HOPE LIVES ON

I hope you dont relate lmao

Because if you do I will be CONCERNED for your well-being and mental health

----------------------------------------------
Lyrics:

I've been used my fair share, so when nobody is there
I get scared that some people are manipulative
Narcissists abound, love-bombing me cause I'm vulnerable
I lay up at night to sing a song that nobody hears

All this candy that you give to me
Oh this praise is much to thick for me
When I am hooked, manipulate the overdose
It's too late, I'm gonna get a stomach ache

I needed medicine, medicine
You gave me drugs
I need correction, affection
You played my strings
Give me all the attention
You know what I want
It's too late, I'm gonna get a stomach ache

I'm not afraid of the dark, but the dark side of people
My hope is running thin and someone just like that could kill me
I have been used and abused, but not enough for somebody
Who puppeteers the strings and makes me think that I am hopeless

Convenient lies and stories, make yourself look good
There are dark shadows cast when lights shine bright and hide your flaws
In the spotlight you stand, and I can only be enamored
Forging bonds upon lies, and helping only yourself

I got a stomach ache

All this candy that you give to me
Oh this praise is much to thick for me
When I am hooked, manipulate the overdose
It's too late, I'm gonna get a stomach ache

I needed medicine, medicine
You gave me drugs
I need correction, affection
You played my strings
Give me all the attention
You know what I want
It's too late, I'm gonna get a stomach ache

I wish I knew what you thought, when you were lying about me
I wish I knew what you felt, when you were begging me to stay
All the strings that had bound me, like a web to a fly
Was I just sustenance for egos that had found me easy prey

All the lies that you fed me, now say goodbye!
All the times you betrayed me, I'm not alright!
When I gave my trust to you, you took advantage of it
So say goodbye to any bridges that are left standing

All this candy that you give to me
Oh this praise is much to thick for me
When I am hooked, manipulate the overdose
It's too late, I'm gonna get a stomach ache

I needed medicine, medicine
You gave me drugs
I need correction, affection
You played my strings
Give me all the attention
You know what I want
It's too late, I'm gonna get a stomach ache

【Original Song】Stomachache

yeeehaw

this is an entry for a discord snowsgiving contest called Dischords

FIRST SNOW【Snowsgiving 2021】

Free to download and use. Please credit 「Shius」 as prod if you upload it anywhere.

disassociate.【FREE BEAT】

violence.【FREE BEAT】

Chapter 7. To rise again.

---------------------------------------------
Lyrics:

I imagine it's like sleeping, a dreamless lullaby
I imagine it's a long rest, when we have to say goodbye
I don't have all the answers, I don't have a reason why
But when we slip into darkness, I would like to know

Is there something on the other side, when we die?
Is there nothing there, have we always been right?
If a heaven exists, and there's a God above us
Then what happens to the people who see hell at night

Is there a god above, will we see eye to eye
When we meet our makers, what happens when we die?
What happens when we die?

I want to live, I want to try to stay alive
Fate won't bring us down, though I want to cry
We don't live to die

I never asked to be born, I never asked for this life
For the hardships it's caused, I wouldn't know if it's worth
Trying to stay alive, trying to fight this endless sleep
All I wanted was rest, but all it wanted was me

When did I lose my way, to no longer fear the reaper
To feel it's scythe on my throat, and yet continue to breathe
Cause when I think of death, I think of sweet release
And what I wanted to live for, I no longer remember

But as the clock strikes 12, another dawn is approaching
To rest in peace, I'll find another reason to live

Is there a god above, will we see eye to eye
When we meet our makers, what happens when we die?
What happens when we die?

I want to live, I want to try to stay alive
Fate won't bring us down, though I want to cry
We don't live to die

Father, Mother, may I?
May I die?
May I die?

To kill god, to kill god, to kill, kill

I can't move, I can't think
When the feelings hit, I feel myself begin to sink, I feel myself begin to sink
I can't feel, I can't see
If a God does exist, why does he want to punish me, to punish me!

To live, to die, I want to try
To stay alive, I still have yet to die, to die!
To live, to die, I want to try
To stay alive, I still don't want to die!

