Street gangs have really switched shit up since I was a kid

hiraeth. eight months in the making.
featuring: @onlyfriendyeah
produced by: @lindenblossom
cover art by: @ejcarrmusic
i hope you enjoy <3
thank you for everything.

lyrics:
it feels like im missing something
a portrait unfinished
my life has been next to nothing
a chord thats diminished

cuz i’ll wait for change
and better days
just to come home with nothin
or maybe i’ll
just stay the same
cuz im too good at suffering
and i could always
take the blame
for all of my shortcomings 

hiraeth
i'm feeling the silence now
i can’t return, i'm fallen
my fragile body’s calling
i'm violent
feel like i'm dying now
i'm breaking down, i'm fallen
maybe it’s all for nothin

(onlyfriend)
maybe it's all for nothing
all the choices i make lead me closer to the coffin
no i can't take the weight of the changes
and i don't rly know what i'm doing
just pretend that you can't see me fading
and shy away raising no alarms
like i'm safe from harm
when i'm too far gone
and i can't hear a word from you

hiraeth
i'm feeling the silence now
i can’t return, i'm fallen
my fragile body’s calling
i'm violent
feel like i'm dying now
i'm breaking down, i'm fallen
maybe it’s all for nothin

(both)
hiraeth
i'm feeling the silence now
i can’t return, i'm fallen
my fragile body’s calling
i'm violent
feel like i'm dying now
i'm breaking down, i'm fallen
maybe it’s all for nothin

hiraeth (feat. onlyfriend) [linden]

spotify!

v v v
yeah i know
no one knows my name
but i keep on trucking 
i just hope the work 
pays off or fucking something
but if it dont i wont be suprised
hell or nothing and left to die
stayed up every night for a year straight
studying my mixing and studying my membrane
always thought that i was fucking insane
never had no one to relate to, yeah yeah
never had no friends 
still fucking dont
i always end up alone again
and thats my fault too
i push them away
i push them away
please dont put any worth to my name
i swear to fuckin god i dont deserve that shit 
yeah im just a sad ass girl trapped in her room and shit
never leave my room unless i really fuckin have to
i dont know
i dont know
every night i smoke, man it got me feeling slow mo
throat burns, red eyes, and i feel like shit
feel like i wanna crawl in a hole and dip
say you really dont want me to do that
if you really dont want me to, please try and stop me
(try and stop me)
(try and stop me)
uncomfortable like always
always fuckin sweat
always fuckin stress 
about some dumb fuckin shit
always miss my boyfriend
always miss my dad
just wanna feel decent
how hard is that?
how hard is it to feel like im normal?
how hard is it to feel like im clean?
how hard is it to feel like kai?
how hard is it to feel alright?
aye, aye, 
no one knows my name
but i keep on truckin
i could just repeat that shit 
but i feel like workin
and i feel like nothing
hopefully im something
maybe ill find out one fuckin day but
not soon
yeah i was in marshall and u called me
said ur in asheville, can you meet me soon?
and i hit u back, said "im down, im down, im down"
always really am but you dont understand
look at twitter once then you go and advance
babe i think your heads clouded give me a chance
you look fucking flawless how you are boy dont trip
ay one grand for a trip (one trip)
just to hold my boy in my arms real quick (real quick)
yeah its real fucking tuff long distance relationship shit
yeah but its real love thats the shit you dont get.

hell or nothing (pekarot)

again and again ft. thebreathingbackwards (taylor morgan + saint tomorrow)

So what if I leave you 
Still stuck in my head cause I need you
I hated the sequel I wonder if I didn’t call would I see you
So whyd she go and lie to me
I keep my head down I’m running from what’s inside of me 
And I can love you but honestly my anxiety 
I’m cutting wrists to avoid that there’s nothing of me

So, go
I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

And I can give you everything you ask of me 
It’s not blasphemy 
You don’t have to leave
I’m a tragedy
It’s always one after the other, never after me

So, go
I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

And I can give you everything you ask of me 
It’s not blasphemy 
You don’t have to leave
I’m a tragedy
It’s always one after the other, never after me

