She’s a majorette
And I play clarinet
Trying hard to charm her

In those boots and gloves
She’s the girl I love
But she don’t need a partner

She glitters, ring of fire
Energy, never gets tired
She’s cut like a diamond

Band camp over soon
Then school resumes
Wait all week for Friday Night

Marching Band
Get it on
Jam all night
Stay up till dawn

School nights
 Hot sounds
Half time show
Will astound

Game night going home
Didn’t want to be alone
On the bus in from Altoona

Offered my seat to her
A gesture that was ignored
Shared my ride with a tuba

She’s a majorette
Vodka and cigarettes
The life of the party

I’m a wallflower
Wasting so many hours
Don’t know how to get things started


Out of the fog appeared white rifles
Silks and scarves and waving flags
Warrior girls wearing tartan
Marching in perfect diagrams

She was a majorette
But I have no regrets
About my new love in the color guard

Her body’s fit
Like Artemis
 She’s my super star

An arrow through my heart
She’s a work of art
Mona Lisa smiling

She’s not a majorette
But she’s young and fresh
She’s my little wild thing

Marching Band
Get it on
 Jam all night
Stay up till dawn

School nights
Hot sounds
Half time show
Will astound


Majorette (Marching Band)

I grew up on alt rock
Bands kinda pretty and tough
The Blood Brothers and a couple others
The Used, I couldn’t use ’em enough

I had a little sister
Always watching TV
Disney Channel sit-coms
None of that was for me

Except for one show
I could never say no
Had the best of both worlds
Pop star and little girl

Decked out at Wal-mart 
Always smiling wide
Microphone and sparkle sneakers
Concerts on the side

Got down to super fandom
But I couldn’t let on
Too cool for Hanna Montana
Secretly I’d sing her songs

But now my secret’s out
And I’m even more devout
Did you see her on the VMAs?
Baby I was totally amazed!

I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Tongue falling outta my mouth
I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Just a little girl from way down south

I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Naked right on stage
I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Cutting my hair and acting my age

You can’t stop this 
She’s going topless
Did you see her?
God I want to be her!

Miley Cyrus
I can’t escape my fate
Miley Cyrus
Just judgement
Miley Cyrus
I know this is mindless
Miley Cyrus 
Self Indulgence
Miley Cyrus
Blonde and birght eyed
Miley Cyrus
Get it twerkin’
Miley Cyrus
I got the right build
Miley Cyrus 
Sure beats workin’

Now that I’m grown up
I do Miley out at clubs
The call me the new It Girl
Yeah, I’m the one they love

We can’t stop
And we won’t stop

I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Tongue falling outta my mouth
I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Just a little girl from way down south

I wanna be Miley Cyrus
Self confidence to burn
I wanna be Miley Cyrus
And millions more to earn

(I wanna be) Miley Cyrus

They called me Steve Austin
A man barely alive
NASA rebuilt me
Bionics inside

I could bend metal
See 50 miles
Ripped the arm off Bigfoot
Slow motion style

I’m a super hero
Six Million in my prime
Criminals zero
I’m worth every dime

I kicked nuclear field goals
Kids wanted to be on my team
Embraced the sciences
For benevolent means

I toppled cult leaders
And terrorist cells
Evil dictators
Sent ’em all to jail

But times change
Cyborgs get old
Amazon drones 
Trying to strike gold

Google robots 
Working the floor
Six Million Dollar Man
There’s the door

I’m a super hero
Once worth six million bucks
But now I’m older
I’m out of luck

Hardware’s outdated 
Mind’s getting soft
My future’s fated
To the Land of the Lost

My cave is my mansion
Here in Snake River Canyon
I live on weeds and plankton
Singing a new national anthem

Forget about the Star Spangled Banner
I listen to the Salamander
Big black eyes and large in stature
Sleestaks know the answer

Don’t you worry about me, Jack
I live in the Land of Sleestaks
I live in the Land of Sleestaks
I’m one of them


Six Million Dollar Man

Hi, I’m calling about the ad
“Black van for sale. 
Five hundred dollars or best offer.”
Is it still for sale?

