Late af too this, better late than never. Love this Scum . 💜💜

before COVID dropped here in America, I suffered a really complicated and horrifying miscarriage. an ectopic. I was devastated, I spent those next few years hauled up at home, lonely, broken. with your songs on loop to remind me that I deserved the suffering that I had to endure

I picked a name for the child I lost, and it wasn't Sienna. but they probably would look like me huh?

so I just layed there sad 😢 and in real need of the people who loved me in my corner. I would've liked to cry in your arms. instead, I chose to listen to your emotionally destabilizing music. it's the only thing I had

just your voice in that cold hard lonely pit

prod me

sick & haven't been able to record much of anything for some time now, but i wanted to get something out both for myself, and possibly you;
been sitting on this one for a while
hope you enjoy.
take care

hey, i'll trade you for your sorrows
i've grown used to feeling that
and if we're talking 'bout tomorrows
i've grown used to losing them too

the voices i read with my ears, tend to bleed
choking up every piece of the letters i speak
wasn't always afraid of the pictures i paint
guess the brush needs a wash, mutilate, then repeat

hate when i reach out again
people speculate my head
you're not me, you're not my friend
frequently, wish i was..

thoughts reflected through my brain
too bad they can't do the same
shattered past and future pains
guide me home through rough terrain

i'm ugly with words
keep it blunt, little passive
hoping that i'll make it up with some actions
feel so trash, bounce back like elastic
i'm doing that for the sake of my casket
hurting myself in a hope i'll be gone
suck how the ones that we trust do you wrong
playing along
it's not even fair i can bare all the tears that i've once undergone

this life makes me sick; can't trade it
i've been pushing through the lame shit
stay averted; bad relations
let my room for hate stay vacant
pour it all on my own psyche
ain't no one 'round here feel like me
it's not a nice thing
never sight-see inside my mind
i'm mostly agonizing

i told them it'd be okay
it sure as hell don't feel that way
your limitations never stay
you're pulling pins to thought grenades

it's all the same
cast a wave and send me to a sunken grave
only then i'll know my place

woke up in a sweat so cold
in a room pale white, and a heart full of woe
passed out 'round noon, now i'm ten on my toes
from the sun's red hue, passed through what imposed
any chafe on my brain by the stains from the mulch
what kind of weight doesn't make you implode?
phasing a gate into heaven's abode
but that ain't a place i ain't think imma know

i haven't changed my sheets in like a week or two
(get outta bed)
summer's passed, and suddenly, our meanings too
(it's all that i have)

my eyes stayed tied into my mind
to undermine it's barbed wires

i'm trying to be what i need
choosing escape over delicacies
they weren't a choice i would seek
nothing was ever created for me

(4x)
i'm trying to be what i need

mulch

Stop and stare

this is me fm updating the description in 2024 what up

Free Download

rip your underwear (prod. tothegood)

shawdy wanna love me till my heart stops
blow up on the track like i'm a pop rock
i just made a number off a feature
ima keep on rockin crystal clear

let me rot, decaying or not
ill still make the bops make you scream till you drop
smoke till you cough, drink till your soft
you cry in your bed cause your ex did you wrong

smokin allot i been puffin that potent all day till  i drop
i don't care about you or the the things that you cop
i been locked in my room everyday makin bops

one thing is clear i've always been the same
never changin rearranging all the people out of frame
wanna talk about the money always focused on the fame
kinda funny how they treat me differently its fuckin lame

bright pink tee tans jeans same me
bright blue eyes you'll never see x2

shawdy wanna love me till my heart stops
blow up on the track like i'm a pop rock
i just made a number off a feature
ima keep on rockin crystal clear

let me rot, decaying or not
ill still make the bops make you scream till you drop
smoke till you cough, drink till your soft
you cry in your bed cause your ex did you wrong x2

bright pink tee tan jeans same me, bright blue eyes you'll never see again

crystal clear! w/ guardin (prod. ugly zucc x pinknokia)

Beat by cxld blxxd
https://soundcloud.com/cxldblxxd

I take my pain and I rack it out in a line
I take my brain and I trade it in for a dime
I take my problems and I put them on a pedastal
and if you wanna fuck with me first give me chemicals
But lately i'm better it's been incredible
I'm faded but now I'm just on that medical
and maybe my choices aren't that regrettable
Maybe someday depression will be forgettable

