orchestrating the silence

heart

wùwàngwǒ

8 billion ghosts screaming for daylight

or desperately digging at the moon for years until bone becomes ash in cold loneliness

but you are different
you build a white tower out of silence on top of the earth to see what happens next
you take the burning pain and turn it into bridges that everyone can cross
to get to the other side
you create a map of the world with all its colors and shapes so we can find our way home
you give a voice to the voiceless, save those who cannot be saved.
your name will become a prayer on the lips of billions,
your deeds sung as a legend by untold generations yet unborn

8 billion ghosts stung by an instant of absolute stillness
for the finest of moments, a momentary bliss to take away all that I know

a billionth of a second to rewrite my story
and I am left with but a single memory
the warmth of your smile







...awake since forever

piano version coming soon on youtube
this is a 2x loop of 1/4th of the planned total length




- Christ is King

random upload

i ate this flower in my dream after a tough armwrestling match and i tried to capture what i think the dream was telling me


the writer in me realized that words are not meant to describe how i feel.

forget me not (scrap) (The Heart Is An Alchemist Double Oaths Of Love)

Behind the missing moon cast up on rotten shores—
Hideous monuments to failure

Let false confessions rest above a pyre
Suspended in fading threads

Blades in seconds, tracing ghosts within
Pitchforked tombstones against the book of all lies
Death to the unholy communion beneath the crystal nightstand
Clear winter days etched across angry skies

Convictions for the death of heroes
Blasphemy to the rule of error

... 
Tonight, you will become the last devil, to die alone in vain
When your darkness falls forever, all your candles are blown out by the winter night’s cold indifference
Rows of tombstones in the cold wind: your teeth bared in horror.
—heaven’s spear ripping the sky apart, putting these empty libraries and black glass skyscrapers of your frozen tongue to a flame

Tonight, you are the last devil, condemned forever to a candlelit hell of eyes staring back at you, up from the bottomless pit of history’s most deafening silence
The worlds spin in keenness and passion to keep you quiet and speechless, and gasping for breath as plumes of light erupt from the center

Ending all the things you would have said.




"If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, 
it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

-Jesus

dominus anger

i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
of course you feel a certain longing in your absence of surroundings-
gazing off to the last stop light on earth where regret turned right or left for its final time.
still you grasp at the certainty of your dreams and calling's strength
as dawn burns toxic against earthen skin: faces lift towards light
moving with the brush of a sunset over a faraway town
swollen rivers singing past empty cities, drying like paint-flakes under the wasteland's skinrock.
rhythmic rusting cacophonies around towns whose roofs glow with reflected radiant heat:
bricks churn out high pitched hisses vibrating mightily across horizons.
road dust continually coming back into focus onto an ancient legacy. that dead or alive we all felt something for at one point in our lives.
forest fire burning through data, a dead sky's cascade of wires. 
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i slip into that eternal nostalgia they all say one has finally found when i stand over my grave.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
nothing really seemed more alive than something dying.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
when i was a child, my nights seemed endless
counting the stars in heaven
to pass the time until the mornings
now that i have grown to be an adult
i count my days in hours and minutes
to pass the time until you.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling.
i know the feeling
i wish you didn't.

i know the feeling

stat crux dum volvitur orbis

thank you stef


ddon't tie your happiness to your "goals and your achievements". we shouldn't judge men by their power flexes and status, we should judge a man based on his virtue. good reasoning about yourself leads to you being virtuous and this leads to happiness. success in life is not achieving goals and grinding alone. it is nourishing the family. family is the root of goodness flourishing in the world.
If what you're doing excels the family, then your happiness and fulfillment increases because you will be in reciprocal relationships. the world needs more family nourishment and enrichment, not more individualistic endeavors like making a videogame to get another generations of kids hooked on microtransactions

why?

focus

this is a simple ambient-rework of antihoney's siren in which i just added a couple textures to the soundscape. i was trying to change the effect of the song a little and judging by your feedback, i was kind of successful. 

https://soundcloud.com/antihoney-official/tracks

https://soundcloud.com/antihoney-official/siren-demo-ver

Antihoney - Siren (ambient mod)

merry christmas...

confusion largely results from not following feelings or ideas to their depth.

serenity, dear serenity

lenient convenience. to deviate from meaningless belief systems. experience the immediate mysterious in a manner that is feeble yet serious.

i dnot know what EXACtlY that is but i pulled it out of a daydream.

beyond the sirens of titan

beyond

soundcloud/***/i-can-hear-the-moon-whispering-in-the-ripples-of-the-ocean
 july16 2019
finished reading the inheritance cycle. 
it hurts 
alot

detection, relation, recognition, evaluation, expression, realization/epiphany.
my first step of the recovery

might take a couple of weeks

... a 3.8/5 star rating on goodreads? 
"middle-grade fantasy for readers that dont have much experience regarding the fantasy genre" 

what... 

maybe i'll just get ahold of a couple books that are known to yield stories that are much more expressive. 

dangerous, i know.

i am looking forward to buying new instruments though. ive been using the same instruments again and again, and it's getting a little repetitive.


edit: sept1 2024

it's difficult to resist escaping into my old ways. i've been successful but i can't do but acknowledge the pain and longing. the wish of wanting it in the here and now overrides all possible nostalgia. i can twist and squeeze my brain into making it relevant, albeit only subjectively. 
but one has to tune into reality and live according to it's laws
so i pray that i will succeed in that

alagaësia

what am i digging 
in this graveyard 
of sunken melodies?

to give the dead
its purpose?

what remains 
in stasis 
of the absolute
will not move
will not transcend
will not cause
will not mean

ex nihilo
logic meaning
the intersection
of the tautologies
of life and death

redactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredactedredacted

helplessness

a marginalized revolution. a quiet internal rebellion.

___


child

an incarnation of the radius 一 an infinite sphere, whose centre is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere

一Liber XXIV philosophorum

sanguine silence
serene silence
solemn silence
somber silence
sorrow silence
sullen silence
saturnine silence
severe silence

passengers of focus, inhibited only by the weight of words. there is sincerity in silence. direct experiences of the sincerity and severity of experiences in and of itself. (torch to the brambles)

a cloud of theory-forming embodied and is embodied by the buoyancy of love.

the discourse will continue / in mutual recognition / a kind of interpersonal / communicative framework / no longer choking / on the other / no longer alienated / from the self

the choking will continue / in mutual recognition / no longer interpersonal / alienating the other / from the communicative framework / of the self

the dream of having computers behave like humans is coming true, with the transformation, in a single generation, of humans into computers

you are not what you eat. you are what you eat eats. meat eaters are second-order vegetarians.

mono no aware

inspired by sword art online

an incarnation of the radius

God close my eyes

https://8billionghosts.substack.com/p/silent-eyes

your name here

ԻՍՒՍ ԿՐԻՍՏՈՍԻ ԱՆՒՆՈՎ
კურთხეულია უფლის სახელი ქვეყანასა და ზედა, კურთხევა უფლისა კურნება სულისა გგქონოდეს ამინ
آخرین نفسی که میکشم یکی از برگ ها خواهد بود


discord: hikenzankusen

hikenzankūsen

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