When you buy the van
You make a deal
What goes on inside
Your lips stay sealed

Painted black
To match its magic
Behind the wheel it
Feels orgasmic

Deadlock doors
And windows tinted
You know this van’s
Always existed

There’s a one-time 
Only payment
Five hundred bucks 
Now you’re its agent

When you buy the van
You live the life
Take it cruising
Find a wife

They glow red
In the rearview mirror
Just stop
And she comes hither

Parked along
The riverbank
Your leather Stepford
She wants spanked

Gonna do it
Till you’re both sore
Safety word is
Nevermore

Normal guys
They can get by
With a regular car

But not you man
You need a van
You’re rated R

A place to sleep
Slide it in deep
Do other things

Hell on wheels
Tires that squeal
The van is your king

You’re not one
To ever surrender
But how it ended
You don’t remember

You came to
Inside the van there a
Girl with implants
And pentagrams

Contact lenses
And patent dress
She says 
How about some breakfast?

You find a diner and you
Parked the van
Drive-in service hell yeah
You’re a fan

Roller skate girl
Delivers the food
You say I don’t
Mean to be rude

But maybe you wanna
Join me and her
Nodding over at
Venus in Furs

Like a German Shepherd
You stare at her crotch
She said I might
But you gotta watch

You say sure
I’m very patient
As long we all
Wake up naked

Normal guys
They can get by
With a regular car

But not you man
You need a van
You’re rated R

A place to sleep
Slide it in deep
Do other things

Hell on wheels
Tires that squeal
The van is your king

If the van’s a rocking
Then don’t come a knocking
Gas, grass or ass
No free rides

When you buy the van
Your moustache grows
You don’t look
You star in pornos

Always searching 
For an ingénue
Gonna make that girl 
A star too

Cruising around
The college campus
All the better
If she’s got companions

To the black van
They’re all summoned
And it can be yours 
For just five hundred

If the van’s a rocking
Then don’t come a knocking
Gas, grass or ass
No free rides

When can I come see it? 
Midnight?

When You Buy The Van (Rated R)

I was taking a path
That isn’t really a path
When I came upon the girl

She said Can I offer you
Information
About this part of the world?

She said You’re a traveler
On vacation
Stranger in a strange land

I was sunburned pink
I asked if she’d like a drink
She held up her hands

Hidden treasure maps
And bottle water
Bicycle rentals
And tours by golf cart
Specials packages
And other offers
When I asked her for her number
She gave me nada

Now I’m something of a
Seagull chaser
Follow ’em up and down the beach

She said Amigo
It’d be my pleasure
To bring you dreams into reach

There was a pamphlet
Bird sanctuary
An island asset to be sure

Make it a day trip
Take the ferry
Habitat, gift shop and more

Hidden treasure maps
And bottled water
Drink tequila
Like there’s no tomorrow
Spa treatments
Get eaten by piranhas (these are doctor fish)
But she gave me nothing
When I asked her for her number

Cancun Woman
You made me crazy
Since I first laid eyes on you
Your smile’s sweeter
Than other senioritas
Take me in I’ll move here it’s true

Cancun Woman
Be my beach baby
Swimming Caribbean blue
Don’t need no guided tour
Walking on the shore
Gentle waves
All I want from you

I see us on a bus
We’re going to her house
Dark hair blowing in the breeze
Passing farmers’ stands
Village roads don’t understand
Stray dogs walking in the streets

I wake up by a hotel pool
White towel covered in drool
Beach dreams don’t last long

Going home my final day
Should I make one more play
Maybe I’ll sing her this song

Hidden treasure maps
And bottled water
There’s no mermaid
At the bottom
Lost my Ray Bans
It’s getting hotter
Plane ticket 
I’m leaving here tomorrow

Cancun Woman
You made me crazy
Since I first laid eyes on you
Your smile’s sweeter
Than other senioritas
Take me in I’ll move here it’s true

Cancun Woman
Be my beach baby
Swimming Caribbean blue
Don’t need no guided tour
Walking on the shore
Gentle waves
All I want from you

Cancun Woman

I’m a Country Squire
And I never get tired
Of country roads
Tuning the radio

Engine running before dawn
I’m stretched out long
Got a lot of room
Stars above say its June

My girl’s a Rambling Rose
She and I are gonna elope
Heading for the KOA
Five hundred miles away

Loaded from head to tail
I’m bigger than a killer whale
White lines streaking by
Here comes the Country Squire

They call me a mule
But I run like a horse
I’ve broken some rules
But I stay the course

Country tunes on the radio
That’s all I need to get me going
I’m a Country Squire
And I’m just hitting my stride

I’m a Country Squire
And I love to ride
Around the galaxy
That’s my reality

Open the Magic Door
Climb in let’s explore
See some longitude
Grab some highway food

