I’d like to be part of the rat race
But the rat race don’t want no part of me
I don’t possess the innate skills
To be of value to no company

And it’s always been this way
Friends get on but I miss the wheel
Meeting with my cheerful job coach today
Almost told her to go to hell

I got a résumé
I can spell and type
I’m waiting for the day
I get on with my life

I ain’t the freshest face in the crowd
Ain’t no new kid on the block
Put me at the bottom of the rank and file
Just let me punch that clock

Coach says to bring my A-game
To every interview
But those face-to-faces 
Are far between and few

Who? What? Why? Woe is me
I’ve got no job, no purpose, you see?
I’ve considered crime and the army
But I think the time for that is all behind me

I’d like to be part of the rat race
But I don’t have the pedigree
My family’s got no judges, bankers or midlevel men
No business or medical degrees

I aint’ happy less I’m singing songs
Or two-stepping thru the night
Job coach tells me there’s no hope
But she’s buying the beer and it’s alright

Who? What? Why? Woe is me
I’ve got no job, no purpose, you see?
I’ve considered crime and the army
But I think the time for that is all behind me


Rat Race

I’m rolling in my Saturn
On a flip phone
You think, that guys a joker
Who needs to go home

But if followed me there
You’d see my house is my spa
Grab a towel darling
Cause that’s not all

You know you want a man
And I want you to use me
Take a deep breath
And jump in the Jacuzzi

Cause you wanna get wet
And this  is the zone
I’ll show you how to do it
Like we’re living in Rome

Hot tub
Getting in trouble
Hot tub
With Mr. Bubble
Hot tub
Lava lamps
Hot tub
Scented candles

Deep under water
I’m touching your psyche
If you try it, you’ll like it
Just like Mikey

You can call me that
Or call me Cupid
Turn you on to the Life Aquatic
Let’s all get stupid

Hot tub
Saturday night
Hot tub
Forget about time
Hot tub
Brut or dry?
Hot tub
My valentine

Two elements
Water and fire
Mixed together
Creates desire

Take off your robe
That’s where we’ll begin
Dip a toe
Slip on in

Hot tub
I see Krystal
Hot tub
In my crystal ball
Hot tub
Black velvet
Hot tub
On the wall

Hot tub
Plush towels
Hot tub
Thread count 
Hot tub 
Satin sheets
Hot tub
Honeymoon suite

Catch a chill?
Not on my watch
Crank up the dial
Tub can’t get too hot

Like Caligula said
Let’s all get debauched
Making sure
Your booty gets washed

Two elements
Water and fire
Mixed together
Creates desire

Take off your robe
That’s where we begin
Dip a toe
Slip on in


Hot Tub (featuring Mike D and Birdette)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
Of a place that is no more
Used to be out Franklin Street
Past the boulevard

You remember the streetcar loop
Yellow brick buildings and walls
Who can forget those faces?
Long hair, bearded and all

Down at Saylor’s Garage
Smell the gasoline
Listening to rock and roll
On DVE

Wearring your Pro-Ked sneakers
Faded denim shirt 
You were like one of them
It almost worked

Ambition draining away
Like an oil change
Too scared to ask the old man
For a raise

Down at Saylor’s Garage
Smell the gasoline
Listening to rock and roll
On DVE

Drinking with Venus
Parked in the woods
Touching her Corinthian leather
She said you could

Don’t need a reason
To feel this good
Turn up the radio
And do it on the hood

Drinking with Venus
Twenty-twenty hindsight
You should have seen her leaving
Jesus! What a night
You should have seen her leaving that night

Roll out the barrels of beer
It helps to be drunk living here
Go away Roxbury blues
Breaking bottles on the avenue

We parted ways
On the park road
I was stuck like a rock
She wanted to roll
There was no goodbyes
I just went on home
Fell back into a dream

They closed the school 
And sent the kids away
And the little league teams
Found another place to play
And the baseball diamonds
Turned back into a lake
With algae blooms
And freshwater clams
It’s all water
Over the dam

Drinking with Venus
She is the light
You should have seen her leaving 
That night
You should have followed her
To Elim that night

Caterpillars ate Luna Park
And the Jets flew south
The old man fired you
For not watching your mouth

He did you a favor
Like the others, you left town
He died right after
Now the bay doors stay down

Down at Saylor’s Garage
Smell the gasoline
Listening to rock and roll
On DVE

Saylor's Garage

Gave up home
And history
Moved on down 
To New Orleans

Tried to make it
Singing in clubs
Pedal steel
And no overdubs

Made a deal 
With a voodoo master
Get me to the top
That much faster

Now you say you’re here
To take me home
Sorry boy
You’re leaving alone

No phone calls, please
And no e-mails
This city owns me
Can’t you tell?

