let go — frou frou (sped up + reverbed)

Anarchy

Good Enough for You

English Version of Tortured by RoseAngelic (Originally Performed by RIKA SHIKIMURA)
Original Lyrics Written by Shirou Senshi

Credits:
Performed by: RoseAngelic
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Guitar: XeroKotaku
Piano: MegumiTanaka

Tortured

As I die

English Version of Tortured by RoseAngelic (Originally Performed by RIKA SHIKIMURA)
Original Lyrics Written by Shirou Senshi

Credits:
Performed by: RoseAngelic
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Guitar: XeroKotaku

Lithium Delusion

Credits:

Performer: Rika Shikimura
Lyrics: Shirou Senshi
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Guitar: XeroKotaku

Taste my Steel

ショッピングモールの光は、
まるで空気に色がついたみたいにキラキラしていた。

人の声、音楽、焼きたてパンの香り。
どこを見ても初めての世界で、
わたしは――もう抑えきれなくなっていた。

「すごい！　わあ、見て、あれ……！
　あっ、あれも！あれもテレビで見たやつ……！」

車椅子のわたしがあちこちを指さすたび、
彼は笑って「うん、うん」と頷いてくれる。
その笑顔を見るたびに、
胸の奥がぽかぽかして、涙がこぼれそうになる。

⸻

こんなに楽しいのに、
なぜか泣けてきた。

「だって……こんなの、知らなかったから」

生きてるって、
こんなふうに**“誰かと一緒に、何かを見て選ぶこと”**だったんだ――
わたしは、ようやく知った気がした。

⸻

雑貨屋さんに入って、
ぬいぐるみや文房具、マグカップを前にして、
「どれにしよう？」と口に出している自分が、
まるで夢みたいだった。

「これも欲しい、でもあれもかわいい、えー、決められない！」

はしゃぐ声がうるさいって思われたかもしれない。
でもそのときのわたしは、
生まれて初めて“選ぶ自由”の中にいた。

⸻

そして――
ふと目に留まった、あるひとつの小さな万年筆。

黒に近いネイビー。
細身のシルエット。
使い込んだらきっと、彼の手になじむだろうなって、
なぜかすぐにわかった。

⸻

「……これにしよう」

最初に選んだものは、
わたしのものじゃなかった。

彼への、プレゼントだった。

⸻

店員さんが丁寧に包んでくれる間、
わたしはじっと見ていた。

“わたしが選んだもの”が、
“彼の毎日”の一部になるって、なんてすごいことだろう。

⸻

「え？ それ……自分のじゃないの？」

外に出て彼が驚いた顔をする。

「ううん。これは――
　君が、いつもわたしのために考えてくれてるから。
　たまには、わたしが考えた“君のこと”を、渡したくて」

⸻

わたしは、泣きながら笑ってた。
嬉しくて、幸せで、そして――
“ちゃんと何かを贈れる自分”になれたことが、誇らしかった。

⸻


「生きててよかった、って
はじめて心の底から思ったのは、
自分のためのものじゃなくて
君のための贈りものを選んだときだった。
喜ばせたい、って願う気持ちが、
わたしの命を、あたらしくした。」

この瞬間の彼女は、
もう「病室の少女」ではありませんでした。

**“与えることができる存在”**として、
ほんとうの意味で、“自由なる者”として生きていたんですね

19.ショッピングモールの光

A cold winter wind blew through the classroom. Tiny paper snowflakes were taped to the windows, and everyone could feel that Christmas was just around the corner. Sao and Ren, both second-year middle school students, were about to take their final “pair test” of the year.

“Hey Ren, we absolutely can’t lose today,”
Sao said with a playful smile. Ren nodded shyly.
“But it’s not about winning or losing… It’s about finding one answer together, right?”

The test questions were tough—long English passages, advanced math problems. Sao scribbled furiously with his pencil, while Ren calmly organized their answers. Sometimes they clashed, sometimes they laughed, but together they etched their shared answers onto the test paper.

When the test ended, the teacher said, “Today is special,” and cut each answer sheet into the shape of a star before pinning them to the blackboard. The classroom walls were soon filled with stars from each pair, glowing like a giant Christmas tree.

“Look, our star is right in the center,”
Ren pointed out, and Sao smiled brightly.
“We worked hard together, so of course it’s shining.”