Is there a god above, will we see eye to eye
When we meet our makers, what happens when we die?
What happens when we die?

I want to live, I want to try to stay alive
Fate won't bring us down, though I want to cry
We don't live to die

To live, to die, I want to try
To stay alive, I still have yet to die, to die!
To live, to die, I want to try
To stay alive, I still don't want to die!

But as the clock strikes 12, another dawn is approaching
To rest in peace, I'll find another reason to live

I'll find another reason to live.

【Original Song】What Happens When We Die

autistic. 【FREE BEAT】

Yeah probably not releasing this anywhere

INSIDE A BOTHERED MIND

this was hard to write

--------------------------------
Lyrics:

I promised I would kill myself before I turned 18, I didn't know a life outside the house that I lived
And when the time came it seemed, that it was just another dream, to live a life in a world where I thought I was free
But I fucked up, I got scared, and I told an adult, I was put into the psych ward without another way out

I was 16, ambitious, with my sights to the sky, I knew that I needed help to leave before I died
In this household, where my mother didn't want any help, and my dad would have these tantrums that we put on the shelf
And when it hit me, I remember that I only saw red, I never fought back, afraid that I'd only be dead
I thought the only option that I had was murder suicide, and by the day I turned 18 I would kill them, and I

Kill me in a way I won't survive
I'm still alive

Now I'm 26, alive, but supposed to be dead, where did I go wrong, these promises I kept in my head
Am I happy? I'm alive, but only time will tell, if I'm the victor of the story or the villain as well
Still alive, there are promises that I can't keep, and if my younger self haunts me, then why can I still sleep
There's a way out, I know that may lead to regret, but if I get out alive, I will see it to the end

Kill me in a way I won't survive
I'm still alive
I'm still alive

Kill me in a way I won't survive
I'm still alive

【Original Song】Promises I Cant Keep

ya id say im doing pretty well tbh. also i fucked up on the AI MASTERING somehow. 
----------------------
Lyrics:
So I'm a dumb fuck
It's been some years since I felt this and
Anxiety is creeping in my words as I write it

I'm 27 now, scrolling through memes as I realise
I haven't done a damn thing I enjoyed in my spare time
I kick myself internally, and glare at my pc
Hoping that I can get the will to turn it on

When my brain rots and the stuffing falls out, and I
Go through the numbers with no other way out
There's no time in the world that I'd rather see wasted
Anxious of the days when I feel myself falling apart

And all the times
I tried to fight
The days that pass me, without a light
I know it'll never be wasted
Even as I die
I try to write

Fuck this
Fuck this music bullshit, I need to clean the house and watch some youtube someshit
My time is running out and I can feel it, clearly
The hours in the day aren't what I need, really

The white noise in my head is getting louder, louder
Caught up in demands, I'm straying farther, farther
I don't know what I want, yet somehow know that I need
A little bit of time to write the life that I now lead

When my brain rots and the stuffing falls out, and I
Go through the numbers with no other way out
There's no time in the world that I'd rather see wasted
Anxious of the days when I feel myself falling apart

And all the times
I tried to fight
The days that pass me, without a light
I know it'll never be wasted
Even as I die
I try to write

...Just a fucking millenial, doing some menial shit
Am I really just all that? A burnt out kid?

I don't know what my purpose is, or why I'm even here
But somewhere down the grapevine, you heard about me
Someone somewhere liked my songs, and I can't really say
That I want to give up, even if I complain

There's a life in the music, that musicians create
There is life in the art, that I could never imitate
Yeah I don't really like the fame, it makes me anxious
But I keep shuffling on, because I mean this

There's a kid out there like me, with D.I.D.
There's a kid out there like me, abused their whole life
I'm not gonna tell you life will always hand you flowers
But if I were to say something, it's that I never gave up

Maybe I shouldn't say this, I don't really know
But I do believe in hope - cause I've already found it
And I am pretty content, despite the things that have passed
I just wanna say, hey, you can get here too

When my brain rots and the stuffing falls out, and I
Go through the numbers with no other way out
There's no time in the world that I'd rather see wasted
Anxious of the days when I feel myself falling apart

