kinning

5.Celery

02 Prune Tree

Open Your Heart

Happy Rave (Nirvana Remix) - LapFox

lyrics:

today i had an anxiety attack in front of somebody
it began in my stomach then it went to my throat
then i sat on the floor and i thought “oh no”
my legs were shaking really hard
i couldn’t swallow my spit
its times like these 
when i just feel
how much im completely out of it

today i had an anxiety attack and got comforted
i felt like screaming and crying but i didn’t
thank god
instead i just apologised a million times
if you’re bodys used to icy cold
then you never freeze, or so im told
and i am used to never feeling
so i just dont

even as im shaking
body quaking 
bones that creek 
when i move

eyes glazing
lips flaking
numb feet
when i should

get up and go
i dont know how to
my body doesnt work
like a body should work

so i think ill be sick
or i think: this is it
the death of blood girl and my messed up head
the walls cave in 
and the building stars crashing
apocalypse is nearing and i can’t do anything

but all that happens is i shake for a bit
an earthquake in my chest and it feels like shit
i’ve learned how to breathe thru all of it though
after some years you just start to know

it surely feels like an attack
like my body is just pulling a prank
like: there you go
now you know
how it feels before you die

Today I Had an Anxiety Attack

lyrics:


blood in water
looks like syrup in tears
all my problems get smarter
after all they’re still with me after after all these years
showering forever
washing all the dirt from my hair and my body and my mind and my thoughts cause i am
scared of the outcomes
so i never do a nything anymore

anymore


dropped in the water
and im such a lousy swimmer too
no one ever taught me
so i had to be my own teacher and know me you
drowning isn’t funny neither is abuse
so is understanding things that hurts to this day 
like drowning in waters or knowing that either way

whatever i do  my brain is a bomb
ticking and tocking like a threatening clock
knowing i’ve hurt once wont go away
it continues to hurt to this very day


syrup on pancakes
looks like blood on my thighs
spongebob bandaids and lots of asking why
boxcutter slitting and bad decisions  like temporary relaxation that doesn’t really do it anyways

so i go to other things to distract from feeling shit
like reaching out to people even though i barely do it
going from a womb to a tomb in a crazy short amount of time
is the stresfactor thats been tearing at me all my life

all the things i want to do
all the things i dont have time for 
all the people i could be
but i only have one life so

see ya sometime when im dead
ill be ghosty girl instead
feeling clean and being scar-free
being happy in the end

Syrup On Pancakes

lyrics:

sucking air from a balloon
when i finally cant breathe
and my body has given up
and burst at the seams
if i dont give up now
will i just give up later
is that how the world works 
cus im just not getting better
can i blame it on anyone?
cus i cant blame myself
thats what everyone tells me 
when i say i cant leave my bed
and i suppose that it is true somehow 
i didnt cause all this pain
but when it all comes down to it
it is my body
and it is my brain

im sick of writing fucking songs 
that all sound the same
about death and life and feeling shit
and other stuff that i always say
what do people write about
when they are not depressed?
heartbreak?
friends?
i dont ever do anything i just lay in bed

stupid stupid effort i put in
seeing cracks in my skin
purple marks that i create
purple darkness in my brain
cus when im really scared
i squeeze my eyes shut
but when its even worse 
i open them up

and i look up to see nothing, nothing
and i look up to see nothing, nothing
and i look up to see nothing, nothing
there is nothing up there for me, sadly

is it glamorising my own pain
if i sometimes dream of being dead?
taking naps on clouds
and being completely worryless

02 Prune Tree

SAUCY YODA

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