it?

This desolation's too sparse for the both of us
This desolation's got two spots, for the both of us

and what will I show for it?

Too Sparse / Two Spots

Mostly Met

Trial by fire
I’m at the end of my wick
I’m all used up
And if the parts melt
That I wanted to keep safe
I’ve had enough

Tired, I’ve been tired
But this is no way to sweat it out

Made this mistake before
Burnt myself and not the evidence down
And if the parts that
I wanted to burn won’t
I’ve had enough

Tired, I’ve been tired
But this is no way to sweat it out

I wasn’t left out here unaided
I’ve got a map that I can’t read
And better lines could be drawn
And better songs could be sung
But not by me. 

Tired, I’ve been tired
But this is no way to sweat it out


Sweat It Out

Awful

Indescriminate

Call off the conspirators
I know you’ve got them hiding somewhere
I am ready to surrender
Call off the nervous shakes
I  know you put them in my bloodstream
So when I go to leave
I can’t quite find my footing

I almost waited
What a fool
I almost waited

Nothing to do now except make a run for it
I’ve been told that it’s pointless
But I still see the point in it

Call off the visitors
That always ring my doorbell when I’m anxious
And never do when I could use the company
Call off this relentless night
As we get closer to the winter
It gets more protracted
Day by day by day by day


What A Fool

Doppelganger

An Old Elephant Never Forgets New Tricks

a paragon of civility
I’m a peacemaker in all of my dreams
With no plans to actualize
I was told I have a servant’s soul
Against the preponderance of all that I know
And all that I know is growing steadily in size

You think I’d know by now
Out of what fabric I was cut out

animal instinct
in the middle of such unfortunate things
and that’s how I’ve been living my life
an obsession with the thought
of the decadence I have recently bought
but haven’t used so it just sits in my house
and doesn’t move

a prototype of complacency
and the relief that it allegedly brings
is nailing my feet to the floor
the multitude of anxieties
that I hoped would never be used against me
keeps turning my head away from the door

you think I’d figure out
what in my head was worth talking about


Animal Instinct

I thought it wouldn't hurt to try this out
so I started taking stabs at myself
and I'll let you know
if the bloodletting quits
Oh, wouldn't it be such a sight to see--
a song without some irony?
Sorry, with me, this is as good as it gets. 

We'll be doing fine
just over the state line,
but we can pretend that
we're farther away,
And if our panoply
decides it's done with you and me
we can make our split
and claim that it's in self-defense. 

Well, I wouldn't call what I've got "hate"
but I don't ever stay up too late
pondering semantics that
aren't easily solved,
but I'm still good for a last resort
(hey, don't sell your own self short!), okay,
maybe I'm also good for a self-defeating
self-serving retort.

We'll be doing fine
just over our state of mind,
but we can pretend 
that we're farther away.
And if our panoply 
wants to be buried with me
we can make our split
and claim that it's in self-

--

--

defense.

whoknows

Panoply

bass for the songs

Volume

I was looking for someone
To hold me accountable
While I’m waiting for the dust
To hold me accountable
And if you’re looking to trade for a truth and a half
I’ve got one
I’m not good with plurals
I’ve got one

I wish that I had tolerance
For any kind of happenstance
To stretch my limbs
To kick me out the door
But I don’t have much

I was looking for fire
To hold against my feet
And a picture of honesty
That I thought that I could meet
And if you’re looking to trade for a synapse unfired
I’ve got none
I’m not good with plurals 
I’ve got none

I wish that I had tolerance
For any kind of happenstance
To stretch my limbs
To kick me out the door
But I don’t have much
And the standards that
We abided by
Were never more than you and I
Could one day hope to totally destroy
Well, not by much

If you wanted to approximate
What I’ve been doing as of late
Then shut your mouth and open up the door
But not by much.

songaweek

Plurals (Week 1)

I was hoping to arrange
To meet with a ghost of a ghost in exchange for 
Half a life that will only go to waste
From cowardice and weariness and walking in place
But I worry they wander no longer

“Better than nothing”
Is something that’s said by
The ones who plummet
But haven’t hit rock bottom yet
I’ll bail water
Off of the deck like
The ship ain’t sinking
It’s only gotten wet


I was looking to keep in tow
The things I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know
So when I’m becoming the ghost of a ghost 
When I fall, they can pull me up by my toes
Because I worry I’ll wander no longer

“Better than nothing”
Is something that’s said by
The ones who plummet
But haven’t hit rock bottom yet
I’ll bail water
Off of the deck like
The ship ain’t sinking
It’s only gotten wet

blueloaf

Better Than Nothing

In the darkness I inhabit
Mostly out of habit I
I will serve as the example
Witness to another level
Lifted up by holy buzzards
Against my better judgement

Because what isn’t gained in a fitful exange
Is disregarded
The best times have already parted

In the hatefulness I inhabit
Mostly by example I
See the people getting lifted
And I know I’m not beneath this
Holy buzzards taken to the sky
Against the notion I should try