And all the times
I tried to fight
The days that pass me, without a light
I know it'll never be wasted
Even as I die
I try to write

【Original Song】 The Anxiety Shuffle

dead. From old age, specifically

----------------------
Lyrics:
In the time that it takes, for a human life
All I'm scared that I won't be, I won't be
All the things that I've seen, for a man to die
Cause as far as I know, I might be -

You know how it goes, and so do I
Born a hero and die as the villain
In the time that it takes, for a loss of life
I am scared, that I'll end up becoming -

If I'm a pre-cursor of everything that I could be
These bones I step on, just a fragment of what we can see
The past is hidden between lines of what the victors wrote
There is no history book, written by "failures"

And if the good die young, and I am bound to grow old
I am scared of the things, that I'm becoming
Growing up is scary - I can tell you that
But there is courage somewhere, in surviving this

A generational cog, in a system we wrought
Just another body, ready for the meat grinder
If every story I hear, glorifies someone younger
There's no wonder why I feel like I am running out of time

And there are people I've seen - those I'd fear I'd become
There are people out there, who I pity
Despite my judgements, people live their lives the best they really can
And all these futures I'm scared of - don't have to be mine

The fact is rather simple - I will always have a choice
And by my hand alone, I'll forge my destiny
Questions can end in questions, and I may never have answers
But the truth might be simpler, than I make it seem

If the good die young, and I am bound to grow old
I am scared of the fate that awaits me
But the things that I've seen, for one to grow and thrive
There is strength in persisting, to stay alive!

Despite all of the age, despite deterioration
Through the wrinkles and aches in my lower spine
A survivor through and through, I fought to earn this life
The most metal thing I can do, is grow old!

'Cause all the age on my body, and the many faded scars
Show me someone that I'm rather proud of, for becoming
I never thought I'd grow old - never dared to even dream
That one day I'd see a future where I'm happy

And there are bones on this path, there are bodies of the past
There are things I regret - but don't define me
There is courage in surviving what I thought wouldn't change
And there is hope in the reality, I choose to create

If the good die young, and I am bound to grow old
I am scared of the fate that awaits me
But the things that I've seen, for one to grow and thrive
There is strength in persisting, to stay alive!

Cause despite all the anger, all the loss we've experienced
Through the grief we marched on, and made our future
Survivors through and through, we have fought our way here
The most metal thing we can do, is grow old!

In a world where youth's glorified - death, another cliche
I think there's something to say, about us aging
Survivors through and through, I give these words to you
"The most metal thing you can do, is grow old"

【Original Song】 The Most Metal Thing You Can Do Is Grow Old

"I have a question, for God. WHY" - Filthy Frank, Circa 2016

anyway have a song about me almost dying. Again. :)

Drum programming help: LJSF

-----------------------------------------
Lyrics:
There are
No last words for the damned, I never thought I would die here
My heartbeat slows to a crawl, on this hospital bed

How many times am I going to die?
How many times do I have to suffer, in this life?

Still the pain I feel, it would be easier to
Just fall asleep and give up, to never feel again
Yet as I glare at the ceiling, I know that I do not want this
I made that bet long ago - I don't intend to lose

I have struggled before, and I will struggle again
Lived through worse, I won't die while I'm on the mend
Through the pain I see
My life belongs to me!
On borrowed time, I have to try
To make a life, I won't regret
Despite the pain, I will survive
I will not die - won't let you take me now!

There is pain in trauma - they say the body keeps the score
If that is so, it makes me wonder if I'll ever heal
But I am lucky I'm alive, statistical analogies
Mean that I should be dead - and not surviving like I am
'Cause for the most of my life, I have been chasing after hope
Some distant light at the end, of the tunnel that forged me
But now that I have reached it - the sunlight sears my skin
And had I not been this stubborn, I probably would've turned back
And there's a comfort in ignorance, of a better life
There is comfort in the shadows that light casts on the wall
But they are all illusions, and I can see that now
I got out of the dark - but still I fight for my life

I have struggled before, and I will struggle again
Lived through worse, I won't die while I'm on the mend
Through the pain I see
My life belongs to me!
On borrowed time, I have to try
To make a life, I won't regret
Despite the pain, I will survive
I will not die - won't let you take me now!