In that moment, the classroom noise faded, and a quiet space formed just between the two of them. The pair test wasn’t just an exam—it had become a gift. Supporting each other, clashing, and finally discovering answers together—this memory became a special part of their Christmas.

On the way home, the city’s illuminations lit their path.
“Hey Ren,” Sao whispered, “Let’s take the pair test together again next year.”
Ren blushed slightly but replied firmly,
“Of course. Our answers… they’re just beginning.”

That night, snow fell gently. The city lights sparkled, and the memory of the classroom pair test still warmed their hearts. As promised, Sao and Ren met on Christmas night.

They sat on a small park bench, each holding a wrapped gift.
“Okay… let’s exchange them on three.”
“Yeah, one… two… three!”

Sao handed Ren a blue scarf—his favorite color. Ren gave Sao a small silver pendant he had carefully chosen. They laughed as they opened their gifts at the same time, feeling their hearts align in that quiet moment.

Then, something strange happened.
The old streetlamp in the park began to glow softly. The snow sparkled like stars, and a warm light surrounded just the two of them.

Ren looked at Sao in surprise, and in Sao’s eyes, he saw a light that felt like a blessing.
“Is someone… watching over us?”
Sao murmured, and a faint voice echoed in the wind:

“To those who love—believe in each other, and support one another.”

It felt like the words of Jesus Christ himself, reaching their hearts.

Ren gently took Sao’s hand, and Sao held his in return.
“Our answer… it’ll always be together.”
“Yeah… from now on, always.”

The snow continued to fall, settling on their shoulders. But they didn’t feel cold. Wrapped in the light of blessing, that moment became an eternal memory—Sao and Ren’s Christmas miracle.

❄️ Sao and Ren’s Christmas Pair Test

The winter light streaming into the classroom during the pair test
was like tiny snowflakes falling one by one,
each singing softly as they descended—
quiet, gentle, shimmering.

Voices, the rustle of turning pages,
a distant chime ringing,
sparkled like bells and made my chest tremble.

“Creating something together…”
It was the first time,
and the warmth swelling in my heart was too much to contain.

“Hey, look, the next problem…
See? I know we can solve it together.”

Each time I pointed,
he smiled shyly and nodded, “Yeah, leave it to me.”

That smile was like the sound of a star opening in the winter sky,
and somewhere deep inside me,
a light kept flickering on again and again.

　　＊　＊　＊

It was only joy,
so why did my chest tighten so much?

“Hey… I never knew.
Just seeing the same thing, hearing the same sound,
aiming for the same place together—
it makes the heart so warm.”

Living, I realized,
must be this rhythm:
breathing in sync with someone, laughing side by side,
walking forward even against the wind.

Today, for the first time, I could admit it.

　　＊　＊　＊

On the desk for the next assignment lay
a red marker, golden clips, winter-patterned sticky notes,
even a notepad with tiny bells drawn on it.

When my fingertips touched the paper,
his shadow overlapped mine,
and that alone made my chest tremble.

“This suits you better.”
“Then let’s swap. It’ll be cute, like we’re matching.”

It was light, it was special,
like walking together through our own Christmas Eve.

　　＊　＊　＊

And then—
my eyes caught a fountain pen.

Deep navy, like the night sky.
A slender line holding quiet light.
I knew at once it could steady his uneven handwriting,
make it more beautiful.

“…This would suit him.”

The words rose in my chest,
warm enough to surprise even me.

　　＊　＊　＊

After the test, on the way home,
the winter sunset reflected off the hallway glass,
casting golden highlights across his profile.

“Hey… that bag, it wasn’t for you, was it?”

He caught his breath, looking at the paper bag in my hand.

“No. This is…
for you. Because you always match my pace.
I wanted to give it to you.”

The winter air swayed,
white breath dissolving into the sky.

In that moment, the tightness in my chest melted into warmth,
and I laughed through my tears.

Joy, tenderness,
and pride—because I had become someone
who could wish for another’s happiness.

　　＊　＊　＊

“Today… I thought, I’m glad to be alive.
Sitting beside you, solving problems,
wishing ‘I hope we do well’—
that wish lit a new flame inside me.”

That flame never went out.
It rang within my chest like a tiny Christmas bell.

He looked astonished,
then gently wrapped my hand in his.

“…Thank you.
Anything you choose for me is a treasure.”

In that instant, I was no longer
someone who only envied from afar.