So, go
Leave me in the bottom of a hole
Staring down a barrel with my soul at stake
I wanna fade away
I wanna die today
I tried yesterday

So, go
I don’t wanna be here I’m alone
Cut me hold the knife up to my throat
Twist it then you pull it from my bone
Puppet when ur putting on a show

So, Go (prod. jolst)

hey, thx 4 listening, seriously.
this is the first song i've mixed completely from scratch,
so i hope it doesn't sound too foul </3
prod. @prodskellington <3
cover art sketch by @bleulmao

~~~lyrics~~~
a minute away
i’m gonna fade
back into the nothing
shit what do you say
fear to be fake
look at my face
fucking disgusting
throughout the day

i can’t talk if i can’t even breathe out
she seems off there’s gotta be a reason
raindrops fall everywhere i don’t need it
think this calls for the death of a weakness

check, check, check,
troubled mind, covered ears
less, less, less, chitter-chat full of tears
let’s, let’s, let’s, get the fuck outta here
can’t afford being gone
but i’ve lost will to care again

the cycle ends
what’s the point in this
low love, slow thumbs, so numb

winter crept upon my hands
and all i am’s ideas through a screen
is it true that you were never meant to be?

troubled mind, covered ears (skellington)

I can't breathe so I suffocate,
numb the pain like Novocain,
hear me out for the last time,
look to the stars its the same between you and I,

I haven't been the best friend, haven't been the best kid-
but I swear I changed.

Kids Forever ft. Ashes

prod frevel & 5head

i decided to try and recreate my old 2019 mix for this one and i rlly like how it turned out

lyrics:

run it back run it back, yea 
snow so cold that i cannot feel my hands yea
ima need to take a break lil baby 
but i’ll be right back
and her smile so sweet
that i can’t stay mad

but i can but i can yea 
runnin shit sendin shots at ur man yea 
she the queen, she hold it down
in the netherrealm 
when i’m not around 
catch the smoke
from 100 rounds
can u hold it down 
4 the GANG (no idea why i said that, i’m sorry)

think u need to switch it up
go change ur attitude 
and i can’t wrap my head round this shit
he can’t have you too 
x2

ur the sun and the stars and the moon and the sky, 
nah i don’t wanna talk to u lil bitch go get offline’d 
and i’m never fuckin sober smokin cookie till i die, yea
i jus need some help think i’m struggling tonight 
x2

run it back run it back, yea 
snow so cold that i cannot feel my hands yea
ima need to take a break lil baby 
but i’ll be right back
and her smile so sweet
that i can’t stay mad

but i can but i can yea 
runnin shit sendin shots at ur man yea 
she the queen, she hold it down
in the netherrealm 
when i’m not around 
catch the smoke
from 100 rounds
can u hold it down 
4 the GANG

netherrealm (frevel x 5head)

Na Na Na

Act like you've been suprised, girl its wintertime,
that time of year when we fight almost every night,
scream through your lungs that you hate me in every way,
why do I love you and give you my everything

And I gave you everything, I watcher her just walk away..
let me hear something that you've made up, figured my best bets at night getting drunk..

You cannot change me like the drugs do, I wish that I could hurt you again
you dont believe what I say, you're not the one who's hurting.

everyone walked away, was it my mistakes? staring across to the stars as their glistening,
know that im destined for better keep wishing, did this for you I just hope that you're wishing

and I gave you everything, I watched her just walk away (x2)

drugs (acoustic) (prod. splashgvng)

je te tieandrai dans mon coeur jusqu'à ce que je puisse te tenir dans mes bras.

lyrics:

shiki
I see why you left, this is awful
I don't wanna die anymore, I just want you
Kiss me while I'm dying inside of this bottle
Fall in love with strangers, now my heart is a hostel

Left my love on the east coast
But I don't wanna be alone, I don't wanna be alone, no
And you can text me good morning, but we're in different time zones
And I know that you don't care like I do
I'll find another one just like you
I'll find a new one, call her your name
Black my eyes and paint my face a new shade of grey
I ran away, in East LA where none of my love can get in the way
And baby, I don't think that you could save me
But thank you for trying

