LYRICS:

KICKOFF MEETING

air's warming up
i can't explain
what it does to my brain

it's not a thaw,
a shift in stasis
some unlodged blur of faces

i should be thankful.
what can i say?
i've got hell to pay

still no direction,
no future tense
the present barely makes sense 

so what comes next. 

ENDTIMES

i’ve been feelin bad
bout shit i can’t take back
say it’s in the past but it’s undead in my head
can never find the source.
my brain’s an open sore
and i can’t stop these thoughts from poking in

this part always takes the longest
start out strong but i get chewed up
and i’m useless
no man is an island 
but i’m spending these nights finding
there’s erosion. 

every day’s the same
a constant problem play
feels like the end times ain’t that far away
i threw away the key 
that unleashed this disease
it’s dumb but i would rather see it coming

been dropping old bad habits
but it’s too late, some have had it
and that’s okay.
digging through a decade
of dead ends in introspection
turned resentment. i’ve grown to accept it.

i’m always stuck between
these memories and base reality
i know it doesn’t help
i just never feel like i know myself 

keep searching through the wreckage
for some sense of self respect 
and motivation
i’m always having dreams
where things finally have meaning
and you’re all there.     

TWO PINES

can’t remember how it felt
to think ahead
the future’s dead
or just dead ends

focus on today
a sinking crate
in seafoam green
can’t live in dreams

life loses meaning in the breeze
stare outside at waving trees
sleeping dogs still run in place
out of time and space.

falling out of touch
i guessed as much
you cut my palm
we read a psalm

you can never go 
and while that’s sad
just make your peace
a 1000 year lease 

burning sandstone under feet
life back then just felt so sweet
breathe a strange sigh of relief
can’t get it back. i’m fine with that.

all the plans that we had just slipped through the cracks.  

BARGHEST

i barely go outside these days.
but it’s not like that’s some big crazy change.

i’m letting go of a lot 
but it’s still got more than i can take and i
keep on tellling myself 
bored as hell’s still better for my health.

i’m barely here but you’re still there
even if we’re nowhere that’s a start.

the fucking assholes got their way again
just how it is. the loudest always win.

so what do you want me to say?
the day to day just drains away my faith.
like trash mixed in with the leaves
all swept away on the cooling breeze

my favorite season’s almost through.         
it’s always gone too soon. what can you do.     

BENEFIT

still dodging people at the park
and i'm aware how of dumb i look
but compulsive bullshit habits happen
and it could be worse. yeah it could get worse.

deep down i'm just an optimist, i guess.
catalog every shot i missed.
try and face the complacency,
but there's nothing to gain and it's driving me insane.

can't meet for least a few more months
even i'm starting to succumb
i know this is prolly self imposed
but that's no surprise, just how it goes

took a year off, but it didn't stick.
still i can find the benefit - 
it's all dealing with a deficit deep down
that i can't fix.

i'm so tired of losing time
to stupid assholes on my mind.

i simply can't commit to just accepting this is it,
you just tell that's the way it goes, something we all deal with.
why such a heavy toll, for mere crumbs of self control?
and if there's no good answer, where's a ripcord i can pull.

sometimes life feels kind of alien
when goals get put on hold and reality sets in.
cluttered up with busy work and "maybe when"
we're stuck with the bill. left for time to kill.

clinging on to time long gone
always seemed to get this wrong.

i'll hack out my side
where obligations go to die
where this hateful machinery can't shackle you and me

psychosomatic symptoms

Barghest

Endtimes

demo EP

supper

my face 2

better way to go

sip from the drain

no brakes

lyrics:
---
Held hostage, debased like shit coinage in the state. Zero sum numb. They broke all of our thumbs but they haven’t cut out our tongues yet

I can’t say that we’re content
we never even knew what that meant
No more horizon just a distance we can’t get

Impending collapse, knocked down flat on my back. No outreach. sorry, hands were tied. Functional survival. Just one more reminder that this enterprise thrives on human lives

And i can’t say that this will change 
forced perspective keeping us in place
stuck in hate and protocol deranged

Spent on optimism, it’s just another cost in the margin of this system that profits on our loss. Empathy ran empty but they’ll put us on a lease. Paid in putrid platitudes through easy sympathy.

But I won’t say that this can’t change

empty calories

dino jr/neil young worship mostly recorded in july '21. dino jr jr i guess. figured i'd throw it up.

the pond

nowhere To Go

gone

welming

not the best. fucking around with a MIDI controller I don't own anymore. wrote it with this level in mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyB6fHguAyg

abandoned core factory

every morning i feel like shit. 
i know i got vices that i should quit
or had already quit by now 
not that it matters much anyhow

take a pause to get over it.
great, now i'm a pause addict.
i can't, maybe it's can't or won't
or it's both. but i'm left a little cold.

i know you used to say it's cute,
soaking our veins in substance abuse.
but it's plain to me you've moved on.
yes, you have moved on. and welp, shit.

every morning i feel like shit.
and i know i'll get over it.
whether your here, far or near,
there's still time to forgive trespasses,
to forgive dumbasses in your life.

our heroes turned to turds

me neither

samuel wagner's Album

thumb twiddling

mines out

where you thought it was

I do a bunch of dumb shit. this is odds & sods, songs from bands I'm in, etc. my old soundcloud is unaccessible now because I can't access my college email anymore. UH-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

judging by my inbox, i think the SoundCloud Website wants to fuck me.

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