My girl’s a Rambling Rose
She follows her nose
And she’s got an Exxon map
Open in her lap

Truckers have to stare
But I don’t care
’Cause I’m a Country Squire
And I just tear by

They call me a mule
But I run like a horse
I’ve broken some rules
But I stay the course

Country tunes on the radio
That’s all I need to get me going
I’m a Country Squire
And I’m just hitting my stride

I’m a Country Squire
Cowboy songs around the fire
With my Rambling Rose
Campsite is our throne

Next one is far away
Farther down that long highway
We like it but we can’t stay
We’re just two renegades

Country Squire

Once there was a beast
In the east
Breathing fire and steam

I lived in its
Glare and shadows
My only escape was dreams

Bethlehem Steel
Parking lot
Falling rusty rain

Francis Scott
Empty thoughts
Are all that remain

Sparrows Point

I live near the freeway
Got everything I need
Mountains, ocean, taco stands
And the big city

Renting a bungalow
Carport outside
No one comes looking for me
And I don’t try to hide

I go for rides in my
69 Bel Air
Left it all behind
Seems only fair

265 horses
Kept in a stable
He should have taken care of the mare
While he was able

I’d sleep thru the late, late show
He’d sleep under the car
I’d say let’s go to the beach
He’d go to the bar

So I left Baltimore
Driving his favorite toy
Only looked back once
At Sparrows Point

I flew the coop
In his sedan
Two names on the title
Well I'll be damned

Possession’s
Nine-tenths the law
Going to California
My lawyer will call

Nobody’s fault
Certainly not mine
You can have it all
But the car is mine

I like surfer boys
As long they’re sweet inside
I meet them at the beach
They like what I drive

There’s room in the backseat
And I command attention up front
Make ’em wait till I pull over
Ask them what they want

They wanna a ride in my
69 Bel Air
Roll down the windows
Feel the breeze in your hair

I go for rides in my
69 Bel Air
Left it all behind
Seems only fair

69 Bel Air

69 Bel Air (vocals and harmonies by Kathy Freeman)

I’d like to be part of the rat race
But the rat race don’t want no part of me
I don’t possess the innate skills
To be of value to no company

And it’s always been this way
Friends get on but I miss the wheel
Meeting with my cheerful job coach today
Almost told her to go to hell

I got a résumé
I can spell and type
I’m waiting for the day
I get on with my life

I ain’t the freshest face in the crowd
Ain’t no new kid on the block
Put me at the bottom of the rank and file
Just let me punch that clock

Coach says to bring my A-game
To every interview
But those face-to-faces 
Are far between and few

Who? What? Why? Woe is me
I’ve got no job, no purpose, you see?
I’ve considered crime and the army
But I think the time for that is all behind me

I’d like to be part of the rat race
But I don’t have the pedigree
My family’s got no judges, bankers or midlevel men
No business or medical degrees

I aint’ happy less I’m singing songs
Or two-stepping thru the night
Job coach tells me there’s no hope
But she’s buying the beer and it’s alright

Who? What? Why? Woe is me
I’ve got no job, no purpose, you see?
I’ve considered crime and the army
But I think the time for that is all behind me


Rat Race

Go on up 
To Becky’s Grave
Drink a beer
And pay some respects

When I think about her long dark hair
It leads me to despair
She can’t come back and that’s not fair
Buried in the ground up there

Windber girls
Are so hot
There were a couple in school
I liked a lot

Mine 37
She was a dream
A real prime number
If you know what I mean

She’d never go up 
To Becky’s grave
Said it gave her the chills
Just stay away

Take me back 
To Becky’s Grave
Give me a chance
To undo these mistakes

Savage rifle and an old flash light
Scary stories took me up there one night
Must have been something I expected to see
Maybe solve the mystery

Windber girls
Are so hot
There were a couple in school
I liked a lot

Mine 37
Coal town queen
Friends in school
But no extremes

She’d never go up 
To Becky’s grave
Said it gave her the chills 
Just stay away

Standing at the corner
Schoolhouse Road and Vo-Tech Drive
There’s my old high school
There’s no kids inside

Misty memories
Shop class, lunch and gym
Afternoon study hall
She was in

Vision in a memory
Novel within a book
She’s there by the locker
And I strain to have a look

Doorway to a universe
Then the metal door slammed shut
Wake with an empty feeling
Aching in my gut

Say a prayer 
At Becky’s Grave
Don’t be scared
Just open up the gate

I heard Manfred Mann’s Spirit in the Night
Two people in a car clearly preoccupied
I heard 37 singing like a bride
Blue flashes from the rifle when I fired