Don’t ask me questions
I won’t talk
If you approach me
I’ll take a walk

I know every street car
Crack in the pavement
Places I can lay low
Bars to escape in

Because I’m bad news
Not worth the effort
Find another woman
You can do better

I sold my soul
To New Orleans
French Quarter
Guitars and accordions
Mississippi River
Playing for the audience
I sold my soul
To New Orleans

Today’s your flight out
I forgot
Could have marked it on my calendar
But I did not

So save your emotions
For someone else
Here’s a farewell card
Says ‘Go to hell’

Shop next door
Sells souvenirs
A dirty shot glass
I don’t care

If the liquor’s poison
If it tastes like blood
I’ll have another 
Now you better run

I sold my soul
To New Orleans
French Quarter
Guitars and accordions
Mississippi River
Playing for the audience
I sold my soul
To New Orleans

I told you when we met
You’d get hurt
Burned like a match
Swept away like dirt

Hosed down  like garbage
Stuck to Bourbon Street
Broken like a levee
Smoked like meat

Now you left home
And you’re here to stay
I warned you
You’d become my prey

Well, I’ll find you a place 
In my trousseau
Save you for the city
That owns my soul

New Orleans
I’m your devoted bride
The river swells
Fills me up inside

I sold my soul
To New Orleans
French Quarter
Guitars and accordions
Mississippi River
Playing for the audience
I sold my soul
To New Orleans

I Sold My Soul To New Orleans

This is going to be an endless summer
Me, the kids and their mother

I’ve always dreamed of Malibu
Never been there it’s true
Have to be content with where I am

I think that’s a surfer’s way
At the end of the day
It’s about catching waves where you can

My wife’s a ten
Our kids are Barbie & Ken
We radiate health and glamour

Strike a pose
Coppertoned
Every the we step out of the camper

Wave at the anglers
They're my friends
Keep paddling onward
Till the water ends

I swim the perimeter
Know where it’s deep
Sometimes I catch some rays
Over on the other beach

I’m the Surf King
In  Deep Creek Lake
Board on the beach
Waiting for waves
They never come 
But that’s OK
Breeze in the trees
It’s a beautiful day

I’m the guy
Whose got what it takes
Hanging ten
In a motorboat wake
Can’t go swimming
If you eat cake
Fifteen minutes
Then you're OK

And I haven’t fresh piece of cake For a very long time
Washed down with a glass of milk so you feel it in your spine

Second weekend in June
My annual rendezvous
With a mermaid in an A-frame

She’s on time share
But she lets me ride bare
Back in the saddle again

Sunday afternoon 
I’m singing her tune
She wants to know how deep is my love

I say its pretty deep
Now it’s time for me to escape
Back to the kids and their mom

I swim with the muskies
Catfish are my friends
Been to the spawning ground
Going home again

Deep Creek is clear and blue
Four-thirty p.m.
I’m fresh and renewed
Walking past the tents

Back at the RV
Kids having a party
Big adventure
Want to stay forever

My wife’s looking fine
Tipsy on a glass of wine
Sure glad she’s mine
Sure glad its summertime

I’m the Surf King
In  Deep Creek Lake
Board on the beach
Waiting for waves
They never come 
But that’s OK
Breeze in the trees
It’s a beautiful day

I’m the guy
Whose got what it takes
Hanging ten
In a motorboat wake
Can’t go swimming
If you eat cake
Fifteen minutes
Then you're OK

See I’m the king
Deep Creek
A board and a woodie
Stick it in deep
Getting stoked 
Something to eat
Piece of cake
Fresh meat

I’m the guy 
Got what it takes
Swim in every
Corner of the lake
Guys go fishing
That’s OK
Breeze in the trees
It’s a beautiful day


Surf King

Woke up this morning
I was unstuck in time
Like Billy Pilgrim in
Slaughterhouse Five

I think Lynyrd Skynyrd
Was still alive
I saw a plane fall
Out of the sky

Isn’t that my luck?
When things we’re looking up

Shaken, scared I ran in 
To a man named Leroy Brown
He said it’s fate that
Brought that sucker down

Told me I could take off
Why stick around?
He’d see me later
When I hit the ground

The weather report
Is coming up short

My time to go
I have resigned
Only way to get home
Is an airplane ride

Airplane Ride
It’s calling
Airplane Ride
I’m falling
Airplane Ride
Buddy Holly
He’s by my side

