and now i'm fallen
just like her again

fallen
just like the raindrops

----- ----- -----

(started: 12/31/20) --- (finished: 04/15/21)

raindrops

["buy" means free download via toneden]

#DiscipleRemixComp2
https://soundcloud.com/discipleroundtable/sigurd

derg momentum btw

@samplifire

----- ----- -----

(started: 08/21/21) --- (finished: 10/25/22)

sigurd

samplifire - sigurd [spillstained]

woven of faith and toil

----- ----- -----

it's a bit surreal thinking that i worked on this remix for maybe 10 months, but i'm glad i'm finally able to see it come to a reality after all this time, and to be able to share it with anyone who may be interested to give it a listen.

when you do, i'd highly appreciate to hear your thoughts on this! in the end, i just wanna make music to bless even a day. :)

----- ----- -----

(started: 09/07/21) --- (finished: 06/01/22)

christopher larkin - bonebottom [shvol rmx]

[ disclaimer: NOT an id reel, most of these i do not see releasing as full songs any time soon. consider this a main account shitpost ]

main thread + commentary: https://twitter.com/spillstain_mu/status/1558121959640051712?s=20&t=-lwLzcaZin2jkyLRZOBw6g

i kinda rly don't like most of these so you may have them lmao

i also fixed the mix too so it isn't shit and rushed under a very late night

- - -

01. knowing you
02. @samplifire - fenrir (flip)
03. regrets
04. shuffle loop
05. dust castles
06. quality trash dump
07. cease prattle
08. terror loop
09. @ben-walter-12 - nebel (flip)
10. hurt this
11.  sluggish
12. no mind
13. viridescent (silence () anger demo)
 - this one is actually released! look for it yourself, however.
14. bonebottom (spillstain HATER remix)

spillstain | scraps 01

(started: ~12/07/21)
(finished: i don't think i will hehe)

here's hoping to new music soon
i've been well, thankfully,.
i mean - at least hopefully for a bit longer, i wouldn't want to jynx it
but life has been (mostly) straightforward especially once i accepted reality as is, or at least am starting to

i may not have a lot of friends
i don't believe in new people i'll keep meeting long-term
but i'll be fine as long as i keep my head clear

oh and yeah i have like around four songs ready and here's praying for them to not be pushed back for like the third time, i miss sharing things with you guys

a quiet violet

Do I have to look back?
All the memories, the few threads that still hang in the midst of fire,
yet ever so slightly, they’re about to snap so… suddenly.

It’s not my fault their colourful gardens turned into graveyards.
It was so cold, for something that seemed to be fire, but it wasn’t... fire..?

But those gone shouldn't be worth my time, or should I remorse any longer.
Or at least I’ve liked to tell myself.

The glow of what fire I could burn in the midst of this cold wasteland, warming me only slightly...
The ever cold breeze tormenting me, never letting me forget that I still don’t have any clue where I am now.

I don’t want to be stuck here forever.
I don’t want to.

So I'm not going to.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(started: 09/08/21) --- (finished: 10/20/22)

[ auburn / fallen flowers | 1 / 2 ]

auburn

auburn (prologue)

reminder to support good intentions and save a life
only for $20!

@half-heart-project
@fullflexaudio

https://halfheartproject.bandcamp.com/album/full-flex-audio-the-half-heart-project-collaborative-sample-pack

(btw @mitigatemusic samples from there are the best things ever it's so COOL and AWESOME and realest GO buy)

[ don't ask about the cover image ]

hhp x ffa but it's only my samples and played at the same time

Hanari Niko
* Amy, she / her
* Prefers to keep to herself, letting her thoughts silently piece together and her wounds heal.

[ I urge you to try your best to decipher the words to this song.
  Thank you for listening, I promise this is only just the beginning. ]

- - - - -   - - - - -   - - - - -

(started: ~12/18/20) --- (finished: 12/03/22)

[ auburn / fallen flowers | 2 / 2 ]

fallen flowers

i remember when i uploaded this to twitter! i think that was like more than 8 months ago...

i never finished this because my pc stopped working and i would've needed to move too much data to continue working on this completely

so here you go~
free dl btw

twine twice - the sorrowed toll (demo)

(started: 9/27/21)
(scrapped: 1/22/22)
(restarted: 1/2/23)
(...scrapped again: somewhere during my pc breaking down)