Windber girls
Are so hot
There were a couple in school
I liked a lot

Mine 37
She’s still in my dreams
Every night
And I can’t sleep

In my jail cell
I’m wide awake
Thinking about
Becky’s grave

Becky's Grave

Florida
Arrive Stoned
I was cold and sober
When I went home

Miami Beach
Key Biscayne
The very thought
Fills me with pain

The aqua sky
Was in your eyes
With your golden tan
You were my man

By the swimming pool
We were so cool
Drinking all day
Like Hemingway

My darling lover
I never recovered
From how you lied
Tore me up inside

Sometimes I have a look
At your Facebook
And your wife and kids
Who’ll never know what you did

I doubt you’d ever
Think to do the same
Remember me
An old flame

Even though it was in reach
Right there at the beach
Till you had your Maria
And I said I’ll see ya
Florida 
Arrive Stoned
Cold breeze
Carry me home

I locked my heart
Threw away the key
I’m over you
Like a tropical disease

Sorry you said
Lowering your head
It wasn’t enough
Could have chopped it off

Never had an inkling
What I was feeling or thinking
You never saw Dawn
Because I was gone

With my lost pride
That I how somehow survived
And a beautiful child
Undelivered paradise

Florida 
Arrive Stoned
Cold breeze
Carry me home

I locked my heart
Threw away the key
I’m over you
Like a tropical disease

Florida (Arrive Stoned) by Slagle Rock and Kathy Freeman

Gave up home
And history
Moved on down 
To New Orleans

Tried to make it
Singing in clubs
Pedal steel
And no overdubs

Made a deal 
With a voodoo master
Get me to the top
That much faster

Now you say you’re here
To take me home
Sorry boy
You’re leaving alone

No phone calls, please
And no e-mails
This city owns me
Can’t you tell?

Don’t ask me questions
I won’t talk
If you approach me
I’ll take a walk

I know every street car
Crack in the pavement
Places I can lay low
Bars to escape in

Because I’m bad news
Not worth the effort
Find another woman
You can do better

I sold my soul
To New Orleans
French Quarter
Guitars and accordions
Mississippi River
Playing for the audience
I sold my soul
To New Orleans

Today’s your flight out
I forgot
Could have marked it on my calendar
But I did not

So save your emotions
For someone else
Here’s a farewell card
Says ‘Go to hell’

Shop next door
Sells souvenirs
A dirty shot glass
I don’t care

If the liquor’s poison
If it tastes like blood
I’ll have another 
Now you better run

I sold my soul
To New Orleans
French Quarter
Guitars and accordions
Mississippi River
Playing for the audience
I sold my soul
To New Orleans

I told you when we met
You’d get hurt
Burned like a match
Swept away like dirt

Hosed down  like garbage
Stuck to Bourbon Street
Broken like a levee
Smoked like meat

Now you left home
And you’re here to stay
I warned you
You’d become my prey

Well, I’ll find you a place 
In my trousseau
Save you for the city
That owns my soul

New Orleans
I’m your devoted bride
The river swells
Fills me up inside

I sold my soul
To New Orleans
French Quarter
Guitars and accordions
Mississippi River
Playing for the audience
I sold my soul
To New Orleans

I Sold My Soul To New Orleans

                             
You see the fairy girl?
Morgan is her name
Eye on her for years
It’s become a game

She drifts into my life
When the coast is clear
Then like a firefly
She disappears

She’s magic
She wants more
Love potions
Secret doors

First kiss was a waltz
Then she trapped me in a cave
Now I wait for her return
But I don’t want to be saved

She’s got other suitors
Every knight in the court
They play Dungeons and Dragons
Scabbards and swords

She’s magic
She wants more
Love potions
Secret doors

Fantastic
She’s a mystery
Start the music
Dance with me

Morgan le Fay
Take me away
To your Isle of Apples

Let me stay
Couple days
In your enchanted castle

I’m covered in a sweat
She wrings me in a sheet
Gone in the morning
With my codebook and keys

Cup of tea from the caldron
Ocean morning mist
She’s swum off like a dolphin
I love the little witch

Morgan le Fay
Take me away
To your Isle of Apples

Let me stay
Couple days
In your enchanted castle

Morgan le Fay
I’m living today
For you and I’m truly thankful

Now back to the flames
I proclaim
I’m well and ready to travel


Morgan Le Fay

Season’s over
Your team didn’t win
Now you’re at my back door
Wanting to come in

But your keys don’t fit no more
Don’t even try
I really don’t have your coat
I can’t help you tonight