Got my headset tuned
To Randy Rhoads
Flying high again
Over the mountains below

We won’t make Montreal
In all this snow
The pretty stewardess
Seems to know

This is the last time
In the friendly skies

My time to go
I have resigned
Only way to get home 
Is an airplane ride

Airplane Ride
It’s calling
Airplane Ride
I’m falling
Airplane Ride
Buddy Holly
He’s by my side

Airplane Ride
It’s over
Airplane Ride
We lost the motor
Airplane Ride
Die from exposure
If you survive

Airplane Ride

Season’s over
Your team didn’t win
Now you’re at my back door
Wanting to come in

But your keys don’t fit no more
Don’t even try
I really don’t have your coat
I can’t help you tonight

You should have known better
Now life’s gonna get worse
Dried up like a weed in November
Field of dreams, world of hurt

You had a line drive double
Stole your way to third
Mister you’re in trouble
Now you get what you deserve

Mr. November
How’s it feel?
Mr. November
Is it cold tonight?
Mr. November
You better watch yourself
Mr. November
Or you’ll get frost bite

You followed the sun
Aimed for the bleachers
When you went on the road
You had relievers

Back rubs to keep you loose
Hot tub when you got tight
Shag rugs and hotel rooms
Different girl every night

You should have known better
Now life’s gonna get worse
Dried up like a weed in November
Field of dreams, world of hurt

I caught you out by a mile
Slide home late that’s your style
You played in clover and thought my love would stay
It’s  game’s over now put your glove away

Mr. November
You struck out
Mr. November
There’s no extra innings
Mr. November
Your charm has faded
Mr. November
This is just the beginning

Mama said never say never
Maybe I’ll see you in March
But for now Mr. November
You got no place in my heart

Mr. November
But right now you are dead to me
Mr. November
Like those leaves
Mr. November
On the cold, cold, cold
Mr. November
Cold ground

Mr November (featuring Sue)

There’s dandelions
On the lawn
I’d like out in them
My body won’t respond
I see their yellow heads 
Where the curtain is drawn
I got the shivers 
My pajamas on

Stayed home all day
Getting bored
The school bus pulled up
Like the day before
Waiting for this evil thing
Run its course
Feeling achy
Tired and sore

I fell asleep 
And watched TV 
In a Sick Bed
I have bad dreams 
Fighting my demons
In a Sick bed
My mind is weak
From the fever 
Sick bed
The doctor left
Called the preacher
To my Sick bed

Next door neighbor
Thinks he’s a nurse
He says I’m delirious
And getting worse
He’s got a mirror
Making sure
That’s I’m breathing
Taking my temperature

He says, Oh My God
You’re in terrible shape
Take one of these
Before it’s too late
It’s a big blue pill
Hard to swallow
He’s says, Get some sleep
Check on you tomorrow

I close my eyes
See yellow spots
Is it liver disease
Or Chicken Pox
Think I just ODd
Call the doc
He can’t be reached
Out playing golf 

Get well soon 
Get out of this room
Go out and play with friends

Wear a coat
Promise you won’t
Ever get this sick again

When I get better
I’m going to leave
Sing in the rain
Dance in the street
Find a pretty nurse
And take her out to eat
Wash all the sick bed
Off of me



Sickbed

Peter Rabbit
Have some chamomile tea
Silly Rabbit 
Hiding from me

Down on the farm
They say, Don’t go
I was warned
Mama said I don’t wanna know

Certain things 
Have happened there
Unspeakable crimes
Hasenpfeffer

I had to go
I couldn’t wait
Making my way
Through that garden gate

Green patch of Heaven
Unparalleled
Till I crossed paths
With the farmer from hell

Thought it was a game
And I was a player
But it ain’t been the same
Since Mr. McGregor

I’m being chased by a psychotic man
Heavy rake in his hands
Break my neck if he gets the chance
Mr. McGregor’s making me dance

And I got a terrible 
Sense of rhythm
Bad, bad feeling
I’m gonna die

Shoulda stayed back
With my sisters
But I gotta ramble
I don’t know why

Thought it was a game
And I was a player
But I ain’t been the same
Since Mr. McGregor

I’m being chased by a psychotic man
Heavy rake in his hands
Break my neck if he gets the chance
Mr. McGregor’s making me dance

This dude is flipping out
Over his vegetables
Put down the rake man
I’m getting out of your garden

