I recorded a few random minutes from a rooftop in Oaxaca in the early morning. I wanted to build a song around that and before I could find the right words I wondered if maybe there weren't any (never, ever do I think this), so I layered a few more odd chord voicings instead. I never really know how to get to the unexpected so I leaned on the randomness of chords meshing like constellations, some touch, some crash, and some pass right on through. It starts in Oaxaca and ends in my open-windowed apartment in Austin. 

The prompt from the 11:59 songwriting group was Goya. An Urdu word from Pakistan that refers to the transporting suspension of disbelief that happens when fantasy is so realistic that it temporarily becomes reality. The word is usually associated with good, powerful storytelling. 

Also another take suggested by Dave Madden: In David Shariatmadari’s essay Why We Love Untranslatable Words, the author pushes back against the notion that the world is full of undefinable linguistic mysteries. He points out that when asked about the word saudade, “most patriotic Portuguese speakers will be happy to explain that it is untranslatable”, before immediately going on to translate it as “a nostalgic feeling of missing someone or something you love.” The untranslatable, translated. The unknowable, known.

Oaxacan Rooftop

can I still dance in the kitchen
while you make dinner for me
bare feet with a puppy between us
an old black and white on the color tv

can I still wear my cute dresses
the ones that go up past the knees
when we're there on the couch 
and the lights have gone down
I make sure that there's nothing to see

everything changes
all of us waves in the sea
everything hangs in the air
til it catches the breeze
please stay close to me

can I still call without asking
when I feel a lump in my throat
can I still say when I'm hurting
can I play you the songs that I wrote

cause you're my emergency contact
nothing I know is more true
why be afraid what's beyond that
I'm not really losing you

cause everything changes
broken hearts don't make a sound
flying is dangerous
but so is a life on the ground
will you please hang around

I finally took it for granted
that you'd save me the passenger seat
if I'm not there riding with you
I don't know where else I'm s'posed to be

but everything changes 
everything starts from a seed
the garden arranges itself 
around the rocks and the weeds
so say what you need
and stay close to me

Emergency Contact

why does it feel I'm breaking wrong
no shaking free, no moving on
I'm still defined by who loves me
who loves me not
and still I signed the dotted line
for what I bought

if I'm imperfect for you
it's still the best that I can do
when will I stop trying 
to be something I'm not
maybe somewhere in between
what we were and what we'll be
I'll learn to love the perfect lesson
that I got

who else to blame, who else to show
I lost my aim, I lost the bow
my head is cruel, my head is mean, my head is full
no one to fool, no one to scream it from my skull

if I'm imperfect for you
it's still the best that I can do
when will I stop trying 
to be something I'm not
maybe somewhere in between
what we are and what will be
I'll learn to love the perfect lesson 
that I got

the second hand is slowing down
there's no more second chances now

I'm not perfect for you
and it's the best that I can do
when will I stop trying 
to see something I'm not
maybe somewhere in between
who we are and who we'll be
I'll learn to love the perfect lesson
that I got
may I love the imperfection 
that I fought

Somewhere In Between

The much anticipated EP from Shawnee Kilgore and Hollywood director Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Avengers) is finally out!

The unlikely collaborators met via Kickstarter in 2014 and Back to Eden is the intimate collection of their musical conversations about being alone and figuring out who that is, an examination of the self and the things in us that change, or shouldn't change.

Back to Eden

Love Song

Break the Skin

Three Legged Dog

Big Giant Me

Unforgiven

Written by Shawnee Kilgore and Colin Gilmore

Produced, recorded and mixed by Rob Seidenberg at Waller Sound, East Austin, TX

Mastered by Tim Bennett

Feels Like Snow

There are two things Shawnee does best: finger pick and play your heart strings. She grew up in Bellingham, Washington, teaching herself to play guitar and write songs at fourteen with the sole dream of meeting and marrying Daniel Johns, the frontman of the Australian rock band silverchair. Songwriting proved itself an altruistic calling that eventually led her to Austin, Texas where her fourth album, A Long and Precious Road, was among Texas Music Magazine’s albums of the year and landed her alongside artists like Kacey Musgraves and Leon Bridges on their list of Songwriters of Distinction. Editor Tom Buckley wrote, “With a compelling voice at once uplifting and heartbreaking, delicate and wounded, and with melodies dexterous and irresistible, Kilgore has, in one bold move, established herself as an important presence in folk music.” Shawnee sings to you about all the things you know—love, life, laughter and loss—but does so with such fiercely personal and poetic truth that you can't help finding, and understanding, your own world through hers.

Shawnee Kilgore

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