My eyelids are heavy
And my hands are so cold

I remember a time, when my heart stopped beating
I remember the days, that I wanted to die
Would it be easier? Yes, to fall asleep for the last time
'Cause I am so fucking tired, I feel so goddamn cold
There might be no happy ending - I'm well aware of that
But I did not come this far, just to succumb like this
In defiance of death - in defiance of fate
In defiance of a God that I know doesn't know me
I stay awake, even as the world is fading away
Through the pain I hold on - I refuse to die!

I have struggled before, and I will struggle again
Lived through worse, I won't die while I'm on the mend
Through the pain I see
My life belongs to me!
On borrowed time, I have to try
To make a life, I won't regret
Despite the pain, I will survive
I will not die - won't let you take me now!

Still my heart beats
By the skin of my teeth - I am still alive

【Original Song】 Lived Through Worse (I am Dying)

unfortunate.【FREE BEAT】

ricochet.【FREE BEAT】

concrete.【FREE BEAT】

intensity.【FREE BEAT】

progress.【FREE BEAT】

To a story that began around ten years ago
That broken mirror abandoned as I forgot my way home
The roles we played in our stories, dichotomies of heaven and hell
Upon this stage we have danced for an eternity
As I look to the stars towards an unstable heaven
There are the things I've concealed, something I feel was important

A limbo of my very own
Although I do not know why
Their gentle light never faded
In this never-ending night

And sometimes I feel a gaze as the stars guide my path
I walk in circles as I cycle 'round this downtrodden past
In a pain so familiar
I know I've been here before

I hear a child cry behind me

Before I realized where
I knew that I was in hell
In stilted horror I stood
a God that I knew all too well
Wearing those same fucking masks
You asked for one more dance

And I took your hand

Flame of heaven before me
Let us dance!
On this stage of eternity
Immortalized
The steps so oddly familiar
I danced with you
Around the truth
A pain that I once knew

And when the curtain falls at the end of it all
Will we choose to heed the trumpet's call?
In a cycle renewed, I recall again
How much I wanted to kill you

One step closer but not quite there
I saw the stars up above as I awoke on that path once again
There was a house before me, something I vaguely remembered
But as I stepped towards it, a child held me back
And then the scene changes - there's that mask on my face
I thought I saw you bristle as our eyes meet once again
Obstructed by the spotlight, I feel a piercing gaze
And a pain in my chest

It's oddly intimate to know my enemy so well
To read their every step and know their reasoning
I felt you tense as I approached, and now my hand is outstretched
We are so fucking broken - this feels romantic
There's a fire so painful it frays the edges of sanity
And the fear that we felt then is incomparable
Egged on by watchful masses who know us only by these masks
Upon this theatre stage - I play the Devil

Flame of hell that I once was
Now take my hand!
On this stage of insanity
Immortalized
The steps so oddly comforting
I danced with you
Around the truth
The hurt that we both knew

And when the curtain falls, at the end of it all
Will we choose to face the judgement's call?
Another cycle renewed, I recall again
In the depths of this blinding pain - I hated you

Around in circles for the last ten years
A weight that never went away, I can't recall my life before it
There's that mirror in my mind that I know that I destroyed
Collecting dust as it stood there, forgotten
I know there must be a reason why every road leads back here
These jagged fragments of time, I gathered even as I bled
I want to know the truth, and piece that mirror together
And through a broken reflection
I saw that child

And I remembered your smile
Through hazy shards of my memory
I heard your voice as I knew it
That shy but bubbly laugh
Eyes that betrayed a hidden pain
Something that only we knew

I remembered that I loved you

And the pain came in waves as I sifted through the stories
I was so scared to see the truth - I looked away from you
And as I ran in these circles, spanning for ten fucking years
I'd never realized the mark that I'd left on you
There was a guilt that chained us both here, to the masks that we wore
This pain our only connection on this demented stage
Not the roles that we played, I know I saw you as human
A child just like I was
You were my first love

My love, please
Will you take my hand?
I'd like to ask you to grant me
This one last dance
To the person I loved
Even through all of the pain
Even as I burned away
I chose to dance with you

And when the curtains fall at the end of it all
I'll give you one soft kiss, before I take a bow
To end this cycle I know, I must face this truth

I could never let go because I loved you

To a childhold left behind
Reflections I had abandoned
To the stories we created
Over all of these years
To the hurt that we caused
And the scars that have made us
I want to tell you

I'm sorry.