Every time I close my eyes
I see a world where I don't gotta lie
Trapped in my body I slowly die
I'm in the lobby of the afterlife
I don't even sleep at night
I lie awake and I fantasize
About a life where I'm not disguised
I'm paralyzed by paradise

My life could be hell
My life could be heaven
I just can't tell
Which way I've been steppin
and I'm bettin
by 27
I'll either be living my dream or I'll be checkin out
I got all this doubt
Fear in my brain so I'm smokin up a cloud
Music so loud while I speed through town like
am I about to come up or go down

I take my identity and make an enemy
I take my greatest mistakes and call them destiny
I take my jealousy and call it empathy
I take fake love and call it chemistry
But lately I've been coming to my senses
I'm tired of living my life pretending
That I'm satisfied jumping over these fences
and climbing this mountain that's never ending

Every time I close my eyes
I see a world where I don't gotta lie
Trapped in my body I slowly die
I'm in the lobby of the afterlife
I don't even sleep at night
I lie awake and I fantasize
About a life where I'm not disguised
I'm paralyzed by paradise

disguised (prod. cxld blxxd)

MUSIC VIDEO : https://bit.ly/2wY59yY

HUGE thank you to everyone that's supported me so far
this album is a favorite for sure, i hope you all feel the same <3


album credits:

huge thanks to @noahwalker, this album wouldn't be what it is without him 

instrumentation: noah walker, quinn, chris p, coleman, mohini 

production: something worth living for (prod. killedmyself)
all other production done by me

MUSIC VIDEO

somewhere with you (video in desc.)

go follow @t_shan and @tothegood they are both gems i promise

Hook: 
SuiSai off the psilocybin in the night lights~
Like I been steady shmokin fill the night sky~
Thinkin bout my life I swear I fucked up for the last time~
Chased em all away had no one left I'll stay inside
Lies that I tell myself
Just to get me by
Nother day nother fuckin try
Never get it right
Foresight lookin far ahead always made me blind
Ye i don't know why, I can't be satisfied
With myself~

T Shan: 
Tear stained gun
Gotta keep dreamin
left foot right
dead inside

Death march, keep on
Red dawn,  bleed blood
Things aren't the same
We are the brave

Heart shaped tear drops
Void like sig freud
Dark like shadows
Destroyed shattered

Bridge: 
 Hear me out now (theres voices in my head)
its been too long (they keep on speaking to me)
Scream those words that (i ignore them instead) 
fill your head loud (but the words are weeping through me)

SuiSai off the psilocybin in the night lights~
Like I been steady shmokin fill the night sky~
Thinkin bout my life I swear I fucked up for the last time~
Chased em all away had no one left I'll stay inside
Lies that I tell myself
Just to get me by
Nother day nother fuckin try
Never get it right
Foresight lookin far ahead always made me blind
Ye i don't know why, I can't be satisfied
With myself~

psilocybin ~ w/ t shan [p. tothegood]

ill be fine (prod. irby)

yeah, our loves lost, but surely I can find it

BITCH I FEEL LIKE EMO SHAGGY (prod.CapsCtrl)

lyrics:

and i remember last year
that was such a sad year 
feeling like a burden
my soul steady hurting 
tell me what you want now
cause it's getting hard to go on 

and i can't get these thoughts out my head (aye, aye)
and i can't even leave my own bed (aye, aye)
like whatchu even want me to say?
i've been feeling dead for too long
someone get the sand man
i just wanna sleep sound 
i don't wanna be round no more, no more

i'm so sick of it
lately i'm not into it
tryna be more intimate
i don't wanna talk if you're not gonna listen yet

and i remember last year
that was such a sad year 
feeling like a burden
my soul steady hurting 
tell me what you want now
cause it's getting hard to go on 

and i can never tell what you want
baby you can cry in my arms
i swear imma do you no harm
cause you're everything i want 

and i remember last year
that was such a sad year 
feeling like a burden
my soul steady hurting 
tell me what you want now
cause it's getting hard to go on

sad year (prod. taylor morgan & scotty splash)

@sewerperson
@guccihighwaters

prod by me oobv get w the times

Down and Out (feat. sewerperson & guccihighwaters)

if you want get a feature or collab just hit me up on here

sad year (prod. taylor morgan & scotty splash)

scum

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