You should have known better
Now life’s gonna get worse
Dried up like a weed in November
Field of dreams, world of hurt

You had a line drive double
Stole your way to third
Mister you’re in trouble
Now you get what you deserve

Mr. November
How’s it feel?
Mr. November
Is it cold tonight?
Mr. November
You better watch yourself
Mr. November
Or you’ll get frost bite

You followed the sun
Aimed for the bleachers
When you went on the road
You had relievers

Back rubs to keep you loose
Hot tub when you got tight
Shag rugs and hotel rooms
Different girl every night

You should have known better
Now life’s gonna get worse
Dried up like a weed in November
Field of dreams, world of hurt

I caught you out by a mile
Slide home late that’s your style
You played in clover and thought my love would stay
It’s  game’s over now put your glove away

Mr. November
You struck out
Mr. November
There’s no extra innings
Mr. November
Your charm has faded
Mr. November
This is just the beginning

Mama said never say never
Maybe I’ll see you in March
But for now Mr. November
You got no place in my heart

Mr. November
But right now you are dead to me
Mr. November
Like those leaves
Mr. November
On the cold, cold, cold
Mr. November
Cold ground

Mr November (featuring Sue)

We aren’t kids anymore
We got commitments to keep
You got your world to attend to
I got my own life to lead

We both work so hard
It’s part of staying alive
Bringing home the bread for our families
No one should be deprived

You’re invited
To my slumber party
You can use my toothbrush
Like we’re at camp

No one needs to know
You’re sleeping over
We can keep this secret
Until we can’t

When the picture falls apart
When my world’s a bursting bubble
You piece me back together
Like a jigsaw puzzle

You and me tonight
Playing truth or dare
Let’s have a pillow fight
When we get upstairs

You’re invited
To my slumber party
You can use my toothbrush
Like we’re at camp

No one needs to know
You’re sleeping over
We can keep this secret
Until we can’t

First love is the truest
So much to share and learn
Straight like an arrow from cupid
You let go and it hurts

Forget your troubles for a while
I’ll take care of you tonight
Then we’ll both be on our way
With the early morning light

Slumber Party

I was like a scarecrow
Blowing with the hay
When I landed at the diner
Somehow I stayed

When the door swung open
Tell you what I seen
She was a piece of hard candy
There for me

Sizing me up in the kitchen
By the dirty plates
Told me I was different
On that first date

The fork was rattling
Like a tambourine
I wanted her so badly
That I couldn’t even eat

We did it on the floor
We did it on all fours
We got caught up in the 
Swinging door

We tore it off the hinge
She said she didn’t love him
She wanted me to 
Settle the score

Leaving the city’s
Neon lights
Pacific waves
Off to the right

Stick to your story
The Alibi
You know the postman
Always rings twice

She’s a little hellcat
Everyday in heat
Shagged her in the afternoon
Under the nose of the Greek

Business man with a plan
It’s keeping her in line
But I’m climbing this ladder
And I’m reading the signs

She can be persuasive
Wants to take it to extremes
There’s a long road winding
In the land of her dreams

It’s her and me together
Standing at the edge
And a drunk in the front seat
Bleeding from the head

We did it on the floor
We did it on all fours
We got caught up in the 
Swinging door

We tore it off the hinge
She said she didn’t love him
She wanted me to 
Settle the score

Leaving the city’s
Neon lights
Pacific waves
Off to the right

Stick to your story
The Alibi
You know the postman
Always rings twice

That day we went swimming 
At the beach
Deep down I knew our future
Wasn’t meant to be

We swam way out
Floating on the waves
Too many secrets
We couldn’t be saved

Heading to the city
Heading for a fall
I put the car
Into a wall

Sticking to my story
The Alibi
You know the postman
Always rings twice

I’m waiting forever
I’m waiting forever
I’m waiting for that
Bell to ring

The Postman Always Rings Twice

The right kinda girl
Has a certain hustle
She speaks the truth
You think its love

Blue and white morning
You see her on the highway
Note in your pocket
Says its all a dream

A crazy dream
Like a magazine

Now she’s in school
Heavy like homework
Magic markers
She has a certain flair

It takes extra credit
If you’re gonna make it
Doodle on the pages
You just drew her car