【Original Song】 Flame Of Heaven, Flame Of Hell

"Oh the things we do for love." - Courage the Cowardly Dog

probably just actually losing my fuckin mind this time. dw about that tho, happens more often than you'd think lmao

-----------------------------------------
Lyrics:
To Algernon, my dearest friend - I offer you a flower.

Raised within a den of scum, my only kin, black nameless rats
A perfect villain by fate's design - I'd always resigned myself to chance
Apathetic to all evil, I never cared for any good
But in a world of monochromes, the only color I'd ever known
Was you.

I must admit I never saw all your colors, and I never understood
Because those lies that I had heard, were all I ever knew
And I didn't care for right or wrong, when nothing ever really mattered
But that lopsided grin, that you knew was a mask
Was something I made for you.

In yet another painful twist of fate
These fucking cards we chose to play
The game begins
And I despised your twisted words
Designed by you, to make me hurt
I hated you.
But unbeknownst to you, my friend
I've always had the upper hand
Because you seem to forget
That I'm a low-life, through and through -
Of course I'd know the fucking rules.

Oh what a twisted tale to leave behind
Grotesque like a rat king - our fates entwined
In the end of our stories, one's always died
But I refuse to make that our legacy
In the colors of pain, that only you can see
There's a truth in the actions, only I can hear
I don't care about what's right, or who's in the wrong
I refuse to let you die
Not this time

Forget-me-not, you almost saw who I was, back then
But when you made me play the Devil, know you misunderstood
I only deal in time and loss, every unspoken truth
In darkness I would only smile, as every quiet Death should

Oh lonely wild Rose, you're such a beautiful imperfection
And in your golden insanity, I gleamed some purpose in Creation
True anomaly, 'cause only numbers don't lie
I called you as I saw you - a miracle, in time

But roses thrive on secrets, and I was staked on golden thorns
Twisted actions, hurtful lies, distorted in light's shadow
Unable to see your eyes, those blinding colors of your pain
I let my flowers wilt away - became a weed to choke you

Oh what a twisted tale to leave behind
Grotesque like a rat king - our fates entwined
In the end of our stories, one's always died
But I refuse to make that our legacy
In the colors of pain, that only you can see
There's a truth in the actions, only I can hear
I don't care about what's right, or who's in the wrong
I refuse to let you die
Not this time

Do you finally understand
The fear that I had felt
As endless hands never left
And do you finally hear
The truth in actions I take
These words I've always said
Because I finally see
The pain behind those words
The colors of that dream
Dead.

I am not so sure
If we could have that happy ending
In these cycles repeating
And I wouldn't be surprised
If every life we did this same fucking dance
Like we were cursed.

But still the truth remains
That all this "purpose" and "morals"
Were born from feelings that you gave
And whether you like it or not
My choice remained the same
Throughout this stupid "destiny"

So I will keep my promise
And take to arms once again
Like I told you back then
To fight and die for that future
A world where we can finally -

Oh what a twisted tale to leave behind
Grotesque like a rat king - our fates entwined
In the end of our stories, one's always died
But I refuse to make that our legacy
In the colors of pain, that only you can see
There's a truth in the actions, only I can hear
I don't care about what's right, or who's in the wrong
I refuse to let you die

Not this time

To Algernon, my dear friend - I offer you a flower.
Please allow me to fight, by your side as a friend
And I won't fight your battles, because I trust in your strength

But I don't want to let this story
Have another bad end.