*sigh*
i think this'll be how all my dreams go

i miss all of my friends
i miss everyone i've ever met all these years
even if it'd be horrible if i went back

right now, it feels like all my friends just want to use me for my music
no one cares about me anymore
i've forced myself to suppress everything i feel
because it always makes things worse

i miss being in the ranking community
i miss being in the pmd fanfic writing community
i miss being in music servers
i miss ori
i miss so many things it really hurts
i'm not really approached anymore
this entire week has also been really pathetic to me
my existence really is nothing but to be irritated, annoyed, it feels like my skin is being grated and i'm really drowning

everyone i know goes on without me

i'll never be okay

i miss everyone...

og tune: https://soundcloud.com/half-heart-proj/immortalsoul
rest of the RMX pack: 

/!\ the greatest melodic dubstep remix. Of the year

(started: 04/12/22) --- (finished: 2/16/23)

Faith in Watercolor

styks - immortal soul [RMX]

[sluggish] demo

rip clean mix but i lost the project file anyway
this was from mayhaps march 26 and was originally for a rmx contest olav hosted which had some complications

so now we're allowed to just turn our remixes public to be put in a playlist

oh yeah monthly life status: am in school
yeah the first week isn't actually education-related much
yes i am awake at 1:32 am atm
yes people are telling me that i always ruin things
yes this day sucked

but hey!! i'm used to it
fucken nuts

zerolav - nøkken [shimi violet (unfinished) remix]

hey, this is garett from the "spillstain" project
or well, ryan if you're an og who was used to that name but eh i get indecisive so fine by the world

while i've been absent from working on this project, my pc's malfunctioning has gotten really intolerable
and while you can still expect two full (and possibly final) releases at most from me, considering that i already sent them to labels that still seem to be considering the songs
my pc remains in its status as is, as of this day, despite asking several times for help or repairs
i've been promised a new pc, but if you ask me, i honestly don't believe that'll actually happen considering my luck with project longetivity so far
and while in reality, i should be able to find other means to continue keeping up this strange soundcloud account, it'll really never be the same

so yeah, i don't know if i'll be able to continue this project under these conditions, to the dismay of other projects that i've planned to work with, and especially moreso myself, for finding myself being unable to continue doing something i find passion in doing any longer

i can't deny this project has gone through a really rocky road, and for it to possibly end like this feels unsatisfying still to me, because i only just released an a/b that was supposed to be the true introduction to a story / world i wanted to share
but who knows? maybe this project will be picked up again, if i'll be honest i don't even believe myself either, even if there's the chance my luck really did run out this time

ig i'd still like to thank you guys still for sticking around for my senile arc and music
if i can't continue these anymore, at least i can just share what i came up with in the end, so have this clip! (oh and also my entire consolidated audio clip folder kinda)

this song is called [scarhands], and i believed it was shaping up to be a rly promising tune!
/ clip from a version from : 2 - 15 - 23 /

also
[a slighter mizzle] sample pack dl link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-n4VtVeTWOW7quKanm7Dd_8UPj2kRraR/view?usp=drivesdk
(or at least... i think this is a sample pack anyway, i could be wrong. also, there was also going to be this huge sample pack demo collab kinda, but you can guess what happened to that too ngl)

- - - - -

special thanks
nessiana - for being there for me during my toughest times, and always looking out for whatever i gotta say
archflower - being the first to rly support my music project, i wished i could return the favor
Swift-Tempo - for being a rly rly supportive person, and i'm glad to share so many things with each other
there's like
so many people i rly gotta thank
maybe i'll list down three more people when i make another demo public..
but thanks everyone

goodbye, for now

this song is called [blood strokes]
not showing the full thing yet but this is my favourite tune of my own so far
i also previewed the intro on twitter one time
/ clip from a version from : 2 - 2 - 23 /

- - - - -

i don't rly care that it's not 30 or so days yet
still, monthly demo upload #1 since scarhands
especially because i gotta say, i've been rly brought down lately

before i start
idk
venting? on this description i wanna clarify that
there is still a chance that aside from
well, a tune coming up in a lot of months
this music project will be able to continue, albeit changing names
if you're going to blame me for always saying that "ooh i'll give up because the world is against me" be my guest lmao and see you in hell

anyways
i gotta be honest
i've spent some time thinking about how
well, things, especially just the first week of this month, halfway through the year... it's treated me unkindly, no good way to say it
i've noticed that i've been dealing with problems lazier, not talking about much, luck has been against me a lot rly