I hope you don't know it's about you when you hear this
But I knew you'd listen, only reason I wrote this
And I would bleed for you if I thought you would notice

I'm too scared to dream since I saw you
I told you I would move to New York and write a novel
But I'm still in my mom's house
The one that you warned me about
The one you said was haunted
I'm nauseous, I can't stop heaving
Who would want this? I'm still bleeding
Hide my ribs like, yeah I'm eating
Come save me, this room is freezing

skele:
I know why you left, this is terrible
As I was writing this, I wanted to let you know
It's getting really hard to let you go
I wanted five more minutes baby, just so I could hear you talk
Cuz everything I knew just fucking fell apart
You never really cared, you just played the part
And now you're gone, it's all my fault

hostel w/ skele (love,matt x chris marek)

Featuring @lilskeleskrrt
Produced by @metlast
Engineering, additional vocals by @horoshavibes

LYRICS
Still the same scared kid that I was way back then
Know I'd give anything to change how it happened
Still bleeding from the wounds of my past and
Pursuing happiness
But I can't have that

Take another hit to my pride and my passion
Loss after loss like a chain reaction
When everything goes wrong
I need a way out
I can not be trusted to be kind to myself

The drugs don't make it better
They just keep me distracted
From the life I'm supposed to live
And out the one that I'm trapped in
When everything goes wrong
I tend to break down
I can not be trusted to be kind to myself

(skele)
And love I promise that I mean well
All those things I did were fucking my health 
I've never been good at helping out myself
It's getting bad
I prolly need help
I never meant for you to run away 
I just wanted you to feel a bit of my pain 
And when everything goes wrong I hope you'll be here 
Need someone to fix all my fears

Listen on Spotify!

When Everything Goes Wrong w/ skele (Prod. metlast)

Biteki AMV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LT7FyConbo
thank you all for the amazing support just in general.
love you all. take good care <3
featuring my extremely talented friend @sleepywater 💙
prod. @afterlife66 🖤

~~lyrics~~
[autumn]
you ok?..

so i tell myself
don't die on me
don't lie to me

i lie here, ask how i'm doing
words out my mouth 
is it trash that i'm spewing?
i deserve hell for every wrongdoing
you sewed up my heart
just after i skewed it

hate when anybody talk to me
there's not a lot to me
i'm just distraught and weak
there's so much to do in the day (day)
what do i have to do to make you stay (stay)

how does this world expect me to keep going
when all that i have are depleting emotions
and all that i am is pathetic and hopeless
and all that i ask, and all that i ask is to leave

i'm begging please
i'm falling down
whenever you leave
don't make a sound
don't even breathe
i finished counting all my steps
a cliff they lead

[sleepwater]
i'll be ready, drowning
heart beat too fast; anxiety
in my hollow frame
lost cause, puppet brain

spewing my heart 
over a fire; got dark
will you be my ember 
stuck in a cauldron
do you remember when i was holding
your achy arms i was all upon it
you got my clothes but 
you could of stopped it
sorry for the vacancy i wish i locked
it was a fucking job to you 
i wish i stopped it

[autumn]
lawless; aching doesn't stop
isn't this what i wanted from you
i'm so awful

[sleepwater]
don't make a sound, don't make a scene
filling my lungs with nicotine 
oh damn ur the one that i'll ever need
damn ur the one that just let me be

[autumn]
(let me be)
don't really know why you like me
are you just starving
for someone's pysche?
i can hear the hounds
yeah they're howling in the darkness
wonder what they found
either molly or a carcass

[sleepwater]
im prowling in the twilight
everything you say now its a delight
maybe ur an angel in disguise 
fucking up my psyche, cutting all my ties

[autumn]
i cannot talk for long
there's somewhere i gotta be
the green of the forest it calls
yeah i got a date with the-
i got a date with the trees

tell me who i am
and who i'm supposed to be
won't be here for long
bitemarks made with teeth
the frostwalker it crawls
arriving at your feet
let it rest beneath...

netherrealm (frevel x 5head)

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