【Original Song】 To The Grotesque Legacy Of A Rat King

composition practice piece, not mixed at all. i am fucking DYING atm

THE FACADE

advancements. 【FREE BEAT】

resentful.【FREE BEAT】

reparations.【FREE BEAT】

contemplation.【FREE BEAT】

Apparently this was a collab WIP back in 2019? I don't remember with who, tho. I THINK it was with @Steampianist but idk lmao, I might be talking out my ass.

Icon is an Oliver I drew waaaaay back when, btw

REACTIVE CORE

According to some (meme) conspiracy, we're actually in the darkest timeline because of a singular fuckin weasel. I find that kinda funny.

...I'm ngl tho, weirder things have probably happened. Probably.

Icon is a sketch of an OC I had back in 2016. She is formed out of 1000% pure, unfiltered rage; and would probably beat my ass with a metal bat without hesitation. As she should, tbh.

PARTICLE COLLIDER 2016

Dug this up from my 2019 backup folders. I don't remember exactly why I didn't finish this - but it probably has to do with me quitting Vocaloid, sometime during production.

Same instrumental as "Melancholic but not Sad", so this probably counts as the first draft of that song.

anw icon is Oliver bc apparently he's the ONLY mf I drew for fun, especially at the time

-----
Lyrics:

All I needed then was a chance to fight
All I'm needing now is the will to try
All I needed was to surpass my high

High, high, high

And it was the stars above the sky that gave me life
And it was above the clouds I saw them burning bright
I will never give up, even though hell awaits me now
'Cause I'm dreaming again, despite the nightmare of this -

And it was the stars above the sky that gave me life
And it was above the clouds I saw them burning bright
I will never give up, even though hell awaits me now
'Cause I'm dreaming again, despite the nightmare of this town

All I needed then was a chance to fight
All I'm needing now is the will to try
All I needed was to surpass my high

All I needed then was a chance to fight
All I'm needing now is the will to try
All I needed was to surpass my high

High, high, high

【Vocaloid Original】Surpass My High【Shius ft. Fukase】

aka. that ONE time I almost lost to the temptation of basically posting a rap-beef ahh diss track on the internet

Apparently this was made in 2017??? This one is something I ACTUALLY have a recollection of making - and I remember my close friends at the time (specifically @ArrowAceP) having to hit me over the head with "what the actual FUCK are you doing" (nicer wording tho ofc) to stop me from finishing this song, and doing ANOTHER stupid thing that I'd regret, later down the line.

Needless to say - I owe my friends like 85% of the reason why I am who I am today. So, I gotta thank y'all. Genuinely.

Thumbnail is a Snow Oliver (remember snow miku??) I drew in 2016, for the Vocaloid Amino community way back when

------------
Lyrics:
Point your finger at me and sneer
I'm not going away, my dear.

(ha ha ha ha)
Point your finger at me and sneer
I'm not going away
My dear, my dear

My dear.

Tell me who you want to see
I know it's not me
Tell me who you want to be
Someone that's not like me

Come here and see the light
I told myself I'd never sing of spite
Come here and see me in the eye
I'm singing until the day I die.

【Vocaloid Original】Problematic【Shius ft. DEX】

Ah, see - I forget how i was very much, LEGITIMATELY just a criminal in the making, as a youth.

Anyways here's an old song I did with @ArrowAceP, back in like 2016. They helped out with lyrics and tuning, but I was the one steering the entire project (obviously). We never ended up finishing it, and I am GLAD WE DIDN'T. LMAO

The setting is in collonial age Philippines - not under Spain's rule tho, but under the rule of the USA. Legitimately just made with 100% malicious intent, it seems.

(edit: btw I am saying all of this bc the second part of this song that I couldn't really include, quite literally depicts Shin ripping out the teeth of his bullies. While they're still alive. lmao)

anw have fun with this y'all

(btw Oliver illust is a remake of the first Oliver illust I ever drew, I think)

----------
Lyrics:
There once was a child
We'll just call them Shin
They were young and didn't know
What the world held for them

Upon ent'ring school
They found out the hard truth
If you're mestizo no one really likes you

"Ugly! Filthy! Stupid little half-breed!"
"No one really loves you!"
"I wish you would die!"
"Fuck off and eat shit!"
"Didn't you just hear me?"
"Didn't you just hear me?"