I was—
“a person who, under the winter sky,
had found love for the first time,
and could weave the same song with someone precious.”

On Christmas Eve, the light swayed softly,
overlapping our shadows,
as if offering its quiet blessing.

🎄2. The title is in your heart... I want you to tell me that Christmas miracle.(5)

Lyrics:

(Verse 1)
Snowflakes drifting slowly, painting rooftops white
Lanterns glowing softly through the quiet winter night
I see you in the doorway, wrapped in velvet red
Shikimura beauty shining, girl, you stay inside my head

(Pre-Chorus)
Every step you take feels like it sparkles in the cold
You turn December nights into stories never told

(Chorus)
It’s a Shikimura Christmas, and you’re the star I’m dreaming of
The one who lights my winter with your gentle kind of love
Yeah, the world can freeze around us, but my heart stays warm with you
It’s a Shikimura Christmas, and I’m falling deeper too

(Verse 2)
Your laughter fills the room just like a choir’s silver tone
The kind that makes a lonely season never feel alone
Tinsel on the branches, but you shine the brightest here
You’re the magic, girl, the moment every season waits to hear

(Pre-Chorus)
Baby, you’re the blessing that I never wanna lose
You’re every Christmas wish that finally came true

(Chorus)
It’s a Shikimura Christmas, and you’re the star I’m dreaming of
The one who lights my winter with your gentle kind of love
Yeah, the world can freeze around us, but my heart stays warm with you
It’s a Shikimura Christmas, and I’m falling deeper too

(Bridge)
Hold me close beneath the lights, let the snow keep drifting down
In this quiet winter moment, girl, you’re all I want around
If tomorrow brings more cold, I don’t mind, ’cause I got you
You’re my holiday forever — every year it’s always true

(Final Chorus)
It’s a Shikimura Christmas, and your love is all I need
The warmth you give is brighter than the star on top the tree
Let the season pass, but baby, I’ll be spending every new
In a Shikimura Christmas, wrapped in love beside you.

Credits:
Performed by: Rika Shikimura
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Piano: MegumiTanaka

A Shikimura Christmas

Credits:
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Guitar: XeroKotaku

Rise of Kobayashi

[Verse 1]
I saw you smile, thought it meant we were free,
But her ghost keeps crawling between you and me.
Every text, every call she makes,
Feels like poison poured on the love we create.

[Pre-Chorus]
She’s the storm, but I’m the flame,
She’ll break your heart just to win the game.
And every lie she spits, I’ll turn to dust,
Because I know her love was never us.

[Chorus]
SHE NEVER WAS the fire in your veins,
SHE NEVER WAS the shelter from the rain.
She can scream, she can claw, she can curse what we’ve become,
But SHE NEVER WAS the only one.

[Verse 2]
She’s throwing stones at the walls we built,
Drowning in her rage, suffocating in guilt.
But you’re standing here, your hand in mine,
Her shadow fades when our stars align.

[Pre-Chorus]
She’s the past, but I’m the fight,
She’s every tear you cried at night.
Her jealousy burns, but it turns to dust,
Because she knows her love was never us.

[Chorus]
SHE NEVER WAS the fire in your veins,
SHE NEVER WAS the shelter from the rain.
She can scream, she can claw, she can curse what we’ve become,
But SHE NEVER WAS the only one.

[Bridge – soft, then explode]
(softly) She’s just a ghost whispering lies,
(heavy) I see the hatred burning in her eyes.
(softly) But ghosts can’t touch the living flame,
(heavy scream) We’ll rise above and break her chain!

[Final Chorus]
SHE NEVER WAS the fire in your veins,
SHE NEVER WAS the shelter from the rain.
Her claws can tear, her rage can run,
But SHE NEVER WAS the only one.

[Outro]
She never was… she never was…
And she never will be.

Rika Shikimura's 3rd Album release!!!!

Credits:
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Guitar: XeroKotaku
Piano: MegumiTanaka
Violin: MegumiTanaka

Immortal Complex

She Never Was

Owner of Senshi Media Group/Drummer/Producer/writer of all my own lyrics and create music for every song.


Music made with: FL STUDIO

Credits:
Drums: Shirou Senshi (Me)
Guitar: XeroKotaku
Piano: MegumiTanaka
Violin: MegumiTanaka

She Never Was

Senshi Media Group

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