Whatever’s left of the temporal shift
Is disregarded
The best times have already parted

Holy Buzzards

The precious congeniality that you expect me
To expect from you
Hasn’t done much good
And it’s not supposed to
So when I wither up
It’s been a long time 
They say “it’s been a long time”

I hope
That when I summit
I don’t immediately
Start digging back down
To the ground
And I want
The hands to send from the sky
And lift me up
Take the weight off my joints

And I could give you an earful about self-exile
As discovery
And discovery as atrophy but honestly
I’d rather practice what I preach
So when you ask me where I’ve been
“It’s been a long time, it’s been a long”
Remember this: when you ask me where I’ve been,
It’s been a long time, it’s been

I hope
That when I summit
I don’t immediately
Start digging back down
To the ground
And I want
The hands to send from the sky
And lift me up
Take the weight off my joints

Summit

I wanted to awaken the spirit I thought
Was probably a metaphor but what have I got
To lose except baggage that doesn't contain
Anything useful, just worry and shame
So I took to the woods where I thought that I'd find
The truth of the earth and a new piece of mind
And instead of a quick revelation I found
Life that had grown from the death in the ground

And so needing a rest, I sat under a tree
And a spider walked up my leg up to my knee
and I knew that killing it wouldn't be kind
So I put down my finger directly beside it and
It climbed up my finger and into my palm
And I thought I'd be nervous but I kept my calm
And up from my arm further up to my shoulder
It perched and we left towards a valley with boulders

Away from the woods there was a strong wind
And the boulders felt like they had spirits in them
And I started to understand why people that lived
Thousands of years ago did what they did
And I know it's an error to ever ascribe
Wisdom or thought to a creature that size
And I hadn't been eating so I thought maybe that's why
I'd fashioned an animal spiritual guide

and just as I was about to reach out and touch
the lichens that danced on the side of the rocks
a quake from the earth threw me right off my feet
and I regained composure just in time to meet
the eye of the golum I thought was a stone
he rose to a size that was double my own
for maybe an hour we froze where we stood and
then I turned away and went back to the woods

I dropped the spider off where we'd met
and on the way home pondered goals that I'd set
and if this reality was something at all
and if I could have clarity, however small
or if I'm an ant on the side of the road
much too small to ever know what I don't know
when I got to my house I was finally at peace
and I fell in my bed and went straight to sleep

Spirit

Perfect Reverse Batting Average

fuck im tired of working on this song

I was a bummer for a couple months
Was sentimental for some things I never did
In a past that never happened
It’s a little too precious
To think I was somehow satisfied before
In a way I can never try to get again
And it worries to me
That I made a past of memories that are warmer
Than the future ever could be
And I’m satisfied with nothing
Until I’m satisfied with nothing
And god knows when that will be

Cross off
Another day where all I did was maintain
By all accounts
Getting a good night’s sleep is the first step to living the dream

I’ve got an outlook I would fault anyone else for
I’ve never met a hypothetical I didn’t like to lose
And if you think that’s bad
Wait until you see me make it worse
I’ve been cutting myself down
Since I had a height to fall from
And being self-aware somehow doesn’t help
When has it ever helped?
Everyone knows that doesn’t help

Is it a smile and a wink
Or a sneer?

Cross off
Another day where all I did was maintain
By all accounts
Getting a good night’s sleep is the first step to living the dream

I don’t wanna die tired.

Die Tired

Born To Feel

I am an exposed wire
When I can't catch my thoughts
So if I say something regrettable
Please just forget about it
And I can hear the synapses
Echo like a ghost
And if I'm haunted that's okay
But I need to know

Because obscurity is offbrand pity
and even I'm forgetting me

Don't get caught
Giving me good luck
I've wasted every ounce of it
I've wasted every rabbit's foot

I know I know
I lost my self-respect a long time ago
But if it was something worth holding onto
I'd know
And if it seemed more innocent
To say something self-deprecating
It was a lie and
I thought you'd be smarter than that

If it beats me in my skull
If it's something I wanna know
What's so bad about that?
(Born and bred 
For pointless self-defence
When no one's pushing me)

Don't get caught
Giving me good luck
I've wasted every ounce of it
I've wasted every rabbit's foot

Rabbit's Foot

random instrumental

It Was Never Beautiful

Potentials

A Warm and Radical Kindness

I Palindrome I (TMBG Cover but emo)

Guitars by reddit user/u/something_pretty_

Healthy Forever

I've been dialing back my efforts
to make any lasting change
turning shit to gold is so much work
and honestly I think it's overrated

I am isolated
I am fine
I can hardly take it
I am fine

I'll say I never knew catharsis
Even though it learned my name
You know I have a thing with faces, I can't
Seem to place yours
who are you again?

I am isolated
I am fine
I am isolated
I am fine

I Have A Thing With Faces

Avarice

The old sadloaf estate. They turned the electricity to this place off years ago!

sadloaf2

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