Peter Rabbit
You’ve tempted fate
There in the cabbage
The devil  awaits

Ran for my life
For Cotton tail cove
Got chased by a cat
Lost all my clothes

Thorny and bloody
Did I roam
Sent to bed hungry
When I got home

McGregor

Ted Kaczynski
Lived out west
Dirty clothes
Hair like a bird’s nest

You might say 
He was the radical type
Sending bombs
To strangers he don’t like

Why’d he do it
We hardly know
Just the stuff
In his manifesto

Ex-professor
Myth and man
Contradictions
Go hand in hand

Wild nature
Rides a bike

Young genius
Warped his mind
Going to Harvard
Before his time

Misfit student 
Doing his best
Beating brainwashers
At their rotten tests

Wonza and Mona
And other twisted pairs
Disconnected
It wasn’t fair

Graduation
Scars intact
Went into the woods
To plot his attacks

Wild nature
Hunts like the shrike

Unabomber 
Beat the system
Message stronger
But do they listen?
Damn the loggers
Avoid suspicion 
Unabomber
Final mission

That’s the story
Of our old friend Ted
Plagued by nightmares
That won’t stay dead

Killed the innocent 
Trying to make a point
Now he lives his
Days out in the joint

Wild nature
He’s gonna strike

Unabomber 
Beat the system
Message stronger
But do they listen?
Damn the loggers
Avoid suspicion
Unabomber
Final mission

Unabomber

Long way down
From the top of the hill
Mercury rising
On two wheels

Stingray rider
Long way from home
Handlebar meteors
Fenders and chrome

Cheater Slick
Man, I'll turn you into butter
Go ask your mother
She'll say Cheater Slick is her lover
She likes the way I burn that rubber

Aphrodite up beside me
On a 3-speed from Sears
She said she’d like to try me
If I ain’t scared

She had long lanky legs
And a free spirit smile
She said the end of the road
Is a quarter mile

Cheater Slick
Here comes another
Pretty young up and comer
Thinks she can steal my thunder
Kinda makes me wonder

Looking swell
Cheater Slick
You think you’re cool
We’ll I’m quick
Street style, big smile
Got you licked
I’m the Queen of Denial
Cheater Slick

Cheater Slick
Queen of Denial

I was quick off the mark
Had an early lead
When she clicked into hi-gear
I got the third degree

She disappeared
And I faded out
She said, Cheater Slick
You’re a total rout

Cheater Slick
Man, she turned me into butter
Don’t think I’ll ever recover
To live and die another
That little girl had my number

Go to hell 
Cheater Slick
You think you’re cool
We’ll I’m quick
Street style, big smile
Got you licked
I’m the Queen of Denial
Cheater Slick
Cheater Slick
Queen of Denial

Cheater Slick (with Sue)

Too many witches
Spoil the brew
I hope this year
It’s just me and you

Turn off the light
Halloween night
Candy apple
Pure delight

Rags to riches
Best costumes
Trick or treating
It takes two

Close the window
Lock the doors
You’ll be mine
An I’ll be yours

Midnight visions
Waning moon
Protective sisters
Don’t have a clue

You’re someone
Who has learned
To play with fire
Not get burned

Let me be your
Jack-o-lantern
Shining all night

When you hold me
Tight while dancing
Melt like candle wax

It’s a dark night
My dear friend
Never gonna 
Give you back again
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye Pa
They both kept you
Long enough

Too many witches
Spoil the brew
The coven wonders
Where are you

The werewolf howls
The owl takes flight
The fire’s burning
Deep inside

Let me be your
Jack-o-lantern
Shine on you all night

When you hold me
Tight while dancing
Melt like candle wax

It’s a dark night
My little friend
Never gonna 
Give you back again
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye Pa
They both kept you
Long enough

Trick or treat
My little friend
Never gonna
See daylight again
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye Pa
They’ve both kept you
Long enough

Too Many Witches (with Sue)

Tourist season
Waves rolling in
Boardwalk dining
Twelve-hour shifts

Know my way round the kitchen
Been here for three years
Take care of the tables
Appetizers and beers

I got a stack of applications
From the manager
He said, pick some winners
When I seen her

Name on the paper
Local address
Here for the summer
Be my guess

Past employment
She used to work here
Much to my enjoyment
Whenever she was near

She had a certain wiggle
I guess I had a certain strut 
She let me see those dimples
On the side of her butt

She always made it clear
She had a steady somewhere
Studying law
But that didn’t mean we 
Couldn’t get together
Midnight booty calls

The summer before
The summer before last summer
I was her man
But there was another
The summer before
The summer before last summer
We broke like a wave, she went away

Big decision
And positions to fill
Her application
Keep or kill?