Shin took the abuse with a smile
And tried not to care
The harsh words were causing them
Damage they can't repair
They called out to adults
No one heard their plea
If you're diff'rent and bullied no one will ever see

【Vocaloid Original】Bullied【Shius ft. Oliver】

diagnostics.【FREE BEAT】

A song written for somebody who found out the hard way; that the simple and stable white-picket happiness of some "promised future" - was in fact, the biggest lie they've ever been told.

Produced by: @PRFSSRX

------------
Lyrics:
There's a path in the dark
There's a madness in the way we walk, we talk
The little things we carry over
Every little choice we make, in our day to day
It's in the way that we move
It's in the way that we make our choices
Standing, as we wait for the bus
On our way to the office, on our way back from school

Do you remember another way?
Do you remember the things they said
The way they made it seem like
Everything that was wrong, it would all be okay
And do you think that they lied to you?
When futures promised, had bled yet again
Automated paths to success
Deeming you as the outlier, to be dropped from the test

Algorithm blues, do you hear it too?
Formulaic paths to non-existent futures
Yet we crawl
Yet we crawl

Yet we crawl

Upon this path that we paved from bones, to get it right our only fucking goal
And everything that you asked, we fucking did - so why'd it need to come to this?
Why'd it have to come to this?
And are the systems in place, the rails that meant to protect us
Are they conditional pathways, to simulations unreachable?
Cause this don't feel like it's possible
No this don't feel like it's possible

In algorithms you knew, the answer comes to you
Optimum solutions that we can't see through
Pathways are broken, what is left to lose?
When the futures you make, aren't up to you

Yet we crawl
Yet we crawl
Yet we crawl

I will not say that you've failed us, but we cannot survive
In times where truth is so diluted, it just fades into lies!
There are people like me, there are people like him
There are people who're struggling with the words you've left behind!
And we cannot mourn the life that we were promised, when
We've never even seen a hint of it at all
And I thank you for the guidance - but I need to walk alone
Off the beaten road you've paved, is the only place I've ever found hope

In algorithms you knew, the answer comes to you
Optimum solutions that we can't see through
Pathways are broken, what is left to lose?
When the futures you make, aren't up to you

If you go out of line, you'll find that you're still alive
And I can teach you how to breathe, if you want me to
On the wayside of this formulae, there's nothing left to prove
I will teach you how to live - the only thing that I can do
One final thing that I can do

The only thing that I can do

【Original Song】 Algorithm Blues (Prod. by PRFSSRX)

So Matt wrote + recorded the chorus, and I didn't even REMEMBER this song existed until I dug it outta my hard drive, like late December last year. I think I said it was made in like 2019 - but I am LIKELY lying through my damn teeth, cause this comp style sounds like it was made during the "Music To Survive To" era.

But anyways. Autism.
Enjoy LMAO

-----
Lyrics:

Wake up you zombie, it is pattern-o-clock
Your routine won't let you sleep until you follow it off
This stupid cliff, take me down and all the things that I love
Or Imma throw these fucking words in your face, until I've had enough
Bro I'm autistic as shit - I'm stuffing fun facts down your gut
Eat that bullet with me, 'cause we don't "show enough"

Hey don't drop your mask king, we masking
High functioning bastards, we're masters of disguise
We don't belong here, but guess what?
We goin' nowhere, there's nothing else to do
Now dance with me, if you're sick too
Now sing the song, we all iller than we seem
Sick enough to die young, but not yet
We goin' nowhere, there's nothing left to do

(You don't- you don't get it. Okay. Lemme try again)

They say that they don't understand, but I be real specific
When I am using these terms defining mental hieroglyphics
'Cause the social cues will kill me, but I still gotta try
And I'm tryna be human 'til the day I fucking die

(And yeah miscommunications might EVENTUALLY tie my noose, but also I like yapping about shit that doesn't matter. Matt, take over for me)

Hey don't drop your mask king, we masking
High functioning bastards, we're masters of disguise
We don't belong here, but guess what?
We goin' nowhere, there's nothing else to do
Now dance with me, if you're sick too
Now sing the song, we all iller than we seem
Sick enough to die young, but not yet
We goin' nowhere, there's nothing left to do

