idontknowwhatimdoing

produced: goldenhour

picture by goldenhour: 

song title (@semichromatic)

my sleep paralysis demon is still coughing up worms

beat by @six-days-after-christmas
@menthol100s
marry me a rose
let my vessel decompose
need a fucking stop sign i cant ever tell her no
when she looked at me and cried didnt really give a fuck
put her tears in a mug man im so fucked up
how is she with me for life when i didnt want one
couldnt see the mirror cause i wasnt what i was
spilled my fucking ash tray need a new rug
when i was a kid all i needed was a hug

@keepsecrets
pullin back my hair while im pukin up my guts
im a pretty white bitch but my wrists pourin blood
lookin at my teeth all she see is gold slugs
ask me if im on a pill i looked at her and i shrugged
i was on my ass i was sleeping on the rug
all i ever really wanted was for you to be the one
i was so embarrassed when you saw me fucked up
i dont wanna think but my brain still does

why is she always fucking talking

ugly as fuck and forever alone
imma take ten pills then im calling it home
take a gander at your window im outside like a gnome
onna walk into your garden only place that i roam
i remember two things i forgot the other one
but i still hold on cuz im so high strung
   you be looking at me like im so damn dumb
i dont really look at all cuz i never gave one
   say hello again to the doctor with a grin
hoe im doctor skeleton and i really need a win
make an incision blood dripped down her shin
   think i need you but i need your skin
i dont make threats all i needed was a pet
   couldnt get one as a kid i guess
imma keep you inside a cage
every day brings me much more rage

ugly as fuck and forever alone

i wrote this poem about you listen you dont have a choice

cannons w/ skeleton

Went on a little trip
Just to clear my head
I wish I felt less alone
And were with you instead

And there's this constant feeling
That lingers
At the back of my head
I think I'll end up dead, if I

Let go
Forget the safety net
You're gone
And having fun, I bet

It's been a while
And we haven't spoke too much
Guess you moved on
Having fun, living life and such

I'm so out of control
Manic episodes
But why would you care?
I'm just someone you know.
(Uncrypted)

Went on a little trip
Just to clear my head
I wish I felt less alone
And were with you instead

And there's this constant feeling
That lingers
At the back of my head
I think I'll end up dead, if I

i went on a trip today

Everybody looks at me the wrong way
you tell me what you wanna hear
then text me
i wish that you were here
I spend my life living in fear

that i won't have nobody
to wipe my tears
that i won't have nobody
to hold me close

I wish that i was special
so you could maybe give a fuck
but i don't really know you
as well as i thought
that i did

i'm way too scared
of the consequence
i'm way too confused
cause nothing ever makes sense
( uncrypted )

Everybody looks at me the wrong way
you tell me what you wanna hear
then text me
i wish that you were here
I spend my life living in fear

everybody looks at me the wrong way

I see her grinnin' through her red teeth
Blood stains on her bed sheets
Leave like i was nothing
Baby it's so crushing
Tell me that you love me, tell me that you hate me
I'll tell you why i like you and how you'll never escape me

I just wanna overdose alone in my room
I just wanna be just like you, just like you
I really should have known, i should have knew
But i'm still crushing up the blues, crushing up the blues

Black cats at the graveyard
Sleeves like an ace card
Body's in my back yard
Faces in the glass shards
Taking antihistamines like why were you so mean to me
I could give you everything, baby just believe in me

bed sheets

(uncrypted)

hold my hand and don't let go
if you care at all
i'm scared to fall asleep
’cause i might just miss your call

i'm way too attached
to a girl
that won’t care for me
keep falling in love
with girls way too easily

i could sit and lie or maybe
stay and pretend
like you're perfect, baby
but it will end

i don’t feel the same i used to—
i used to anymore

slowly come out the delusion
i’m finally awake
and i’m done with your illusions
’cause you must be a fake
think i came to the conclusion
that you might be a whore
and i know you couldn’t force me
to love you like before

ooohh~
to love you like before
oohhhh~
’cause you might be a whore


credits: prod. wingsxrra

internet women fucked me up

dumb as fuck
or maybe naive, tho
i can't lie, i chose to believe you
lie to me, yet still i don't leave you
feel stuck inside a cage, and i've been starved from all affection

i'm desperate for attention
there’s a few things i don't mention
i'm a loser and a poser
and that's maybe why i chose her

and i
look for validation
or to get some acclamation
i can't tell if it's fixation
or my own damn limitations

i'm way too lonely
too lonely
need a girl to hold me
i need love
or maybe i'm just horny

sit there and realize
there’s nothing else to find
i tried to try to be kind
but you're just out of your mind

i'm tryna be a savior
but i'm such a failure
i'm prob so pathetic
i may be apathetic

you're a lost cause, girl
i won't try again
don't ever text me saying
let's still be friends


credits: prod. wingsxrra

idontknowwhatimdoing

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