i also sometimes don't understand really
i sometimes think about how a lot of artists that may have started at the same time around me
seemingly being more successful than i will ever be
is it because i'm doing something wrong? is it because i'm just having wishful thinking about being sincere meaning i can still make it somewhere well?
i've always been a good friend to almost everyone i've met and...
because of this i now find myself gone indefinitely from pretty much everywhere i've ever been
i've felt alone a lot
even with people who i think i should be able to share interests with
like
i always feel like i'm in their shadows

i've also had some chats with some people regarding stuff i regret when trying to make friends and honestly... my conclusion is that i'm blaming everything on myself
"you wouldn't have known this would happen" well i should've expected it
look at me really, i always see myself as the loser who flies too close to the sun
rly easy for me to feel like no one loves me from everywhere i've been, everyone i've met

i don't
honestly want to deal with these problems anymore
i don't want to deal with life
if i ever say something like i'm doing now, all i'm doing is making it more awful towards myself
and i won't even be surprised if like
this entire upload loses me my entire soundcloud audience lmao

so
i wouldn't be lying if i ever said sometimes that
i should've let time carry on without me two years ago
even if... i only made it this far because i gave last year a chance
well
i'm just
ashamed of who i am
i shouldn't be but i see too much of what makes me obnoxious or.. i just can't bring myself to come to terms with my own mistakes and maybe i wish i was something else
because man i'm such a loser
no matter how many years have passed rly
no matter how many things i've experienced
look man i'm even venting on soundcloud somehow

maybe i really don't deserve all these good things
i'm sorry

i just
want to ask for forgiveness but
there's no one left to even face me for it

if my luck is running out...

i see every day
that many of you and my family always promises me many chances, or something in return

i don't know if it's because i was born unlucky
or just this world hates me lol
because i've been such a kind soul
and for all those goodness i was repaid with friends who turned out to be child groomers or looking to throw themselves off a bridge and a complete downgrade of equipment with the hundredth empty promise to help me back up

even the smallest thing i lose i just feel really devastated because i've lost enough already you know

i just wanna make stuff i like
i know this has been said already but what if it really is true
that no one cares or loves people who just want to be who they are

no one ever wants me to say anything at this point really and i also feel like the inferior one in the room
i hate people
they only think about themselves
also, sometimes they never change
the people who look good will forever be cherished but i'm still nothing and likely forever will be nothing

worst part is i still think that these curses were brought to me by my own mistakes
i have nothing else to blame it on after all

honestly i am just praying for myself to find happiness
in one way
another
i don't know where it'll be
i don't know how much more regrets i'll leave behind
but i hope i find happiness somewhere

- - - - -

as for the song, it was called "a slighter mizzle" and was also in a wip
it was originally a sample pack demo and... was supposed to be this sorta collab but not many people actually wanted in and just got my sample pack for themselves i'd imagine

but this was pretty much me and some of @swift-tempo's contributions in the clip

ig i'll also leave another link to the sample pack now that i mention it (i hope this is a good link too)
https://gate.sc/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdrive.google.com%2Ffile%2Fd%2F1-n4VtVeTWOW7quKanm7Dd_8UPj2kRraR%2Fview%3Fusp%3Ddrivesdk&token=867bef-1-1688021175219

almost feels like no one wants to hear me

[ (3 - 8 - 24 edit) released! https://soundcloud.com/sanctuarycollective/imperfect ]

disclaimer that while yes, i drew these two, these characters belong to @SmollCuteFenn on socials (outside of soundcloud) and not me
but i find this a rly pretty piece from my drawings so i guess i'll use it here! [https://artfight.net/~akotune]

- - - - -

a few things happened when i originally intended to upload my monthly thing
and honestly to everyone who's seen my last upload's description : i'm rly sorry for worrying you guys

i don't mean that, but i couldn't possibly force a fake smile from myself in a project meant to reflect myself
but i guess i feel a little better to share a few things now

i'm glad to share that my parents finally bought me a laptop that i can use for music production and further research (including but not limited to: references for my storywriting)
and this small bit is produced from fl (called "imperfect"! idk if i'll continue it ngl, it's a kinda experimental thing testing if i still got it after being separated from fl for a handful amount of time)
it's honestly a lot more fun than i remember, but i hope to continue writing music a lot more soon, and better music at that

and the second thing is, i finally finished writing a good part of a story that "raindrops", "fallen flowers", and "blood strokes" had been based on - so for long-time listeners this'll hopefully be a treat, and i'll see how i can continue writing upon this

just a small problem... i just hope that i won't come across anyone that i feel like i owe. sometimes lately, it does feel as if i have to pay debts that i shouldn't have to
and... to people who've met me over discord, i've been saying a lot of pretty harsh things lately
i'm hoping to help myself lean it towards more positive things in the future, because it's been difficult to suppress my voice lately