It's time to go fuckin stupid bro, lets fuckin gooo
'Cause I'm so sleep deprived and overworked, but I can't even show it
Yeah the resting bitch face stays on, with every high and low
And everything that I'm thinking of - you'll never truly know

I refuse to take a risk before considering every outcome
I will not take the fall, before I see a way out
The mask is on to help both you and me, 'cause I don't understand
How you think I can trust you, and your outstretched hand
When you get bullied so many times, you learn to adapt
When the world won't understand, you teach yourself to not snap
Bind your fangs behind masked words, and keep playing stupid
Cause you're a high-functioning bastard - you're an asshole, for a purpose

(And yes, I may have gone a bit too hard for the sake of getting my point across
But I am VERY tired, and I don't exactly care if I come across "mean", as long as I'm understood.
Do you get me? I hope you get me. Really.)

Hey don't drop your mask king, we masking
High functioning bastards, we're masters of disguise
We don't belong here, but guess what?
We goin' nowhere, there's nothing else to do
Now dance with me, if you're sick too
Now sing the song, we all iller than we seem
Sick enough to die young, but not yet
We goin' nowhere, there's nothing left to do

(Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah!
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeahhhhh)

【Original Song】 High Functioning Bastards

Guess who's voice is changing at the RIPE (rotting) age of 28 years old. Apparently I'm what the medicine men would label as "intersex". It's not really a diagnosis or anything, but an umbrella term - and most people who are intersex can live healthy, normal lives. So that's good.

...but ngl, this explains. A lot. About my life. haha

-----
Lyrics:

Breathe
Still the fear won't let you leave

And in the dark you will see
What you were meant to be
What you were meant to be

Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe!

暗闇の中で　君の
歌うような声がした
知られたくないよ　こんなこと
手を伸ばしたその先には

Everything that I fear, right in front of me
If I'm to follow my dreams, then I have to be seen
But goddamnit, I've been afraid of the truth
I don't want people to see the fuckin "me" that I see
But they notice, the same way I notice them
I can't keep running from the fact that I am, who I am
All these past lives shattered, an identity formed
There's such an intimate fear in letting go 

There's nothing here, still the eyes see
All that I am, all I'm meant to be
I haven't changed a single thing
I am still me
And I'm alone, still stuck at home
Scared of the dark
I'm on my own

And all of these words I hear aren't real
I lack the confidence I need, to see what I feel
And every shadow seems like an enemy on the wall
Waiting for the night that I fall - and I fall
To the ground, I'm not running but my limbs are bent
When the voices seem to hiss as this fear pins me down to the bed

And I can't seem to fight
All these thoughts that I hide
I can't seem to run from the pain
Or these fears that fight me through the night
So what do I do, then?
When every word, in it's biting tongue
Seems to say that they're all just out to get me
I am never gonna be the one

窓から見えた月は
今夜も綺麗だったな
容赦ないほどに

I'm so sick and tired of being afraid
I'm so sick of this mess that only I have made
I know I can do this, to burn so bright
I will outshine the sun, just to prove I am right

What of these nightmares of people, what of these hopes for the future?
And do I really wanna give up here; this tail between my legs?
I am not the eye of Horus, there is violence in my nature
Take to chaos and fight - just like the eye of Ra
And I know who I am, I know who I am becoming
There's no running from the facts that I will have to be seen
Understand who I am, understand what I want
Smash these chains - I'll burn brighter than the fucking sun!

There's nothing here, still the eyes see
All that I am, all I'm meant to be
I haven't changed a single thing
I am still me
And I'm alone, still stuck at home
Scared of the dark
I'm on my own

In the end I know, my fears won't leave me alone
The choice is mine to fight or run away another night
Who will I become? I think I have an idea
'Cause when the sun breaks through horizons, I can only be me

I am me

【Original Song】 The Paranoid Insomniac's Language

Insanity is just standard protocol here, dw lol

(one-man band, otherwise credits are given where they are due)

Shius

Popular tracks