It’s a Super Beetle
A family jewel
A Super Beetle
Yeah, she’s pretty cool

It’s a Super Beetle
A family jewel
A Super Beetle
Yeah, she’s pretty cool

Seize her
She’s just what you were after
Behold your lady
Cleopatra

You scramble 
Souped up can of Campbells
Crystal clear consommé
Faster than your Chevrolet

She says the engine’s back there
Quivering warmer than air
It’s her Super Beetle
You think it’s love

It’s a crazy dream
From a magazine
Egyptian Queen
She steals away

Super Beetle
Super Bug
Super Beetle
You think it’s love

Super Beetle

Peter Rabbit
Have some chamomile tea
Silly Rabbit 
Hiding from me

Down on the farm
They say, Don’t go
I was warned
Mama said I don’t wanna know

Certain things 
Have happened there
Unspeakable crimes
Hasenpfeffer

I had to go
I couldn’t wait
Making my way
Through that garden gate

Green patch of Heaven
Unparalleled
Till I crossed paths
With the farmer from hell

Thought it was a game
And I was a player
But it ain’t been the same
Since Mr. McGregor

I’m being chased by a psychotic man
Heavy rake in his hands
Break my neck if he gets the chance
Mr. McGregor’s making me dance

And I got a terrible 
Sense of rhythm
Bad, bad feeling
I’m gonna die

Shoulda stayed back
With my sisters
But I gotta ramble
I don’t know why

Thought it was a game
And I was a player
But I ain’t been the same
Since Mr. McGregor

I’m being chased by a psychotic man
Heavy rake in his hands
Break my neck if he gets the chance
Mr. McGregor’s making me dance

This dude is flipping out
Over his vegetables
Put down the rake man
I’m getting out of your garden

Peter Rabbit
You’ve tempted fate
There in the cabbage
The devil  awaits

Ran for my life
For Cotton tail cove
Got chased by a cat
Lost all my clothes

Thorny and bloody
Did I roam
Sent to bed hungry
When I got home

McGregor

Ted Kaczynski
Lived out west
Dirty clothes
Hair like a bird’s nest

You might say 
He was the radical type
Sending bombs
To strangers he don’t like

Why’d he do it
We hardly know
Just the stuff
In his manifesto

Ex-professor
Myth and man
Contradictions
Go hand in hand

Wild nature
Rides a bike

Young genius
Warped his mind
Going to Harvard
Before his time

Misfit student 
Doing his best
Beating brainwashers
At their rotten tests

Wonza and Mona
And other twisted pairs
Disconnected
It wasn’t fair

Graduation
Scars intact
Went into the woods
To plot his attacks

Wild nature
Hunts like the shrike

Unabomber 
Beat the system
Message stronger
But do they listen?
Damn the loggers
Avoid suspicion 
Unabomber
Final mission

That’s the story
Of our old friend Ted
Plagued by nightmares
That won’t stay dead

Killed the innocent 
Trying to make a point
Now he lives his
Days out in the joint

Wild nature
He’s gonna strike

Unabomber 
Beat the system
Message stronger
But do they listen?
Damn the loggers
Avoid suspicion
Unabomber
Final mission

Unabomber

Long way down
From the top of the hill
Mercury rising
On two wheels

Stingray rider
Long way from home
Handlebar meteors
Fenders and chrome

Cheater Slick
Man, I'll turn you into butter
Go ask your mother
She'll say Cheater Slick is her lover
She likes the way I burn that rubber

Aphrodite up beside me
On a 3-speed from Sears
She said she’d like to try me
If I ain’t scared

She had long lanky legs
And a free spirit smile
She said the end of the road
Is a quarter mile

Cheater Slick
Here comes another
Pretty young up and comer
Thinks she can steal my thunder
Kinda makes me wonder

Looking swell
Cheater Slick
You think you’re cool
We’ll I’m quick
Street style, big smile
Got you licked
I’m the Queen of Denial
Cheater Slick

Cheater Slick
Queen of Denial

I was quick off the mark
Had an early lead
When she clicked into hi-gear
I got the third degree

She disappeared
And I faded out
She said, Cheater Slick
You’re a total rout

Cheater Slick
Man, she turned me into butter
Don’t think I’ll ever recover
To live and die another
That little girl had my number

Go to hell 
Cheater Slick
You think you’re cool
We’ll I’m quick
Street style, big smile
Got you licked
I’m the Queen of Denial
Cheater Slick
Cheater Slick
Queen of Denial

Cheater Slick (with Sue)