thanks everyone for the support and patience, i've seen honestly *too  many* people in my life and i'm surprised i've found some that are still willing to listen to whatever i gotta say
and new listeners here to stay

it means a lot <3

- - - - -

oh and also, i'm thinking of renaming the "spillstain" project to "ako"
although... i'm awfully worried it'll make me harder to find when searching stuff, because i'm certain a lot of artists have similar names and have a bigger presence than i have
but i wanna continue being true to my dreams, let me know what you guys think of it-

where should i go from here

oh and yeah new alias! hehe
new music soon on hhp, watch out for that

[clip taken from 11/13/22]

oh and play the game because the story is rly bittersweet (you can't be a shimi violet listener if you don't like bittersweet feels so you have no excuse go play this ahaha!) https://aquadoesstuff.itch.io/cascade

polynine - aya [shimi violet remix]

i'll gladly take this
thank you neo for giving me a chance
this should really help me get through these hard weeks

oh and also please follow @pikabata and @polynine because their music pretty much inspired me to write this remix
and also follow @qloudpatch because if i got attention, i want to share it with him because he deserves it

also have you heard this https://soundcloud.com/everither/fax-interlock-evr-cynik-remix and https://soundcloud.com/whyteblood-music/extrenor-the-tower-experiment-harley-fields-mix and also https://soundcloud.com/notboom/azernion-lustertech-boom-remix-v7 already? please do

and I PROMISE THIS ISN'T FALLEN FLOWERS VIP

s1drone - homesick rmx [winner!]

Well-meaning... That just isn’t enough, is it?

[ songs used: ]
ashed lamp / imperfect * / Textoris / silentcry / foxgloves awning / blood strokes / favor_me / not now... / looking glass / [pres. Strigiformes] Nocturne / custom brush! / dragon//blood [with qloudpatch] / [STYKS + FAYBUL] wicked sprites bootleg / slight mizzles / bitter overtones / unison trick [with Cynik] / soulsell [with Umbresp] / fragments, flowing / i won't forget you / [STYKS] immortal soul remix * / A stirring wind [with ID] / weakness pulses / return to [with ID (demo)] / renascentia lilium / mellow air

[join "aunt emmy's" discord! i'll be hosting a remix event soon: https://discord.gg/sPm8BJwE3H]

* = indicates RELEASED tunes :)

"see you in hell once we've wrapped up our little affairs"

challenge failed i took more than 24 hours (i had depression!)
+ cover art featuring kotomi nayu (you'll hate or love her in my story)

thanks @rflctng for the chance tho

here you go
@qloudpatch / @iamcynik / @umbresp

also WHO'S HYPED FOR "imperfect" releasing like TOMORROW LADS

[wrapped up] wardubs s5!!!!!

after three years, "raindrops" stems are finally out to the public!
but that's not all... there are A LOT of tunes up for remixing!!

> for songs you can remix + info
raindrops Bmin, 150 BPM
RESTLESS Dbmaj, 112 BPM
auburn C#min, 145 BPM
fallen flowers C#min, 132 BPM
first wraith C#min, 128 BPM

> join the DANG discord server for more details
here: https://discord.gg/xNXsYF4c9f

> download stems
here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1_oP6iqcWCgZl2yK9XWah4gpj9q8gQQg0?usp=sharing

GIVE IT A SHOT

(disclaimer: fallen flowers vip is not happening because i lost the project file lol)

| announcing: shimi violet RMX EP

run away ~ fugitives

run away ~ fugitives [spillstained]

"I have to leave for a moment, my love." The words were so warm and I instantly knew that this beautiful creature before me was her mother.  But the thing that stuck out to me the most were the mother’s eyes. The look in them were hauntingly familiar. There was a firm determination in them. It felt like she was psyching herself up for something. But they also sparkled with unshed tears, and there was pain behind her words.

"You can't come with me. Don't follow me. You must stay here." She paused briefly. Her tails lashed behind her nervously. "Don't worry, I'll be back by the time the sun sets."

----- ----- -----

support "The Dreamstone":
author: https://twitter.com/Slink34884
FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12699122/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-The-Dreamstone
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142729

spillstain

Before sunset

風が染みのある菫を運んだ、それは問題ではなかった | /!\ EN only

fka - @spillstain
shimi violet / shvol

for inquiries : acidrain7 (discord)

shimi violet

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