the white tape

i'm in a noise band because i hate myself or do i hate myself because i'm in a noise band

sadoldman

that one chelsea wolfe song i like, performed poorly

i'm afraid of everyone all the time

deystroyer of self

better looking on the outside

dumber

grosser

complicit in my own demise

fail lure

hellples

i have a extreme depression as a comorbidity of my dissociative disorder, brought on by an initial first several years being abused neglected beaten molested held captive taken into custody and put into foster care only to be given back to the neglectful enabler of my abuse, themselves a deeply troubled addicted woman. this is how i'm dealing with my trauma and my own self hatred for my own massive mistakes that have cost me nearly everyone i love. 

i now have a daughter who is teaching me how to be human and good, but it is a great pain to me for her to not have a real home, as i was homeless often in my childhood through adulthood, typically never staying any town for long enough to form bonds, though, what bonds i did form i poisoned with my own toxic behaviors. 

to this goal, of giving her a chance at a future that i wasn't, a Home, i have started to make music, hoping if i make 10,000 songs that at least one will be ok. I AM NOT A MUSICIAN AND NONE OF THE MUSIC I MAKE IS WRITTEN. i'm just channeling my pain, which is endless.

thankyou for listening

i've failed everyone i ever loved

lowest-fidelity folk/drone/noise/DSBM/sludge/hardcore/EDM for freight train enthusiasts, robots, clowns and people with head/trauma. 

recorded live direct-in to found cassette tape, no songs were written in the de-production of this racket.

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