Too many witches
Spoil the brew
I hope this year
It’s just me and you

Turn off the light
Halloween night
Candy apple
Pure delight

Rags to riches
Best costumes
Trick or treating
It takes two

Close the window
Lock the doors
You’ll be mine
An I’ll be yours

Midnight visions
Waning moon
Protective sisters
Don’t have a clue

You’re someone
Who has learned
To play with fire
Not get burned

Let me be your
Jack-o-lantern
Shining all night

When you hold me
Tight while dancing
Melt like candle wax

It’s a dark night
My dear friend
Never gonna 
Give you back again
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye Pa
They both kept you
Long enough

Too many witches
Spoil the brew
The coven wonders
Where are you

The werewolf howls
The owl takes flight
The fire’s burning
Deep inside

Let me be your
Jack-o-lantern
Shine on you all night

When you hold me
Tight while dancing
Melt like candle wax

It’s a dark night
My little friend
Never gonna 
Give you back again
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye Pa
They both kept you
Long enough

Trick or treat
My little friend
Never gonna
See daylight again
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye Pa
They’ve both kept you
Long enough

Too Many Witches (with Sue)

Tourist season
Waves rolling in
Boardwalk dining
Twelve-hour shifts

Know my way round the kitchen
Been here for three years
Take care of the tables
Appetizers and beers

I got a stack of applications
From the manager
He said, pick some winners
When I seen her

Name on the paper
Local address
Here for the summer
Be my guess

Past employment
She used to work here
Much to my enjoyment
Whenever she was near

She had a certain wiggle
I guess I had a certain strut 
She let me see those dimples
On the side of her butt

She always made it clear
She had a steady somewhere
Studying law
But that didn’t mean we 
Couldn’t get together
Midnight booty calls

The summer before
The summer before last summer
I was her man
But there was another
The summer before
The summer before last summer
We broke like a wave, she went away

Big decision
And positions to fill
Her application
Keep or kill?

It’s three years later
My how time flies
It’s against regulations
But why shouldn’t I try

She always made it clear 
There was a steady somewhere
Studying law
But that didn’t mean we 
Couldn’t get together
Midnight booty calls

I took her application
Pulled it out of the pile
Folded, in my pocket
Personal history file
I’ll look at it later
Regret it all again
But I’m just a dumb waiter
So I’ll sing it again, sing it again

The summer before
The summer before last summer

The Summer Before The Summer Before Last Summer

Sunlight
Too bright
From the darkness of a movie

Corvair 
Life ain’t fair
These dudes want to abuse me

Fade out
Start to shout
Need help from my brothers

They arrive
Just in time
There’s safety in numbers

Don’t get caught outside

Drive in
We sneak in
What do we discover?

Nice girls
Another world
Maybe I could be a lover

Walk them home
Danger zone
Car circles back again

Bloody fool
Red pool
Blue and white cement

Should have known better
With Cherry and her friend
One night together
Before the end
Over too quickly
Nothing gold can stay
Johnny’s gone with the wind
Another sun sets everyday

They call us greasers
They call us hoods
Unlikely heroes who
Emerged from the burning woods

They call us dangerous
Boys of the night
Smart-aleck punks 
Who never walk away from a fight

Making movies
Who you want to be?
Paul Newman 
Or Lee Van Cleef?

I’m trying to figure
Who’s the real me
When the lights come up
Maybe I’ll see

I’m on the outside
I’m on the outside

Outside

The first year of college
I tried to disappear
Wouldn’t let anyone near
He was so sincere
But I’d say, “Go away”

Deep inside my dorm
Was an alternate universe
Fan fiction comes first
Throw a hex or a curse
When he’d knock on the door

Make up happy endings
Revise the plots
With assignments that are not
Required reading

Only a fan
Would ever stand in the rain
Icy drive to Omaha
Share your world
Let me ease the pain
Then we’ll rise above it all
Fangirl
I’m your biggest fan
Girl

We fell asleep together
That fateful night
Woke up, wrapped up tight 
Knew he might be Mr. Right
Just by holding hands

The never-ending story 
Wizards that clash
Meet my boy after class
We’re like Simon and Baz

Only a fan
Would ever stand in the rain
Icy drive to Omaha
Share your world
Let me ease the pain
Then we’ll rise above it all
Fangirl
I’m your biggest fan
Girl

The first year of college
I tried to disappear
The first year of college
I tried to disappear
The first year of college
I tried to disappear

But now I carry on
Got my imagination
I got this song
Gonna write my story
Gets pretty long
Levi’s my man
Baby I’m your fan

Fangirl

I don’t need me
A Mercury Capri
Or a Mustang GT 
Or a Dodge Super Bee

Cause in my garage
There’s a Pontiac LeMans
I’m cooler than the Fonz
What’s that guy on?