It’s three years later
My how time flies
It’s against regulations
But why shouldn’t I try

She always made it clear 
There was a steady somewhere
Studying law
But that didn’t mean we 
Couldn’t get together
Midnight booty calls

I took her application
Pulled it out of the pile
Folded, in my pocket
Personal history file
I’ll look at it later
Regret it all again
But I’m just a dumb waiter
So I’ll sing it again, sing it again

The summer before
The summer before last summer

The Summer Before The Summer Before Last Summer

Sunlight
Too bright
From the darkness of a movie

Corvair 
Life ain’t fair
These dudes want to abuse me

Fade out
Start to shout
Need help from my brothers

They arrive
Just in time
There’s safety in numbers

Don’t get caught outside

Drive in
We sneak in
What do we discover?

Nice girls
Another world
Maybe I could be a lover

Walk them home
Danger zone
Car circles back again

Bloody fool
Red pool
Blue and white cement

Should have known better
With Cherry and her friend
One night together
Before the end
Over too quickly
Nothing gold can stay
Johnny’s gone with the wind
Another sun sets everyday

They call us greasers
They call us hoods
Unlikely heroes who
Emerged from the burning woods

They call us dangerous
Boys of the night
Smart-aleck punks 
Who never walk away from a fight

Making movies
Who you want to be?
Paul Newman 
Or Lee Van Cleef?

I’m trying to figure
Who’s the real me
When the lights come up
Maybe I’ll see

I’m on the outside
I’m on the outside

Outside

The first year of college
I tried to disappear
Wouldn’t let anyone near
He was so sincere
But I’d say, “Go away”

Deep inside my dorm
Was an alternate universe
Fan fiction comes first
Throw a hex or a curse
When he’d knock on the door

Make up happy endings
Revise the plots
With assignments that are not
Required reading

Only a fan
Would ever stand in the rain
Icy drive to Omaha
Share your world
Let me ease the pain
Then we’ll rise above it all
Fangirl
I’m your biggest fan
Girl

We fell asleep together
That fateful night
Woke up, wrapped up tight 
Knew he might be Mr. Right
Just by holding hands

The never-ending story 
Wizards that clash
Meet my boy after class
We’re like Simon and Baz

Only a fan
Would ever stand in the rain
Icy drive to Omaha
Share your world
Let me ease the pain
Then we’ll rise above it all
Fangirl
I’m your biggest fan
Girl

The first year of college
I tried to disappear
The first year of college
I tried to disappear
The first year of college
I tried to disappear

But now I carry on
Got my imagination
I got this song
Gonna write my story
Gets pretty long
Levi’s my man
Baby I’m your fan

Fangirl

May Kasahara
Thinking about tomorrow
She might have a plan
She’s got the sun tan

Blue hose with a sprinkler
Says I’m a deep thinker
She’s just a kid
Don’t know how to swim 

She says Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

May Kasahara
Don’t dwell on sorrow
Keeps a cool head
Lives life on the edge

She says Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

I meet her in the alley
Between the dead ends
She gets a little jealous
Thinks I got too many friends

Now she’s in the sunlight
I’m reflected in her shades
I went down in the hollow
The ladder went away

She says Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

May Kasahara
Got a strange kind of aura
She holds it inside
Where they all try to hide

May Kasahara 
Someday she’s gonna
Find her fate
Set the right kinda bait

She’ll say Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird
Hey Mr.  Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

Wind Up Bird (May Kasahara)

Slagle Rock (Guitar & Vocal) Sue (Vocal) Rob Zelinsky (Guitar, Bass Prod. & Mix)

Call me Gilligan
Or Mr. Crusoe
I been stranded on this island
And I want to go

I fell asleep 
At the last picture show
She was gone when I awoke
Now I’m alone

Isolated
By myself
Isolated 
On the shelf
Isolated
I need help
Isolated
Or something else

The coast is clear
Sand and sea
The sun shines bright above
But not for me

I’ll build an arc
Light a flare
Tune the old shortwave
On the air

Isolated
By myself
Isolated 
On the shelf
Isolated
I need help
Isolated
Or something else

Wild applause
Dancing in the street
Just a mirage
My silent scream
Are you coming back?
Or just leave me here
This film’s been over
A couple years

How did it end
Was unresolved
Sun came up
And I dissolved

Isolated
By myself
Isolated 
On the shelf
Isolated
I need help
Isolated
Or something else

Isolated 
Distant place
Isolated
Atomic space
Isolated 
Chronic State
Isolated
Sit and wait

Slagle Rock

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