She’s plum in color
I’d never sell her
Lucky feller
Driving a cherry car

Forget the drag strip
This is my flagship
I know I’m bragging
But she’s such a pretty dragon

Like Daenerys
Some kind of Tempest
She’s the best
For my quest

I’m gone to heaven
She’s a 67
With a V8 engine
I’m going to take my dragon out on the highway

Sunny California
Driving by the sea
Roll down the windows
My little four speed

Smile at the seagulls
Check out the breeze
Hurst dual gate shifter
Black bucket seats

I must be dreaming
Playboy with scene
Romantic with a Pontiac
Awoken from my dreams

What’s that guy on? 
A Pontiac LeMans
A Pontiac LeMans
A Pontiac LeMans



Pontiac LeMans

May Kasahara
Thinking about tomorrow
She might have a plan
She’s got the sun tan

Blue hose with a sprinkler
Says I’m a deep thinker
She’s just a kid
Don’t know how to swim 

She says Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

May Kasahara
Don’t dwell on sorrow
Keeps a cool head
Lives life on the edge

She says Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

I meet her in the alley
Between the dead ends
She gets a little jealous
Thinks I got too many friends

Now she’s in the sunlight
I’m reflected in her shades
I went down in the hollow
The ladder went away

She says Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

May Kasahara
Got a strange kind of aura
She holds it inside
Where they all try to hide

May Kasahara 
Someday she’s gonna
Find her fate
Set the right kinda bait

She’ll say Hey Mr. Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird
Hey Mr.  Wind Up
Mr. Wind Up Bird

Wind Up Bird (May Kasahara)

Order a bowl of 
Nourishing Noodles
Nestled in a bath of
Rich steaming broth

Miso is pleasing
How about some seaweed?
He wants whatever
Tampopo has got

Tampopo for dinner
Tampopo for lunch
Udon or soba
I’ll take a bunch

Goro the teacher
He knows the deal
It’s presentation
That makes the meal

The man in the white suit
Don’t miss a meal
Egg yolks and oysters
His women feel

There’s a time to be honest
A time to steal
Death on the pavement
What’s inside is real

Tampopo for dinner
Tampopo for lunch
Udon or soba
I’ll take a bunch

Goro the teacher
He knows the deal
It’s presentation
That makes the mea
l
Wild boar bleeding
On the road
We’re all feeding
Off it’s load

Yams for dinner
Dipped in soy 
Horse radish innards
Ours to enjoy

Homemade bonito
She’s of fine stock
Diagonal slices
Simmering in broth

Restaurant competition
We’re on a mission
Top choice for ramen
The guiding vision

Tampopo for dinner
Tampopo for lunch
Udon or soba
I’ll take a bunch

Goro the teacher
He knows the deal
It’s presentation
That makes the meal

Placate your rivals
Then blow ’em away
Another bowl of noodles 
A beautiful day

Tampopo for dinner
Tampopo for lunch
Udon or soba
I’ll take a bunch

Tampopo (featuring Birdette)

Slagle Rock (Guitar & Vocal) Sue (Vocal) Rob Zelinsky (Guitar, Bass Prod. & Mix)

Call me Gilligan
Or Mr. Crusoe
I been stranded on this island
And I want to go

I fell asleep 
At the last picture show
She was gone when I awoke
Now I’m alone

Isolated
By myself
Isolated 
On the shelf
Isolated
I need help
Isolated
Or something else

The coast is clear
Sand and sea
The sun shines bright above
But not for me

I’ll build an arc
Light a flare
Tune the old shortwave
On the air

Isolated
By myself
Isolated 
On the shelf
Isolated
I need help
Isolated
Or something else

Wild applause
Dancing in the street
Just a mirage
My silent scream
Are you coming back?
Or just leave me here
This film’s been over
A couple years

How did it end
Was unresolved
Sun came up
And I dissolved

Isolated
By myself
Isolated 
On the shelf
Isolated
I need help
Isolated
Or something else

Isolated 
Distant place
Isolated
Atomic space
Isolated 
Chronic State
Isolated
Sit and wait

Slagle Rock

Popular tracks